My problem is that I love a married man and I am single right now. We have an affair from 2 yrs now. He is married to his wife for 10yrs & has a 7 yr old son. I love him truly & I believe he is also very genuine for me. He needs me for the emotional support & companionship. I provide to him by letting him speak his mind & showing him new horizons of life and I need him coz I feel very happy with him as he becomes this little kid in my company & showers me with lot of love when he is with me. He says he cares for his wife & can’t leave her as he thinks she might kill herself. Even though he doesn’t feel committed towards her & in his married life, he is the one who makes most of the compromises as she is quite short tempered, materialistic & demanding (these are the reasons he gives for getting into an affair).Also he dotes on his son & he says he can’t leave his family for his son as his wife will take his son with her, If they get separated. For 2 yrs, his wife had no hint about his affair. One day out of impulse, I called her & told everything. She asked me lots of questions to know the truth but in the end she accused me that I was after her husband coz of his money. Then, she called my parents (she stole the number from his phone book) & told them everything about the affair & still put the blame on me that I was after her husband. She is one woman of her own kinds – uncultured & doesn’t listen at all. Even when I told her about the affair, she asked me questions like ‘how many gifts he gifted to u, were the gifts expensive, how often u guys went for lunches, which restaurants etc’ She never asked me how come her husband fall in love with me or what did he tell me about her. On the call she herself said, “I know your love for my husband is true but I want to know if he has spent lot of money on you and I don’t believe in love & emotions etc.. just tell me what kind of relationship you have with him”. Thankfully, as responsible girl I have been at home I managed it & my parents didn’t create a big hue & cry. I want to marry him but I don’t know what he has on his mind. Sometimes he says he wants to marry me too but he can’t as he feels the moral responsibility towards his family. Many a times he tells me that I have spoiled his life as he can’t love anyone else ever again & he can’t be with me too. While sometimes he says that his wife is a nice person & that his life with her is not so difficult that he has to walk out of the marriage. Many a times, I have decided to move on with my life but then he starts crying & tells me that he needs me in his life in some form at least. His wish is that I stay in touch with him for whole life. He advises me that just the way he is living his wife by simply fulfilling his duties at home & giving his undivided love to me. I should also just be dutiful to my husband & keep loving him. I am not bothered by his advises coz I know what I want from my life & I know I can’t cheat on anyone, be it him or my husband. Problem is that I want him to realize some facts for his own good. I want him to know that if he is not happy in his marriage (which he is not.. his emotional dependency on me proves it) he should not be in such a marriage. I want to tell him that right now his marriage is surviving coz his needs are being fulfilled by me but once I am gone from his life. He would feel incomplete & then his marriage would break. I am sure he will not get attached with any woman other than me ever as he is an introvert & hardly opens up with anyone. Plz suggest me how I should think about myself more & less about him & how do I make him realise his true worth.

I understand he is emotionally dependent on you for his own reasons, what are you going to get out of this relationship? Guilt? It seems that his wife does not have respect for him as she is least bothered about reasons for his infidelity but must be insecure on financial ground. He might not be taking proper care of their financial needs for whatever reasons. I do not think that you can make him realize anything about which he is not serious (as he is not sure about his wife, whether she is good or bad). He has found you as a support and he does not want to lose that, only you have to decide how far you go on doing this because his problems and needs are going to be never-ending stuff.