Hi I am married to a man who is professionally doing amazingly well. I have always been and still am proud of his achievements. We have been married for 15 yrs and have two lovely sons. I always cut myself out from friends and family looking after home and kids. as time passed and kids grew older I began sharing my disappointments and confusions with my siblings as my husband always felt it was a waste of time talking about feelings as all was well his side. Whenever I share my dreams or sorrows he would ignore or snap. We had good sex life. I convinced myself that it was his way of expressing love. A year back he was posted for an important assignment abroad, I was in a low state of mind in our previous posting. I was suffering from severe piles but could not get proper treatment because of preoccupation with social commitments that entailed from being his spouse in that imp post. As we were to now move abroad I had prioritised my health and children as top on my list. This upset my husband as I insisted that he should proceed for his posting and I shall join him later. So upset was he that he submitted his resignation which was not granted but his posting got cancelled. instead he has now been placed in another plum job near pune. As he had to move out I quit my job to be able to manage my child properly. He professes love to me. I am emotionally dependent on him. but of late he has become vitriolic about the space I share with my sisters even though it is telephonic and blames me for his unhappiness. The past two years, in spite of my telling him that I was only taking care of my health for the sake of family, he remains unconvinced insisting that I pulled the rug under his feet following wrong advise given to me by my sisters. I keep reminding him that something must be wrong between us why blame others, then he says he is trying to protect the family by talking like this. I feel blue bewildered and lost by such talk by such an intelligent man. I love him so. But then it seems he always is trying to break my spirit by trying to control every aspect of my life. Pl help

Intelligence does not guarantee you other virtues in personality. Very often intellectual people are self cantered. They see and interpret in their own way, while doing so, they may go irrational and inconsiderate. Probably your husband is one of them. It was his impulsive decision to cancel the assignment and now he blames you for that, it is a face saving approach intellectual people adapt to protect their egos. Accept it as his personal weakness, which he never going to accept and do not waste your time/energy for this. There is nothing wrong in giving priority to one’s own health and you should always do that. Accept that his priorities are different. You should share your feelings with one with whom you are comfortable. If he has a problem, do not let him know! I’m teaching you to live for yourself; you owe something to you also.

Sir, I am in a relationship since 3 years. I was planning my life with her and I was going to propose her for marriage. But I recently found out that she is cheating on me. We live in different cities and my work is keeping me little busy these days, so I could not give her more time. But whatever I am doing is not only for me, it is for ‘our’ future. I don’t know if my business has created this or something else. But I can’t think of her with anyone else. And I am afraid to ask her and clear all this out. Because this may end our relationship as I don’t have sure shot proofs. I just have her, but some of my friends have told me that she’s regularly going out with a guy since many days.

First you need to confirm that your doubt is real, you may also have to go for a break up if she is really cheating on you, because the foundation of a relation is trust. And if trust is not maintained then it is difficult to live happily together
If you don’t get proper proofs and are still suspicious then you may go ahead and clear your doubts.  It is always better to talk and clear things, instead of keeping misunderstanding in the relation. If she is serious about you she will not leave you because you asked her something. Also if you feel insecure that you are losing her than you should even share this feeling with her and ask her what is causing the distance in the relationship?

Hi, I am 29 yrs old married with one son. Doctor my husband had an extramarital affair 4 yrs back at that time I forgive him when he said sorry but later I realized that I was never been able to forgive him. I kept on making him realize that he did blunder to us. In the beginning of our married life my husband totally changed. He always use to see only one side of coin that was from his mothers point of view due to which we had lots of misunderstanding and fights which often ended up in abuse and physical assault. Therefore, my husband later started putting blame on me that I was the reason for his extramarital affair. We had a love marriage. During his affair, I was badly humiliated by him at every point of time. He had a sexual relation with that girl and at the end he also insisted me to help her (his girlfriend) in abortion. I went into depression and still feel that depression hits me on and off and due to which I have loosed all my confidence. Later on, I ended up in affair and physical relation. Due to which the gap started widening up. I am still in touch with my friend but due to geographical distance, we do not have any physical relation. I do realize that the life of such affair is very short and now I am less attached to my friend but somewhere relation between my husband and me has worsened. We don’t fight but I remain quiet don’t feel comfortable in sharing any of my feelings, and he also complains that even he is lonely. We both try on our parts to overcome things and start afresh but after few hours I just loose confidence, go back in the past or start comparing him with my friend with whom I had relation. To be honest doctor I am sick of my situation and want to really come out of this problem so that I can give my son a happy life and upbringing. Please help me doctor…I am really ruining my family life. I keep on crying and also try to suicide…..pls help me

What your husband did is out of male instinct. Although he has to blame you for that, so he can save him from question why he did that?  What you did might be out of your need to get love and affection or may be revengeful act. Now, probably you are feeling guilty from within. Your relationship with your husband has reached to point of indifference and that is even worst then quarreling. Revival is difficult but not impossible. Stop all contact with your friend and try to concentrate on your son, husband and family without any complaints and guilt. Accept what ever has happened without questioning and analyzing. I know, this is not simple but you can always keep on trying. With passage of time, things may start coming in to shape.

I am in love with my classmate. He is son of my father’s friend. We are really very good friends. He means so much too me. But its one sided love. He has sexual attraction towards me and we had sex many times. He says it casual sex, sometimes he feels that if this would not have happened between us then our friendship could be in better position. But as such he doesn’t regret about this part of our relation. But now I’m failing to cope up with this situation ,as publicly we are like girlfriend boyfriend but in actual for him I am just a friend, sometimes I forget this thing and I start expecting things from him as a lover as showing possessives, care and all what I give to him but he doesn’t. When I don’t get back the same from him I start losing my patience. I know this is wrong and because of my behavior he is fading up with me. He is ready for live in but he says he can’t be devoted with me, and I have to understand this thing that he doesn’t love me. If I want to live with him, what should I do? I don’t want to lose him because being honest he is a very good friend I ever had. And except having sex with me there is nothing which can prove that he has not been a good friend and I know it’s my problem that I love him. So what should I do? Try to suppress or leave him or accepting his conditions?

He is treating you as sex object. I might be sounding harsh to you but ask him to maintain the friendship without sex. If he can, continue the relationship and if he can’t, leave him.

I dialed a wrong no. A girl picks up d phone, I asked her “is Sharon there?” she said no, and then I impressed her with my 99-1% theory of boys, that 99% of boys are like this and all that stuff. In addition, she told me to call after an hour. We talked further and the same night she confessed love. “GENUINELY”. For a week, we flocked together until we split. {No sex}.exactly 5 days later my friend called her. Moreover, she again confessed love to him “genuinely”.Now it has been a year that they are into a relationship and love each other. now my questions to u r.. 1. WAS HER LOVE GENUINE. 2. COULD YOU EXPLAIN THIS PSYCHE OF WOMEN?

It is her psyche not a psyche of women. All women will not do like this.
Genuineness of her love is difficult to judge from this short description. Committing to another person within 5 days of separation is something against genuineness.   

Hi I am from India, 32 years unmarried girl, deeply involved in a loving relation with a married man. Inspite of knowing the fact he is married I fell into love, please don’t misunderstand me, I want some guidance, I can never forget him and having a lot of pain. As I am trying to marry someone else, this person fore played with me but not done intercourse, as I told him not to do anything else. Please don’t take me wrong, I truly loved him, he says I should get married and he will be with me like this forever. I am unable to understand why God has given me such trauma, I worked for 10 years in the office and now I am nowhere. I am still unmarried, still virgin; again jobless and some time feel like committing suicide. I want to make my self happy. All my feelings are ruined and I can never love anyone, how to pretend to love my would be husband, I don’t want to break my friendship with this man as I feel he can’t misuse me like this. He also says he will be my friend forever but sometimes I feel he is just bearing me as I know everything about him or may be feeling pity on me as he realized I love him badly. He commits he loves me too but can’t leave his family. Please suggest me how to live my life. I have always been a happy person. Everyone tells me to leave him and it gives me a shock. How will I face my husband that I loved someone and can’t love anyone else? I know this person is happy with his wife and kids and I am dying day by day, Please save me. How to forget him, sometimes I curse him which I don’t want to. He has many of my pictures which make me tensed too. However they are not nude.

I understand your love for him but you should not forget that life runs on realities and not on blind emotions. And the realities of your life are: he is married, he is happy with his own family; you are an outsider and will always remain so (you may not like this word but its bitter truth). You have to prepare your mind to accept that this relation does not have any future and  for your better future you have to put an end to it.

Hello doctor, my problem is I have a very unstable mind. I have no control over my mind. I made many planning, routines-but could never follow it completely. When I try to stick to it forcibly, in the midway I either get diverted or bored, or feel sleepy. I am very lazy. I have many wishes in life. Then how can I be so careless? Is this a psychic problem? I wanted to be a psychiatrist. But I could not go through the entrance exams. Now I am doing BSc. Though I have started liking it but I have no inclinations towards it. No one is giving any importance to me (I think because I chose BSc.).Even my mama is underestimating me and my studies. She thinks we can get job in just 4yrs if we do engg. But most students are doing engg. I always wanted to do something unique. So I didn’t opt for engg. Though I got good rank in that. Moreover I don’t like anything in the technical line. All my relatives, neighbors, friends forced me to do that. By opposing them every time. My dislike for engg. became even stronger. So much that I said “I will do anything but not engineering.” Can’t I prove myself through BSc? Can’t I get better job than my engg. friends? But constant pressure from family is frustrating me. They don’t understand me. They don’t trust me, my capability. Especially my mom. We often have quarrels on this topic and I end up crying in my room. My problem is I don’t understand what to do next? (I like understanding minds. so I still have a desire of becoming a psychiatrist.) But in this constantly disturbing env. of home I can never concentrate. I am in a hanging position. Please guide me.

I always tell to the students, it is not branch but it is you who has a future. What ever branch you will study, successful career depends upon you and not on your degree. You don’t have to listen any body for selecting the branch, except your parents. You should listen to their views and discuss your likings.
For becoming Psychiatrist, you need to be doctor first. (You should complete M.B.B.S. and thereafter have to do M.D. in psychiatry)
To improve your mental control you need to do physical as well as mental exercises like meditation, autosuggestions etc. Prioritize your task and get after one task, one time.  

Hello doctor, I am bhavika, I have some problem sometimes I am tired, board, and headache, very cold. What can I do please?

All these complains can be symptoms of various diseases. I need to know more details for me to be able to help you.

Sir, recently I’m undergoing lot of mental stress. I’m in love with a person whom I think is the right person with whom I can spend rest of my life. But my parents are against this. They are not ready to speak either with him or his parents. I love him and my parents also. I cannot live without either my parents or him. I tried to end my life but no courage for that also. Please help me Sir.

Only option you are left with is to convince your parents, any how. Discuss with them at length without becoming argumentative and loosing your cool. You may take help of some one who have good influence on them. Set a time limit up to which you can wait, there after you have to decide between them, if it does not workout your way.

Hi. I’m a 17 year old girl. My boyfriend a Kenyan guy but the only problem is that my mother is racist. Therefore, she hates him. This is leading to many problems between both of us. She is not willing to accept the fact that he is my boyfriend. No one else in my family has a problem with this. She’s going mad whenever she sees him. What can I do to make her understand? I suffer from bipolar disorder and she says that’s the reason why I’ve fallen for such a guy. When she says such things, I really feel very bad.

Racial prejudices are difficult to resolve. I think to make her understand this can be real tough job.
It is not necessary that you are hooked up because of your illness. But try to take other people’s (those who know you well) opinion also. If they also feel that it’s true then give a thought to it. Otherwise if you are really comfortable with the guy then you may think of going ahead.