Dear Sir, my relation with my girlfriend is 11 yrs old, we both are very possessive for each other, and in fact my girl friend is far much more possessive than me. In recent days we are facing a strenuous relationship because of the fact that 2 years ago I had accessed pornographic sites over mobile phone. My girl friend came to know about it through me as it was my confession. Now my girlfriend wonders that if I would have loved her then how I could look at pornographic sites. I admitted my mistake and said that I saw those sites just because I wanted to learn about better sex so that I can give my life partner the best pleasure in bed. Still she feels that I am not loyal to her. How can I convince her that it was normal act and I have never thought about any other girl?
Some amount of possession or jealousy is a by-product of love but this sound as an overreaction. Although many women are very sensitive about menâ€™s habit of looking at pornographic materials but at the same time they need to accept that this is normal desire amongst men. If you are habituated to look at those sites or started neglecting her because of this then she should react. Otherwise she should leave this topic with a note that she doesnâ€™t like you to see these sites. Make her read this answer, probably she will understand.
And by the way, there is nothing you should learn from pornographic site. Itâ€™s all about earning money while playing with your fantasies and stimulating you.
Sir, at the early stage of my life (10 yrs. old) I always thought to have sex with a woman, but did not marry her I was afraid as my soul doesnâ€™t allow me for this action. Now I am 32 & at this time, I wish to strike away from woman, social structure & social life. I always thought I will go in a hilly area, village & passes rest of my life in a peaceful & secured atmosphere. But my mind tells me to go for sex. What is the problem with me?
Desire to have sex is natural instinct. There is no problem in having it in mind. However, if you do not wish to have this then you have to consciously suppress it; to me it is not healthy.
Hello sir, I am married since 6 yrs. I am facing a big problem now days. My husband was in extra marital affair with a girl since 3 yrs. One month ago he got break up with her. He was ready to get married with her but same time he was not able to leave me. Itâ€™s our love marriage but after the marriage we realized that we are not made for each other. We had a very bad time since last 5 yrs. We are attached to each other and I love him very much. He takes care of me a lot. That girl left him because she realized that there is no future with my husband. He is deeply attached with her. Everything is finished between both of them now and that girl now hates him a lot and now she is involved with someone else. I and my husband want to live happy and he wants to forget that girl but he is not able to do that. I am supporting him fully but still he is restless. Please suggest what should I do? How can I help him to come out from all of this? He says that he found that girl perfect for him and he wants me to be like her. I donâ€™t have so much confidence in me. He wants me to be more confident and he wants me to join personality development classes. I am not able to understand what should I do?
Probably he is not able to accept that he is dumped by that girl and that is why he is not able to forget her. He has to accept this fact and also has to accept that itâ€™s over. If he wants some positive change in you then you should go for it.
Sir , I read your articles. I like them.I have confusion about obsessive compulsive disorder. I notice that I am little bit suffering from OCD. How to treat ?
Obsessive compulsive disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. You need to consult a psychiatrist for final diagnosis and treatment options available as per your case.
Hello Sir I am 25 yearsâ€™ old married women. I think that I might have depression because I think my husband doesnâ€™t love me that much that I have expected. Ours is love marriage. We both are staying away from our home because my husbandâ€™s family do not like me much. I am not their choice. Before marriage my husband was very caring, very loving. He used to love me a lot. We never used to fight with each other earlier but now things have changed. We usually fight on alternate days. This is quite depressive for me to handle. He is an angry man and he is also having loud voice which I canâ€™t listen. Above all he comments upon me a lot. When he fights with me. My body gets stuck in one place. I canâ€™t say anything later after any fight. I told him please slower your voice as I canâ€™t listen…Daily I used to cry loud…I am suffering every minute. Please tell me what to do…I canâ€™t prepare the food also…If he fights with me…I canâ€™t speak thereafter…I am a working lady. Please suggest me, I canâ€™t tolerate him now .Please do something…As I love him a lot…I am not able to concentrate on anything and also I am not able to eat anything.
You have to sit together and try to go to the roots of your conflicts. When you are feeling that his attitude has changed, you have to look for the reasons that might have been responsible for it. He is commenting a lot on you that means he has some dissatisfaction from you. Try to find out and resolve.
Hello sir… During my search I find this site and gone through some questions and answers… after that I having lots of questions and answers in my mind… First of all sir, you are doing a great job… because these are the questions which many people can not discuss openly……. I am not aware about the medical terms and transactions, so use simple lay man language….. Now the questions I have in my mind are… when we are in college we heard some incidents happened in girls hostel like girls using carrot, veg, fingers to do it… is it true…. why it happen…. is it right or wrong….why that girls go at this level….will these things create any kind of problem or disease in the future or not…..when that thing is happen then they have to do it or to control it……… I also discuss these things with my mother but acc. to society its wrong but on the other side like when we thirsty we need water, may be when the things should out of control they do it…….. I also have lots of questions to ask…. but I think I should first wait for yours reply…. because the other question is link with your reply…….. Actually when gone through colleges then I heard it and want to find the answer….. because in future if I have a daughter then I could explain it….. because what I think…. if you have knowledge then only we face it…… Sir, if I be wrong any where or my views are incorrect… plz let me know…… I never discuss this kind of topic to anyone except my mother… only once… due to shyness……. Thank u sir………
It is called masturbation. Person gets sexual pleasure and some satisfaction out of the act. There is nothing wrong about it. It is natural (physiological) urge, both male and female will have. Females are using different objects to get stimulation. Objects vary from what you described to vibrators and artificial penis. Insertion of objects requires caution so that one would not cause injury to soft skin of genitalia (sex organ). You need to control your urge only in case of compulsion. (Means if you do not masturbate then you become restless and compulsorily you have to masturbate to feel relaxed). Otherwise, it is much better then having unsafe sex or sex with an irresponsible partner.
It is nice to know that you are discussing such issues with your mother. We should always give proper sex education to our children so that they can emerge as sexually healthy adults.
Dr. I am a 22 year old unmarried girl…actualy a student…right now i am going around with a guy. before this relationship I had 1 relationship and my new boyfriend is aware of it, and y i had broke off with that guy and he supported me a lot to forget him, last year we both started going around with each other, earlier he was very caring for me, v had good time without any fights for starting 5 months, but then suddenly things changed, v started having fights, i was not understanding him, he only said that he loves me a lot, and i am very beautiful etc etc…and he never committed to me as we are intercast as he cant go against his parents, i thought its just a starting of our relationship , may be later on we can decide about it so i did not break with him, we did sex also, now 1 year is over , and last week we had fight and he said that its not necessary to talk to you daily, i have no time for you, and we are not true love for each other……..now after week he is sorry for everything, and saying that his condition was terrible that time, now please suggest me…….should i continue with him and if i do then again it will be a time pass…….his parents looking for a girl for him…..and he has no objection….i really donâ€™t know what he wants from me now………i am confused…..i love him madly………I supported him, some where i do admit my mistakes, and i have learnt a lot from my mistakes……..one thing is sure he just cant leave his parents, i am not saying to leave them but he is also not ready to accept me as we are intercast……..as a girl i am ready to convince my parents…….but he is not……..what does it mean…….now what should i do…….my studies effecting a lot….i feel so dull these days and depressed too…..i am not able to get that y he is not caring now, and i have no gutts to ask him anything…as i want to avoid fights…and i know these questions will lead to fights….and i donâ€™t want to hurt him more………i am helpless…….
He has never committed and he does not mind seeing other girls for marriage, these two things imply that he is not meaning serious relationship with you. More over you surrender your body to a person that does not hold any commitment or sincere feelings. This must have taken away interest from the relation more. In other words, you have been taken for ride. Sooner you accept this fact better your self-respect will be preserved. Accept that this relation is not going to work out.
Got married at the age of 30 + Same community but through website. My husband is three years elder to me and much attached to his father and brother sisters. I faced many problems initially coz of that. We could not get out anywhere alone within 6-7 months. I was not given importance and always use to feel let down very often. After two months of my marriage I found out that, he had two affairs and couple of flings. He then told me that he used to be a flirt. The first affair he had seemed to me a serious affair and the girl was from his sisterâ€™s in-laws side. They tried to have intercourse one day but were not successful. I was shocked to hear all that as I had heard about that girl a lot from my in-laws. After sometime this girl who is now abroad came to meet her parents and my husband forced me to invite her for dinner as her sister would expect us to do so. I did that reluctantly. Wherever that girl was invited, we were also invited and we met her almost daily for at least one month. After that my husband went out of town and in his absence I checked his email. I found that this girl and my husband has exchanged emails after the visit of hers (although they were not talking to each other after her marriage). I also found my husband chatting online to some other girl with whom he used to chat before marriage. My problem is that even today I am unable to accept the fact that he had attempted to have intercourse before marriage as I wanted a person with clean past and he never mentioned anything to me at the time of our courtship and now after so many years again started talking. I just cannot take these things out of my mind. He loves my son and me a lot. Not in touch with that girl anymore and does not have flirtatious nature now. Do you think I am overreacting?
It is natural to feel cheated in these circumstances but you have to come out of it for two reasons. Whatever they tried to do is before your marriage. Secondly, He has changed for good (that’s what you have mentioned). So accept his past and go ahead in life, there is no point in remembering it when you feel that he is not the same old guy.
I am a 28 yrs old male. I used to masturbate from very small age, around 14 yrs. Now a day I am not getting proper erection during masturbation. I have started feeling that am not fit for sexual intercourse. My family is pressurizing me for marriage. What should I do?
Masturbation never leads to loss of erection. Sometimes you may not get erection during masturbation. This may be because of your anxiety. Do not worry and get married.
Hello sir, first I would like to say thanks for your humble advices & guidance. Sir, I have friend (female) & she is having boyfriend since childhood. They were too close to each other from childhood, but due to circumstances of the family they have to marry with different people. After 7 yrs of my friendâ€™s marriage life now the stage came when she is going for divorce (as boy was drunkard). And she is emotionally attached with her childhood friend & he is also emotionally attached with her & supporting her from the beginning. He was aware that she is not happy with her husband, he was consoled her. My friend having child of 6yrs & his friend has 2 daughters. After I read your articles I have contumely guide her to leave such a relation but as she is emotionally attached with him she canâ€™t control herself & she is arguing that as they have no physical relations so it’s not wrong decision. But she is addicted to her long phone calls etc. so please guide me that is it ok from their side. Or if not how can I guide her to take correct decision. Please sir I desperately need your guidance.
She may not be only attached to him but also emotionally dependent on him. Naturally even an idea of leaving him can produce lots of anxiety and she will start rationalizing her behaviour. Under such circumstances she is not going to listen to you. So I think, you should not interfere in to this matter.