Hello sir, my relations with my wife is good but she always shows others that she is very sad with me. She also tells to her sister and mother. Please tell me the reason for this behaviour. Her mother and sister started complaining to us. I’m angry and my mind think negative reflect. Some time I feel my legs were not supporting to my body and my body gone cold. I keep on feeling negative and I can’t sleep at night. I am not enjoying sex with my wife. plez help us thanks

You think that your relation with your wife is good but same may not be true for her. This may be the reason for her expressions of sadness. You should discuss this with her, rather than considering that your relation is good; on your own. As far as your negative thoughts, sleep problem, coldness of body and enjoyment in sexual relations is concerned; this can be symptoms of Depression. Take the help of psychiatrist.

Good Evening doctor, Thanks for the thoughtful advises. This is the 3rd time I am writing to you, and each time when I wrote I got valuable advises which has helped me in my relationship. This time too I am seeking your advice. I want your advice in dealing with this situation. Mine is a long distance love. He stays in different state and me in Hyderabad. He is very loving and caring; he gives me my own space. Moreover in a short time he taught me lot many things of life…but suddenly a disaster happened and I am the cause for it. Recently I have been to his place for a visit for one day. He came late to receive me almost an hour and half, without understanding the reason behind his delay (as I was very excited to meet him) I didn’t speak to him for almost an hour. But however things got patched up but the problem started next day. Actually both of us are going through tough times financially. I quit my job last month and his business isn’t doing so well. So understanding the financial limitations both of us have decided to spend only one day with each other. But the day of departure I wanted to stay for another day and I told him to manage the expenses for the day as well. Initially I requested him but later I lost my cool, to be honest when I think about my behavior it was disgusting, shabby and what not. I had very tough tone (actually I quit my job and was feeling very lonely, and I was desperate to be with him and enjoy the day so that I can carry the positivism when I go back to my place) I told him manage today’s expense and I want to stay with you, he quoted such things cannot happen suddenly and it has to be planned prior. But I didn’t listen, I said you can’t manage my expenses for one day, he said I love to spend time with you but unfortunately situation doesn’t permit. I quoted stating how you are managing your office rent, your car petrol and other things. You are managing all other expenses as they are mandatory and why don’t you consider my stay also mandatory. He said now let’s not fight on such things, whatever time is left out let’s spend it happily. I don’t know what happened. (I feel the worry of being jobless has caused me lot of tension which I reflected on him) but I dragged things so drastically that he got cheesed off. Even while checking out if didn’t hug or kiss him, and while getting down at the airport I didn’t even turn back and say bye. But after I got into the airport lobby I realized my mistake. Once I reached in the night, I called him seeking apology and sorry….but he was very firm. He said he can’t forgive me for the behavior I exhibited…I tried to explain him that my intention was not to hurt his feelings but it was my desperateness to be with him. But he quoted stating he was shocked by my attitude and now he states he needs time to think over the relationship. After 3days of continuous requests he did forgive me from my mistake… the incident happened just last Thursday (November 19th) and he did forgive me on 22nd. But since then he is not been what he was before. He talks very formally, he doesn’t say love you too…I need your advice to help me how do I convey to him that my intention was spontaneous and never meant to hurt him. I need his love and warmth…when I say why don’t you be the way you were before he states that he needs his own time to come back to normalcy. Please help me understanding where this relationship is leading to. I don’t want to lose him…..I want him to know my sorry was for genuine. Please help.

Once you honestly confessed and apologies, you need not to keep on doing that over and over again. Give him some time to recover from this. Meanwhile keep things normal from your side.

My office colleague (married with a son age 40) who became very close to me, because I helped her through a crisis, has of late calling me up for going around together. She has the tendency to deliberately showing off her cleavage when she is with me in the car or alone. Does this indicate that she wants sexual intimacy?

Yes, if your observations are correct.

Hello doctor I am 24 year old housewife. I have got married an year before The problem is that my husband comes home by 9 in night and by that time he feel like going to sleep and I wait for him to come near me, but he doesn’t feel as such, we have sex once in 10 days. I feel irritated of it because I want to have sex frequently? Is this any psychological problem, whose problem is this, me or my husband’s? And what should I do?

It is obviously your husband’s problem. Ask him to improve his schedule. If that is not possible then plan your sexual activity early in the morning. Make him exercise so that his physical strength will improve and there by his vigor will improve and he won’t feel tired in the evening. If he has lost interest in sex then you should consult Psychiatrist nearby to explore the roots of the problem.

I am 21 year old, my parents are constantly fighting. The main reason is that my mother might be suffering from depression (for which she refuses to get help) because of my grandparent’s behaviour towards her since she got married (although it was an arranged marriage). They haven’t been good to me in my childhood as well. A few years back my mother’s mom expired and since then there has been no peace at home. My mother who was a quiet person has started arguing for everything (even if she is wrong). It’s been 4 years my parents have not talked to each other properly for more than a week! My father is mostly taking my grandparents side (even if he knows they are wrong) because he thinks they are left with very less time of their life. In the entire scene I and my younger brother have suffered the most, especially with our studies. We are left with no social circle (because we cannot invite anybody at home, with a situation like that). Also my relatives are of no help. Many a times I feel I might be stepping towards depression as well. I don’t want that and need help!

This is unfortunate. Your parents should have understood this. At the most what you can do is; talk to them, explain your suffering and make them realize what they are doing to their children’s life. Alternatively, you can talk to your mother about your suffering; probably being a female she can understand your feelings faster and cooperate to improve the situation.

Dear Doctor, after going through your site and reading all the good advice you gave finally I feel I could share my personal problems with you. It is almost a short story of my life. I grew up in a conservative but educated family. Both parents work in different field, we are two siblings. My parents were very hard working, especially my mom is like an angel and I love her more than my life. She never spent a single penny on herself for the sake of our education and career. My first sister was center of attraction for everybody in my family. She was studious, intelligent and first child of the family. So she had very special stand in my family. I was youngest so always got their love and affection but I too wanted to get smart attention which I couldn’t. I started getting jealous of her. I also wanted appreciation and I lost focus on my studies. I started trying things so that people get attracted towards me, like funny expressions, jokes, gossips. Slowly I became a girl who was not good in academics, feels shy in public but very smart in family. My parents always thought about my career, ‘what will she do in future’ because my sister got good percentage and a good job later (class 1 officer). Though somehow I too became a professional graduate, it hurts me when I remember that I was a weak student. On the other hand, I became shy, started hiding things from parents. I have been physically abused by some of our too close family members in my childhood when I was innocent and didn’t realize that people were using me. I never made boyfriends as I thought they only use girls there is no true love. I never told anything to my family. Everything else was fine but I had developed a lot of complex in my self. During my college I became close to one of my cousin who was very caring to me. Later it became little physical like kissing and hugging. After my sister got married, now it was my time to get married. I was not settled and wanted to get a job so that I could become independent before marriage. But my parents had got a very good proposal from a very good and rich family. They had no demand of dowry but the guy was 8 yrs elder to me. Finally I got married to him. During my courtship period I got to know my father was a womanizer. It was a big shock for us because we were supposed to be a very cultured family in society. I got very upset. As from my would be husband he was very career oriented and he never talked anything but job and career during our courtship period. After marriage I felt he does not like me. He had some relationships in past (I don’t know how deep) and he used to compare me with everybody. As I told you I was in deep shock and could not get emotional support from my husband I became more introvert. Now it has been 2.5 years of our marriage, we live together but do not have any physical relationship. I am beautiful with good figure and all what a man wants, but I am not his kind of girl. He is 37, I am 29.I have some physical desires which he can not fulfill. I do not have any boyfriend with whom I could sleep. On the other hand we both are very caring and honest (I am sure he is not having any affair in outer world) .He takes good care of me and tells we will enjoy our sex life later. I am getting depressed. Am I suffering from any psychological problem? Sometimes I feel he will do the same thing like my father, as my mother was (simple, innocent, don’t know how to say no to husband etc). I am really worried. Please help me (He is healthy).

You do not have any psychological disorder. However, you have introverted personality and that’s ok. You should talk about your physical desires to your husband. As he cares for you, I’m sure he will take some action. If he doesn’t, then indirectly pressurize him by seeking the solution. You have to show assertiveness here. Don’t worry about him becoming womanizer because this tendency has different causes then what you are thinking.

Hello sir, mine is a complicated case. I m in love with a guy for the last 2yrs. The problem is he is not sure of his feelings for me. At times, his behaviour is as if he really loves me but then he is not ready for committing. He knows of my feelings for him. Recently while talking on the phone with him I expressed my desire of at least to hug him n kiss him. He said that he also wanted to have physical relation with me. And that he finds me hot n sexy. After that, we did have phone sex and he seemed to have enjoyed both the times. I would like to know that if I had sex with him; will it make him committed to me? Will it develop our relationship?

He conveyed that you are sexy and hot, that means he is physically attached to you and not emotionally. In this condition if you will go ahead for sex, then he will never commit further. Why you should fall for a guy who thinks that you are sexy rather then having a feelings for you? Tell him that you are not one who will go for a sex until feel that he is committed to you. Then wait until things get clear to you.

I am 24 year old Guy. I have just finish my MBA & working with one MNC Bank.1 & half year back I met one girl. She is 21 year old. She was married girl with 42 Year old man. I was very close to her. She told me that she have not got married with that man, only because of some family financial problem she is staying with him from last 4 years. I love her very much & she also loves me. I asked her to come with me we will get married. She wants to come with me. But she is telling that it’s not easy to leave that person. Because she was with him from last 4 year so he will not leave her easily & he will create lots of problem for us. I can not leave without her & she also. I am very frustrated on that because I can not do anything for her.plz help me on that what I should do because of my job & carrier is also affecting from that

If she is not married to him, she can walk away anytime. Legally speaking, he can not compel her to stay with him. If you both are firm on your decision, no one can prevent you to get married. You may take help of her family members (I believe they are in your support) and in worst case, of police.

Hello sir. I am married for last 6 years .I have a son. I am happy with my married life. The problem is that my husband comes home by 11 at night and by that time I feel like going to sleep and wait for him to come near me, but he satisfies himself by watching adult movies. We also fight because of this. We don’t have any physical relation since months. And he is not able to quit smoking, which I hate the most. Please guide me to solve this problem.

Mutual respect in your relationship seems to be missing. He doesn’t care about your needs as he satisfies himself (and not bothered about your’s) and does not free himself from vices which you hate. When you do not have healthy sexual life, how come you feel that you are happy in your married life? Is it that that you do not want to accept the problem or you also taking things for granted like your husband?! I think this type of attitude have deep routes, which need to be explored and addressed.  You should go for couple counseling.

Dear Doc, I got married 1 month back. On my first wedding night I could not have intercourse with my wife as she felt pain whenever I tried to penetrate her. Besides this I felt her vagina too tight despite enough fore play. Even after that night we had failed attempts due to same reason. I took her to a gynecologist. Dr said everything was normal. After that I faced premature ejaculations and loss of erection. Now she is not with me but I keep judging my erection as I suspect it is not same as before marriage and the reason of failed sex. I visited psychiatrist, he told me to keep the things out of mind, and consultation with wife. Can I recover and have successful married and sexual life. Please help. Thanks in advance.

You do not seem to have any sexual problem. Your sexual troubles are making you anxious. Just take it easy and relax yourself, everything is going to be alright with continuing sexual activities.