Dear Sir, I am in affair with a girl who is 24 currently. Our affair is their since last 2 years. However, the problem is both of our families are against our relationship. We want to marry each other. We both are from different cast and religions. I am a Maharsahtrain Hindu and she is Guj Jain. Not only cast comes in middle our physical nature also is a problem. She is taller than me, I am m 5.1 ft tall and she is around 5.4 ft. So please guide what to do as none of our family members are on our side. However, we love each other and want to marry

Caste is one factor on which parents do not compromise easily, once objected. However, you may keep on convincing them and showing your firmness about getting married. Height is not an issue so far it is acceptable to both of you. It is your understanding and love for each other that matters, physical appearance is secondary.

Dear Doctor…!!! I’m a 25 year old guy, I’m gay and I have no issues with that. Let me just brief you about my past .I had a very good strong and healthy relation with my ex-boyfriend (who is gay too). I had to quit him relation because he got married then due to his parental force. After that, I moved away from that city and settled in a different city now. It’s been more than 2 years I saw him. We just used to talk on phone and sms each other. Now we both have decided to have an extra marital affair for life long. We both are immensely in love with each other. All this while I’d been telling my heart that this is wrong. I tried to meet couple of people as well to forget that person, but it dint work. Now finally we have decided to be together. Please advise me……

Both of you have decided to have a lifelong affair but then what about your friend’s wife and kid (if he has). You should discuss about this before you go ahead because this can be a source of conflict in your friend’s life. I understand you attachment with him but if you can stay without seeing him for 2 years then you can live with out him, just think over.

I am 30yrs old married for 5yrs. my family forced me to marry. B4 marriage my in laws seemed good but immediately after marriage they changed. I am the 2nd wife of my husband. The 1st wife is divorced bcoz he was satisfied with her sex relation n others thought he is not capable of sex. I had a lot of torture after my marriage from my in laws. I have a 31/2 yr old child. After marrying to me my hubby proved that he is capable of sex. He is a nice person n he knows what torture I am going thru.wen I was pregnant my in laws told me to leave the house bcoz they r not happy with me during the 7th month of my pregnancy. So I n my hubby bought a new house n separated 4rm the in laws but my hubby still have relations with them. In between my sis in laws hubby wanted to have extra marital relation with me but I refused n told my in laws n hubby abt it. no one believed me. They say I am trying to break to break their relations bet them. My hubby loves sex n now a bcoz of the torture going on I lost interest in sex. I tried to resolve all the problems but all in vein. Even my daughter is against me. She loves her dad very much n always wants him to do everything n my hubby encourages her. Now I am in love with another guy thru net. I know everything abt him n he also knows everything abt me. Even his family knows abt my marriage n everything. He loves me very much n is very caring. He says he can’t live without me. He n his family respects me a lot. He wants to marry me n even I. I feel that I will be happy with that person. He has a good job in his hands. I love him very much n can’t think of my life without him. Is it rite to leave my hubby n my child n goes to him? I am in depression. My boyfriend says the decision is in my hands. He is not forcing me for anything. I don’t want to hurt him at the same time I am confused. I am not happy with my present married life. I feel much suffocated in this relationship of my marriage. Not even my child wants to be with me. I tried a lot to be close to her but nothing worked out n I can’t take my child from my hubby bcoz he loves her very much n she also loves her dad only.pls advice me for this. The person with whom I am in love is very reliable n honest. I want to go to him but still need an advice from u.pls help me.

Last string in your marital life is your child. When you feel detached from your daughter then other consideration hardly matters (because according to you your husband and his family is not good to you). On other hand you have some one and his family who understand and respect you, you should give serious thought to it (as you said he is reliable and honest). However, I will still insist you to think about your daughter one more time, as she is going to loose her mother. If you feel that she is going to be ok with her father and you will not miss her, go ahead.

Hello Sir I am 25 years’ old married women. I think that I might have depression because I think my husband doesn’t love me that much that I have expected. Ours is love marriage. We both are staying away from our home because my husband’s family do not like me much. I am not their choice. Before marriage my husband was very caring, very loving. He used to love me a lot. We never used to fight with each other earlier but now things have changed. We usually fight on alternate days. This is quite depressive for me to handle. He is an angry man and he is also having loud voice which I can’t listen. Above all he comments upon me a lot. When he fights with me. My body gets stuck in one place. I can’t say anything later after any fight. I told him please slower your voice as I can’t listen…Daily I used to cry loud…I am suffering every minute. Please tell me what to do…I can’t prepare the food also…If he fights with me…I can’t speak thereafter…I am a working lady. Please suggest me, I can’t tolerate him now .Please do something…As I love him a lot…I am not able to concentrate on anything and also I am not able to eat anything.

You have to sit together and try to go to the roots of your conflicts. When you are feeling that his attitude has changed, you have to look for the reasons that might have been responsible for it. He is commenting a lot on you that means he has some dissatisfaction from you. Try to find out and resolve.

Respected sir, I am a girl of 23 years and persuing professional course. I possess a strong moral and ethical values. Previously I never thought of getting involved in any relationship. But however in 2011, I came to a relationship with one of my junior. By that time he was very caring and loving toward me. We started chating on phones and meeting outside but he wanted me to talk on phones and meeting outside frequently. But as I was staying in my home I could not do that for him. But anyhow I was emotionally attached to him very much. But once while chating on message he asked me to kiss him when further we will meet. I simply denied him. He did not tell anything to me and after one week of our conversation he broke up with me on 2012 by showing all my faults and mistakes and by that time he continued to be in a relationship with another girl who used to be his bestfriend’s girlfriend. By that time I felt helpless and, many a times I attempted for suicide but could not. I was in a very bad condition I cried near him a lot and apologized for all my mistakes but he did not listen to me. Any how his best friend whose girlfriend left him for my boyfriend was also in same kind of situation as I was. We both became friends and after five or six months he approached me to be in a relationship with him but I denied him many times by thinking that I could not love anyone else in my life once again and if I am doing so I am not a good girl. But after some days we both came into a relationship in Jan 2013. He was also my junior. I thought that this person will never leave me as he knows very well that how does it feel when a person leaves you because he has also gone through the same kind of experience previously. He asked me for kissing and all other things. I agreed as once again I did not want lose a person. We also did everything except physical relation. He promised me that he will never leave me. But after somedays he started ignoring me. Scolding me for each and everything. He never called me. Whenever I called to him, then only he spoke to me otherwise not. He was using very harsh word to me which was untolerable for me. Suddenly one day he told me that due to his family problem we cannot be together. So we should break up. Now we are in this kind of situation. I am feeling like dying and crying so much. But i don’t know about him whether he is happy or not. I am a very sensitive and emotional kind of person. I am hitting myself everyday. I want to get rid of all these things but I could not. I begged near him to save our relation. But he is not listening anything. Please suggest me what to do.

Unfortunately you were in relationship with wrong persons. It looks that both of them were interested in physical relationship rather than emotional one. You are emotion driven person, stay away from such physical flings. Find out good match and get married. Stop praying them to continue otherwise you will get physically exploited.

Sir, I go through your website and your valuable advice. Thanks for all your assistance. My problem is I’m confused. I am in love with a guy and ours is a distant relationship. I am a Hindu and he is a Muslim. I am 28years old and he is 32years old. We met a year back. Initially both of us were friends but later he confessed his love for me and after 2 months of his confession I have accepted his love. He has 2elder sisters and 1younger sister. We happen to meet last year December where he told me that he wants to marry me. He said he started to work from the age of 14 and he is very tired of taking all the family responsibilities, and once he gets his sister married he said that we will get married and he asked me to wait for an year (as his parents wouldn’t agree to our wedding and he needs to leave the family if he is with me) That year of time will end in June 2010. Here is the problem, now his father is not ready to spend dowry on his sister, and my guy doesn’t have enough money (dowry demand is 50lakh) to spend for his sister. My guy’s father is not thinking of getting her daughter married. When we met last time, which was in October, he told me you have to wait as long till my sister gets married even it means for another 2years. But Doctor, I can’t wait so long. My parents want me to get married; moreover I feel I need someone to share my life with. Which he also feels. But he tells me that in fact both of us should sacrifice our likes for his family responsibility. Whereas, I’m telling him to understand things from my perspective. I told him that even I need him to share my life and start a family, but he is not agreeing for it. I told him I’ll wait till the end of 2010 but if his sister doesn’t get married even by then, I told him that we need to get married. But he is not agreeing to it. He says I’m selfish. I say I’m not selfish. I tell him the way he thinks that his sister should have a family why doesn’t he feel the same about me. Even I am a woman…When I talk this way he gets angry and irritated. He says I’m not understanding him…Please help me how should I convey to him that even I want to share my life with him…and start a family…and we are responsible only to certain extent towards his family responsibility.. Please doctor, please help me how should I convey to him that “he should also think of me and him, and about we together starting a family” Please help me.

If he really wishes to marry you then he should tell this to his parents. He has to tell them that he is going to marry you by the end of this year, by that time they should get her sister married. If they don’t, then they have to bear the consequences. This will put pressure on his father to get her daughter married. Or otherwise you have to start withdrawing yourself, this may put indirect pressure on him to become active rather than just passively waiting for his sister’s marriage.

i am 26 years old. last year i got married. condition 1 i do not love my wife because she is short in height. She is hardly 5 inch tall and i am 5.5’(love tall girl) but very cute and very much caring and loves me very much. when i went to see her for the first time along with my family i did not notice her height and i agreed to marry her. on the same day we got engaged. after some days i asked her to meet me alone(date). on the same day i realized that she is short in height and since then i have made up my mind that she is not the girl i was looking for. but i was late because our marriage was very close. Everything was planned and booked and also the matter of both family image in society. condition 2:- we got married but on the first night i also realized that she already had sex with someone before, after some days i also read an unusual msg from a guy on her whatsapp. condition 3: very critical. i have one elder brother he also got married 4 years ago. i started loving my bhabhi and my brother and my wife have doubts but not confirmed about my affair. I have done every thing with my bhabhi now i am scared about our family if it comes out our family will be destroyed. after my father passed away i am only responsible of our family because my Brother lives in dubai. i along with my bhabhi ,wife, mom & younger sis are living together condition 4:- if i talk to my wife, bhabhi will become angry. if i talk to my bhabhi, wife will become angry. i don,t understand what to do. i know i am wicked and bastard broke my brother trust. i want to die but cant because ther is nobody to take care of my family. please sir do let me know the solution of this situation. looking forward to have your reply soon.

Let us not get into who does what and why because that requires deep analysis. If you want to put an end to it you have to take your Bhabhi in to confidence. Talk to your Bhabhi about what both of you are heading to and explain that it’s time to behave sensibly for both of you. Self control over your behaviour is a key here. Try to accept your wife, spend quality time with her to create more intimacy. Prepare your Bhabhi to accept this by discussing consequences of reacting to your intimacy with your wife.

Dear Sir, I am 32 yrs old . I got married 10 yrs back. I had a love marriage. For the first few yrs say 4-5 years until my son was born, my husband was very affectionate towards me. We were staying alone at that time, but after that, we came and stayed with my in-laws. Once we became a joint family, gradually his love towards me has reduced totally and now he feels his brothers and other relations are only important. Moreover, I never fail to do my duty anytime, like cooking in the morning. Doing all household works regularly and buying whatever is necessary for the house. My mother in law dislikes me a lot. She doesn’t eat what I cook. She prepares her own food. Moreover, treats my food as some untouchable. Now I feel I have to apply for a divorce. I don’t have mental peace at all. My husband doesn’t eve bother to ask my problems. Neither does he stays at home. He comes only to sleep at home. Other time he roams about with friends and his brothers. He drinks a lot too… which I hate. Now I have developed an affair with his friend who is very very affectionate towards me pl advice what should I do now?

This is what I would prefer to call ‘Emotional Divorce’. Staying together, he does not bother about you and you are involved with someone else. Once you have burnt your fingers in love marriage, now make sure his friend is not taking an advantage of your disturbed marital relationship. Otherwise, you will burn your fingers again.
If you wish to improve your relationship with your in-laws then only you have to take initiative. You cannot expect them to take first move, as they are very negative about you. I understand that this is difficult but still you can try, if you wish to save your marriage.

Two years back I got married. My problem is about sex. I want to know, after how much time physical relation should be done? My husband gives a big gap for it like 3 or 4 months and some time more than this. So I want to know that after 2 years this gap is ok??

Frequency of sex varies according to individual and his/her age. There are other factors too. Almost all surveys done regarding frequency, concludes that after two years of married life majority of couples do it some where between once a day to thrice a week. It may vary beyond these figures but once in 3-4 months is too low frequency.

Dear Sir, I am writing this on behalf of one of my Friend. She was having affair with one of her colleague in Office. Though they didn’t have any physical relation at all. Both are from different state, religion and caste. Boy was ready for marriage but My friend couldn’t go ahead because of her family. Her parents have somewhat orthodox type of thinking. She likes her friend too much but she didn’t accept his proposal for marriage. She told him to go away from her life and broken all types of relation / contacts (as a friend, contacts by mail, phone etc). This happened one year back. Now problem is that even after doing all these things. She still remembers him and can’t forget him. She also doesn’t want to get married. I tried to explain her to forget all those things and look forward and to get married but She is not ready. How can I Convince her

Forgetting is an automatic process with the passage of time, provided you do not reinforce it. As she has stopped reinforcing acts like direct contact, sms, phone or mail; time will take care of his memories. You do not require doing any active thing except reinforcing acts.