It seems that your friend was merely attracted towards you but is serious about his relation with his boy friend and wants to continue with him. As you have accepted the fact that he wants to live with his boy friend happily it is of your best interest that you get out of this circle as soon as you can. I do understand that this may be difficult for you, which is evident from your death wishes in that case I would suggest you see a counselor….DETAILED ANSWER MAILED TO THE READER