I belong to a Hindu joint family. My father in law, mother in law, husband, me, brother in law, his wife, his two daughters and my two children – one boy and a girl (total 9 members) live together. My husband is an engineer with MBA. He is working as A Class Electrical Contractor. I am also M.E. and working as Lecturer in engineering college. I am having a computer center also where the students are taught computers. My brother in law is B.Sc. and he is not having any professional qualification. So he is working with my husband in the same firm. His wife is M.Com and B.Ed. and working as a teacher in a private school. Now it is quite obvious that there is difference in the earnings. My brother in law now says that you (I and my husband) want to earn from both the sides i.e. my salary and my husband’s part from the firm account. So he is not giving us a single pie from the firm account. But this is not acceptable to us because if my husband is working for the firm why should not he get his share from the firm. Every thing of the firm is in the name of my husband (registration, bank acc .and all other legal things.) We can easily get separated from him but the thing is that every second day he sits and starts crying in front of the parents that they both are exploiting us and want to take all the money in there pocket. Because of this reason they also blame us. For all these reasons once we tried to quit the business and join some job in industry. But again the problem is, if my husband quits, the firm will be closed and then what that brother will do. In this way they all are befooling us emotionally. From the house hold side also we are in great trouble. Brother’s wife ‘salary is very less in comparison to mine.(I can’t help in that).I have to look my computer center, my children, there studies (brother’s daughters are 3years and 3 month older and mine are 9 & 8), my college is 30 km from my house and I travel 60 km distance on my scooter daily. Doing these entire jobs make me very tiered. So if by mistake I ask her a glass of water she starts crying in front of my in laws that bhabhiji is ordering to me and she does no work and again there is a lot of tension for no matter. To avoid all such rubbish tensions we try to take the things as granted. I wake up early in morning to prepare lunch and break fast for all the family members, lunch packs for 5 persons, send my children to school get myself ready and leave home by 8.30 for the college. No one wakes up to help me; neither have they kept any maid to work because my in-laws do not like the work by any maids. If by chance I keep someone they make her to move soon from the house. My father in law retired as a senior central govt. officer. He was very kind and helpful to me till he was in service just only to show his greatness among his colleagues. He is now totally changed after his retirement and speaking only the language of my brother in law and his wife. My husband is an emotional person he can’t leave his family and I can’t live with them. Every night he releases all his tensions on me. But at the same time he loves and cares for me a lot. Every day we have fight and then the make up and life is going on since last three years. Now I am fed up of all the things and want a solution. I want to live with my husband and children and he doesn’t want to get apart from his family. Please help me and suggest me how can I move out from the situation.

It’s really tough! I think your husband has major role to play in this situation. Does he accept that his brother and bhabhi are unfair to both of you? If he does, then ask him about solution. This will give you an opening for discussion; do not suggest any solution from your side. Let him think about the solution, you just keep discussion on. Secondly, separate yourself from the joint business may be temporarily or forever; so that they will realize their real worth. It might be too harsh your brother in law but you know some times in life you need to take certain tough decision to make your emotional health better.