Sir, I am in a relationship since 3 years. I was planning my life with her and I was going to propose her for marriage. But I recently found out that she is cheating on me. We live in different cities and my work is keeping me little busy these days, so I could not give her more time. But whatever I am doing is not only for me, it is for ‘our’ future. I don’t know if my business has created this or something else. But I can’t think of her with anyone else. And I am afraid to ask her and clear all this out. Because this may end our relationship as I don’t have sure shot proofs. I just have her, but some of my friends have told me that she’s regularly going out with a guy since many days.

First you need to confirm that your doubt is real, you may also have to go for a break up if she is really cheating on you, because the foundation of a relation is trust. And if trust is not maintained then it is difficult to live happily together
If you don’t get proper proofs and are still suspicious then you may go ahead and clear your doubts.  It is always better to talk and clear things, instead of keeping misunderstanding in the relation. If she is serious about you she will not leave you because you asked her something. Also if you feel insecure that you are losing her than you should even share this feeling with her and ask her what is causing the distance in the relationship?

I am 39 year old married man having 2 children. I am a family man, loving my family. I got to know a girl, with whom I fell in love. I used to talk over phone 4/5 times a day & also regularly SMS her. I love her a lot, but I also want to see her happily married with a suitable man. My wife got to know about it as she got the telephone call list. She created a lot of problem; she informed my parents as well as her family also. I promised her I will leave the girl, but I still love the girl. Now my wife is making my life hell. She calls me throughout the day 15/20 times & keeps track of my movement. She insists to leave my office & go to factory with my dad & brothers, so that I am always surrounded, she even enquires my staff & my family members of my movement. She threatens that she will hire a private detective to follow me. She even ordered me to leave my friends & go straight from home to office & vice versa. ….. Sir, I am fed up. She calls me 20 times a day & asks my movement. Sir, I love my family & I want to hold it together. At the same time I don’t see any wrong having 1/2 girlfriends just for time pass or some extra excitement in life. Please tell me what to do? My wife is driving me mad by always suspecting me.

You have lost her trust and made her insecure. Her reaction is natural and probably your attitude, that there is nothing wrong in affair, is making it bit intense. Remember you cannot ride two horses at a time!

I have a serious problem. I had an arranged marriage. Somehow I had a strong feeling that this guy was not interested in marriage. However, since our horoscopes matched both families went ahead. In fact I tried convincing my family and even asked him about it. But he said he was interested. Before fixing the marriage I had expressed my desire to continue my job that I had and they said they do not have any problem regarding that. Now both of us were working in call centers and that was one other reason for me to agree since both would leave at the same time and come back at the same time. But after marriage everything turned topsy-turvy. He had problems with my job. He said I need to work only for day shift so that I can be with his mother. I would have agreed had he been caring towards me. After marriage during the initial days at least the husband will show some interest in wife. But he never used to come to me. Even while leaving for job he would never tell me. Then we had big argument with him and his family for keeping my jewellery with his sister. Eventually I had to agree for sometime. Then I insisted to keep my jewellery in bank locker but he wanted to keep it under his name. Finally they agreed to keep it under joint account. Later the same issues on job popped up and he would threaten to throw me out of the house every now and then. Within one month of our marriage my parents were told to either ask me to leave job or take me away. I was mentally depressed and my mother asked my husband to drop me home. She thought when he will come there they will sort out problems but when we reached my place he didn’t agree to come home and just left me on the road. My family members and relatives tried talking to his family but they were very strong on their decision. And mainly it was his mother and sister who took decision for him. They never tried contacting my family initially thinking that we will eventually come begging to them which we didn’t. So finally one fine morning he called up and asked to solve the matter. But by that time I was not ready to go back. I got transferred back to where I was working before and continued there for the next 10 months. During that time my family was under pressure to send me back whatever the outcome may be. And so when he tried to compromise I was asked to go back and try to solve out things. So I left job and came back to his place. Now let me clear that earlier during that one month stay we hardly had any sex and even after I came back it was never satisfying. He wanted it just for his satisfaction. He never asked what my need was whether physically or regarding anything food, clothing or any thing. And always expected me to work at home. His mother would never do any thing and since I would finish up my task fast he thinks it is all done by his mother and she always keeps that impression in his mind that she always works and I sit idle. And he is such an egoistic person that he will never even take a glass of water himself. Now I was working hard to improve the relation and in between I felt that I was succeeding in it. He started showing me some compassion although not fully. One day he confided in me that before marriage he had an affair and he loved that girl very much. I learnt later that she got married only 5 months after our marriage. That was the time when I was at my maternal home. I didn’t ask anything about it and asked him to forget that episode since she was his past and I am his present. Now during these days I would also like to tell u that I used to visit a profile in orkut who approached me at the time of my break up with my husband. Now during that time itself I felt strongly that it is him although nowhere it was mentioned about his place or identity. Later I created a fake profile and established friendship and indeed the person gave me his phone number and the number turned out to be my husband’s number. In that profile I had seen him contacting many girls of indecency. So I tried to attract him with my offline messages and desired his wish to see me in real n have sex with me. That hurt me a lot since I knew he was cheating me although he didn’t know that this profile owner is in real his wife. I kept on messaging him without his knowledge through orkut. One fine day I told him that the person he used to message in orkut is me. At first he was in total disbelief and said tried saying it was created by his friend and his friend uses it. But then later admitted to it. He said he will never do those kinds of things again. Also I have noticed he was greatly interested in porn. Sometimes I would agree to watch films with him but tried telling him that real life is different and that we should try to improve it. He would keep on saying he is satisfied and likes the way it was. One fine day he said that he had created another profile in orkut under the name couples for friendship and that someone has contacted him. He said that the couple wanted to meet. I just said ok to see which level he takes it to. But to my surprise he agreed to meet that person and also wanted me to sleep with that guy so that he can sleep with the gal. In other words wife swapping. I didn’t agree. Then again after some days he came up with another couple and this time on some other pretext he took me and we met them. I didn’t agree to it. Again we met another couple. Then somehow after serious fights in between he stopped it. I don’t know but at least he doesn’t show interest in it. This was also because once he beat me up very badly while having an argument and for telling his mom not to interfere between us. So at that time I told his mom what he used to do. Of course, she never believed and always had the opinion that her son was the best. Now I am very worried. I don’t know what to do. These days he is showering very much love for me. He wants me to get pregnant and some how I have a strong feeling that he wants sex only to make me pregnant. We had visited gynec recently n I told her my story. She was first of the opinion that I should have baby and may be after the child’s arrival he will change. But when she had a talk with my husband she had changed her opinion. She was telling my friend who was working in the same hospital that its better I don’t get pregnant and I come out of this relationship. The worst is that my mother and brother who last month got married, knows everything and they are helpless and asking me to continue this relationship thinking of social stigma. And even I am confused as these days he appears to be caring. But yes, his habit of making profiles and calling up girls whom he had met only once doesn’t seem to fade away. Since he knew I don’t like it, He has started telling lies and also deletes the numbers from his phone list. What should I do? I need help very badly.

He does not have love and respect for you. He is not trustworthy also. Give some more time to this relationship (as you feel that he appears to be caring) without getting pregnant. If his attitude does not improve then it is better to get out of this unfaithful and humiliating relationship.

One of my friends is physically attracted towards me. He is a man of principle & has high moral values. But cannot resist the urge of hugging me or being physical with me. But he says this is not a love but just a chemistry that we both share. What is this chemistry & if there is even a little bit of love/ affection involved in it how I would convince him that he loves me.

He is clear in his mind for feelings that he has for you, but probably you are unable to accept the fact that he is just physically attracted and no emotional involvement is there. If you are comfortable with this equation then you may continue or else discuss your emotional need openly with him.

I am a 46 year old successful, Banker by profession. I am married with a 16 year old daughter. My wife prefers to live in a world of her own in the same flat, does not stay in the same room with me. We do not have any conflict amongst us. Her indifference is making me sad and emotionally void. 2 yrs back one of my lady colleagues (married with a son), who is extremely beautiful and smart got entangled in a career threatening office problem. Everybody in the region turned their face on her, as nobody wanted to harm their career because of her. I openly supported her, and successfully took her through the ordeal and made her win .We became very good friends. She left our company and joined a competitor company. She could not do without speaking to me for a day, and meet me at least in a week. I started falling in love for her .Even though she was from a competitor company I helped her a lot in her profession. Recently without even telling me she poached one of my top performers. On confronting her she initially feigned ignorance, and later on accepted it as routine. She promised me that she will never poach from my business clients ever .Off late I find she has been using my ex staff to set up appointments with my top clients and divert them to her company. I confronted her with this breach of trust, once again she said she was not aware, and also said that we should not bring up such issues to spoil our relationship. Should I consider this lady to be a true friend or a ruthless business lady taking advantage of me? How to deal with the situation?

I think, she is taking your advantage. Handle her smartly keeping your cards close to your chest. If you cannot do this, then stay away from her.

Hello sir, I a unmarried boy of 25. I have regular habit of masturbation. Some time before I get an affair with a widow of 28. At the time of intercourse I feel the problem of premature ejaculation in me. After three months I leaved her because of my posting since 2 year. Now I am getting married within one month and I am very afraid with my premature ejaculation. Please help me in this matter I really very thankful to you.

Habitual masturbation and long interval between intercourses some time leads to premature ejaculation. Kindly put word Masturbation as well as Kegel’s exercise in search box (Top right) and you will find my answers on this issue. Try to do Kegel’s exercise and you may take medicines called fluoxetine, by prescription.

Dear Sir I have an unusual problem and even do not have a friend to solve it .I have a relationship with a person from last 5 years everything was going all well but some ego problem came in between and now he shifted himself to some other place we always use to fight on some or the other problem and for the first time we had a fight where we did not talked for about more than a month ,I love him still but not able to understand his opinion about the relationship he is not saying anything till now is this a break up or he want to continue whenever I ask him such questions he gets angry I cannot understand him completely is he seeing someone else or he doesn’t want to continue any more Please help now I am totally frustrated because I am not able to concentrate anywhere else.

It is really very frustrating when relationship does not seem to be working, particularly for woman. You should not avoid discussion just because he becomes angry when you ask him about relationship. Do not start talking about your relationship suddenly. Instead you tell him that you want to talk about your relations and fix up the meeting for that purpose only. This will make him mentally prepared for the discussion and compel him to think about it. If he does not turn up for the meeting or show no eagerness to meet for the purpose then probably you are heading for the break up.

Hello doctor I am 24 year old housewife. I have got married an year before The problem is that my husband comes home by 9 in night and by that time he feel like going to sleep and I wait for him to come near me, but he doesn’t feel as such, we have sex once in 10 days. I feel irritated of it because I want to have sex frequently? Is this any psychological problem, whose problem is this, me or my husband’s? And what should I do?

It is obviously your husband’s problem. Ask him to improve his schedule. If that is not possible then plan your sexual activity early in the morning. Make him exercise so that his physical strength will improve and there by his vigor will improve and he won’t feel tired in the evening. If he has lost interest in sex then you should consult Psychiatrist nearby to explore the roots of the problem.

I love my wife whole heartedly, but my problem was I am always suspecting her without any cause. I want to see her happy. Please suggest.

If you want to see her happy then work out on your suspiciousness. Are you suspicious by nature or obsessed with that?
Your acceptance that you doubt unnecessarily, is a first step towards solution. So go ahead, analyse your thoughts for further improvement. You may take psychiatrist’s help.

It’s now over 3 yrs for our marriage. Our child was born in the first year of our marriage. Ever since his birth my husband has stopped sharing any physical relationship with me. (More than 2 yrs) He hates my family a lot, especially my mother. He says that when ever he tries to approach me, he sees my mother in me & this is what drifts him away from me. Initially his reason was different, he used to tell me, that his mother keeps on complaining about me & this upsets him also, as he loves his parents more than anything else. He used to say that I’m not able to keep his parents happy. He tells me that he is trying extremely hard but cannot force himself to make love. I’m highly depressed by his behavior, Sir pl. give me a solution. I cry bitterly every night. I cannot stand this strained behavior of his. Pl. help me sir.

Reasons for his disinterest can be many. Most of the males are not sensitive enough to mix their dislikes with sexual life like females. Surely, his reasons might be beyond his dislike for your mother. Only way to make him think about it is to stop craving for it. You need to show him that you are also comfortable without it. At the same time, do everything to look & smell good and to attract him subtly. Avoid hot emotional arguments. Stay in positive mood all the time. Do not nag him for anything.  Do not go out of the way to please him. Make sure that he does not have a fling somewhere (need not to be suspicious but just to be vigilant as a part of solution). Patience is the key.