Hi, I m 26 yrs old engineer girl & now am doing a job in a private company with good salary. My problem is I am in love with the person who loves someone else. We met two years before, in starting when I proposed him, his response was positive. We had decided to marry with each other but our families were not ready due to caste problem so we decided to give some time to our families to think about, as it was not possible for both of us to marry someone else and to forget each other. Now the situation has changed he is saying that he is in love with some other girl and they are going to marry with her very soon. I just cannot explain my situation when I heard all this. I just can’t understand why he is doing like this? I love him very much and just can’t live without him but now he is not ready to keep even a friendship with me. He has forgotten everything and very happy with her new love. I cannot understand what is going on and what I should do now I want to forget him but it is not possible for me. I can’t forget him, I can’t forget that time that we spent together. What should I do now?

This proves that he had never loved you but under the name of love, he was maintaining relationship. No sooner he got his girl, you are out of his priority. You have to accept this in first place. You do not have to do anything to forget him as forgetting is an automatic process with the passage of time. If you remember the time spend with him, take it easy. Happy memories are always keeps on coming to your mental surface and you do not have to do anything to keep them away. Just try to shift your focus to your career and other relations otherwise you will be left with your emotional baggage. Decide to move on with a life rather then to freeze with painful past.

Hello Sir, I have a Christian boyfriend and am a Hindu. He was my phone friend 3 years back. And after a week of knowing each other, he proposed me. I said you are from different religion and my parents might not agree for marriage and we might not adjust due to differences in culture and values. But he forced me a lot; to say yes. Finally I felt let go and see. Somehow I was not very comfortable in the beginning as I had not seen him once also. I insisted him on meeting once. But he refused. We were in touch only on calls almost one year and I also started liking him a lot after that. I could not lived a day without talking to him over phone. After a year, we meet once. That time he did not like me and stop talking to me suddenly without giving a reason. By then I was in deep love with him and had trusted him. I had thought that whatever be the circumstances, I will adjust and be happy with him. I wanted to know the reason why he ditched me. But he changed phone number. I could not take this rejection by him and went into depression. I developed respiratory problems due to over stress. Somehow I controlled my self after 6 months and started living life with a fresh mind. When I was out of the crazy love, he came back and forced me to love him again. He was very rude and didn’t give me reason for why he didn’t talk to me all these months. He ordered me saying “so what, I am sorry for that. So now what’s your problem? I didn’t like his behavior. After that day he called me daily and hurt my feelings and tried to bring the dead love in me. Till today, we both have been talking to each other but only fights. We did meet only once or twice in a year for the rest 3 years. These days I’m observing that we both are not matching on values and cultures. At times it leads to abusive talks by both and end up in arguments. It is going the worst way I feel. I am not able to trust him this time. I fear he might ditch me again. So I didn’t want to fall in love. But when I remember my past, sometimes I feel for that. So I’m not able to decide I should go for him or not. I foresee the risk. But I feel he loves me this time and that’s why he came back. He is asking me for marriage plans. This shows he is serious. But the beginning was so bad that we actually decided lets be partners and then learnt about each other. But till today lot of arguments happen. Problems are listed below. Please refer. Please help. Some of the problems are: 1. He is telling me to convert which I don’t like. I don’t want my kids also to be converted to other religion in future. I want to bring up my kids in my culture and practices. 2. I insisted him to stop drinking alcohol and smoking. I gave him 3.5 years but don’t see any signs of relief. Although I see the reduction in the habits, he broke his promise and has no guilt with the habits. He says – “what big deal. That’s all common these days”. He never understands that it hurts me and I don’t want him to be unhealthy. It’s for his well being. 3. Communication – If I ask a question, he doesn’t reply with clarity and leads to arguments. 4. I want a post graduate and well educated mind. I insisted him to go for distance learning way. But he is not interested in learning anything new. 5. If I tell him to improve on an aspect, he rejects and not interested in learning and better way of life.

All that I feel is he doesn’t have your value and respect for you. It is difficult to lead happy married life with this type of partner. You should not go further.

Hello Dr, I really need somebody’s advice and who can be better than you can. I am 26 years old and got married before 2.5 years. I had a premarital affair with a person for 7-8 years. However, most of that period my x bf was cheating on me. I loved him immensely and at the same time, I was frustrated and sad about what he did to me. I loved him a lot even what he did to me… but I felt I could not marry him coz I never had the strength to tell my dad about it. I belong to a very rich family and he was from a lower middle class family. I was practically ready to face any financial situation. However, I did not wanted to hurt my parents and family so I never disclosed this to them. I sometimes feel my dad would have got me married off to him if I ever did tell him but… Even after 2.5 yrs of marriage, there has not been a single day without a thought of him. I know I can never go back to him, neither would I want to. However, that feeling of love is still burning in my heart. Not that I do not love my husband, who is a very nice person and I married him coz he loved me… I also told him about my past before marriage. My husband and I were 23 when we were engaged and so not all his family members were ready for our wedding. Even my father warned me coz my husband family is not as well to as my father is. In addition, my husband is pursuing his higher studies… My parents were backing off coz I have a step mother in law (she’s not good person.) but in spite of all that I told my dad that he’s the guy I want to marry.. My dad was okay with our relationship. Now I cannot forget my x love, but it never means that I want him back in life. However, we can be friends. ?? I can’t tell this to my husband. I love my husband as well. And I wont ever leave him for any1 else. Coz he is my life now. he has supported me all the way thru and I will stand by him always but then I am so confused with my past. I try not to call him and not talk to him for months but then after sometime I just cannot stop myself… My x has moved on with life. However, sometimes I feel ‘m still there where he left me. I know him doesn’t’t love me… but I can’t forget him. Deep in my heart I still love him … It has been almost 5-6 years I haven’t met him… things have changed tremendously since then. However, one thing has’t changed. The love I hold for him. If I had to choose some1 form my husband and him, I would definitely choose my husband. Then…. Y that soft corner, I still have for my x. even after what he did to me. He’s also indulged into other women’s now. Still a Casanova. I do not want him to be in my life. However, I love him with all my heart. What should I do? Please help me. Thank you in advance.

When you love a person very deeply, it is always difficult to drive him out of your memory. There is no point in remembering a person who has never made you feel loved. However, I know this sounds very theoretical. The best way to keep him out of your thought is, stop struggling to drive him out. Let him be there in your memory and time will do rest of the things. Only thing you really need to do is, never ever establish any kind of communication with him by any ways. Keep your love in corner of your heart and go ahead in life. Try to convince yourself that he never deserved your love and never meant for you. Do not keep on asking yourself that why you love him so deeply because you will never find an answer to it. It just happens without any reasons. The day you will realize this, is the day he will start fading from your memory. 

Sir, this is the site I am really in need of. Your service deserves high applaud. I am 27 years graduate male and doing job which I am satisfied with. I have been succumbed to mental conflicts from nearly last 7 years i.e. since my college days. I am highly introverted, mentally not independent and timid in nature too. I often think of committing suicide as I am not useful for others and even not for me. My thinking became very narrow and after getting job I became very crazy about woman. My mind faces a strong flow of thoughts almost useless for me which are no way in my control. Day and night I think about sex (but no affairs). My father is a good thinker and guide who is no more for me. I always feel guilty of my thoughts and my uselessness. I never share my feelings with anybody as they are very unclear and absurd. I have friends but even with them I can’t tell about my mental struggle. And I feel I am unfit to get married and no confidence in me in managing the family. My situation sometimes is next to hell. I have already consulted with a psychiatrist for my neurotic problems. I was prescribed with some medicines which gave me some relief and good sleep. But I stopped them after some using 6 months. Cursed with a volatile behavior and unfair thinking I always feel I am less than anybody in the world. I am easily attracted to others. Think very seriously even about minute things. Really I am surrounded by a vicious circle of thoughts. They became more horrible than the real problems of life. Please advise me.

You need personality work up as most of your problems narrated here are linked up with your personality. You may have some Anxiety Disorder also. The best thing you can do is to go back to your psychiatrist and discuss issues at length. You may require psychotherapy, coping skills training in addition to medicines.

Dear Sir, Before 1 month I got engaged. After that I started talking with my fiancé on phone. We talked on general topics. But 1 day he came at my home on my B’Day and at that day he want to wish my Birth Day with hugs and kisses. And I couldn’t refuse him. Actually I don’t like these before marriage but he wanted. Now he wants to meet me again and again and on the phone he wants that I’ll give kisses and want to talk on love. Please suggest me that these things are right before marriage or not. And if not how can I refuse him? Our marriage will be after 4 month.

Some amount of physical and romantic acts in pre-marriage period is normal. However, it should be limited to hugs and kisses. Intimate physical activity (which includes intercourse) should be avoided and kept as a special gift to give each other. This will add an excitement and eagerness to your marriage. While you involve yourself in soft physical activities (like hugs, kisses etc.) be sure that you will not slip into further. He may try to proceed (as a part of male nature) but you need to control him saying you have decided to give that as a special gift after marriage. If he does not understand this melodramatic approach then you need to talk seriously on this issue, clarifying that you do not believe in crossing the limits before marriage.

My husband is a mama’s boy. Though he is caring by nature he is blindly supportive of his parents. They are 13 siblings and he is youngest of 6 brothers. His mother exploits him for every need of hers and her daughters. I hate this as his parents have their own business and good income. All his brothers are against him as his mother is brainwashing him against them. I am feeling anxious and I have a constant headache most of the time. He is addicted to porn and online chatting. He wants to flirt with my female friends causing me great stress. He is 47 I am 37 and mother of 2. I am married for 15 years. Sometimes I feel like running away but I am helpless.

At 47 you cannot change him or break his attachment to his mother. Accept the reality and learn to live for yourself. Have your own goal and purpose in the life. His habits cannot be addressed without creating conflicts. If you are prepared for that then expose him to family members.

We own a room upstairs of our house and we have provided it for rent for a 23 year old boy who is working. This boy does not have any bad habits and addiction. He is very well mannered. Once I entered his room in his absence for maintenance purpose. I was shocked to see panties in his room. Since then I started observing him. He always wears panties and he is always nude on the bed. Is this normal?. Shall I let him know about his wrong things or should I keep quite? Please advice

This is sexually deviant behaviour. It is known as Transvestism. Transvestism is the practice of  cross-dressing  (wearing the clothing of the opposite sex). More common in males.  They simply enjoy wearing female clothing at times, and most admire, and imitate, women.
You should take him into the confidence so that he would not feel offended  and  suggest to take the help of psychiatrist. This habit will not go by simple advice.

Dear Sir, I am in a difficult situation. Since last 6 years, I am in love with a guy. But I realised that he loves me only for sex. So recently I decided to breakup. Suddenly he has become very nice to me but I don’t love him anymore. When I told him about this, he said that he would die. His parents had divorce and because of that he feels insecure. I do not know what shall I do now? Please help.

If you do not have love for him and sex is his only interest then it is better you break-up. You cannot do anything about his insecurities and should not succumb to his emotional tantrums.

Sir, I love a girl. i proposed her and she accepted. When I discussed the matter with my parents, they readily agreed to our relationship .but her mother denied even after much persuasion. So my parents finally forced me to marry and I did so in last June. The girl I love is very good and sensitive. Her parents are divorced; she was brought up by her mother. She is the only child of her parents. I thought I must give her emotional support and continued my relationship. Instead of bringing her out of trauma, we developed more intimacy. Now she forces me to marry her. Please help me, because I am in a fix.

Thinking of getting married to that girl is out of question as u cannot do this to some innocent person like your wife. It was your mistake that after marriage u continued this relationship. Why should your wife pay the price for that? Accept that you are a married person now and you should not carry on with relationship, Start withdrawing yourself from the relationship to complete break up. No strings should remain attached otherwise emotional issues will entangle you.

I worked for s /w concern for 3 years and left my job because of recession. For almost a year I was at home and now joined the job again .Now I feel totally in secured and am very slow in doing work and scared of my superiors and getting many escalations. How to gain confidence here again? I feel pathetic and scared daily.

If you were asked to resign your first job for recession and had a break for a year than your feeling of insecurity at work and fear of superiors is very natural. Be patient and give your best to your work, slowly try to improve your efficiency which will build your confidence on its own. You will have to give sometime time to yourself to cope with the situation.