Dear Sir, I need your guidance for my brother. My elder brother got married 2 yrs back. His wife (My Bhabhi) started to fight with my parents just 1 month after their marriage on small-small matters. After some time we came to know that she had affair with someone before marriage and it is continued till date. From the beginning she won my brother’s confidence emotionally and made him against us. My brother doesn’t believe whatever we say to him about her (even about affair). We have doubt that she has physical relation too with her lover. Before 6 months she had big fight with us and at that time my brother had taken her side. After that they don’t live with us. They live alone in other house. Now there is no control on her and she meets her lover at home itself. Now my brother realized the fact and his mistake. However he doesn’t have any control on her. Whenever he tells anything to her, she gives threat of suicide. Often I get so angry that I feel like killing her. We (I and my father) get very angry by knowing the fact that a person of loose character is living with my brother and still we can’t do anything because my brother doesn’t support us. We want my brother to come out of this relation (Divorce) but he is not ready for this. Our concern is that after knowing all these facts, why he is not ready for divorce? How we can make him ready for divorce? Please help us to come out of this situation.

He knows that his wife is not faithful to him. You should discuss with him about it in straight manner provided he is ready. You have to show your eagerness to support him for any extreme decision like divorce. However, if he is not keen to take your support then you have to leave him to fight his own battle after conveying him that you are withdrawing because he does not want your help. I also feel that apart from helping your brother, you seem to have some revengeful attitude towards your bhabhi. Check this feeling too.

I got mariied one year back and my sexual life is not good….my orgasm happens very fast so i ma not able to satisfy my wife.is it because of masterbation i had from chilhood?please tell if i need to see some doctor or any medicine…thanks in advance

Your problem is called Premature Ejaculation. It is the most common sexual problem men have. It is 100 percent curable. You need to take medicine called SSRI or TCA. Some exercises (Kegel’s) and foreplay methods helps. Please see Psychiatrist, who will prescribe these drugs and will teach you exercises.

Sir, I was a law student at a reputed law college in India. Unfortunately 3 years ago my parents passed away in a motor accident. As if it was not enough I walked in on my long term boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. These series of episodes broke me down to the extent that I lost interest towards life. I did not give my exams in spite of the fact that I was an above average student. Now I suddenly realize that I had let go of my life which I should never have. My studentship has been canceled and I have no clue what to do. I feel I have no one to blame but myself for my acts. Never the less I presume it’s a little too late for the blame game and would appreciate if I was suggested a course of action to be taken so that I could be able to complete my law graduation and peruse a career as finance is also a major issue. Please Help!!! and for this I shall remain ever obliged, Thank You

It is good that you have realized. You can join that course again or equivalent. You may start working simultaneously, may be part time; to support yourself financially. Alternatively, you can pursue your law through distant learning or as an external student and start doing job.

Dear Sir, I am getting irritated by Telephone/Mobile’s ring. Whenever any phone/mobile is ringing (My or any other’s phone/mobile), I am getting irritated and angry. My work is like that in office, whole day I am getting so many calls and I am getting irritated. Sometime I want to through out phone/mobile. Though after picking up phone, I don’t get irritate or angry. What could be the problem? What is a solution?

It is difficult to judge reasons for such short description. I need to know more about your age, work area, work timings etc. Most common cause is stress. It is more common with people in public dealing. Keep your phone on vibrating mode. Try keeping your mobile switch off during non-working hours. You may find it difficult but gradually callers will learn not to call you on cell during non-working time. Do some relaxation exercises.

4 years ago I started a relationship with a guy (say X) and was deeply in love with him, about two years ago, his family showed dislike towards me and his sister intentionally humiliated me a lot. I found him to be biased and inclined towards his family and seriously lacking in providing the assurance and security that I needed in such a juncture to think about my future. This turned me off and I tried to move on by replacing the vacant part of my life with another fling that ended up soon. Now, I realize that I am such an emotionally weak person who is scared of being alone. So I again drifted towards Mr. X .But by then we both had grown up and somewhere deep down our affinity for each other had ruptured a lot. We frequently fought and quarreled, abused each other and I especially became sick and bored of him. He was non-understanding and ill-tempered. He often humiliated me in public, in front of friends and neighbors. His over-possessive, rather obsessive nature drew me away from all my new and old friends and my life became suffocating with only him around. Above all he taunted me publicly with my very intimate secrets of life. I broke up with him a month ago and now, eventually I am with another guy who is THE MR.PERFECT in every sense. But the worst part is that Mr. X has come to know about it and is making my life hell in all possible ways by involving my parents, threatening of scandal, insulting me, etc. He is simply outrageous and dangerous. Should I feel sorry for hurting him? How should I handle my present boyfriend?

You should take your present boy friend into the confidence and tell him everything. so that he should never feel that you have hide this in case your old boy friend tells him anything. Do not afraid of your old boy friend. He should feel sorry about what he did to you, not you.

I have a relationship with a girl for about three months (not sexual). Both of us are in love but the problem is that we became friends through chatting and a few days ago I saw her picture, she looks too young and although she says that she is 18 but she looks like a 12 year old. And one is for sure, she is very immature! I’m sure she’s not lying but still she looks very young to me. I don’t feel good about it! I think I’m not of her age, but I don’t want to hurt her too. Now I have exams from tomorrow and I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t even study properly like I used to, my grades are affected very badly. I can’t prepare myself for my finals. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I told her that I’m going to turn off my cell, then after an hour I turn it back on! Please help

Once you have an emotional attachment with each other, you cannot back off without hurting her. You should have exchanged your photographs early in the relationship. Now that you want to concentrate on your exams, it is going to be difficult while you are emotionally disturbed. Do not take any step (like switching off your mobile) until your exams gets over, then after you take your final decision.

Dear Sir, I am 32 yrs old . I got married 10 yrs back. I had a love marriage. For the first few yrs say 4-5 years until my son was born, my husband was very affectionate towards me. We were staying alone at that time, but after that, we came and stayed with my in-laws. Once we became a joint family, gradually his love towards me has reduced totally and now he feels his brothers and other relations are only important. Moreover, I never fail to do my duty anytime, like cooking in the morning. Doing all household works regularly and buying whatever is necessary for the house. My mother in law dislikes me a lot. She doesn’t eat what I cook. She prepares her own food. Moreover, treats my food as some untouchable. Now I feel I have to apply for a divorce. I don’t have mental peace at all. My husband doesn’t eve bother to ask my problems. Neither does he stays at home. He comes only to sleep at home. Other time he roams about with friends and his brothers. He drinks a lot too… which I hate. Now I have developed an affair with his friend who is very very affectionate towards me pl advice what should I do now?

This is what I would prefer to call ‘Emotional Divorce’. Staying together, he does not bother about you and you are involved with someone else. Once you have burnt your fingers in love marriage, now make sure his friend is not taking an advantage of your disturbed marital relationship. Otherwise, you will burn your fingers again.
If you wish to improve your relationship with your in-laws then only you have to take initiative. You cannot expect them to take first move, as they are very negative about you. I understand that this is difficult but still you can try, if you wish to save your marriage.

This is with reference to my married life. I am a simple guy with values and respect for my family and faiths. I have lost my father and my mother stays with us. My older brother is not settled in his personal and professional life, a Challenge or threat to me in some or the other way. My wife is the only daughter in her family with 2 brothers. Her father is a retired manager. One of her brothers owns a boarding school and stays in the school with his family. Other one works in a car showroom, a marketing guy who initiated our marriage, married to a girl out of caste. The marriage was divided in two parts by the other side family: One brother would do the engagement part and the other part of marriage would be done by the other brother. Both these brothers don’t have cordial relationships with each other. Even one of them did not attend marriage due to this reason only. My wife a MA graduate always takes side of her mother and keeps blaming her father and the brother who own the school. Also she uses bad words for her sister in law. Currently after my marriage I have seen my mother in law staying alone for last 9 months and my father in law staying with his son in school. I am facing regular problems from my wife in a lot of ways. Since marriage she was not doing for 5 months …..Got her treated …..Kept medicines on but there is no change. Some or the other ailments create problems. In between she had visited her mother twice for 30days each and 15 days with her brother for 15 days. She keeps on repeating certain things ‘I never got ill in my mothers place’ ‘I do a lot of work at my mother ‘s place’.(After marriage she never ever bothers to wake up and say bye to her husband in the morning hours) – My sister is bad – My mother is bad – I am Bad – I don’t listen to her – I shout at her – We do a lot of pooja – We take heavy meals at night – I DON’T UNDERSTAND HER and many more lot of things Some areas where I tried to share my concern when she was with her brother or mother she replied in a bad way. I said I will come to meet you…she said don’t come here these people have got some reputation I am busy with some other so I though not to receive your call nor sms you as I don’t want to disconnect the discussion. ‘Mera dum ghootta hain yahan par’ She on the other hand tells a lot of lies to me .This could be my apprehension but I think there is some thing where she lies to me. Sample incidents: She took out some money kept at home and sealed the envelope which was opened and did not share the info too. In our cupboard there is a bag since 6 months ….which has caught some worms …she straight away said my mom kept it there which is not true for me. She is very short tempered. My mother and me have not yet added responsibilities to her as she was not doing well. I trusted her and provided a cell phone connection so that whenever she thinks she can talk to her parents. The outcome is that she calls her parents more than 3 times in day and chats for at least 40-50 minutes on an average. I highlighted one in six months she replied my mother is not doing well so I called her. But rest five months …the situation is not changing. Bill comes up to Rs.3000 for calls made by her. All these things she does after closing the doors of the room. On knocking she says I am not doing well but keeps chatting on phone. Recently I send her some secret gifts (Under garments and Letter) to be delivered to her but she was not at home. I thought it to be surprise but became my worst episode till date. This might become too long for you to read .As the story is never ending; I would need your guidance as what needs to be done to make things better in our life. She has brain but she uses it for information provided by others.

Her family members are typical people (family quarrels, attitude etc suggest this) and that might have influenced her personality. Your adjustment problem with her seems to be result of this. Both of you should go to psychiatrist and discuss your issues.