Hello Doc., I am working as system administrator in Hyderabad and I got love-cum-arranged marriage 7 Yrs back. She is a graduate came from village environment, her understanding & communication skills are very poor, sitting at home always suspecting me for relationship with others, arguing with for any reason, with which I am getting unbearable angry (I have high BP), just beating her like anything. I know that I am spending less time with her, but apart from my job I am do serving for others in the evenings. just few days back I asked her to write the reasons for which she is not happy, she mentioned everything after our marriage, in which I found the following reasons 1) time 2) suspecting for relationship (which is false) 3) drinking and others. Previously, we were very poor I started earning and now I am in some position. My aim is to grow high thinking for future children’s (2-sons) life. Now tell me how to change her.

First step towards changing her is accepting her limitations. Once you accept her limitations (from your mail; upbringing in village environment, poor understanding & communication skills, suspicious nature etc.), form realistic expectations. Time is very vital factor in strengthening any relationship, start spending quality time with her. Make her feel secure by sharing your feelings, future plans, discussing money matters-investments and other important things. This will give her feeling of importance and security which in turn will reduce suspicion. Engage her into some activity, may be job, new learning or some professional course. She will feel confidant and her mind will get some constructive direction for thinking. No wife on the earth like their husband to drink (of course some of them accept or show off for various reasons!) and particularly more so when relationship is under stress. So if she does not like you’re drinking then stop it and if you are taking occasionally, do not drink secretly. Take her into confidence.