I am married and I was in a relation with a girl before marriage who knew about my girl friend (now wife). Even she was having a relationship with someone and we came close since we were working in the same organisation. We both knew that we had to get married one day but we loved each other a lot. I changed my job sometime back and in the same time when I was busy, she felt I ignored her. Now she is not talking to me. She avoids me. I always took her as my wife. She today tells me that she is concerned about her future and she won’t be able to handle our relation. Had I thought this way, I would have left her soon after my marriage. I did not do so because I loved her and still do so. I feel what she is doing is wrong and it’s paining me a lot. She does not call, not does she talk to me. Please help

Accept that it is over. Once woman lose interest in the relationship, it becomes difficult to revive. You did not do it that does not mean that she cannot do it. Do not get surprised she has done it.

Hi sir please help me….I was in U.K. to do my post graduation. I used to smoke ganja (8 months) but I was not addicted. Once I had acid (once) and I got paranoid. I was so frightened and was out of my mind. Then after one week of that incident I came to India. I was fine but after a week I started being paranoid again. I don’t know what the reason is. During this time I had an emotional stress, then I started getting emotional for simple reasons and I can’t stop thinking that, then to avoid it I started watching blue films to divert my attention. Then I ended up in big trouble. I saw few clips which were under the label family incest .Then I started feeling guilty of it. But I came across all that and I convinced myself it’s the disease in me making me guilty and not my personal fault. But then I’m trying to forget it but I’m not able to. I’m sure I’m going to be better if I could stop thinking about it, but can’t do it. I have not told anyone about my stress because I don’t want to upset them, if at all I say I don’t think they will understand. I want to live happily for my family. Please help me and do reply.

Cannabis (Ganja) can cause such disturbances and that can continue even after you stop using it. You need to consult psychiatrist for complete treatment.

Dear Dr. My husband left me long ago for another woman at that time my children were just 4 and I took the decision to take the life as it comes and started earning and look after my kids. Life was not so easy and I was proposed by my boss who too was married and had a good relationship with him and this relationship went long and over yrs he stood by me at difficult times but over a period of time I suddenly started feeling that he was involved with other girls too . He was very ambitious and mad after money which is not at all a bad thing but was using his co-colleagues talent and keeping relation with them as well as me too, which by asking at times he use to say that its merely professional and to extract work from them he has to act like this which was not at all a convincing comment for me and he kept doing this by having relationship with other women’s in the office and then got so much involved with one colleague that indirectly he started ignoring me and finding me incompetent which is not at all true. He did all possible things to let me down professionally by favoring my colleague with whom he was seriously involved. By grace of God I am able to survive and perform in the company. The colleague with whom he was involved recently got married and still they are having relationship. After her marriage he has become quiet and started same attitude with other colleagues quite younger to him. He kept relationship with me. I have gone through a heart attack 5 yrs back and his this attitude is very hurting as at times he keeps relation with me too, I mean physically but I feel that he is just trying to satisfy his frustration. My problem is I am working with him and at this point of age I can’t think of taking other job and sacrificed a lot for him and bring up this organization. His indifferent behavior is hurting me and due to this I sometime go to depression and keep weeping and worrying all the time. This is seriously affecting my health. Pls. advice so that I can come out of this situation as I feel completely used by him for his personal gains all these years. I have regards for him and as well as love which was definitely there till he become mad for money. Now I want to come over this situation and live normal life but his indifferent and revengeful attitude hurts me. Pls. advice I want to live as after long struggle of bringing my children in this world now the happiness has come to my life and I want to live happy and peacefully. At times he provokes me at work place and tries to pull me down and sometimes behaves very normal. I am fed up and confused of his this behavior. Can somebody so close be so mean for money and don’t care what other must be feeling and going through? Pls. advice what shall I do to be at peace. I have been performer all these yrs than why such an attitude with me. At this point of time I am not in position to leave the job Pls. advice. there is so much to share which I cant write and explain you I have gone thru but yes I hope you must have understood my point and will definitely advice me to come out of this situation.

You fall for him during your weaker time and got the support which you might have required from him. Accept that people and their priority do get changed over the time. His focus has changed. I know it is difficult to digest such naked realities but you do not have other options. Moreover, when you do not have an option to leave him, you have to stay there maintaining your dignity. For that, gracefully bring yourself out of the race with younger colleagues. Stop nagging him on the issue. Try to concentrate on your work and do it with sincerity. This may not be very easy for you but it is very essential for your mental peace. If life has given you good days after a long time then enjoy them by changing your attitude towards such disturbing things.

I love a girl very much and we even are planning to get married in future. Recently we got very intimate and she knows that I am responsible and I won’t make any mistake but later that same day she decided not to be so intimate again but I feel very happy and comfortable when we are intimate. And now I feel like being intimate with her a lot. Now she’s very firm with that decision so please tell me what I should do. Should I ask her to change her decision or should I change myself?

If you do not want to lose her then change yourself.

Sir, I am 24 year old girl. I did a 5 year professional course where I had friendship with a boy who was my senior for 4 years. I had a brotherhood relationship with him, but I used to touch him and speak in the public places without considering what the society will think. During my fourth year I felt in love with my classmate and still in love. My problem is he won’t like my senior friend, so I had to contact with him without knowing to my lover because I had a fear that my lover will get angry on me and My senior friend was too much possessive and will scold me if I talk about my lover. so I didn’t reveal that I am loving him because during that time my senior friend had one love failure and he also had a complex of his caste because he is SC. but once he voluntarily asked whether I am in love with my lover. I revealed my love matter to him. He spoke violently and told that he is in fear that he will start loving me. Then I stopped friendship with him. My lover and that senior are working in the same area. Many persons told to my lover that I had an illegal relationship with that boy. He has also created so many rumours. But I have met him in many public areas. Whenever I feel that he is upset I met him in the areas like park, ice cream parlour, bus stand, and bakeries. Once my lover also saw me lying on my senior friend’s shoulder but he didn’t ask anything. The reason why I hided my friendship is just because of a fear that my lover will scold me. I didn’t think that I am betraying him because I didn’t have any kind of bad intention towards my senior. But after coming away from him he has started creating rumours. Now my lover hates me. We had so many psychiatric counselling but nothing helped us. He really wants to forget the past. But the people around him are talking about the same. My lover is also having a sexual relationship with me. I revealed our love matter in my home. They are opposing me. Now my lover is in the condition that he can’t live with me peacefully and at the same time he cannot live without me. Also I can’t live without him. He couldn’t forget my past. Nearly we met 6 to 7 psychiatrists. But nothing worked out. Please give us a solution. I want my lover to forget my past. We can’t move away from the current place also. He can’t avoid from his friends also. He is also thinking now a days, whether I am a bad girl. But really I want my lover. I want to keep him happy, I want to marry him. I don’t know how this is going to be possible. I want a solution. I am in a critical position. I have to convince my parents and also I have to get back my lover with his old love without any hatred on me. Please give me a solution.

It is not a question of forgetting the past (time is the only solution, which varies in individual case depending upon so many factors); it is about accepting the past. He is not able to forget because he is not able to accept it. I do not think you can go back to original spotless relation; you have to carry on with some tint. I suppose, no male can ever take this in a positive way (that’s how males are!!), I foresee break up here.

I worked for s /w concern for 3 years and left my job because of recession. For almost a year I was at home and now joined the job again .Now I feel totally in secured and am very slow in doing work and scared of my superiors and getting many escalations. How to gain confidence here again? I feel pathetic and scared daily.

If you were asked to resign your first job for recession and had a break for a year than your feeling of insecurity at work and fear of superiors is very natural. Be patient and give your best to your work, slowly try to improve your efficiency which will build your confidence on its own. You will have to give sometime time to yourself to cope with the situation.

My wife treat me like a slave, we got love married, without understand her completely I got married; It is a great mistake I did in my life. I don’t have freedom myself. I have to ask her permission to speak with my own brother, parents and to my friends, even I cant able to send a mail to my friends. She never allows me to speak with my own brother’s wife via mobile. Even I have to ask her permission to watch TV or play with my desktop PC. And she doesn’t have smooth relationship with my parents, she doesn’t treat them good. She is always suspecting me and I am getting torture from her everyday. But she take care my health well. But I have no freedom to have a peaceful life. She is not willing to have a child, and also not willing to go to work, I have requested many times to her to go to work, but she is not accepted it, now she is a house wife and giving torture to me to come early from my office. I lost my life. She doesn’t allow me to have a mobile with me, she suspecting me, so she keeps my mobile with her. So my parents also can’t able to communicate with me alone. She is also accepting as she is torturing me and she ask for divorce and then she trying to suicide in front of me. One day we fight together and she decided to go to her home, every time I will do humble request to her, to live with me, but this time I have not requested her to live with me, after 1 hour she come to me and damaged my shirt and she hit on my chest after that as usual she entered in to a room and locked the door and she tried to suicide. Every time I will request & stop her suicide attempt. Last one month I am thinking to kill her. I want to kill her and go to Jail and I would like to place my life as a peaceful one. Also I am thinking about one more option, I would like to run away from her and make my carrier in some other place/city/country. I am not going to tell to anyone, where I am living. But in this option I am worrying about her, what she will do for her food and who will take care about her, since their parents are poor family, and she will never return back to her home. She will not come to any hospital, because she is very afraid about hospital. She will not come to consult with any psychiatrist. I am helpless, please advise me.

From your description about her, I suspect that she is suffering from Personality Disorder (probably Borderline Personality Disorder). It is condition where person (more common in female) shows certain personality traits, possessiveness, aggressiveness, suicidal threats, attention seeking behavior, suspiciousness etc are few of them. They are one of the most difficult people to stay with. You are required to consult psychiatrist even if she may not accompany you. You may take online counseling for your day to day problems with her.

I am 27 yrs. old and I am a Chartered Accountant but these days I am not working, although I used to do a job before marriage. We got married in June 2009. Ours was an arrange marriage. He is in a kind of job where he has to go abroad. Not after our marriage but before that from 2006 to 2009 he has been to various places as Malaysia, Netherlands, London, Paris etc. Here he had a colleague and he liked her a lot but she had a boyfriend who is a divorcee. My husband told me about the same before marriage and I decided that we will not let her topic come in our relationship as it was past. Now right from the second week of our marriage my husband had some infection around penis area and the skin was not going back. We got the medication and it got resolved after 1 month. The medication procedure involved some tests which revealed that he is diabetic which he was not 5 months earlier to our marriage as per him as he got the checkup done. Now the problem starts that I asked my husband before marriage that I should not find any material related to that girl in our house after marriage but one day I saw many of her photographs on his laptop which were saved in the folders with her name. If he would have tried to delete them by simply searching with his name on his laptop he could have easily found. From that day I got disturbed and we had a fight. I cried, and he said now onwards nothing will be there related to her. Few days earlier he told me that he kissed her on the occasion of Christmas in a way of greeting as foreigners do but not the other ladies who were wives or girlfriends of his colleagues as he didn’t knew them. I got even more disturbed. The underlying problem is that when we have sex not even once had he ejaculated inside my vagina. He has to do the same by his hands outside only as after in and out exercise of 5-10 minutes his penis comes to normal state and is not hard anymore. He is used to of seeing the porn material and doing it with his hands from his teenage and he use to do it in front of me after asking me. Even if we had sex for 2 min. before and I am not wearing cloths he has to take support of the porn videos or asks me to tell some stuff to him relating to anybody -be it me or anybody else and then he used to do the hand job himself and ejaculate. I have told him many times that I don’t like him doing all this in front of me. Now I have many queries :- 1)Is there a possibility that he had sex with that girl (foreigner)who is Chinese type very fair,very smooth as is seen in photographs) and that has set his expectations from me and so he does not concentrate on me. 2) Is there any abnormal problem in him? While doing sex he never moans but once we went to my home and there he mourned a lot and seemed very different. He went to a foreign country and bought chocolates for my bhabhi, t-shirt for my brother but nothing (not even the same chocolates) for me on his first foreign trip of 3 days after marriage. Does this show that he is not interested in me? Just to facilitate you in analyzing the situation I am a 5feet 5 inch slim girl with wheatish complexion and a photogenic face. I am not fair but everybody around and everywhere and he himself says that I am very beautiful and that it’s his luck that he got me. He is, both obese but looks cute, is very understanding and gels well with people. Even my own friends like him more than myself. Doctor I am in a very pathetic state of mind. Please help me.

It is difficult to tell whether he had sex with that girl. However, your bond seems to be weak as he didn’t care to buy anything even in first week of marriage! He is likely to be suffering from delayed or retarded ejaculation as he is not ejaculating during intercourse and has to do it with hand under erotic stimulation. This problem has many reasons, you should consult psychiatrist for further analysis and treatment.

Respected Sir, I was having a boy friend and we want to get married but my dad did not allow us. So I broke up with him. Now he is so much upset even I am worried about him, but cannot help him in any way. So what should I do to make him feel normal like before? As he can’t believe that I left him alone at the last moment.

It might be disappointing but there is nothing that you should do to help him. As in this situation if you try to help him both of you will become emotionally dependent on each other and then to end this relation will be although more difficult. I am sure time will heal his pain, and your absence will fasten that process.

I am 24 year old Guy. I have just finish my MBA & working with one MNC Bank.1 & half year back I met one girl. She is 21 year old. She was married girl with 42 Year old man. I was very close to her. She told me that she have not got married with that man, only because of some family financial problem she is staying with him from last 4 years. I love her very much & she also loves me. I asked her to come with me we will get married. She wants to come with me. But she is telling that it’s not easy to leave that person. Because she was with him from last 4 year so he will not leave her easily & he will create lots of problem for us. I can not leave without her & she also. I am very frustrated on that because I can not do anything for her.plz help me on that what I should do because of my job & carrier is also affecting from that

If she is not married to him, she can walk away anytime. Legally speaking, he can not compel her to stay with him. If you both are firm on your decision, no one can prevent you to get married. You may take help of her family members (I believe they are in your support) and in worst case, of police.