Hello sir, I m 21 yr guy, doing my engineering. I didn’t had any interaction with girls b4 my 12std .I was boys school b4. Talking to girls is not big problem. When there was a chance, I would speak freely. but after that I m too shy to even give them a smile, its like I just don’t know how to keep friendship with girls. Girls of my class know that I’m shy, but it really hurts me, I feel socially handicapped such times. Please help me. This is really affecting my life a lot. There is really no girl, to whom I can say she is my friend.

This is a very common problem faced by boys, who have not studied in coeducation (boys and girls together in school). Your problem is to take initiative in talking with girls. Best way to curb the fear is to face it. So try to talk to the girls whenever you get the chance. You may talk long on phone after your initial introduction. This may give you more confidence. Most of the girls will understand your shyness and will support you to overcome if you sound intresting to them.Try to maintain one or two relations and that’s it. I understand that it may not be that simple but you need to put conscious efforts and overcome your shyness. If you do not get success, you may try self-hypnosis to overcome your fear. There are medicines to overcome your shyness; you need to consult Psychiatrist for this.    

Hi Dr. I am unable to take a decision in my life. Please help me. About Me: I am 24, am working as software engineer. I am in love with my college-mate since 4 years. He is also a software engineer, working in Chennai (he was working in Hyderabad; he changed his job to Chennai for my sake, as we planned to settle in Chennai). He loves me so much then I love him, we use to have many arguments, and still we understand each other and get convinced soon. We have a lot of hope that we will have a happy marriage life. However, the problem is my marriage. He is a Brahmin and I am a non-Brahmin (both are from middle-class orthodox family). Therefore, his parents not accept our love as this is an inter-cast and inter-language, inter-state. I broke my love to my father 3 years back, and he met my lover and said that he will arrange for marriage only even his parents accepts for our love. 3 years passed, I still did not turn back to my father regarding my love. Whenever he asks for marriage, I just postponed it saying some reason as career, visa, and onsite as such. But I feel my life is vague, I see most of my friend have a happy marriage life, but I still unable to turn up to my father for marriage, as the first question he will ask his whether his parents accepts for the marriage. Because of this, I mostly avoid talking to my father also, I was been very pet to my father from my childhood, but now a days because of my behaviour, I think he dislikes me and try to spend most of his time with my mother and my brother. I am possessive too. I love my father, and I would like to be close with him as before, but I don’t know whether he will like me or fully hates. My lover tried convincing his parents to the extreme, but that are not willing to accept our love, rather they say, as they are ready to leave their only son and asking him to marry me going away from his family. My lover is also willing to come out of his family and marry me, but I know he is also more attached to his parents, and so I don’t want to take him such a decision, as he is the only son to take care of his parents. This is the situation since 3 years, years passed, but still my problem wasn’t solved. Those days I did not have any indention to get married earlier, and so I waited for the solution. Now, I am feeling very lonely in spite of my lovable family and affectionate lover. I some times worry, whether I took wrong decision to fall in love, as I am hurting my parents and his parents and playing in my lover’s life. One thing I like to say is, we did not have any physical relation, but still we cannot live without each other. In addition, I cannot got against my parents, as I don’t want to create any bad name for them. I don’t know how I am going to explain my father regarding my situation, because I can also understand my father’s situation that he cannot arrange for marriage without my lover’s parents permission, as he will not be able to answer my relatives. This is the first time I have visited your website, and after reading your answers for others problem, I thought of writing to you. I am confused; I don’t know how to convince my lovers parents and my parents. However, one thing I am sure is, I want and I will marry him.

Tough. I think you should tell the facts to your father. Tell him current status, your keenness to marry him and ask his advise about what to do. This will definitely act as a breather. You will be able to deal with guilt to some extent and get emotional support. Transparency about current status of your relation will keep your familial support intact. You also let him know that you do not want to hurt them and at the same time not able to leave him. Ask your lover to negotiate with his parents continuously rather then maintaining status co. Ultimately, you may have to be prepared for displeasing some one, your parents, his parents, him or yourself.  

Hi, I am 20 years old student. I was in love with my friend who is of my age for past four years. She is my schoolmate & we were in same college. I asked her & she said yes. After XIIth, we change our steams but we maintained healthy relationship. We had a healthy relationship for three years. Last year a boy came into her life & started attracting her & she felt attracted. Our relation was broken. At last, she realized her mistake & left him. she feels guilty & did not come back to me. I forgave her & we started our relation again but that boy, who has already created place in her life; was in touch with her. Although she knows his reality that his intension was no more than physical she can’t completely devote her to me. This thing created some clashes between us. She lost her academic year because of her poor attendance. She asked for a drop & she in Job now in BPO. This Diwali I gave her own time to leave him properly so we will not fight in future. During this time, she changed her job & joined well-known BPO. she was calling me once in week, that time she told me that she was meeting him every day before going to office & they were getting physically closer day by day. I said her to be cautious. In mid December, when I started to call her after 30-40 days her attitude towards me was completely different. She doesn’t want my call. She avoids meeting me. She was busy with that boy & her new office friends. In Christmas, she meet me & she was behaving well but soon after that, her behaviour changed & started to fight on every single issue. Now this week she is engaged with her boss & soon they will marry. Her elder sister consoles, “I know it’s not your mistake but I can’t do anything against my family. She has sympathy for me. She calls me & looking after me. Her family supports me but they can’t do anything against her .did I loved a wrong girl? I know her since my childhood & past four years I am love her. Its difficult for me to forget her & being normal. plz help, give some suggestions.

From your mail, I guess; she was never serious about relationship with you. You have loved wrong girl. Try to distract your mind from this relation and engage yourself to your other relationships.

Hi, my problem is I am committed to one guy who is really nice as a person. But I don’t like his body language. He is not very conscious of his surroundings. And ends up doing things which looks funny! The way he walks and reacts to ppl in public is sometimes so eccentric. He really doesn’t care about what others think about it. He does not care much about anything at al in life. Takes everything very lightly! So even if I tell him about his behaviour. He will ask me, “why u don’t like it eh?” and I can’t tell him yes as it would hurt him. He is sensitive about things regarding me! Therefore, how do I change him for better without hurting him? Kindly advice!

Why do you think that it will hurt him? Tell him what you feel and Try to explain that you are trying to help him for improving his personality.
One of the rare possibility is he might have some psychological problem like personality disorder, psychotic Disorder etc.

I broke up with my boyfriend because he always said that he would not marry me whenever he was in bad mood, and sometimes he used abusive language also. He says he never really meant that, it was just my temper. Here I am getting confused about this guy whether to continue or not, though we were together for 3 years. What should I do? Please help.

His threats of not getting married with you and using abusive language shows lack of respect for you. He considers you as an outlet for his bad mood. Relationship, where partners does not have respect for each other and using other partner as punching bag, will not go peacefully on long run. I think your decision to break up is right.

Recently I am facing problems regarding sustaining erection. I am getting erection but unable to sustain it. Hence, I am failing to have sex with my partner. This was not the problem before, and I am mentally down regarding this. This has given rise to problems in our relationship. I am in a habit of masturbating regularly, b4 I first slept with my new partner. Please help.

Your problem is known as Erectile Dysfunction. It has psychological and physical reasons behind it. With younger age, psychological reasons are more likely. If you are getting proper erection and able to maintain it during masturbation then it is more of psychological problem. It is very difficult to find out the underlying cause/causes unless I know the details of your sexual life. You are required to discuss your sex life in detail, past experiences and many other details. If you want to see Doctor personally then consult Psychiatrist. They deal with sex related problems.

Sir, I got married before 5yrs. I have a kid also. My problem is I don’t want to have sexual intercourse with my husband. He was very disappointed. From the starting, only I don’t have much interest on that. Daily I used to scare for all the nights. I don’t want my husband to approach me for intercourse. Day by day, I am scaring very much for that. I am never allowing my husband to come near me for that. We are facing so much of problems and mi understandings between us. I discussed to some of my friends, they told me this distance also will be the problem, and they advised me to approach u. I don’t want to hurt my husband also. I should make my husband happy in that matter. What should I do? Please kindly help me and give me some solutions.

Lack of sexual desire is a multifactor problem. As you have this problem since beginning of your marital life, I think you require detailed analysis of your problem. Healthy sexual life is a base of happy married life so both of you should go to psychiatrist and discuss your problem. Alternatively you may try online counseling.

1] When I see my face in the mirror, I think it’s not me. Whose face is this? I am very confused why I think like that? 2] Why I think about others? Why I don’t think about myself? Why am I caring about them without any relation? 3] My friends think I am gay, but I am not gay. They laugh on me. Many a times I think if they say like that then there is problem in me, tell me what should I do? 4] I always think who I am. I think I am abnormal, psychic person and I think I should die. If u will not reply my answer quickly, I will die. I need someone who will solve my all these problems. Please help me doctor.

You may have some psychiatric problem. Please consult Psychiatrist near to your place.

4 years ago I started a relationship with a guy (say X) and was deeply in love with him, about two years ago, his family showed dislike towards me and his sister intentionally humiliated me a lot. I found him to be biased and inclined towards his family and seriously lacking in providing the assurance and security that I needed in such a juncture to think about my future. This turned me off and I tried to move on by replacing the vacant part of my life with another fling that ended up soon. Now, I realize that I am such an emotionally weak person who is scared of being alone. So I again drifted towards Mr. X .But by then we both had grown up and somewhere deep down our affinity for each other had ruptured a lot. We frequently fought and quarreled, abused each other and I especially became sick and bored of him. He was non-understanding and ill-tempered. He often humiliated me in public, in front of friends and neighbors. His over-possessive, rather obsessive nature drew me away from all my new and old friends and my life became suffocating with only him around. Above all he taunted me publicly with my very intimate secrets of life. I broke up with him a month ago and now, eventually I am with another guy who is THE MR.PERFECT in every sense. But the worst part is that Mr. X has come to know about it and is making my life hell in all possible ways by involving my parents, threatening of scandal, insulting me, etc. He is simply outrageous and dangerous. Should I feel sorry for hurting him? How should I handle my present boyfriend?

You should take your present boy friend into the confidence and tell him everything. so that he should never feel that you have hide this in case your old boy friend tells him anything. Do not afraid of your old boy friend. He should feel sorry about what he did to you, not you.

Actually I had always been in some sort of relationship (girlfriend). Now I don’t have any but I am always looking for girls. I don’t know what has happened to me but I am always looking for a relation with opposite sex. Can u suggest what I should do to overcome this problem or else I think the feeling what I have is of sex only?

To some extent it can be normal for guys in teen age or early twenties (you have not mentioned your age). To analyze the reasons behind your compulsion to have relationship with girls, I require lot other details. You need to work out on your personality and related factors. That’s all what I can suggest from this information.