It is very unfortunate that you became a victim of child sexual abuse (known as pedophilia). This is sexually deviant behavior on offender’s part. Later on, you became victim of incest (sexual relations amongst blood relatives). As a child, you did not understand about sexual behavior therefore you should not feel guilty about it. Actually, offender should feel guilty. Victim of child abuse sometimes tries to abuse the child as an adult and that is what you also tried. You could have resisted your cousin’s attempts but you could not because of your insecurities and your love for him. Your uncle’s stand is unfortunate. He should have intervened. Your urge to masturbate is natural. Overall, you became victim of unfortunate incidences. As they were out of your control, you should not feel guilty or try finding your faults. No way, you are responsible for your past, just look foreword and think of settling down in your life. Prepare yourself to resist any such sexual harresment in future.