My boy friend feels our ethics and personality do not suit for us to continue our relationship. But we have been sexually well engaged which makes me feel guilt if we fall apart. He is so much an idealist and I am indifferent kinds. How do we work on this?

If he would have really been idealistic on actual grounds and he believed that you are not appropriate for him then he would have not initiate sexual activity. This indirectly suggest that ethics, morals and idealism are just words use to get  from you in reality he is no more interested in continuing this relation and wishes to move on. I know this might be too hard for you to accept but still it requires serious insightful thinking and depending on that take your decision.

Sir, I am really in a very bad condition because of our relation. We got married 11 yrs back. We have very good sex life as we have almost daily and healthy also that time he looks satisfied and happy also. If he is around we have daily but he has to be away at least 15 days away because of job requirement. He is always fond of xxx movies. When I was at home he pretended like he did not like these movies. As he used to peep also to watch other woman and he promised he will leave this bad habit. Recently I went for vacation and after coming back I found he surfed so many porn sites .I don’t mind it but when I told him he just lied and started fighting with me in a abusive manner. I don’t know why he hides and don’t want to tell me that he is fond of these. One thing more I have got serious doubt that he had sexual relation with his mother. How will I check all these things? Secondly his mother used to have sexual relation with small boys as he told me in very intimate moments. In first 4 years he was his moms boy but after 4 years of marriage he got bitter relationship with his mother. Once he told me I got one black chapter in my life but he did not tell me what? His behaviour is very strange when we had good sex he is in good mood and does everything good for me but when he fights like this his level becomes so abusive and he says everything bad for me as I m not of good character and more worst. if I don t want to listen on the phone he will try all phone connected to my place and after some days of fighting he comes to me and cry and says I cannot live without you, forgive me. But its time really I m very disturbed and got so many diseases because of tension. I want to die but have to live for my 2 kids. I m really disturbed with everything what should I do with him.

From your description what I guess is, he might be having voyeurism. It is one kind of sexual deviation, in which person gets sexual pleasure by viewing woman’s sexual parts, erotic pictures, movies etc. Over and above this, he may have personality issues. His problem seems to be deep rooted, psychiatric consultation can help him.

Hi Dr. Hansal, if u found this mail a bit long, pls pardon. I am in love with a gal for past 3yrs, but suddenly things got worse n the gal broke up the relationship. Lastly she told she was not happy with me that’s why she is leaving, again she told I was not caring n loving. As a software engineer I had some tensions in my office that’s why sometimes I scolded her. Now all these things she stretched like anything & one more thing she always disliked my 2/3 frnds whom I am very close since the time of my Engg. the last time when she met with me she quarreled with me like anything, in the mean time I lost my temper n I slapped her. I know what I did that was wrong, even I beg pardon but the thing is that I love her more than anything, she came into my life after a similar incident before 3 yrs back when a gal ditched me. Now she is saying she is in love with another guy. I came to know when I saw her chat logs n even she is agreeing on this matter. I tried my best to make her understand how much I love her but all in vain. What should I do now? Now I am feeling like broken, still I love her more than anyone. I think am the guilty that’s why she left me, n she is telling the affair with other guy started just 2/3 weeks back. Even she hide me things like she used to go movie, doing shopping with that guy. But she is accusing me that coz of my fault she left me. This is the second time this thing happened with me. I am in trauma, plz help me out of this situation.

Where is the love? She is seeing someone else and you are obsessed, as you do not want second break up. There is no love; rather both of you are painfully connected. Do not feel guilty as blaming is a part of the break up. You should not be the victim of blame game played at break up. Accept the break up and separate gracefully.

I am 26yr old in LDR. We met few times and had sex. Recently he started business n became busy. Earlier we had time to chat for long know each other’s interests and background well. We enjoy phone sex too. Now he cites his frequent travels and job-demands needing great attention but calls for about 20mins and talks only about sex. I miss him and want to feel him more emotionally and sexually. That’s why I am unable to call for breakup to check for his real interest in me. Please advice

It seems that you are not his prime priority as even though he is busy he can spare sometime for a relationship if he wants to maintain but it seems that he is interested in only physical relation with you. But if that is not what you want then you need to talk to him about what you feel and clarify with him about your expectations in the relationship.

Since the last three or four months my wife is doing a surprising activity. From normal she changes to abnormal & is scared from ghost. Sir give me some advise what could be done to get rid of this problem.

This could be an attention seeking behaviour or may be symptom of psychotic illness. Take her to psychiatrist for final diagnosis.

I am a 25 yr old boy. I feel like I have some hormonal problem vis-Ã -vis my sexuality. I feel real pleasure when I press my nipples and I get aroused .I get aroused when I imagine myself getting intimate with one of my earlier close friends with whom i had anal sex few times. At those times, I really wanted him to make love to me. I am confused .Please help me.

From your short description, what I could make out is; you have problem of gender identity. Your sexual orientation is towards homosexuality. Get your sex hormone profile checked (it is done through blood test). If you find any abnormality in sex hormones, you need to consult Endocrinologist (specialist of hormone related diseases). If report is normal, consult psychiatrist.

Hello, my question is that I had a huge fight with my best friend and we just ended our friendship because our family. They don’t like that we talk to each other, my best friend is a girl. Now I don’t know what to do. I really need her and today I am feeling very alone.

Here first you need to set your priority about whom  you wish to please your family or your friend, also you need to have clarity in your mind about your feelings and relation that you are in or expecting it to turn in future based on which you can decide to continue or not. Also about feeling lonely, it is a natural reaction which can be felt by anyone under such circumstance and only time will be able to heal that.

Hi Doctor, I have a problem that I think no body loves me, that nobody will do anything for me, I never feel loved. Though my partner loves me, I always fight with him, that he does not love me. I do not like when he gives importance to his family then me. I have discussed this so many times but he is not bothered. If he is good he is good but if he is bad then he curses me badly which I do not like. I like love him doctor but he wants me to love his family also, which is not possible the same way. We are together for last 4 years but I don’t feel any trust or faith or hopes from him. However, I just love him lots and can’t stay without him. Then I don’t want to adjust also every time with his family. I want to live my life freely happily with him. I am really going mad doctor over all this issues. We are still not married also and has not told his parents yet as he doesn’t want to hurt them so early as I m of other caste. I don’t know doctor I feel like committing suicide.

I’m surprised to know that you are in such a close relationship and how come he has not disclosed this relation to his parents. You love him so much but in 4 years, he has not given you trust, faith or hope. Considering these facts I think, what keeps you in relation is not your love but your emotional dependence on him. When you feel that your expectations are not meet in any relations then it is a time to introspect and analyze your needs. Reexamine your relationship, be clear about what you want in relationship and then discuss your feelings keeping that background in mind. I am sure he will understand your feeling if he has genuine feelings for you.