I have passed 12th this year and I observe that I feel more comfortable in the company of children much junior to me. This has been going on since more than 2-3years. Now I feel uncomfortable in interacting with teachers, parents, grandparents. When I meet strangers I cannot talk for long.

Please let me know about your educational performance up till now. Low intelligence and social phobia are amongst the important causes of this.

Hi, I am 21 and my husband is 24. We have been married for almost a year and we have a three month year old daughter. My husband is from Bangladesh and I am from Dutch. We have met in London and been together since December 07. Below I will explain my feelings. I hope you could give me some advice or perhaps you would understand what might be going on. I am waiting for your reply. Thank you. Confusion, disappointment, anger, exhaustion… all kind of feelings are running through me. Have I made a mistake, is this destiny or am I the person who is just never satisfied. I do not know. Do I belong with Shon? That is my big question. One day I am so sure that we are a definite mismatch and all I would want is to make an end on this. ‘I would be so much happier without him. We are so different.’ And another day I wake up and think that I am just going through a phase and really there is something else that I am not happy with and just think it’s my relationship. I try to find reasons; it’s because Shon works so much and we are not able to spend a lot of time together; or maybe because the life is not so easy I blame it on the relationship; or maybe I find the motherhood very difficult to cope with, completely on my own. Then I think, yeah, there is going to be a better time where I am going to be happy with Shon. Then, I just wake up and say to myself, am I crazy, am I blind to see that we are not destined for each other. Why am I looking for excuses? He is not the right person for me, that‘s the bottom line. Then I start to think, ok, what is so bad about him? And I cannot come up with something. He loves our daughter, he loves me to bits, he is very family orientated and yes… he has not established himself yet in life. And it seems the progress is very slow. However, I do not want to be the wife that is after money or his wealth. Because I am not! I tend to believe in him a lot, I know he can graduate or I know he will find a nice job where he is going be very happy with. But will he? If not, what would happen? He would always work in places where he is not happy. That will defiantly put pressure on me and I would not be able to go forward with my shoulders light if he is unhappy. I want him to be happy. I do not want to worry about him for the rest of my life. But what if that is going to happen? Our personalities are quite different. I am very driven person and do not like failures. I set high standers for myself and my achievements make me happy. I have goals in life and will persuade them no matter what. But will Shon hold me back if he finds his life tough? I want to wake to a happy day with a smile on my face. I want to do things in my day. Is it my day off? I will go somewhere and enjoy it with my family. Is it a normal working day? Then I will try to do my best at work, also sort out the house, and all the paperwork that needs to be done. Thigs I can do today, I will not leave them for tomorrow. I also like spontaneity, idea’s that come out of nowhere. I can get very excited about a plan that I just thought of and go hundred present for it or can spend the whole evening thinking it through. Shon, in contradiction, is more laid back. In his day off he would not mind watch TV whole day. I know he would love to spend some quality time with the family as well, however I do not see him being initiative on that part (or really at the moment, and perhaps in the future, simply not having the material ability to. He will think about his future plans once and will not try to change them. How quick he will achieve them does not seem to have an impact on him. He will do everything step by step. I sometimes catch him not thinking a few steps ahead; therefore he will face some obstacles which will slower the process. I then tend to think, why didn’t you figure this out earlier? I have come to that stage that I try not to care about his things. I say to myself, he knows what he is doing and he is doing it his way, he is going to be fine. However, this difference in thinking I believe shows we are different. There is nothing wrong with being different, you would say. No, there are always differences between two people. Yes, however, I would like to be with someone who is more like me and perhaps even a few steps ahead of me.

Shon is not your kind of man and that keeps you anxious (your writing suggest that you have lot of anxieties). Differences in your natures can be worked out through counseling, provided both of you are ready for that. Otherwise, you may have to go ahead searching your kind of man or get treated for anxiety.

I am 25 yr old, I have very typical problem. I am in love since 8 yr. and we got married in arya samaj 2 yr back. Now 1) I want to know that this is valid in law as Hindu marriage act? 2) One more question that I am smallest in my family. My brother and sister are not married, my sister also love one boy and mom-dad not accepting her love so, I fear that how I tell them? If they will not accept my love, then? My mom always says love is bad thing. My husband’s family knows about it. Will police create any problem?? plz reply me soon.

Arya samaj marriage is valid in court of law. As you are above 18 yrs. you can marry to a man you like. As both of you are unanimous on your decision, police can not get in the way. You need to inform your parents as soon as possible. Whether they accept or not, once you have done marriage it becomes your moral duty to inform them.

I am going around with a guy of the same age but different caste, for the last 3 yrs. We love each other a lot. We want to marry once we are settled with the job. My parents know everything and they don’t have any probs with this relationship but my boyfriend’s parents are not ready to accept me coz they read my msg which I had sent to my bf. I wrote few things, which was disrespectful for his parents. I did that coz my bf didn’t tell much about me to his parents coz he was thinking 1st to settle down with his career so that nobody can object this relationship. Now things r out of my hands. Please advice me what to do. My bf is not sure whether his parents would accept me or not, after 3 yrs. As we r thinking of marrying after 3 yrs. He cannot leave his parents neither he can leave me. Should I meet his parents and ask for forgiveness. Will this help us.

You should have not used disrespectful words for his parents. You should meet them and sincerely apologize for the same. Try to explain the circumstances under you have sent that msg. At the same time, ask your BF to talk to his parents that how firm he is about his decision to marry you. He should back you at every step you take to apologize.

Last year I got married. I have insecurity for my husband. Is it due to the reason that I am free and but the problem is that I can’t work….there are many things to ask. Can we chat? And you can solve my problem

ya we can chat. Go to the site and click ask us. Select first option. Make a payment and chat will be scheduled.

Hello doctor, I am 23yrs old girl. I have loved a guy for the past 9 years. My family accepted my affair and going to get me married in another 9 months. My problem is different. I am the last child in my family. I have two elder brothers who are married. We all are living together. My problem is, my brother’s wife (both) is not behaving properly with my mother. Still my brothers want my mom to do all work for them and my mother is also doing it. If I ask anything to do for me she is not doing. Often my mother complaint about my brother’s wife to me and it makes me irritate and I advice my mom to do some actions but she refuse to do. By seeing all these things in my home I get irritated and often shout at everyone in my home and lost my control. If I get anger my mother shouts me alone and my father gets upset of my behaviour. They are not accepting my problem and shouting at me. What to do sir? I want to be very calm and I should not interfere in any issues like these in future. How to do it? pls guide me sir. Waiting for your help sir.

Cause of your irritation is frustration resulting from your helplessness over the situation. Probably, your parents have accepted their situation and that is why they are getting upset with you. Try to accept their nature and do not struggle to change them by opposing aggressively. Only difference, if at all can be made in their behaviour, can be made by their husband or by themselves!

Sir, I m a BE graduate and trying for a job for last 2 yrs. I am a reserved type. I m very depressed and I am not interested in any things. I am feeling happy to be alone, hear sad songs, cry a lot, and mostly I like others to feel for me. I m have fear talking with a group, feel shame of myself. However, all my concentration, feelings, affection are concentrated on a single person, who is my friends sister. We have a brother -sister relation. I m touched with her family. Here I should say u that I started hating my family when I get myself attached with my friend’s family and especially my sister( I consider my friend’s sister as my own sister) . My step- sister and myself have a good brother -sister relationship. We share a lot; have fun, shares family issues. As time goes on and on, I become really mad on her and I become over emotional and sentimental. If she is not talking for even a single day, I feel embarrassed and says to myself like ” u r unlucky, she is not your own sister, if so she would have talked. I m just a third -person. Gradually I too developed possessiveness. If she talks with some other friends and not with me, I feel for my self and cry. However, my affection started to grow deeper and deeper. If she doesn’t talk, nothing runs in my mind except her. Infect I used to talk with her all the time within my heart. Talking solo within heart. While watching movie, reading books every time I think about her. I feel a lot for her. At the same time, I feel myself that she is not my own sister and how nice it would be if I were her blood related. Recently, my affection and care towards her scared me a lot, as I once took her dress from her shelf and have a look. I started liking her belongings too, her dress, cell phone like that. I was too scary, so I narrated that incident to her. She too know me that, i m not normal and I should need divert my mind from her. She advised me a lot and asked me to stop feel for her and her family and concentrate on my life. She even told that, she wants to have just a friendly relation with me, not like a mad emotionally, sentimentally build relation. I owed her to do, but I m finding difficult to stop thinking about her. I want to maintain a pleasant friendly relation with her even and care her than anybody else. What is my problem doctor, how can I stay away from her, thinking about her all-time.? I m jobless for three long years and now I want to settle in my life and at the same time I want to maintain friendly relation with her. please advice, should I consult psychiatrist.

You have developed emotional dependence on her. Some times, introvert person like you are hooked to one secure emotional relation, develop a kind of pathological attachment i.e. always live in that relation, and think nothing else. If you want to come out of this dependence, start working and keeping yourself busy. Cultivate some purpose and goal in your life. Do not try to share everything with her, rather develop individuality and have some thing personal.
It is a good idea to consult psychiatrist so that you can discuss other areas like your family life, past experiences, emotional issues etc. 

My best friend is a married man whom I have grown deeply in love with. I enjoy making love with him but I keep feeling guilty. I have a strong drive to be around him all the time. The more I try to control my feelings for him, the more I wish to be with him. Please advise me on how best to control this urge and strong sexual feelings for him.

Most of the time such relationships are need based. You are not able to come out of this because of your emotional and sexual needs. You have to put check on your needs to come out. I know it is difficult but at the same time not impossible, provided you really want to come out. Actively try to find out suitable match and get settle down.