Dear Doctor, I am writing to you for the fourth time. Thank you very much for all the advices you gave me last time. However this time, it really hurts me to say my problem. I feel bad to say bad things about my own people. A quick background about my family. I grew up seeing the cruel fights between my dad and mom. My dad was addicted to alcohol and abused my mom and that lead to Domestic violence. At times, he even abused me and hit me. Whenever I tried to defend my mom, I got badly injured. I could not do anything about this at last. I felt guilty that I’m helpless. My childhood was strange and lifeless. Finally, my mom committed suicide. I was 13 when she passed away. I couldn’t do anything about it. My dad married another woman. That’s the other part. That’s my past. Life went as it is for all these years. Now, I am 28 years, looking forward to settle down in life. I want to get married and start a new life altogether. Problem is my dad till now never thought about my marriage. My brother forced him to search a guy for me as I am running older now. All my relatives also told him to look for a guy for me. Actual fact is my dad is not really making any effort to my marriage. My brother took up that responsibility and finally got a good alliance for me. Now when the boy’s family is looking forward for a discussion on the marriage ceremonies, initially dad put demands on the boy’s family that all expenses have to be born by their side. They disagreed and told that since the boy is last born in their family, hence as per rituals, they cannot conduct marriage ceremonies from their side, as per a tradition. Then dad said he will take care of marriage ceremonies, provided they give a share of expenses and my brother’s marriage also has to be done in the same ceremony. They agreed for it. Everyone, including boy’s family is searching a girl for my brother now. Now the problem is if my brother’s alliance is not fixed within this time, my dad is looking forward to cancel my alliance as well. I have a strong hitch for this. I told dad that I am very keen on this alliance as I find boy and his family suitable for me. I told my dad that you do not worry. I will take care of all my marriage expenses somehow. But also he is not willing to get me married. Always he takes a back step. As part of the rituals, my family is supposed to visit boy’s family for “Nishchitarth” but till now he has not done it. When I ask dad, what’s happening he just avoids me. I have been taking care of my family financially till now. I made a home loan and bought a house for my dad. Now that he is selling that house and buying a new one, costlier than the older one. I am not willing to take a home loan anymore and have already told my dad that that – if required, I will support you after marriage as well, but do not wish to get a home loan in my name as it is a commitment 20-25 years down the lane. But still he is forcing me a lot. He wants me to support the family even after marriage. I know it’s my prime duty and I will, but I feel burdened. I want to have that flexibility to quit job during my child bearing times or any difficult times. I don’t like to beg for money from my husband as well. I want to take care of my expenses. I want to be self dependent. I have told dad many times my concern, but he doesn’t understand me. So I even told dad that if you wish, I will not get married, but do not burden me with financial responsibilities of two families. Dad never speaks clearly with me. I don’t understand his intentions. Again he is forcing me to take a home loan with a joint account of mine and his. I feel there will be legal complications after marriage. I am confused. What should I do? Should I discuss this with my would be husband? But why will he trust me. He might think, if this girl can say badly about her own family, she will say anything about me as well. I did not find anyone trustworthy guy till now, to get a love marriage done, so that at least my husband is on my side. My two x boy friends cheated me for money. I tried my best to get some one loved, but failed. I don’t want to slip and marry a non-genuine person just because of my bad situation. I cannot say this problem with anyone as it hurts me to say bad about my own dad. Whatever he is, he is my dad. Apart from financial aspects, I also feel that with this kind of problematic attitude, my married life will be screwed just because of my dad’s behaviors in future. Sometimes, he doesn’t care for anyone and speaks rudely and abuses people. He might turn out to be problematic as he always makes life complicated. He is never firm on his stand always. If he doesn’t like someone, he dam cares about them. He just insults them and makes them get lost. My reputation will be affected with his behavior like it’s always been till now. What should be the possible solution to this? Please help. Thanks and have a good day.

What I understand is; you are the source of his financial securities and he does not want to lose that! He seems to be too selfish in his motives. You should honestly discuss your problem with your future husband. There is nothing wrong in exposing him when he is that mean to you. If your in-laws are agreeing then you should go ahead. It looks like your father may be suffering from some psychiatric illness, may be Mood disorder, Schizophrenia or Personality disorder.