Two years back I got married. My problem is about sex. I want to know, after how much time physical relation should be done? My husband gives a big gap for it like 3 or 4 months and some time more than this. So I want to know that after 2 years this gap is ok??

Frequency of sex varies according to individual and his/her age. There are other factors too. Almost all surveys done regarding frequency, concludes that after two years of married life majority of couples do it some where between once a day to thrice a week. It may vary beyond these figures but once in 3-4 months is too low frequency.

Dear Dr. I must say you are doing a fabulous job. You are spending so much of your valuable time for us all. The advice you gave me last time worked to a very great extent. Thanks a million sir. It is 3 yrs for our marriage we have a daughter who is 1&1/2 year old. I stay with my in-laws. I have another fly issue which I would like to seek your advice. This is a conflict between my mother in law & me. I feel she has a very bad habit of complaining to my husband about me & my fly. She never complains in my presence but when I go to the bedroom / kitchen, I hear her very often complaining about me & poisoning my husband’s mind about my parents. When I over hear these complains it irritates me a lot & I just feel like storming in to the room in which they are & shouting & screaming at her but I have not yet done this. I just cannot stand this behaviour of hers. What do I do sir? My husband loves his parents a more than me, he has, told me this very often. We have also been to a counsellor with our problem. But I feel things are the same for us. I feel my husband encourages his mother by hearing & reacting to her complains. He then reacts by sitting quietly in a corner, isolated. Sir, please advise me. What am I to do, should I react to her behaviour, or ignore them? Sir, please help me out

You have to address such issues intellectually, not emotionally. When your husband is not realising, there is no fun in complaining. Stop complaining about your mother in law. When you over hear her complaining about you, you go to her, look in her eyes and just give smile. She will be embarrassed. She may try to conceal her embarrassment by showing her anger or some reaction but do not bother about it. Only such embarrassment can stop her doing this activity.

I am 39 years old divorcee lady with two kids 11 years son and 10 years girl respectively. Recently I came across with a person who cannot marry me due to his family situation but I would like to have long term relationship with him as well as he can continue to stay with me. He loves my kids as well as kids accepted him as a father figure. Now my question is there any difficulty to absorb him like step father by them and how would it effect on them psychologically?

With all concern to the psychological effect on your kids you should be careful in introducing a new father figure in their life. Also be aware of the fact that when this man will walk out (if he does) of their life it may be more painful foe them. Also with their growing age there might be many more issues you will be address too.

Sir, I am a big fan of your site. I read questions and your answers regarding relationship problems regularly. I also need your help. I’m suffering from dependency problem. I had an online affair. I met that person once in real too. We both are married and having kids. We are having an affair for about two years. now, the problem is he has changed a lot since Dec. 2008. I was so disturbed with his changed behavior. First I thought he must be scared as we were also planning to move to the place where he is living but then I clearly told him that we are not moving there. Later he changed and changed and changed. And that was bothering me a lot and hurting me a lot. So I kept asking why he has changed so much. He never gave me satisfactory answer. He used to tell me about his terrible fantasies like having multiple sex partners simultaneously (group sex). I hated his fantasies but he never stopped telling me these kinds of fantasies. He also wanted to ask about my past. He forced me to tell him everything about my past. So one day I told him. Now every time we were online or on phone, he started talking about the guy I had met in past. That’s really turns me off. He was used to call me his wife. He used to send me a good morning message. He used to chat with me every day. He used to make calls to me every single day. What ever he used to do, he was always in touch with me through sms. But then he started saying I will stop this and that is because he thinks habit of anything is bad. One day he sent me sms “jaanu plz don’t talk to me for few days, I have my own problems too. yeh pyar wyar does not come to my mind. Hope u will understand if not then I can’t help it.” when I made him a call and asked him what’s wrong with him? Again he was so rude treated me like nothing. So I cried and started writing him mails. I wrote him every day that don’t answer me ever if he wants to finish then let it be but kindly let me talk out and allow me to write for few days. After few days he sent me sms saying jaan don’t get me wrong I will always love u. don’t send me sms. Again in the morning he replied in single line saying plz be in touch. He was online I tried to talk he never replied. So I made a call and asked him why he sent me sms last night? And now this replies? He said sorry, I cut down the phone. again I wrote whenever u buy a cam plz drop a line I will be happy because it was my wish to see u on your new cam. He replied immediately and said he won’t buy a new cam ever again. What’s the use now? This rude reply made me so disturbed. I tried his number wanted to ask him why he can’t chat with me. And why he always tries to be rude? He ignored my calls for one hour. Then I sent him sms saying I’m calling at your land line number as he must be at home this time. He picked up my call. I was so mad on him. He said my wife is at home in the wash room. I said so? Why did not you answer my call b4? When you were at work? And you provoked me to call here. You know I can’t make a long call still you did not answer my call? You disturbed the hell out of me. He shouted saying I will make your life hell if my wife came to know. I said if you wanted to end up then finish it completely. Either keep or just quit. I cut down the phone. He sent me sms saying luckily wife was in wash room but you are terrible. Just forget that you knew me ever, I will also forget that I knew u ever. Dear doc we were physically and emotionally very much attached to each others. Now he does not talk to me at all and it’s killing me. I tried to fix things but he is not coming back. I’m feeling very low and vulnerable. I feel like doing suicide or some thing like that. Kindly guide me what should I do? I can’t keep him out of my mind. I love him madly knowing he has no respect for me. Still I miss him madly. Doc plz help me, guide me and pray for me. I want him back at any cost. I don’t know what male psychology is. He was very much in love with me then how can he stop every thing. How can he go to that extreme??

Both of you were in relation for different needs. You got the emotional support which you wanted and probably that made you dependent on him. Now accept that he has lost the interest in the relation. You can not compel any body to stay in the relation. Accept that now it’s over. He is going to come in your thoughts and memory; you do not have to do any thing to drive that out. Acceptance and time will take care of the rest.

I am student doing PhD. Whenever I am thinking about my carrier, about girlfriend, my family etc. I am always thinking negative. Many times I think that I have to change my attitude and think (+ve) but I failed to do so. Kindly advice.

Negative thinking has many causative factors. One has to go through lot of details related to rearing, personality, life events, family history etc to comment upon.

I love a girl very much and we even are planning to get married in future. Recently we got very intimate and she knows that I am responsible and I won’t make any mistake but later that same day she decided not to be so intimate again but I feel very happy and comfortable when we are intimate. And now I feel like being intimate with her a lot. Now she’s very firm with that decision so please tell me what I should do. Should I ask her to change her decision or should I change myself?

If you do not want to lose her then change yourself.

Hi, my problem is I am committed to one guy who is really nice as a person. But I don’t like his body language. He is not very conscious of his surroundings. And ends up doing things which looks funny! The way he walks and reacts to ppl in public is sometimes so eccentric. He really doesn’t care about what others think about it. He does not care much about anything at al in life. Takes everything very lightly! So even if I tell him about his behaviour. He will ask me, “why u don’t like it eh?” and I can’t tell him yes as it would hurt him. He is sensitive about things regarding me! Therefore, how do I change him for better without hurting him? Kindly advice!

Why do you think that it will hurt him? Tell him what you feel and Try to explain that you are trying to help him for improving his personality.
One of the rare possibility is he might have some psychological problem like personality disorder, psychotic Disorder etc.

I am basically worried about size of my penis. It is around 3 inches in length and 3 inches in diameter when shrunk. It is around 5+ inches in length and 4 inches in diameter when erect. I was addicted to masturbation for quite long and used to do it multiple times a day. So with the dimensions given above about my penis, will I able to satisfactorily perform sexually?

Average penis length (flaccid/not erect): from 3.4 inches to 3.7 inches (8.6 cm to 9.3 cm). Average penis length (erect): from 5.1 inches to 5.7 inches (12.9 cm to 14.5 cm). Average penis girth (circumference when erect): from 3.5 inches to 3.9 inches (8.8 cm to 10 cm). These numbers are obviously very different from the sizes we hear (and see) in adult movies, and even the kinds of numbers you read on line. Female’s sexual satisfaction does not depend on penile length. It depends upon your love & affection for her, quality of intimate moments, warmth in relationship and lots of other nonsexual factors.