Hello, I and my partner have been staying together for the past 5 years. In-between he went abroad for 2 years. After he has been back, I found that he has lost interest in physical relation. Initially we use to have it twice a week, but now we have it once a month. I am 27 and he is 31. When tried to discuss on it, he says that he is not born for physical relation and takes it as the last priority. Both of us are in service and hold a good designation and salary compared to our age and education. Can’t understand what to do. Please help.

Person looses interest in sex for various reasons. He too might have reasons. Try to discuss with him saying, you feel that he is not interested in physical relation as he was. Is there any reasons? Is there anything you can do for that? Try not to blame him or sound it as a complaint. Look after yourself in such a way that his interest increase in you.

Hi, I got married 4 yrs back which was a love marriage and we have a daughter. After 1.5 yrs my husband passed away and after that after 2yrs I got married again with a guy who worked with me, as a friend we use to have long chats and at one stage he proposed me. We believe that we have some basic understanding and we believe we can adjust things to live a peaceful life. Now he wants me to be very strict to my daughter who is 2.5 yrs old. Basically he is very adamant and never likes to listen to my explanation. I’m confused that I can’t make him to understand that she is very young to be stricter and I’m not able to make my daughter to understand the situation. How to handle this? And also guide me, what is the correct age to tell my daughter about my past life.

Males and females are different as friends and typical as husband & wife, this is universal phenomena. I’m surprised that he wants you to be strict with your daughter; most commonly husband keeps on advising wife to go softer with kids. It is a mother who is practically stricter with child, father’s strictness theoretical. Exceptions are always there as statistical rule. I’m not sure on what issues he wants you to be strict so difficult to suggest specific points. You can tell her about your past life when she grows beyond 10. Exact age depends upon her maturity level, emotional growth, her personality, her surroundings etc.

I am 24 year old Guy. I have just finish my MBA & working with one MNC Bank.1 & half year back I met one girl. She is 21 year old. She was married girl with 42 Year old man. I was very close to her. She told me that she have not got married with that man, only because of some family financial problem she is staying with him from last 4 years. I love her very much & she also loves me. I asked her to come with me we will get married. She wants to come with me. But she is telling that it’s not easy to leave that person. Because she was with him from last 4 year so he will not leave her easily & he will create lots of problem for us. I can not leave without her & she also. I am very frustrated on that because I can not do anything for her.plz help me on that what I should do because of my job & carrier is also affecting from that

If she is not married to him, she can walk away anytime. Legally speaking, he can not compel her to stay with him. If you both are firm on your decision, no one can prevent you to get married. You may take help of her family members (I believe they are in your support) and in worst case, of police.

Dear Doctor, I am writing to you for the fourth time. Thank you very much for all the advices you gave me last time. However this time, it really hurts me to say my problem. I feel bad to say bad things about my own people. A quick background about my family. I grew up seeing the cruel fights between my dad and mom. My dad was addicted to alcohol and abused my mom and that lead to Domestic violence. At times, he even abused me and hit me. Whenever I tried to defend my mom, I got badly injured. I could not do anything about this at last. I felt guilty that I’m helpless. My childhood was strange and lifeless. Finally, my mom committed suicide. I was 13 when she passed away. I couldn’t do anything about it. My dad married another woman. That’s the other part. That’s my past. Life went as it is for all these years. Now, I am 28 years, looking forward to settle down in life. I want to get married and start a new life altogether. Problem is my dad till now never thought about my marriage. My brother forced him to search a guy for me as I am running older now. All my relatives also told him to look for a guy for me. Actual fact is my dad is not really making any effort to my marriage. My brother took up that responsibility and finally got a good alliance for me. Now when the boy’s family is looking forward for a discussion on the marriage ceremonies, initially dad put demands on the boy’s family that all expenses have to be born by their side. They disagreed and told that since the boy is last born in their family, hence as per rituals, they cannot conduct marriage ceremonies from their side, as per a tradition. Then dad said he will take care of marriage ceremonies, provided they give a share of expenses and my brother’s marriage also has to be done in the same ceremony. They agreed for it. Everyone, including boy’s family is searching a girl for my brother now. Now the problem is if my brother’s alliance is not fixed within this time, my dad is looking forward to cancel my alliance as well. I have a strong hitch for this. I told dad that I am very keen on this alliance as I find boy and his family suitable for me. I told my dad that you do not worry. I will take care of all my marriage expenses somehow. But also he is not willing to get me married. Always he takes a back step. As part of the rituals, my family is supposed to visit boy’s family for “Nishchitarth” but till now he has not done it. When I ask dad, what’s happening he just avoids me. I have been taking care of my family financially till now. I made a home loan and bought a house for my dad. Now that he is selling that house and buying a new one, costlier than the older one. I am not willing to take a home loan anymore and have already told my dad that that – if required, I will support you after marriage as well, but do not wish to get a home loan in my name as it is a commitment 20-25 years down the lane. But still he is forcing me a lot. He wants me to support the family even after marriage. I know it’s my prime duty and I will, but I feel burdened. I want to have that flexibility to quit job during my child bearing times or any difficult times. I don’t like to beg for money from my husband as well. I want to take care of my expenses. I want to be self dependent. I have told dad many times my concern, but he doesn’t understand me. So I even told dad that if you wish, I will not get married, but do not burden me with financial responsibilities of two families. Dad never speaks clearly with me. I don’t understand his intentions. Again he is forcing me to take a home loan with a joint account of mine and his. I feel there will be legal complications after marriage. I am confused. What should I do? Should I discuss this with my would be husband? But why will he trust me. He might think, if this girl can say badly about her own family, she will say anything about me as well. I did not find anyone trustworthy guy till now, to get a love marriage done, so that at least my husband is on my side. My two x boy friends cheated me for money. I tried my best to get some one loved, but failed. I don’t want to slip and marry a non-genuine person just because of my bad situation. I cannot say this problem with anyone as it hurts me to say bad about my own dad. Whatever he is, he is my dad. Apart from financial aspects, I also feel that with this kind of problematic attitude, my married life will be screwed just because of my dad’s behaviors in future. Sometimes, he doesn’t care for anyone and speaks rudely and abuses people. He might turn out to be problematic as he always makes life complicated. He is never firm on his stand always. If he doesn’t like someone, he dam cares about them. He just insults them and makes them get lost. My reputation will be affected with his behavior like it’s always been till now. What should be the possible solution to this? Please help. Thanks and have a good day.

What I understand is; you are the source of his financial securities and he does not want to lose that! He seems to be too selfish in his motives. You should honestly discuss your problem with your future husband. There is nothing wrong in exposing him when he is that mean to you. If your in-laws are agreeing then you should go ahead. It looks like your father may be suffering from some psychiatric illness, may be Mood disorder, Schizophrenia or Personality disorder.

Hello Doctor, I got married 11 years ago to my cousin. We never had good relationship with their family before my marriage. But on my mother’s force being elder in my family and 2 sisters following me I was forced to get married. And I feel at that age I was immature to get married. My husband had a premarital affair and that continued for some time. Thinking of families pride and my sister’s future, I bared lot of torture for myself. I’ve got 2 daughters and we were transferred to some other place. For 2 years we were fine. After that he started playing some gambling near his office, and used to come home late after boozing. Once he is drunk, he behaves very abnormally cursing my parents and provoking me also into his discussions. Slowly he sold a house given to me by my parents, my gold everything and we were into debts totally. And my parents stood by me thinking it was their fault to get me married. His parents also supported only him saying that it was my fault that I couldn’t control my husband in doing all these things. My husband never used to tell me about what he is doing outside the house. We kept him in a rehab center also for 2 months, but it was of no use. I started looking for a job thinking my children’s future. Then I got a govt. job in my native place after 10 years. My husband allowed me to join the job thinking that I would live with his parents, since they were staying in my home town itself. But my in laws didn’t allow me to stay with them and I some how managed to convince me to stay with my parents and do my job. I’ve put my children in school and they stay with me. It’s been 1 year now I’am doing my job and my job is in shifts. Every night my husband drinks and though he is far he speaks very badly on phones about me and my family. He calls up to the office and enquires about me. when ever I go to him he is normal. Day by day it’s been growing more and I feel I am also confused and mentally sick. It’s been more than 2 years he left us financially. He never tells about his income though he started going to office. He says to leave my job now and come to him. I am not able to decide anything. Please suggest.

You are staying with your parents and managing your own livelihood. There is no emotional bond between two of you. He is alcoholic and gambler. He has never treated you rightly. You married him in compulsion. What other valid reason you are looking for separation?! Never ever leave your job because financial independence is your greatest strength in this situation.

Respected sir, I am very much thankful for your last replies. Now I am very much satisfied with my relationship but I am suffering with myself. I lost my dad when I was 2 years old. And after that I got my step-father, but I still remember and miss my dad till this very moment. And I used to share all my feelings with my mom and I even used to tell whatever happened throughout the day to my mom but when I was in my first PUC I lost trust on my mom as she misused that character of mine and insulted me in front of all my friends as I had shared everything with her. And since then I am suffering very much. And my problem is that I can’t keep anything (information or any issue) within me and as a result I end up telling it to my friends. But later I regret for doing so and I feel embarrassed to again mingle with my friends. And by this my friends use my personal information as my weakness. And I even can’t take any decisions on my own as I prefer to ask others for suggestion before I take the decision. And I feel myself so dependent. I even end up telling my most personal things to my friends. Please help me doctor. I really need your help badly. I have to stop this character in order to safe guard myself respect and secure my relationship.

Your mother has done such an behviour only once which could be casually, you share your feeling with her only instructing her not to repeat the same now. And also you can start writing a diary which will help you ventilate whatever is there within you so just the crucial matter are to be shared that you can with your share mother only.

The institute in which I study had recently organized a cultural event in which a local rock band by the name of ‘NATIVE RULES’ came to perform. I had never before seen a rock show in my life. I decided to enjoy it to the fullest, and with this purpose in mind, I drank heavily. However, the authorities caught me and my ID card was taken from me. On the other hand, 60% of the people present they were drunk. I am now being threatened with the consequence of being thrown out of the institute. I am a good student. My parents will not be able to bear such a shock. Sometimes, I even think of suicide. What shall I do?

It was unfortunate that you were caught while there were so many others like you. You should honestly present the same thing (as you have written here) to authorities and sincerely apologize for your behaviour. You should also assure them for not repeating same thing in future. Tell them your parent’s position on disclosing this fact to them and convey them how ashamed you feel. Finally say sorry, sorry, sorry…..and mean it too. Any sensible person will forgive you If you have good reputation  otherwise. 

Hello Sir, I had been in a relationship with a guy who is 12yrs elder to me. He masturbates whenever he feels sexually aroused. We meet very occasionally, but he never shows any interest in intimacy or anything. He always blame me that you don’t talk and you are not interested or you cannot satisfy man, and he always says that he want to see me with other men in bed. And always ask me to do so, also he disclosed that he doesn’t like female sexual organ. What should I conclude from his behavior, this makes me upset all the time also he has habit of taking drinks, is he normal or suffering from some problem. Please help me out for my problem.

He does not like female sexual organs, not interested in you physically, want to see you with other men; putting all these things together one can suspect that he might be sexual deviant. When he does not have attraction for you and has no hesitation to ask you to be in the bed with men then why you should stay in that relationship?

Sir, I am 22year guy & I used to masturbate on regular basis from age of 16. Actually we are living in joint family. Generally on not getting time to do it in home, but I still find times to do it while bathing. We have small home & single Bathroom. Mumma, Sister & Bhabhi all of them used to take bath right after me. As I grew up I started to feel tense for doing same. I want to know till what time Sperm lives? So that females of family be safe. Is it safe for me to do the same stuff at same place?

Yes it is safe; it cannot harm other members of the family.

Sir, am born with 3 siblings. I am the last. I am very practical girl and I feel money is must in living very standard life. My parents are well off to offer. My problem is they are giving preference for boys than gals. I ask them to give assets in my name and get registered. I want to be done before my marriage. How should I approach them? They think that am keen on assets when others are keeping quite. The thing is already my 1st two of them have luxury houses in there name. I and sister are not having anything in our name. Only Jewellery. So how to approach them to give my things why should boys alone enjoying everything how can I make them to understand it.. thank you

Preference for a male child is an age old psyche of majority people (male and female both) so is the case with your parents. You can not compel them to give share from their assets. It is solely their wish. If they have inherited assets from your grand father then to get the share is your right and you can demand your share. Still you and your sister convince them for your share arguing that it can give you financial securities for difficult time.
Alternatively, make yourself capable enough to earn your livelihood and feel confident about yourself. Marry a man who can provide you financial and emotional securities. (As I guess, you are full of insecurities).
Joy and enjoyment of your own money is more satisfying then money you get as inheritance.