Hello Doctor, I’m in big problem. I use to be very thin till 2 years back. I am married since 6 years. 1st year everything was good. But one day in a small fight my husband told me that I’m flat from back and front top like a bidi. These words have changed my entire life. Now 4 years passed but still I’m in pain. Now I’m not thin but little slim. Now main problem is I love him so much and don’t allow him to watch vulgarity on TV, Movies, Newspaper. I take lot of pain to cut pictures of models from The Times Of India. I also lock the channels like AXN, HBO. Etc… I get hurt when intentionally or accidentally he watches girls with cheap dresses. He loves me and now understands and co-operates with me. But also it turns into big fights on few occasions. I don’t like when he watches girls with big bust. And I don’t allow him to come closer to me. Also I try to hide my body while doing sex. I feel what he wants is what I don’t have. But he has really big size. So I can’t comment on his body. Please help, how should I get out of this hell life?

Accept your body. Certain things you cannot choose in life. To considerable extent your body is God’s gift. By not allowing him to watch other women’s body you are depriving him and increasing his curiosity. You are not going to get anything out of this except wasting your energy and mental peace.

Hi Doc, I Have some serious problem in life to discuss. I am basically a guy with same-sex inclination. I do not know whether I am a gay or bisexual, but the inclination towards men is strong. I realized this way back in my childhood but could not do much about it. Due to social pressures (& as I didn’t have the courage to disclose it to parents), I got married about 2.5 yrs back. For first 6-7 months everything was fine and we enjoyed our sexual life. I was happy. However since wife didn’t want child before 2 yrs, I used protection. The problem happened about 8-9 months later. I have stopped getting erection during love-making. At times, I get it for a few mins and then it loses. I am now under tremendous family pressure for producing a child. Even I want to become a father as soon as possible. My wife is also not happy with me since there is zero sex life between us. On a friend’s advice I tried Sildenafil. That worked thrice, but then failed for next 2 times. I then stopped trying it. My friend told me that probably due to frequent use, my body may have become immune, and that I should again take it now (it’s been 3 months). But I am totally shattered. I know it’s not impotency or erectile dysfunction problem because I do get very hard when masturbating or when with guys. Its perhaps only due to the sexual inclination. I am totally depressed. Nothing seems to be good. Often feel like ending my life and committing suicide. Is there a way you can please help me out? We (me & wife) really need a child. What do I do? I feel guilt that she is suffering because of me only. Can’t even share this with anyone. No one knows about this problem and my inclination. What do I do? Should I take Sildenafil again & try? Is there a way for artificial pregnancy? Please help.. please!

You seem to be bisexual with predominant homosexual orientation. If you are getting strong erection with males, than try to imagine male partners during sexual act with your wife. Sometimes fantasized sexual act adds to your excitement. You may take Sildenafil under medical supervision. It never losses it’s effect because of repeated use. You may seek Psychiatrist’s help for controlling your homosexual drives, may be online to maintain your anonymity.

I am a 25 yr old guy. I love her from last more than two years. Actually she is my first love when we started then she was involve with some one else as well as with me but she had sexual relation with me only because I know that guy very well. Now we can’t live without each other but some time I am getting frustrated with her past. She also hides some facts about her family as well as herself. But now she loves me more than me and wants to marry with me. I love her but our relation is not so much smooth we fight so much even using abusing words sometimes I slapped her. I am afraid some times of getting married pl suggest me what should I do? Actually my family also opposed this relation because she belongs to different cast.

Abusing each other and physical violence suggest that you lack mutual respect for each other. You need to work up on that, otherwise you will remain painfully attached under the name of love and suffer. Before you get married learn to respect each other, practice absolute honesty in relationship and increase your understanding. 

Dear Sir, I am going thru a phase wherein after working with an person (my Boss) for almost 15 yrs. I have been abused bu the words like Randi – u must be sleeping with man’s for money has shattered me like anything. i could have slpped and left the office the ame day but mainly looking at the my socio-economic reponsibility being a single women i could not do that and he also knows this that it would be not o easy to leave job immediately. Its not so tht I can’t get the job but being a relation like family i never thought of this and this was the one reason I joined him yrs. back but from past yrs relizing that he is trying to pull me down and insult be even performing, if i try to speak to him he uses abusive lanuage and try to harass me. there were small incident earlier but this dialogue has shattered me like anything and thinking of the same all the time tears comes to my eyes whole day and feeling crushed and helpless as i hv to see him every day and i cn’t do anything. i could hve created scene in the office but looking at the past relationhip with hime and his family I just avoided and went out of the office and now even coming to office also. Pls. advice what to do as this is bugging me like anything and i being a heart patient this worries me a lot. pls. advice shall I change the job, i am 47 now as seeing him i feel irritated, helpless and insulted. Pls. advice and help

Dear M
I understand how you must be feeling. Believe me rejection is one of the worst feeling to have and that after 15 yrs. of togetherness.
Bitter fact is, he is not interested in you any more. Try to accept the fact. Reasons can be many. To comment upon reasons I need more details. If you find a new job of same position or little lower position (if you can afford and accept), change your job. Probably he might be wanting the same and that could be one of the reason of his misbehavior. Your inability to do so may bring you more suffering.

I am 21 but I behave like a child and with whom so ever I get close that person says me that I have a child brain n I should visit a doctor. I have very poor memory and grasping power also due to which I had to leave my job. I also had a relation with a guy for 7yrs who doesn’t loves me. Which he says but he is with me for my mental support. Due to my possessive nature for him I disturb him regularly. For this, he hates me more and more. He doesn’t love me but I do and I can’t see him with any other girl. I am good for nothing. I am lazy, stubborn and can’t concentrate. I am not normal like other people and I take tension for matters, which I should not take. I take serious things casually. Every person says that he wants wife opposite to me. I am very bad. I can’t keep anyone happy. I want to keep others happy and want to do job, want to have qualities. Everyone who talks to me say I am laloo. Please guide me. For everyone I am a headache. I want to get rid from these problems, want to do some thing great and different. Moreover, want to show people I am not laloo.

Your problem is of mental dullness. Mental dullness has many reasons, like intellectual deficit, personality related issues, hormonal problems, depression etc. I will suggest you to consult a psychiatrist to reach at the root of the problem and way out.

Sir, I don’t know what happened to me, my husband has no time to love me, and he has time to love their cousins. I don’t know. I am trying to understand my all feelings but he never minds it. Some times I feel like committing suicide but my religion doesn’t agree that. I am having a big problem. Nobody hears my words. I am in Kerala. Please suggest me a good doctor in Kerala. I can share all my feelings. I think now I’ll become a mad person, please help me.

Dr. E.Mohandas in Trichur.

Hello Doctor, I got married this Jan-2007. My wife is not ready to accept me. We never had any physical relationship; indeed, she doesn’t allow me to touch her. She tells, she is not having any feelings for me and not ready to create physical relationship. She told me her parents insisted her to do marry. However, she is happy with my parents. We did not talk each other, in a day we see each other only 3-4 times and talk around 5-7 minutes. Earlier I thought after some time she can manage, but it is long time over, around 10 months. Now a day she is hardly trying to mix-up with me, when we have dinner that time only talk with me as well as watch TV also, it means she has fixed time for me 20 mins. It is very irritating for me. I am losing my confidence and no more interested for her. Please suggest me a solution.

You should talk to your and her parents about this. She might be taking revenge on her parents because they forced her to marry you. Pressurize her parents to intervene and clarify her past. She may not like this but you have to take control over situation. If nothing fruitful comes out then think of seperation.

My wife being single child is extremely dominating & highly possessive & introvert in nature. She is 38 yrs old. She hates to mix with people except for chosen few. She lost her father 6 yrs ago & thinks she is orphan as emotional needs are not being taken care of by me properly. Her mother is solely dependent on me for which at times unconsciously I used pinching words which made mom in law cry in despair & in disgust. It made her angrier on me which erupts at many occasions. Presently she is on the brink of mental breakdown & threatened me to divorce her or wait for her suicide. Even though she hates her mom being extremely selfish , she hate me most as she feels all her freedom is clipped & she is reduced to a piece of furniture. slightly better than maid servant. What should I do . Pl help.

Your problem is related to her personality. You need to understand her personality well and tackle her accordingly. She seems to be stubborn, short tempered, attention seeking and demanding. Such personalities are prone to depression and impulsive acts. They are like ‘handle with care’ type and you have to deal with them tenderly but firmly. You may seek Psychiatrist’s help to understand her, in person or through online counselling.
 

I am 20 yr old girl,was in a relationship with a guy since 2yrs. everything was goin well unless i started becoming angry about his friendship with one of my classmate. I did’nt like her always coming with us when we used to go out. She knew me and my bf were having fights even then one day she went with him to buy some of their practical work stuffs. What I dint like was that none of them asked me to go with them when once i denied my bf of going with both of them. Then i fought with him for the same reason and told him that i dont want to talk to him.. Next day in college he asked me to sit next to him but after practical classes i dont know what happened to him he stopped talking to me. And atually we both have different batches for practicals and both my classmate and my bf are in the same batch. We used to have fights because of her because i dint like my bf to tlk to her when I thought she was trying to create misunderstndings. But my bf told me that she’s just a friend and that i unnecessarily doubt him. After few fights he again broke up. Since then im trying to make him understand my points but he refuses to accept the fact that somewhere even he and that girl were wrong and gives me silly old reasons for breaking up. Actually in between when i pleaded and asked him for patch up, he did come into relation and in the meantime I also told that girl in private to stay away from him. But one day I found both of them sitting in reading area n discussing something..i got angry because that girl knew our relationship problems and inspite of me telling her not to stay with him she was talking to him behind my back. So in anger i went and told her infront of my boyfriend that im not liking her to talk to my bf. My bf got furious with this behaviour of mine and said that he no longer wants to keep this relation. How should i make him realise that she was creating some sort of problems and he thinks that i was always spying on him and he also tells me that i should be mature and he complains that i dont let him talk to anyone but thats not true. He just gives me excuses. Did he loose feelings for n will never return back?? what should I do to convince him??

One important thing you need to understand here is despite of your objection they kept on going means you are not valued. Neither your boyfriend is taking you seriously, nor that girl. Why do you want such boyfriend back?! Leave the person who doesn’t respect you.

Hello doctor, my problem is I have a very unstable mind. I have no control over my mind. I made many planning, routines-but could never follow it completely. When I try to stick to it forcibly, in the midway I either get diverted or bored, or feel sleepy. I am very lazy. I have many wishes in life. Then how can I be so careless? Is this a psychic problem? I wanted to be a psychiatrist. But I could not go through the entrance exams. Now I am doing BSc. Though I have started liking it but I have no inclinations towards it. No one is giving any importance to me (I think because I chose BSc.).Even my mama is underestimating me and my studies. She thinks we can get job in just 4yrs if we do engg. But most students are doing engg. I always wanted to do something unique. So I didn’t opt for engg. Though I got good rank in that. Moreover I don’t like anything in the technical line. All my relatives, neighbors, friends forced me to do that. By opposing them every time. My dislike for engg. became even stronger. So much that I said “I will do anything but not engineering.” Can’t I prove myself through BSc? Can’t I get better job than my engg. friends? But constant pressure from family is frustrating me. They don’t understand me. They don’t trust me, my capability. Especially my mom. We often have quarrels on this topic and I end up crying in my room. My problem is I don’t understand what to do next? (I like understanding minds. so I still have a desire of becoming a psychiatrist.) But in this constantly disturbing env. of home I can never concentrate. I am in a hanging position. Please guide me.

I always tell to the students, it is not branch but it is you who has a future. What ever branch you will study, successful career depends upon you and not on your degree. You don’t have to listen any body for selecting the branch, except your parents. You should listen to their views and discuss your likings.
For becoming Psychiatrist, you need to be doctor first. (You should complete M.B.B.S. and thereafter have to do M.D. in psychiatry)
To improve your mental control you need to do physical as well as mental exercises like meditation, autosuggestions etc. Prioritize your task and get after one task, one time.