How to solve sexual problems with my husband , specially that sometimes I feel that our sexual life doesn’t make difference to him cause he is always opening sexual sites through the internet and leaving me alone although I know that he loves me and am beautiful.

From your very short description what I guess is, he might be having voyeurism. It is one kind of sexual deviation in which person get sexual pleasure by viewing erotic pictures, movies etc. Sexual sites are full of such materials. All males like to see such pictures and movies to some extent. However, they do not avoid actual act. As he is avoiding actual act (even though you are beautiful and he loves you) he requires treatment, if he agrees.

I am 20 years old male 3 years back I attended the self sex this bad habit continues more than two years, so now I’m afraid. So my doubt is will this bad habit cause any problem in my marriage sex life? And it causes any problem in my penis and sperm?

First of all, remove the guilt that it is bad. It is normal physiological urge. As such masturbation is not harmful but sometimes (particularly in daily masturbators) it may result into premature ejaculation (early discharge). It does not cause any problem in penis or sperms.

I’m 21yrs old. I love a boy who is 27yrs old since 5yrs. I love him like a mad. He is Muslim and I’m Hindu. Now his parents are planning to get him married. Still he is not revealing his love to them. Whenever I ask him about his marriage, he is telling that he doesn’t know what to do. If I force him to say my love to their parents, he is telling that he will attempt suicide. He had sexual relationship with me. I don’t know what to do? I’m becoming mad each day. I tried to attempt suicide also. Now I’m helpless Sir, What shall I do?

You should give him time limit (may be in days and not in months) by which he has to disclose the facts to his parents. If he fails to keep this time limit then you talk to his parents. His suicidal threat is emotional blackmailing and it instigates me to doubt his intentions.

I am 25 yr old, I have very typical problem. I am in love since 8 yr. and we got married in arya samaj 2 yr back. Now 1) I want to know that this is valid in law as Hindu marriage act? 2) One more question that I am smallest in my family. My brother and sister are not married, my sister also love one boy and mom-dad not accepting her love so, I fear that how I tell them? If they will not accept my love, then? My mom always says love is bad thing. My husband’s family knows about it. Will police create any problem?? plz reply me soon.

Arya samaj marriage is valid in court of law. As you are above 18 yrs. you can marry to a man you like. As both of you are unanimous on your decision, police can not get in the way. You need to inform your parents as soon as possible. Whether they accept or not, once you have done marriage it becomes your moral duty to inform them.

Hi Sir, I am in a relation with a girl from past 9 months, and we are planning to get marry soon. We used to have oral sex from past many months. We had complete sex few days back and now we both enjoy also. But the problem is that when I inserted in her first time my sperm got out quickly even within few seconds, and she was also wondering that how can it be so early. She was not at all satisfied that day that I know, but next time when we had sex I controlled my self and I took it a bit longer but could not stop for long. Sir can you just tell me how can I control myself, I want her to bring her liquid first so that she got satisfied. So pls tell me the way to hold myself for longer time. Hope u help me.

This is quite normal in initial acts. Both of you should not give deep thoughts to it.

There are certain techniques, which can help you to stay longer. Kegel exercise is one of the very popular and effective techniques to control ejaculation. These are the exercises of pubococcygeus muscles (PC) muscles. A man can do these exercises anytime and anywhere and no one will even know about it. To identify the muscles of your pelvic floor stop your flow of urine next time you go to urinal. Contract the muscles tightly holding for 10 seconds i.e. stop urinating in between. Do this thrice a day repeating 10 times. The PC muscles control the urine and semen and firmness of your organ during erection, so keeping them strong will increase ejaculatory control. While having sex when you think you are at the point of coming, ask your partner to gently squeeze the head of your organ. This will help in delaying the urge to ejaculate. A little practice will help get the right pressure. Sometimes it is helpful to masturbate an hour or two before having sex because a second erection afterwards usually lasts longer. Even feeling and touching other parts of the body during sexual act avoiding intercourse can be helpful to remove pressure from your sexual encounters. Simple change in the sexual position which is less stimulating (female up) may also help. Certain medicines eg. SSRI, local anaesthetic cream and condoms are also useful.

Hello Sir, I don’t know how to start when it comes to say about my life I’m horrible in it. I’m a good listener and like talking with people a lot. I talk with my friends and make them feel comfortable so that they can share thing and mostly I end up with very intimate things of them .I don’t mind it in real life but habit is same in virtual life like this also. Few days back I talked with a guy on some chat site and he was very depressed with life so I ended up making him feel more worth living but was end of it he developed feelings for me. He is a really nice guy and I didn’t want to hurt him I didn’t say anything about it not even ‘no’ because I thought he’ll feel same after that and all my work’ will be dust. But my life isn’t joke he is something 8 yr older than me and I don’t have any future planning now just need to concentrate on my studies. I didn’t convey this to him but he got that after sometime and ended up saying I fooled him. I was feeling as if somebody stabbed me. I cried for night and it’s disturbing me a lot even now. I don’t know what to do??? Your advice I’ll be helpful. Thank you for reading .bye

Stop talking or chatting with strangers. Do not try to know about other people’s problems. if they are sharing their problems on their own then smartly keep yourself out. Never try to counsel them, leave this to professional by advising them to take professional help.

Dear doctor, I m 35 yr married woman. Have a son of 6yr.I m very ritual, believe in god. I’m from a middle class family. In my childhood I was very particular about cleanliness. Used to clean everything more than anyone else. In every matter I always think a lot. Perhaps this took form into a psychic problem. Now I don’t get satisfied without washing my clothes many times. If one dirty cloth by chance gets touched by a clean cloth, I clean that clean cloth again with surf (again in the normal way of washing). After guests leave, I clean every thing they have touched; thinking they must have touched many things outside. I & my husband consulted a psychiatrist and he said it is ‘suchibai’ disease (in oriya).He gave me these medicines. But he said that these medicines can only control the disease. There is no cure of this disease. I feel sleepy when I take the medicine. Gradually the problem is increasing. I want to apply surf again and again to the same cloth. At last I recite the ‘Gayatri Mantra’ while washing to be satisfied. I now hate Muslims. If they touch any cloth, then I feel it dirty. And any other cloth that comes in contact with that cloth directly or indirectly, I feel that dirtiness gets transferred. I clean all those clothes. I always think negatively. Heard elders saying “Don’t laugh more, you will cry later”. So in times of happiness I don’t be much excited because I fear of bad time in future. I think about my future and fear. I often remember my past and cry. I always want to remain in my past. I used to write poems. All my poems have a tragedy theme. Now days I think of dying. Why should I live? Everyday when I wake up I get fear in mind – “Oh God ! One more day! So many work!”. I have got frustrated from this life. Everyday the same things, same work – eat – bath – keep home clean – sleep. “Why then should I live long just to repeat the same work everyday??” Only when I see my son’s face I want to live for him. He is the only reason I am living for. I am fed up of life. What should I do? Please help me out!

You are suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with Depression. Consult Psychiatrist, this is treatable. If you take regular medicines for a long time (min 2 years) and go for psychotherapy, you will improve much faster. If your current Psychiatrist is not giving you hope, go to some other Psychiatrist. Just be after your illness, you will definitely improve.  


I am married from 4 years and things are getting worst between me and my wife, I required marriage counsellor

Tell me where do you stay?

Dear Sir, I’m happy to stumble upon your website. I have a fiancée whom we have dated for 6 years 3 months. I really love this girl and she claims to love me too. We arranged to get married early January 2009. All the marriage arrangements have been made. I discovered this April that she had been having an affair for the past 2 years in school. She has been sending and receiving love messages to this guy. Since the day I discovered it, I’m have been finding it difficult to forget about it even though she apologized. I’m having feelings that she is still keeping the affair or maybe having other affairs. She still keeps the phone number of this guy. I’m thinking of quitting his relationship. Memories of she is unfaithful of fooling me keep hunting me. How do I approach this? I’m finding difficult to believe that she still love me. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for your concern to help.

Trust is the foundation of healthy interpersonal relationship. Try to resolve your doubts through frank discussions with her. Explain her, what keeps on worsening your doubts. Understanding at both ends can resolve this successfully.

Dear Sir, Please help me out, I’m sure you will give me an appropriate solution. I will accept and follow whatever you suggest. As I have developed a lot of faith from your solutions. We are married for 4 years, have a son of 3 years. My husband and in laws do not get a long with my parents and hence they prevented me too from going to my parents house. But this became possible after you suggested me to be firm. I and my child now freely attend all my parents’ side functions. But my problem is sir, when I attend my family functions I feel very embarrassed as most of the crowd asks why my husband has not come along with me. I at times cry inwardly but don’t express. It pains me a lot, I feel his absence. My parents tell me that in order to teach my husband a lesson I should not accompany him for any of his family functions. Will it be right to react in such Manner? But I do accompany him everywhere. I’m not sure sir, if I’m asking too much, as it is rightly said man’s needs always increase. I very often tell my self that I need to learn to move out without him. I tell myself that I should not ask for more. I just don’t know what’s right sir. Is there anyway that I help my husband accompany me for my family Occasions? Please help sir. Thanks

I think you have to learn to go without him at present as he has allowed you to visit your parents. If you will force him to accompany you or deny accompanying him then he will think that you are spreading your wings and things will worsen. You may talk to him on this issue after few months.