Sir, I am a big fan of your site. I read questions and your answers regarding relationship problems regularly. I also need your help. I’m suffering from dependency problem. I had an online affair. I met that person once in real too. We both are married and having kids. We are having an affair for about two years. now, the problem is he has changed a lot since Dec. 2008. I was so disturbed with his changed behavior. First I thought he must be scared as we were also planning to move to the place where he is living but then I clearly told him that we are not moving there. Later he changed and changed and changed. And that was bothering me a lot and hurting me a lot. So I kept asking why he has changed so much. He never gave me satisfactory answer. He used to tell me about his terrible fantasies like having multiple sex partners simultaneously (group sex). I hated his fantasies but he never stopped telling me these kinds of fantasies. He also wanted to ask about my past. He forced me to tell him everything about my past. So one day I told him. Now every time we were online or on phone, he started talking about the guy I had met in past. That’s really turns me off. He was used to call me his wife. He used to send me a good morning message. He used to chat with me every day. He used to make calls to me every single day. What ever he used to do, he was always in touch with me through sms. But then he started saying I will stop this and that is because he thinks habit of anything is bad. One day he sent me sms “jaanu plz don’t talk to me for few days, I have my own problems too. yeh pyar wyar does not come to my mind. Hope u will understand if not then I can’t help it.” when I made him a call and asked him what’s wrong with him? Again he was so rude treated me like nothing. So I cried and started writing him mails. I wrote him every day that don’t answer me ever if he wants to finish then let it be but kindly let me talk out and allow me to write for few days. After few days he sent me sms saying jaan don’t get me wrong I will always love u. don’t send me sms. Again in the morning he replied in single line saying plz be in touch. He was online I tried to talk he never replied. So I made a call and asked him why he sent me sms last night? And now this replies? He said sorry, I cut down the phone. again I wrote whenever u buy a cam plz drop a line I will be happy because it was my wish to see u on your new cam. He replied immediately and said he won’t buy a new cam ever again. What’s the use now? This rude reply made me so disturbed. I tried his number wanted to ask him why he can’t chat with me. And why he always tries to be rude? He ignored my calls for one hour. Then I sent him sms saying I’m calling at your land line number as he must be at home this time. He picked up my call. I was so mad on him. He said my wife is at home in the wash room. I said so? Why did not you answer my call b4? When you were at work? And you provoked me to call here. You know I can’t make a long call still you did not answer my call? You disturbed the hell out of me. He shouted saying I will make your life hell if my wife came to know. I said if you wanted to end up then finish it completely. Either keep or just quit. I cut down the phone. He sent me sms saying luckily wife was in wash room but you are terrible. Just forget that you knew me ever, I will also forget that I knew u ever. Dear doc we were physically and emotionally very much attached to each others. Now he does not talk to me at all and it’s killing me. I tried to fix things but he is not coming back. I’m feeling very low and vulnerable. I feel like doing suicide or some thing like that. Kindly guide me what should I do? I can’t keep him out of my mind. I love him madly knowing he has no respect for me. Still I miss him madly. Doc plz help me, guide me and pray for me. I want him back at any cost. I don’t know what male psychology is. He was very much in love with me then how can he stop every thing. How can he go to that extreme??

Both of you were in relation for different needs. You got the emotional support which you wanted and probably that made you dependent on him. Now accept that he has lost the interest in the relation. You can not compel any body to stay in the relation. Accept that now it’s over. He is going to come in your thoughts and memory; you do not have to do any thing to drive that out. Acceptance and time will take care of the rest.