Dear Doctor, I urgently need your valuable advice. Please help me out sir. Before I share my problem with you I would like to tell you that I’m highly impressed by the advice you gave me about 2 months ago. It seems to be working out. Thanks sir. Today I’m approaching you with another problem with a lot of confidence that things will be on the right track. It has been 4 yrs for my marriage; we have a child of 3 yrs. I’m a postgraduate holder, was working for a reputed company but was asked to leave my job after birth of my child. My husband loves me a lot (he refuses to have sexual relations with me for the past 3yrs due to the below mentioned criticism by his mother) but more than me he loves his mother. He easily gets influenced with whatever she tells him. So much so he tends to hate the people, whom she complains to have troubled / hurt her. She mostly complains about my mother, she is highly superstitious, following customs are a must for her. She has extremely high expectations from others (perfectionist), which I believe is the root cause of all problems. Her constant complains about my fly has created hatred in the heart of my husband too for my mother. He once happened to use foul language to my mother following which my parents have decided never to step into my in-laws house unless & until my husband apologizes for the same (this happened 2 yrs ago). As a result even I’m not permitted to visit my parents since 2 yrs. But despite this my father visited us some months ago but they still insist that my mother visit them. When my mother got to know this she was upset that my father visited me without telling her about it by then she too had decided to forget the past & visit us all. On one occasion my husband called my father on his mobile twice, where my mother answered the call. Hearing her voice my husband cut the line. This depressed my mother a lot & she has now decided NEVER NEVER to step into my in-laws house. She has now changed her decision forever. I am longing to spend time with my parents, I love both the families, and I cannot afford to lose either of them. I feel very jealous when I see my in-laws playing with my child. I think about my parents a lot. I miss them a lot. I’m longing to see them. My mother tells me that I’m too mild & that my in-laws are taking the upper hand. This is true that I obey & respect my in-laws a lot. My relatives laugh at the way I behave, they are all telling me to boldly tell my in-laws that “I’m going to see my parents along with my child” but I have a fear of losing my husband who loves me so much, I have a fear of losing this good fly. At times I do think of leaving both the families & staying somewhere else with my child, as I find that either of the families are not prepared to give up their ego for my sake. Would this be a right decision? What do I do sir?? Please tell me the way I should behave. Is my behaviour right / wrong? Please get me out of this problem sir. Please….please…..

Thank you so much for appreciating my efforts.
Freedom is one of the prime virtues of love. Unfortunately, you do not have it and you still feel that your husband loves you a lot! I do not know what your ideas about love are but for me it definitely includes freedom of expression, understanding, consideration, sacrifice and lot more. Try to put forward your feelings about the whole issue without blaming or accusing any one. Make him aware about your attachment to your parents (that any child would have for his/her parents). Any loving husband will understand this provided it is properly conveyed in non aggressive way. At the same time you should also convey that as grand parents they have equal rights and desires to spend some time with grand children, in an assertive but non aggressive way. Rather than trying to patch up between them, try shift your focus on your duties towards your parents. You owe some duties towards your parents and you are going to fulfil that without bringing other issues in the way, you should make this thing very clear to him in very polite but firm way.