Dear Sir, I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years now, before we completed 4 years we had split due to religion issues on mutual understanding, after a lot of pursuing, she did come back to me, now after around 6 months after we split she says that she wants some time alone to think about what she exactly wants and she wants time alone so that she can miss me, like it was in the earlier years of our relationship. After we had split she started having feelings for another guy because he made her feel good about herself, but did not want to get into a relationship with me, because she says she loves me. Now I fear to give her time to be alone thinking that the feelings for another guy may just come again. She says that she is confident about what she wants and will get back to me. I am a one woman man kind of types and do love her a lot and intend to marry her. I do want a happy relationship. Please help.

You should allow her the time she wants, without having a fear of losing her. If by chance she goes away from you then this relationship was not worth continuing. You cannot compel her to love you by imposing yourself on her (i.e. by not giving her the time which she wants).

Dear Sir I am married and have 2 kids. Sir I think I am a Sex addict because, I am always thinking about sex, Nudity and bad movies, so I cannot concentrate on my work also. Sir I want to get out from this bad habit. Please guide me what should I do?

I need more information about your personality and relationship with your wife.

I am 27 yrs. old and I am a Chartered Accountant but these days I am not working, although I used to do a job before marriage. We got married in June 2009. Ours was an arrange marriage. He is in a kind of job where he has to go abroad. Not after our marriage but before that from 2006 to 2009 he has been to various places as Malaysia, Netherlands, London, Paris etc. Here he had a colleague and he liked her a lot but she had a boyfriend who is a divorcee. My husband told me about the same before marriage and I decided that we will not let her topic come in our relationship as it was past. Now right from the second week of our marriage my husband had some infection around penis area and the skin was not going back. We got the medication and it got resolved after 1 month. The medication procedure involved some tests which revealed that he is diabetic which he was not 5 months earlier to our marriage as per him as he got the checkup done. Now the problem starts that I asked my husband before marriage that I should not find any material related to that girl in our house after marriage but one day I saw many of her photographs on his laptop which were saved in the folders with her name. If he would have tried to delete them by simply searching with his name on his laptop he could have easily found. From that day I got disturbed and we had a fight. I cried, and he said now onwards nothing will be there related to her. Few days earlier he told me that he kissed her on the occasion of Christmas in a way of greeting as foreigners do but not the other ladies who were wives or girlfriends of his colleagues as he didn’t knew them. I got even more disturbed. The underlying problem is that when we have sex not even once had he ejaculated inside my vagina. He has to do the same by his hands outside only as after in and out exercise of 5-10 minutes his penis comes to normal state and is not hard anymore. He is used to of seeing the porn material and doing it with his hands from his teenage and he use to do it in front of me after asking me. Even if we had sex for 2 min. before and I am not wearing cloths he has to take support of the porn videos or asks me to tell some stuff to him relating to anybody -be it me or anybody else and then he used to do the hand job himself and ejaculate. I have told him many times that I don’t like him doing all this in front of me. Now I have many queries :- 1)Is there a possibility that he had sex with that girl (foreigner)who is Chinese type very fair,very smooth as is seen in photographs) and that has set his expectations from me and so he does not concentrate on me. 2) Is there any abnormal problem in him? While doing sex he never moans but once we went to my home and there he mourned a lot and seemed very different. He went to a foreign country and bought chocolates for my bhabhi, t-shirt for my brother but nothing (not even the same chocolates) for me on his first foreign trip of 3 days after marriage. Does this show that he is not interested in me? Just to facilitate you in analyzing the situation I am a 5feet 5 inch slim girl with wheatish complexion and a photogenic face. I am not fair but everybody around and everywhere and he himself says that I am very beautiful and that it’s his luck that he got me. He is, both obese but looks cute, is very understanding and gels well with people. Even my own friends like him more than myself. Doctor I am in a very pathetic state of mind. Please help me.

It is difficult to tell whether he had sex with that girl. However, your bond seems to be weak as he didn’t care to buy anything even in first week of marriage! He is likely to be suffering from delayed or retarded ejaculation as he is not ejaculating during intercourse and has to do it with hand under erotic stimulation. This problem has many reasons, you should consult psychiatrist for further analysis and treatment.

Hello sir… During my search I find this site and gone through some questions and answers… after that I having lots of questions and answers in my mind… First of all sir, you are doing a great job… because these are the questions which many people can not discuss openly……. I am not aware about the medical terms and transactions, so use simple lay man language….. Now the questions I have in my mind are… when we are in college we heard some incidents happened in girls hostel like girls using carrot, veg, fingers to do it… is it true…. why it happen…. is it right or wrong….why that girls go at this level….will these things create any kind of problem or disease in the future or not…..when that thing is happen then they have to do it or to control it……… I also discuss these things with my mother but acc. to society its wrong but on the other side like when we thirsty we need water, may be when the things should out of control they do it…….. I also have lots of questions to ask…. but I think I should first wait for yours reply…. because the other question is link with your reply…….. Actually when gone through colleges then I heard it and want to find the answer….. because in future if I have a daughter then I could explain it….. because what I think…. if you have knowledge then only we face it…… Sir, if I be wrong any where or my views are incorrect… plz let me know…… I never discuss this kind of topic to anyone except my mother… only once… due to shyness……. Thank u sir………

It is called masturbation. Person gets sexual pleasure and some satisfaction out of the act. There is nothing wrong about it. It is natural (physiological) urge, both male and female will have. Females are using different objects to get stimulation. Objects vary from what you described to vibrators and artificial penis. Insertion of objects requires caution so that one would not cause injury to soft skin of genitalia (sex organ). You need to control your urge only in case of compulsion. (Means if you do not masturbate then you become restless and compulsorily you have to masturbate to feel relaxed). Otherwise, it is much better then having unsafe sex or sex with an irresponsible partner.
It is nice to know that you are discussing such issues with your mother. We should always give proper sex education to our children so that they can emerge as sexually healthy adults.

We got married in 1998. And till today I search for a peaceful moment but not getting. My mother in law always interferes in our married life. She always gives the wrong things in my wife’s mind. I have a son 8 years old and daughter 1 month old. When I married I was getting Rs.7k per month and now I am getting Rs.50K and in ten years I have my own house registered with my wife’s name, I have given my son in a good reputed school in Delhi, every year I take my family out for 10 days vacation, when ever she asked for gold jewelry I bought for her. I mean to say I tried to keep her happy in every way she needs. But she is fighting with me every time because of I care for my brother, my parents also. My parents and my brother are staying near to me 500 meters away from my home and I meet everyday with them. My wife and her mother telling why you meet everyday and why you care for them, let them enjoy their life on their own way , you have your family and you look after for your family only. What can I do sir, yes they can say if I only take care of my parents and brother but I care for my family too. My mother in law says to my wife you stay separately with your children and let your husband stay with his parents. I don’t understand how a mother can advise to her married daughter. I love my wife and children and also my parents and brother. How can I leave my parents and brother just to make my wife happy? What ever I do for her she doesn’t get happy, see can get happy if I leave my parents and bother aside. Tell me Sir who is right me or her. Where is God why God doesn’t help me to come across this problem? What is your advice, I like to maintain a peaceful life but for shake of peaceful life I get angry but afraid to tell anything to my wife , if I tell something then MAHABHARAT starts ,I don’t want to discuss this with my parents also. Because they love my wife so much but they don’t know the reality what I am facing in real life. Please advise I have written this with a great hope. What is the solution for this?

Your wife should understand this. If she does not understand the worth of your care then you need to make her understand by making her aware about things which you have done and are doing. Honestly convey her that you are interested in peaceful and harmonious relationship and do not want her mother’s interference in any case. Do not allow your in-laws to enter in your personal life. If your wife is bringing them in between, stop responding them. Try to be indifferent to them. You do not have to afraid to tell right things to your wife in any case. Never succumb to emotional blackmailing by your wife or your in-laws.

Good Evening doctor, Thanks for the thoughtful advises. This is the 3rd time I am writing to you, and each time when I wrote I got valuable advises which has helped me in my relationship. This time too I am seeking your advice. I want your advice in dealing with this situation. Mine is a long distance love. He stays in different state and me in Hyderabad. He is very loving and caring; he gives me my own space. Moreover in a short time he taught me lot many things of life…but suddenly a disaster happened and I am the cause for it. Recently I have been to his place for a visit for one day. He came late to receive me almost an hour and half, without understanding the reason behind his delay (as I was very excited to meet him) I didn’t speak to him for almost an hour. But however things got patched up but the problem started next day. Actually both of us are going through tough times financially. I quit my job last month and his business isn’t doing so well. So understanding the financial limitations both of us have decided to spend only one day with each other. But the day of departure I wanted to stay for another day and I told him to manage the expenses for the day as well. Initially I requested him but later I lost my cool, to be honest when I think about my behavior it was disgusting, shabby and what not. I had very tough tone (actually I quit my job and was feeling very lonely, and I was desperate to be with him and enjoy the day so that I can carry the positivism when I go back to my place) I told him manage today’s expense and I want to stay with you, he quoted such things cannot happen suddenly and it has to be planned prior. But I didn’t listen, I said you can’t manage my expenses for one day, he said I love to spend time with you but unfortunately situation doesn’t permit. I quoted stating how you are managing your office rent, your car petrol and other things. You are managing all other expenses as they are mandatory and why don’t you consider my stay also mandatory. He said now let’s not fight on such things, whatever time is left out let’s spend it happily. I don’t know what happened. (I feel the worry of being jobless has caused me lot of tension which I reflected on him) but I dragged things so drastically that he got cheesed off. Even while checking out if didn’t hug or kiss him, and while getting down at the airport I didn’t even turn back and say bye. But after I got into the airport lobby I realized my mistake. Once I reached in the night, I called him seeking apology and sorry….but he was very firm. He said he can’t forgive me for the behavior I exhibited…I tried to explain him that my intention was not to hurt his feelings but it was my desperateness to be with him. But he quoted stating he was shocked by my attitude and now he states he needs time to think over the relationship. After 3days of continuous requests he did forgive me from my mistake… the incident happened just last Thursday (November 19th) and he did forgive me on 22nd. But since then he is not been what he was before. He talks very formally, he doesn’t say love you too…I need your advice to help me how do I convey to him that my intention was spontaneous and never meant to hurt him. I need his love and warmth…when I say why don’t you be the way you were before he states that he needs his own time to come back to normalcy. Please help me understanding where this relationship is leading to. I don’t want to lose him…..I want him to know my sorry was for genuine. Please help.

Once you honestly confessed and apologies, you need not to keep on doing that over and over again. Give him some time to recover from this. Meanwhile keep things normal from your side.

I have been into a relationship with a girl for past 6 years. The girl’s family did not have a good background (socially), so I always wanted her not to idealize her family. I gave her full support in everything. Apart from that I put on a couple of restrictions on her, restrictions which were very easy not something that would change her life completely. But after 5 years of relationship I came to know she had been hiding about her past relationship with me and she also hide some other facts. She went to meet her ex behind my back without telling me. Anyway when I came to know about it I simply forgave her for lying to me. As we have been living in different continents since past 2 years we could not meet often. After 4 years she said that she was fed up of those restrictions, so I agreed with her and let her do whatever she wanted. I suspected her many times because she always gave me the vibe of it. Anyway after 6 years she says she does not want to be in this relationship anymore and she does not love me now. And the reason is that she had a traumatic situation all these 6 years, and she wants mental peace. I let her go because I thought that for 6 years the mistakes I have made small or big I have admitted them. The only thing I did for 6 years was love her, and I believed that if she has ever loved me she will come back. I never forced her to come back. But after her my life is all disturbed. I have a mental setback. I’m at the peak of my career but I have lost confidence in everything. I just waste my time thinking about everything and cannot concentrate on my work. All these years I was loyal and honest, but in return I just got ignorance. What should I do? How should I make my peace with myself? Too many questions wander my mind every second. How can I get mental satisfaction? Please help me.

She blamed you for break up and you have guilt about it. In fact she might have lost the interest because of some other relationship and just to call off, she has put blame on you. Do not get victimized in blame game and overcome the guilt. Once you will find yourself free from the guilt and will accept the breakup, things should be alright with you with passage of the time.

I belong to a Hindu joint family. My father in law, mother in law, husband, me, brother in law, his wife, his two daughters and my two children – one boy and a girl (total 9 members) live together. My husband is an engineer with MBA. He is working as A Class Electrical Contractor. I am also M.E. and working as Lecturer in engineering college. I am having a computer center also where the students are taught computers. My brother in law is B.Sc. and he is not having any professional qualification. So he is working with my husband in the same firm. His wife is M.Com and B.Ed. and working as a teacher in a private school. Now it is quite obvious that there is difference in the earnings. My brother in law now says that you (I and my husband) want to earn from both the sides i.e. my salary and my husband’s part from the firm account. So he is not giving us a single pie from the firm account. But this is not acceptable to us because if my husband is working for the firm why should not he get his share from the firm. Every thing of the firm is in the name of my husband (registration, bank acc .and all other legal things.) We can easily get separated from him but the thing is that every second day he sits and starts crying in front of the parents that they both are exploiting us and want to take all the money in there pocket. Because of this reason they also blame us. For all these reasons once we tried to quit the business and join some job in industry. But again the problem is, if my husband quits, the firm will be closed and then what that brother will do. In this way they all are befooling us emotionally. From the house hold side also we are in great trouble. Brother’s wife ‘salary is very less in comparison to mine.(I can’t help in that).I have to look my computer center, my children, there studies (brother’s daughters are 3years and 3 month older and mine are 9 & 8), my college is 30 km from my house and I travel 60 km distance on my scooter daily. Doing these entire jobs make me very tiered. So if by mistake I ask her a glass of water she starts crying in front of my in laws that bhabhiji is ordering to me and she does no work and again there is a lot of tension for no matter. To avoid all such rubbish tensions we try to take the things as granted. I wake up early in morning to prepare lunch and break fast for all the family members, lunch packs for 5 persons, send my children to school get myself ready and leave home by 8.30 for the college. No one wakes up to help me; neither have they kept any maid to work because my in-laws do not like the work by any maids. If by chance I keep someone they make her to move soon from the house. My father in law retired as a senior central govt. officer. He was very kind and helpful to me till he was in service just only to show his greatness among his colleagues. He is now totally changed after his retirement and speaking only the language of my brother in law and his wife. My husband is an emotional person he can’t leave his family and I can’t live with them. Every night he releases all his tensions on me. But at the same time he loves and cares for me a lot. Every day we have fight and then the make up and life is going on since last three years. Now I am fed up of all the things and want a solution. I want to live with my husband and children and he doesn’t want to get apart from his family. Please help me and suggest me how can I move out from the situation.

It’s really tough! I think your husband has major role to play in this situation. Does he accept that his brother and bhabhi are unfair to both of you? If he does, then ask him about solution. This will give you an opening for discussion; do not suggest any solution from your side. Let him think about the solution, you just keep discussion on. Secondly, separate yourself from the joint business may be temporarily or forever; so that they will realize their real worth. It might be too harsh your brother in law but you know some times in life you need to take certain tough decision to make your emotional health better.