Respected Sir, I am a 24 year old female in relation with a man of 29 since past 8 years and all these 8 years I had been trusting him more than myself.He pretended as if he is not interested in girls except me and that made me love him more than anybody I was even ignoring my parents and career for him .He is very possessive, doesn’t let me wear short cloths or speak to any guy and as far as I know he too doesn’t interact with girls or have any friend in girl. But recently I have discovered that he used to watch porn sites live cam girls and fashion TV through his friends and all. I am totally broken down I tried ending up my life. I can’t sleep eat or do anything. He says that he is sorry. When I asked him why did he lie that he is not interested in girls for that he says that in real life there is no girl in his life except me. What he saw was on the screen and there is difference watching on screen and real life. But what am I wondering is that can a person who is truly committed and loves truly do this? Can a true lover be attracted to see other nude females on screen? I feel ditched and feels that he doesn’t love me .I have lost all the feeling. I just keep crying that how could he do that to me as we loved each other very much. He used to say that if I won’t marry him he will not marry any other girl but I feel it was all a lie because when he can be so desperate to see other nude females in spite of having sex with me over the phone regularly when I am away, such a person can’t love truly. It’s me who still feels that I won’t be able to go in another man’s arms. Sir I am really depressed. The moment I see any girl whether on TV or real life I feel like killing that girl I feel my boyfriend would be interested to see that girl’s genitals. Earlier when I used to masturbate I used to fantasize him and me. Now I am not able to connect my boyfriend with me in fantasy. I mean I cannot even fantasize any other men with me. The strange part is that I fantasize my boyfriend with other females and masturbate. I mean I think I am getting mad. Sir I feel that when he craves to see other females nude he must be fantasizing them with himself then how can such a man love me? In real life too he would then easily slip for any women because I never feel like seeing other nude men neither I had ever been able to fantasize other men except him. I loved him madly. We had planned to marry this year we had dreamt the whole life ,kids together ,and suddenly the whole world of mine turned upside down .How could he do this to me? Doesn’t he love me? Or is this act of watching ftv and other nude females on sites normal? Can a true lover do this? Sir kindly help I am getting mad. Can I get his polygraph test done? Please suggest good psychiatrist in Kolkata and centre where I can get his polygraph test done as I don’t trust him any more. Neither can I live without him.

From your description what I guess is, he might be having voyeurism. It is one kind of sexual deviation, in which person gets sexual pleasure by viewing woman’s sexual parts, erotic pictures, movies etc. Almost all males are voyeur to some extent but some of them are addicted to it. He is amongst the one who might be addicted. These addicted males keep on watching, collecting and storing pornographic materials in different forms. Many women are very sensitive about men’s habit of looking at pornographic materials and feel neglected. Stop becoming hyper on this but you should leave this topic with a note that you do not like his habit. You have to understand that this is like other habits (Smoking, Alcohol etc.), more you nag more it worsens. Do not think that his habit is because of some inadequacies on your part.

Dear Sir, Before 1 month I got engaged. After that I started talking with my fiancé on phone. We talked on general topics. But 1 day he came at my home on my B’Day and at that day he want to wish my Birth Day with hugs and kisses. And I couldn’t refuse him. Actually I don’t like these before marriage but he wanted. Now he wants to meet me again and again and on the phone he wants that I’ll give kisses and want to talk on love. Please suggest me that these things are right before marriage or not. And if not how can I refuse him? Our marriage will be after 4 month.

Some amount of physical and romantic acts in pre-marriage period is normal. However, it should be limited to hugs and kisses. Intimate physical activity (which includes intercourse) should be avoided and kept as a special gift to give each other. This will add an excitement and eagerness to your marriage. While you involve yourself in soft physical activities (like hugs, kisses etc.) be sure that you will not slip into further. He may try to proceed (as a part of male nature) but you need to control him saying you have decided to give that as a special gift after marriage. If he does not understand this melodramatic approach then you need to talk seriously on this issue, clarifying that you do not believe in crossing the limits before marriage.

I am 39 years old married person. My wife and in-laws cheated me as they did not told me about her i.e. her teeth are not normal. I started hate her and in-laws since marriage. It is almost 10 years of our marriage, but our married life is not so good. I have two boys also one is 7+ and antoher is 3+ A year ago, I met with a girl of 18 years thru net, we use to talk with each other. we did travelled in bus also for 12 hrs. in night and loved each other much. Now, we are interested to marry. but she is worried abt her parents and me too from my family. she is studying in 12 class and loved me very much . On our mutual understaning I am sending this mail to you. Pls advise what should we do? shall we marry considering abvoe facts.

Dear K,
You said that your wife’s teeth are not normal, means what? She is wearing dentures? It’s not clear to me. You feel that you are being cheated but I think 10 years is pretty long time to over come that feeling. Secondly, apart from feeling of being cheated, I guess; you must be having other emotional issues with your wife and that is why your married life is not so good. In such condition it is likely that you fall on some one. Girl of 18 falling in your love may also have strong dependency need (unconscious search for father figure). What you need to understand at this point is both of you have different need and expectations from the relationship. Both of you should be very clear on this and should discuss in depth before going to get married. You should also remember that age difference is 20 years, think of your life after 10 years. Priorities of each decade of life are different and you have distance of two decade. Do not think of short term, marriage has long way to go. To love some one is very different then to have a successful married life. Continue this relationship for at least 3 years; picture will be clear by itself. If you have sustained and compassionate relationship after 3 years, consider marriage.  

I am 36 years old. I have done the love marriage. My husband is very cooperative and sexy but now a day, I am facing a problem with the sexual activities. Whenever my husband initiates for physical relations, I feel irritation though I want to do sex. Please guide me why I feel like that? How can I enjoy a healthy sexual activity and give sexual satisfaction to my husband and get satisfied too.

Your libido (desire to have sex) is ok and still you feel irritation that means you have some underlying emotional issues. You have to look for anything which can be causing emotional distress. I cannot suggest any thing further until I know more details.

My best friend is a married man whom I have grown deeply in love with. I enjoy making love with him but I keep feeling guilty. I have a strong drive to be around him all the time. The more I try to control my feelings for him, the more I wish to be with him. Please advise me on how best to control this urge and strong sexual feelings for him.

Most of the time such relationships are need based. You are not able to come out of this because of your emotional and sexual needs. You have to put check on your needs to come out. I know it is difficult but at the same time not impossible, provided you really want to come out. Actively try to find out suitable match and get settle down.

Hello Sir!! I am 27 year old female. I was attending some coaching classes while listening to lecturer I got distracted in between because of someone beside me, I am not able to concentrate back. I’ll be looking at lecturer but my concentration is on the person beside. Say while watching TV someone beside me scratches head and I recognized that then I’m not able to bring back my focus to TV I am watching TV and also that persons hand, say I am talking to a lady, if I see that she has deep neck again I’ll be looking at her neck and face at the same time .Some times while sitting in the bus I used to feel people are watching me. This happens only from the time that thought comes into my mind. Please tell me what is my problem, doctor gave me lanopin md 5 is it ok to use it for one year I even developed problem with front part of men .Once I see it remains in thought and even if I turn my head now my mind has both i.e. at it and wherever I am looking at I don’t think anything its fear that there. This will land me in big troubles even when I go out I go in fear now. Its long I am already not going out too often and I manage situation with lot of difficulty. There are no men around in my house currently. Please help me .I am asked to take lanopin md 5.

You are suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I do not think that medicine which you are taking is going to solve your problem. Consult psychiatrist.

Hello sir, my problem is that I love a girl and we know each other from 3 yrs. We want to marry. The problem is that we are of different religions, I m Sikh and she is Muslim. My parents are against it, I can understand their fear but don’t know how to deal with that. Moreover, I feel if I get married with her, there can be problems regarding possessiveness of my parents, MIL-DIL feud etc. etc. so what to do regarding such situations? I know I have to support my going to be wife in such cases, but my parents have done so much for making me who I am today. I can support my wife but I will feel guilty inside that I am not considering my parents in their age and caring them, because I am from a middle class family. Please help me out.

This is a sensitive issue for your parents. Knowing them, you should have thought this much earlier. Now, either you convince them or have to choose between two. Nothing else can be thought at this point.

Hello doctor. I am masturbating every day wearing my underwear. When I masturbate my penis is in bent position (as normal position.) I enjoy rubbing my penis to bed in a bent position. Will it create a problem in future? I get proper erection. But I am afraid.

Masturbation is normal physiological act and it never harms.

I’m in a depressed state. My dad has a habit of betting in horse race. He is indulged in this activity for past 20yrs to 25yrs. My mom is still struggling with him to get rid of this habit. Because of this he gets more loans and debts from others. He lies every time he does the mistake so everyone stopped believing him even if he says truth. I got married recently with the help of my mom’s brothers and sister. He is still the same. We are very conservative family. Don’t know how to deal with him. Please help me.

He might be suffering from Compulsive Gambling. This is a mental disorder which requires treatment. Consult psychiatrist. He will be helpful in management.

Sir, I am a chemistry teacher. I forget the subject due to decreased memory. Please help me to improve my memory.

There are many causes of memory loss. We need to find out underlying cause to treat it. You have to undergo certain blood test like Blood Sugar, Lipid Profile, Serum B12, Thyroid function test etc and MRI (brain). Consult Psychiatrist near by, for further work up.