Hello Sir, I am a 24 year old girl. I was in a relationship since the last 2 years, though the first year of our relationship was very peaceful, many problems starting emerging out from the next year. I started to work. The guy, with whom I am, belongs to a business family and they have constraints on woman working outside. But now that I have started working, I know that it’s important for me to grow in my career. After many fights he agreed that no matter what you’ll work but after some more episodes of fights between us he said he needs time to think. Before this job scenario I was frustrated by his behaviour of possessiveness, asking me to have limited talks with guys he doesn’t know. These things lessened my feelings for him to a great extent. We have tried to stay away from each other, but its very emotionally disturbing, so we both have given each other time to think. I know he has improved in many aspects but I sometimes think that I had to fight for the very basic things like my choice of friends, going out, and my career. Should I give this relationship a chance? And how can I convince him for thinking positively?

When you have to struggle for the basic issues then it’s better to come out of this relationship. Even with lot of efforts if you could change him a bit, you would not be able to change others. In short, you have to keep struggling.

Sir, Pls guide me to solve this problem. I don’t have any control, stability, patience, negative thinking, depression etc. Moreover Headache, afraid of every thing, guilty, sad, loneliness….. Once I will start any business or job I can get good results. But I don’t have patience to improve my business or skills also. The main problem is my age 32, still haven’t married, I am afraid because I am interested in one lady and want to marry her, but she has connection with other person. 2-3 persons I can observe. Married persons also. Here in Kuwait more peoples have illegal contacts. I am not a doubting person. If I can marry they have some contacts I can not face that pain. I don’t have any other bad habits am a correct person in my work. I have an offer to marry USA green card holder also. Still I am facing the pain. That’s why I did not doing my job also and taking food sleeping etc. can u pls suggest me the solution

I do understand that you may have come across certain cases of premarital and post marital affairs but that does not mean every one has it. You can not avoid driving; thinking that so many people had an accident in past. If you find suitable match then you may think of getting married and once you decide on that line then stop thinking about her past and never try to dig it.
Your impatience seems to be a part of your personality and rest of symptoms may be because of Depression, which may be secondary to your emotional problem. Decide your priorities and plan your future action accordingly.

Dear sir I have a big problem with my wife that she doubts me that I have an affair with a women which she knows off. That woman is well educated but my wife is uneducated. The things is woman to whom my wife doubts, I know her very well I am afraid of her because her husband is very close to me I respect him like my Brother our age difference is 12/15 yrs. I have no relation with her accept like friend thousands of times I tried to explain my wife I have failed she want to have sex every time my job is almost filed My wife usually comes with me but it`s not possible to be together all d time I am mentally depressed because of my wife behavior I am right in my path we have 2 boy children.

If you are right on your path then she must be suffering from paranoia. Paranoia could be situational, part of her personality or an illness to differentiate I need more details about her personality traits, family background and life events. Alternatively you can consult a psychiatrist together.

I am a 24 yr old lady, got married last year. Before marriage my in-law’s behavior was very good towards me. But from the very next day their reaction towards me was opposite, though my husband loved me a lot but he is unable to tell anything I don’t know why. Later they asked me not to have contact with my parents or go to meet them, often my mother-in-law used to tell what my parents have done and what they have given me. She often took me to her relative’s house & ask me to do work like cleaning, mopping etc. Once my parents came and asked them the reason for such behavior for that my in law said our time is not good now. On that very day I came to my parents house but the very next I was about to go back but mean while my father-in-law called my parents and told that how dare you tell us all the things, you have given your daughter to us now she must obey us. After that one day I went to my in laws house and asked my mother-in-law to allow me to take few of my dresses as some marriage was nearing but on that very day my father-in-law told that you can take all your things but only after court’s decision-means after divorce. This side my husband says I will die without you but he can never go against his parents. Another side his parent’s don’t allow me. Now the problem has really has come to divorce and my husband has really said he won’t divorce me. I am unable to understand that in this situation what I should do because my husband told me many a times that”I can’t leave without you”. Please suggest me.

I think they might had some materialistic expectations from your parents which were not met. Now they are indirectly creating pressure. Your husband might be supporting them by remaining inactive and at the same time maintaining good image in your eyes. You have to ask your husband to support you against them or divorce you. This will act as an indirect pressure tactic on him and he may become active in the issue.

Dear Sir, I am your regular reader .I have asked questions before too and they surely helped. Now my question is about my online boyfriend. We are in this relationship for almost 3 years now. Both are married and living at different places. We have met twice in real and we were physically involved too. Dear doctor tell me is it still a virtual affair/relationship? My boy friend behaves so weirdly he wants me to show cam and seduce other guys online because it makes him feel hotter. And when I argue he says what else we both can discuss and talk every day online? For some fun and masti you should seduce other guys and we both will have fun. Doctor I really hate this and I can’t do all this. I get wrecked up. This gives me a very bad feeling like he doesn’t take me as girl friend he just takes me like a prostitute? Doctor please help me with this issue….Is he right by saying what one can talk about everyday? And since it’s not real so I should seduce others on cam and we both should enjoy? What’s your opinion about his thinking and what should I do? I m madly in love with him…I can’t leave him. Kindly guide me what steps I should take? Thanks and regards.

You have met him personally and had physical acts also, now no longer this relationship is virtual. He does not have respect and love for you. He is treating you as an object that gives sexual pleasure to him and his friends. Whatever he might be telling you to convince for this but one thing is sure that for him you are not less than prostitute (sorry I never wanted to use this word for you but thought this will give you realistic perception).

I am 25, and graduate. Since some days I feel my family members are very much disturbed for me, they always think I am not happy. In these days I am doing nothing. I feel I am burden for them, I know that is not true, but my mind always think like that. I am looking very simple, dark complexion; I think they are worried for my marriage, how it will be done? I am also afraid, but I never said them. My bhabhi is very good looking, she is also very proud, I feel very guilty when I am going outside with her. My brother also changed, he always thinks I am wrong, and she is right. Many times I feel this is not my home. For these reasons I lost my mind. I always think negative and always want to die. I don’t want to live, but I have to live. No one needs me…..PLSSSSSSSSS SUGGEST ME, WHAT I WILL DO…….. THANX

You should not feel guilty because of some one’s good look and your average look; it is not in your hand. Complexion and look is nature’s gift. However, you can improve them to some extent. Try to accept what you have and find out other means of improving your self esteem. Find out some meaningful way to keep yourself busy.

Sir, I am 21 year old boy. I have just completed engineering and searching for job now. I always read your articles. Now I am facing lots of problem in my life. I am little bit shy making first communication directly with gals. So, during college days I had very few girl friends and lots of boy friends. But I have lots of online girl friends in chatting and orkut. I feel safe in making online friendship with gals. My first Love was my classmate and she came in my life through orkut. That relationship lasted only for 1 month. She refused to accept me as her Lover and there was someone in her life too. That was a sad break up for me and I cried a lot during that time also suicidal feelings came to my mind at that time. It took me sometime to forget her. I never thought that my first love will be ended in this way. Then again I started chatting and making more online girlfriends. Then my 2nd girlfriend came, she was from another state. We loved each other very much but we never met each other. And after 2 months she also left me without any reason. I never found her online. In this way my 2nd Love story was ended. Then again I started searching for girlfriend online. Then I met my 3rd girlfriend she was from another district of my state. After meeting her I felt the true love. She was very caring and loving. We love each other very much. We decided to meet directly, once I get a job. She was also ready to marry me. It has been six months I found her online. There was not a single day, when we both were not talking over phone. But Sir last week my 3rd love story was ended because of a phone call. Last week her mother received a call and the caller said something wrong to her mother. But her caller Id and exchange call details shows it was my mobile number. I am 100% sure I have not made that call because when I checked my mobile call details that number was not present. Sir, why I will abuse her mother? I tried a lot to convince her, that I didn’t make that call. And it could be a misconnection or Mobile hacking. But she is not ready to listen to any explanation. She believes I have no respect for her parents and I am a big liar. And she doesn’t want to keep any relationship with me. Now she is not talking to me for a week. Sir, please tell me how I will convince her that I did not make that call? Is there any problem within me? Why my Love stories are so temporary? I feel somehow I have been changed since my 1st break up. Is that the root of all problems? Because of so many failures, now I have started taking any relationship lightly. “I feel if one goes then another will come”. Sometimes I think if my marriage will not be successful, then I will divorce my wife!! Frankly speaking, now I have started searching my 4th online girlfriend. But still some where within my heart, I feel the love for my 3rd girlfriend. I will surely accept my 3rd girlfriend, if she comes in my life. I love her very much. But if that does not happen, then I will search for another one.

Breakups are very casual in online relationships. Most of the people flirt rather than love. I think you were seriously involved but not girls. They might not be as serious as you were. And third girl may have really made story to go wind up relations with you. Do not generalize these experiences and look forward to have healthy relationship, real not virtual!!

Sir, I am a big fan of your site. I read questions and your answers regarding relationship problems regularly. I also need your help. I’m suffering from dependency problem. I had an online affair. I met that person once in real too. We both are married and having kids. We are having an affair for about two years. now, the problem is he has changed a lot since Dec. 2008. I was so disturbed with his changed behavior. First I thought he must be scared as we were also planning to move to the place where he is living but then I clearly told him that we are not moving there. Later he changed and changed and changed. And that was bothering me a lot and hurting me a lot. So I kept asking why he has changed so much. He never gave me satisfactory answer. He used to tell me about his terrible fantasies like having multiple sex partners simultaneously (group sex). I hated his fantasies but he never stopped telling me these kinds of fantasies. He also wanted to ask about my past. He forced me to tell him everything about my past. So one day I told him. Now every time we were online or on phone, he started talking about the guy I had met in past. That’s really turns me off. He was used to call me his wife. He used to send me a good morning message. He used to chat with me every day. He used to make calls to me every single day. What ever he used to do, he was always in touch with me through sms. But then he started saying I will stop this and that is because he thinks habit of anything is bad. One day he sent me sms “jaanu plz don’t talk to me for few days, I have my own problems too. yeh pyar wyar does not come to my mind. Hope u will understand if not then I can’t help it.” when I made him a call and asked him what’s wrong with him? Again he was so rude treated me like nothing. So I cried and started writing him mails. I wrote him every day that don’t answer me ever if he wants to finish then let it be but kindly let me talk out and allow me to write for few days. After few days he sent me sms saying jaan don’t get me wrong I will always love u. don’t send me sms. Again in the morning he replied in single line saying plz be in touch. He was online I tried to talk he never replied. So I made a call and asked him why he sent me sms last night? And now this replies? He said sorry, I cut down the phone. again I wrote whenever u buy a cam plz drop a line I will be happy because it was my wish to see u on your new cam. He replied immediately and said he won’t buy a new cam ever again. What’s the use now? This rude reply made me so disturbed. I tried his number wanted to ask him why he can’t chat with me. And why he always tries to be rude? He ignored my calls for one hour. Then I sent him sms saying I’m calling at your land line number as he must be at home this time. He picked up my call. I was so mad on him. He said my wife is at home in the wash room. I said so? Why did not you answer my call b4? When you were at work? And you provoked me to call here. You know I can’t make a long call still you did not answer my call? You disturbed the hell out of me. He shouted saying I will make your life hell if my wife came to know. I said if you wanted to end up then finish it completely. Either keep or just quit. I cut down the phone. He sent me sms saying luckily wife was in wash room but you are terrible. Just forget that you knew me ever, I will also forget that I knew u ever. Dear doc we were physically and emotionally very much attached to each others. Now he does not talk to me at all and it’s killing me. I tried to fix things but he is not coming back. I’m feeling very low and vulnerable. I feel like doing suicide or some thing like that. Kindly guide me what should I do? I can’t keep him out of my mind. I love him madly knowing he has no respect for me. Still I miss him madly. Doc plz help me, guide me and pray for me. I want him back at any cost. I don’t know what male psychology is. He was very much in love with me then how can he stop every thing. How can he go to that extreme??

Both of you were in relation for different needs. You got the emotional support which you wanted and probably that made you dependent on him. Now accept that he has lost the interest in the relation. You can not compel any body to stay in the relation. Accept that now it’s over. He is going to come in your thoughts and memory; you do not have to do any thing to drive that out. Acceptance and time will take care of the rest.

Hi Sir, I am a 26 years old men having a problem that whenever in sleep the sperms comes from me automatically and also when I think of that its coming out. What could be the problem? Can you please suggest me what will solve my problem.

You problem is called nocturnal ejaculation it is normal with every male who are not engaged into active sexual life if u are married then engage yourself into regular sexual activity. If you are unmarried than masturbate at least twice a week, do not get panicky about my advice to masturbate as it accepted medical practice worldwide.

Hi, I am a well educated decently employed unmarried guy living away from my family for the last 4.5 years. I have moved to my current location 7 months back and am facing pressure from my family to get married. I will have to be descriptive here else my problem would not be clear, so please bear with me. I have had 2 girlfriends before coming here and I have been physical with both of them. And I am quite relaxed about these things and to me a pre-marital relationship is absolutely normal. After I broke up with my 2nd girlfriend (we had plans to get married but things did not shape out as expected), I fell in love with this girl in my office and she also had feelings for me. Right now she is my girlfriend and as expected ours is a mature relationship with sex as a part of it. I feel that I love this girl more than anyone else I have met before. And we both have thought of getting married on multiple occasions. Now coming to the problem, she has told me that she has had 3 boyfriends in the past (her last relationship ended only after she met me). All three of these guys were married and she got into these relationships fully aware of this fact in each of the cases. I am absolutely fine if the woman I marry has had “serious” relationships in the past. But here the problem is that I am not able to trust my girlfriend’s respect for the institution of marriage (which I hold in the highest regard, so much so that I believe an extra marital affair should warrant capital punishment). Though I have tried to convince myself that she will be devoted to me if we get married, I am unable to make myself forgive her for what she did in the past. Her being truthful and honest to me isn’t helping either for had it happened once, in a moment of passion, it could have been a mistake but thrice (for considerable periods of time) can’t be. I have told this to her, and we have realised I can’t marry her. But we are somehow not able to get over each other and in spite of trying to part many times in the last 2 months, we are still together. Please tell me what should I do?

This is not fair on your part. On one hand premarital relationship is absolutely normal for you and on other hand you are not able to trust her because of her relationships. You should not forget that her partners were married and not she. For her they were premarital affairs and not extramarital. I think it is not pre or extra marital is actually bothering you, it is your male psyche (male can do it but how can female do it?) and probably insecurity that she can cheat you later is scaring you. Discuss your ideas about marriage with her. If she shows honesty in accepting it then you do not have any morally valid point to step back.