I am a 34 year old female. I am into a relation with a guy for a considerable period of time. This boy is nice, decent, sweet natured and very helpful. We never had been out (on a date or so), or never been physical to each other. My parents are too old and we are 2 sisters (no brother) in our family. We don’t have close relatives in Mumbai. This guy established close contacts with my family members. He was of great help when my dad was admitted to hospital in an emergency. He also helped us when we shifted our residence to a new locality. He literally runs and goes to any limit to help me and my family. He proposed me for marriage few months back. Parents at both the sides were reluctant for the marriage since our castes are different. Especially, his parents are too orthodox and his brother is ‘extremely dominant’. The problem starts here- This Guy is severely under strong influence of his elder dominant brother. He lacks decisive power and thinks that his brother is correct in every way. However, I made it clear for him, that I would prefer a separate residence after marriage. He agreed to this but it seems that his brother wants this guy to take responsibility of parents and stay with them after marriage. His family visited my place last Sunday for negotiating about our marriage. His elder brother & father started talking loudly in a very rough manner and placed certain conditions for marriage, which included staying jointly with his family initially for few days after marriage. His father also talked angrily with me demanding me to bend (feet touching) in front of each of their family members (total 8 members). I was turned off with their odd behaviour. Their demands seem to have put shackles on my feet & I have a feeling that my freedom will be lost forever. I expected that this guy (since so friendly with me) should have given me some idea about his family and their demands beforehand. When I asked him beforehand about it, he just ignored my queries. Interestingly, he systematically placed me and his family at a distance during all these years, when he visited my place frequently. Now, I fear, that their demands regarding expenses on marriage plus staying jointly with his family (which I don’t want to) will be forced on me. Should I back-out? Will our marriage sustain even after interference and dominance from his family? It is quite sure that he will never come out of that emotional influence of his brother. Pls. Guide me.

It is good that you are very clear about what you want. Although he seems to be great support to you, he will not detach himself from his family. Looking to the differences between you and your in-laws, it will be better if you back out.