I have been married for 3 years now, I was working before but my in-laws did not want me to do a job but start a business if I wish. I myself love being home and like creative arts and being there for my family always. But I don’t feel comfortable at my place; itâ€™s me my husband, his parents and our 2 yr old son. My mother in lawâ€™s habits irritate me a lot, and all this makes me behave rudely and later I feel guilty about it. I have tried telling her several times but it does not help, she cares for me too, but I hate the show off behind it, and that nature of show off is in everything be it religious activities, or anything. She speaks too loudly; she is very impatient and restless all the time. I just feel like running away, because I am a peace loving and very patient person. We can’t move out as my husband really loves and cares his parents a lot, and I respect his feelings. Please help me as I can’t even concentrate on little things I do, I am always irritated and sad and I was never like this.
You are aware that her nature and habits are the root cause of her behavior. You have to take this awareness to acceptance. Accept that she is not going to change and will be the same. Learn to live with her or prepare yourself for steps like doing job or separation. Do not think that she can be changed by your sufferings or your husband’s involvement; this will only worsen her attitude towards you.
Hello, we are in an affair for the past 8years. My parents agree to this relationship and so does his mother and siblings, but his father do not agree. We are now in a dilemma, how to go about the marriage as we also do not want to disrespect his father. We have been waiting for him for the past one year for his consent, but he still does not answer. It also does not sound good that we get married ourselves. What should we do because itâ€™s also important that we get settled now?
Ask his mother and siblings to convince him. They can go up to the extent of creating pressure. Give him a deadline up to which you will wait for his permission and then you will go ahead. If he still remains unmoved then unfortunately you have go against his wish.
Hello sir, Thanks for your service first. I have some complications from which I suffer a lot. I have to tell everything in detail to explain my problem. From childhood, mentally, I was very close to God. Also, I did my regular work well. I was very good in studies and other extra-curricular activities. Also, I was a dynamic girl at that age. And, I didn’t like marriage, to go to otherâ€™s house and to get adjust with them and also sexual life, even from my school days. I wanted to come up in life and earn more and to live independently and to spend my time in social service. These things were on somewhere at the corner of my brain as they are not important on those days. But, I do watch cinemas and like romantic movies. Also, I like my friends and I move socially with boys while studying in college. Everything was going smoothly. But, slowly, I wasn’t able to concentrate on my prayers, which I do regularly. Some bad thoughts which I didnâ€™t want to think disturbed me while praying, but not so seriously. Then, I got disturbed often while I was doing other household works also. By that time, I used to do the things repeatedly thinking that I was erasing those thoughts. But, these things happened slowly so that I didn’t realise that I was in some problem. But, still, I was enjoying my life, studying, working, going out, watching TV programs, movies, hearing music and chatting with friends. Then, my parents decided me to get married. First, I opposed it very strictly and they tried to convince me. Though, I was not convinced I decided to agree it for them. Everyone is good in my husband’s family and I got adjusted with them. But, I was not at all having sexual feelings and didn’t show interest on it, but I accepted it for my husband and he is a person who has such feelings much. I got conceived and I struggled a lot by that time with the problem, I said before, why because, getting such thoughts was increased very much as I got married then. Then I gave birth to a female child and that happiness was also lost as I lost her within five months as she died of diarrhoea. Then, I was depressed very much and slowly, I came out of that. Then, I thought of going to job as it would be a good diversion. But, by that time also, I was suffering from that problem, but I was able to minimize its level as I had to spend lot of my time in office. Then, after a year, I gave birth to a male child. He is fine and 3 years old now. Nowadays, I could not tolerate the mental disturbance getting from those thoughts as I always stay in house to look after my child so I get them repeatedly. Not even a single second, I was not able to concentrate on praying to God, not able even to look at the idol. And one more thing, at the time of having sex with my husband, I get all god’s names and pictures in my mind so I just begin to hate myself and this is really a tragedy to me. What to do? Why I get sexual thoughts while praying and think of god at sexual moments. My husband has also got depression as I am not like a normal wife. I feel very bad on my part. I think of committing suicide daily, that too, many times. But, I won’t do that as I have to live for my son as mother is the best care-taker for a child. But, for how many days, Can I continue this struggle, how to overcome this, I don’t understand. Please give your sincere advice. Thanks.
You are suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Consult psychiatrist nearby. It is curable.
Hello sir, I have read your books.Sir I have a problem.Actually I am in love with a girl and she loves me too but what troubles me is that she is the daughter of my mother’s younger brother(wo mere mama ki ladki hai).I am confused can i go ahead? I want to ask if the marriage can be possible or not(kya mama ki ladki se shadi ho sakti hai)? could the soceity accept this relation? Please reply and HELP ME.
Generally speaking, such kind of relationship is not acceptable to family and society both. However, in muslims this type of relationship is permissible.
Hi sir, I heard a lot about you from news paper Gujarat Samachar so many times it helps me to control my stress. I am very sensitive person. I am always thinking about various things. Actually I always think I never sleep peacefully until I take Alprex. I panic for small things. My 2nd problem is that my 68 yr old mom is in terrible state. She had some problem with my brother who has come to India from London for three weeks. Since last month she is not eating properly and constantly crying and cursing the situation. I tried a lot but I couldnâ€™t help her. So please if any way you could help me I would be very much obliged. If I am given appointment I would love to visit you with my mom. I will eagerly wait for your positive reply. Thank you for reading this.
Call 079 400 10 297 for an appointment.
Hello Sir I am 22 yrs old. I want to know how to attract a man or guy. How do I know the guy or man is impressed with me? I want to make a boy friend. How can I impress a man so that he proposes to me and last is I want to know what is sex and love.
You need nothing but beauty to attract a man. If you are not beautiful then learn how to look more beautiful and attractive with whatever looks you have. Your body language, dressing sense, make-up, communication skills etc can add to attractiveness. If you can create interest, inquisitiveness and excitement in his mind through your charm then he would be tempted to propose you.
Ideally sex is one of the peak expressions of the love but unfortunately in practice there may not be any connection between them.
Sir, I am married since 3yrs, earlier 2-3 month back we use to have sex daily but now my wife is not quite interested in sex. Now a days she never insist herself for doing sex. I always insist for doing but she refuses most of the time. Now we do 1-2 in a week. But I can`t wait too much, I need daily. Whenever I ask her to do so, she told that I alway think of doing sex. Please help me out. Now slowly I am losing interest in her and searching another for sex.
For a male having sex is a physical desire but for a female it is an emotional need. If she is not showing any interest in physical activity then she could be having some underline emotional issues which only she can revel. You need to self analyze yourself if you are able to satisfy her emotional needs. If you think you are able to then you discuss the issue with her and try to understand her problem. At last you may seek help from psychiatrist or a psychologist together who will help you in the process.
I got married in dec 2006. Let me tell u about my past 1 year. My husband loves me a lot. But right from the start, he does not trust me at all.
He feels insecure and used to say bad words even if I look at someone unintentionally while going to a crowded place. After 15 days of our marriage, he accused me that he saw me looking at my brother in law with not so good intentions. I told him that he is wrong. But he accused me on several occasions for my brother in law and for other men, even if I do not know them. He was very much affected with the articles or news or cases and even movies which show wife’s affair or ditching. We tried to have physical relations but were not successful. He forced me for a pregnancy test even if we did not have any relation in April 2007 just because of his distrust.
He also lost his job in Feb. 2007 (after 2 months of our marriage).
He and his family lied to us regarding his salary and about my father-in-law drinking habits.
Later, he also started drinking and told me that he used to drink occasionally. He also suffered from acute depression, had lost confidence and felt suicidal. He used to say bad words and always remain suspicious on me.
Our problem was so severe that we had to visit a psychiatrist in April 2007.
Medicines initially helped and he was having side effects (dizziness, burning sensation, and feeling that he will not survive the next day), so we had to stop those medicines. Then with the family intervention, we started taking medicine from a psychiatrist from a leading hospital in Aug 2007. Now he has started trusting me a bit (about 30-40 %). But after he started medicine in aug 07, my husband does not have desire to have intimate relations with me. We did not have any sexual relations from the past 9 months. His parents do not know our sexual problems. Now even after 15 months of our marriage, He does not have a job. He is not able to sleep at night and so remain sleeping till I come from job at 3 o’clock (I am a Teacher). He has stop drinking from Feb. 08. Right from the start, I am bearing all our expenses though he has some savings which I later got to know. He does not share his childhood and his past memories with me and is very secretive. We never had an intercourse and he does not have desire or ejaculation now. Before marriage, he said that he used to get excited even with the visuals and movies. Now my patience is giving way. He become childish sometimes and is fully dependent on me. He feels lonely without me and so he does not allow me to go to my home to meet my parents. My marriage is in trouble. I do not want to leave him. What should I do? Please advice.
He might be suffering from Paranoid Disorder or paranoid personality or paranoid Schizophrenia. All these conditions are serious mental illnesses. Follow your Psychiatrist’s advice very judiciously. He should be in continuous treatment, sometimes for life time. Your treating doctor is in the best position to tell you about outcome. His sexual problem may be the part of an illness or side effects of medicines. Always stay in touch with psychiatrist and follow his advice.
Dear doctor, I came to know about your site by goggle search. Doc I have an online affair for 2 years now. I met this guy online. He is an Indian and I am Pakistani .He is Hindu Bengali guy. We both r good looking, attracted towards each other and get closer. We met last year in April at Dubai and we felt great. We miss that meeting. We went a little physical too. He has one problem of asking so many questions like had any sms? Any calls? Met that guy? this guy? He always thinks I go online chats with others too. And I really have stopped talking to other guys on phone or online. he showed so much care, affection, love for two years but lately we had fights and I can feel the change in his behaviour and this is really hurting me. I am acting like a puppet. We talk according to his moods. We can talk when he wants only he says harsh things to me. Talks rudely to me and his attitude are hurting me. He does not care what I want to hear or what I need. Itâ€™s a love dilemma .want to get out of it .want to quit this. We are in touch thru sms and yahoo messenger some times on phone too. Can u suggest me if I should leave him totally or should I keep trying?
Distance, nationality, religions etc might be creating insecurities in your relationship and that might be reflecting in his questioning attitude. On other hand he may be a suspicious kind of person. Let him know that he is hurting you by such attitude. Start talking about future of your relations i.e. whether you are going to marry? When? How? Etc. This will give clarity and reduce anxiety. If you are planning to break then tell him clearly mentioning reasons and stop all forms of contact. It may look difficult initially but if you are sure and clear from within then time will take care.
Respected Sir, I am into initial love with a Catholic guy and I am a Hindu. We both have very good understanding and we have realized that we are comfortable discussing any thing. Everything is fine except the inter religious issues. We are wondering to get married or not, because of many religious disparities. All we know is we both love each other. Please guide us as to how to think and go about it. What are the issues that might come up if married? Help Thanks so much.
People forget their existence in love and you are not able to forget your religion! Respect for each other’s individuality (religion is a part of it) is one of the prime requirement of love and you are not respecting each other’s religion! What kind of love it is?! You should not go ahead without understanding this.