Hello doctor. I wish to share my problem with you. We belong to a middle class family. My son got married 9 months ago. He is an engineer by profession, very kind, a big spendthrift, does not save money. We, at the time of his marriage wanted a working girl so that they both can lead a better life in future. When we fixed up with my daughter in law, she was working with a press firm as an editor. We didn’t wish to ask her salary or enquire much about her and went ahead thinking that she seems to be decent girl from a decent middle class family. After the marriage date and everything got fixed up, she started bringing up things with my son like if I wish to study in future after marriage along with my job, hope your parents won’t mind. He was ok with it and gave her a commitment without asking us. She left the job just before marriage saying she won’t be able to continue job because of distance factor and she will try job somewhere nearby. After marriage, she said she wants to join MBA. We could not even afford MBA for either of our children. So we were against it but my son got her enrolled in another professional course (FCA) for 3 yrs, which is very tough and also expensive (apprx 3 – 4 lacs). We were told that after her enrolment she will study at home and will get the course material for study at home. She got her course material delivered at home. After two months of studying at home, she told that this professional course is very tough and she needs coaching. Though this course was foreign course, my son got her registered with a reputed coaching centre at Lodhi Road, New Delhi and paid heavy fee for coaching classes on Saturday and Sundays of every week. He told us only after enrolling her. We were very upset about it. As it is my son does not save any penny, he was even ready to take a loan for her. He also knows she won’t clear her exams and even if she does, she won’t work because she feels exhausted even after working for 1-2 hours. He is supporting her only because he does not want to suppress her desires. We felt cheated but didn’t speak to her or her parents. Secondly, she has a habit of getting up very late (around 10 AM) .She gets up, makes breakfast for my son and her and then starts studying. She says I study in the night so I can’t get up early in the morning. She wants to go out every now and then and shops every time. Moreover she does not wear all what she buys. It keeps on lying just like that. She has done her B.Ed and could get a decent teaching job but she refuses saying that doctor has advised her not to shout because her throat is sensitive. She always feel very week and exhausted after studying for 1-2 hours. My wife sometimes makes lunch for her also. She has told her feelings about it to my son but all in vain. He is scared that she won’t take it in good spirit and would get upset and home atmosphere will suffer a lot. Initially we didn’t say anything but it is affecting us very much. My wife was depressed sometime back. She is much better now but these things are affecting our daily life. We are very disturbed. My son understands everything but he is in no position to help us. She is going to have her first exams in June. What should we do? Should we tell her that she should change her ways and try to adjust. Things do change after marriage? Pls advise how should we deal with it? We are very worried.

I think this is between her and your son. Whatever to be conveyed to her is by your son and not you. He should not afraid just because she won’t like it. There are always ways and means of saying things. It is your son’s responsibility to see that she respects his parents (preparing lunch for you etc). You talk to your son about your sufferings in detail and ask him to prepare her for an adjustment.