Hello Doctor, I had been married for more than a year, we are facing difficulty in having continuous smooth sex. Sometimes we have proper intercourse, but at certain times I am unable to satisfy her, the erection goes off during middle of intercourse. Though I love her so much, but sometimes some things keep running in my mind about family issues and other factors, though I try very hard not to think about those things during love making, but its keep coming in mind. And certain times I don’t know what run in my mind. How can I overcome this situation and led a peaceful life having normal sex life. My wife always keeps complaining that her friends have sex daily, but we usually have 2 to 3 times in a week. But she always says that you don’t love me as you say, because we don’t have proper sex. What can I do to have normal and happy life with my wife?

Your erection failure has nothing to do with amount of love you have for your wife. Men can get erection without loving the woman he sleeps with, so erection and love has no connection. Your problem is related to your mental state during the act. During the act if you are flooded with negative emotions, anxiety etc then you may lose erection. Try to discuss the emotional issues running in your mind and sort out the solutions. Learn relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, Shabasan, Meditation, self hypnosis etc. Explain your wife not to put performance pressure on you, which can worsen your problem. Make her to read this answer.

Hi, I am married before 2.5 years ago & I have a baby, she is beautiful & loving. She is 1.5 years old. When I sleep with my wife at night I want instantly sex with her but she refuses. She tells me to wait for some time like between 12 to 1 pm. but sir my work is hard during the day so I m tired at night when reached home between 9 to 11. Now I think I will make good sex relation with any other girl or lady who will be supportive to me very well more than my hope. Now please let me give right suggestion. I hope to get your reply very soon. thanking you,

I think you should discuss this with your wife. Make her aware about your unfulfilled sexual desire and urge to get it from outside. I’m sure she will understand and cooperate. You may either change your time for sex or try to set baby’s routine in such a way that she sleeps early. Just looking for outlets without trying to resolve your problem is not a good practice on moral ground.

Hello Sir, I’m from London. I’m married for the past 5 years and we have a 3 1/2 yr old son. My husband has a flirty string and he always ends up with women coming behind him or sending flirting messages. He does not love them but enjoys the attention. I once found this and we had fights. After this, he was quite normal. However, he has again started flirting and he gets these messages in his phone from a girl. If I ask him, he says its nothing. This is driving me crazy. I’m happy to get separated or divorced because I cannot continue living like this. I need a man who not only loves me but also faithful and who does not flirt. He sometimes says that I need a Psychiatrist help. Please advise me as what I should do.

If he says, it’s nothing then ask him why he is doing so? Tell him very bluntly that you do not like this, and you want it to be stopped. You can talk to the girls involved, explaining that he is married, has one son and because of her marriage is in problem. You should be very friendly with girls involved (this is very important to awake woman inside her) and disclose his flirty nature. I’m sure any sensible girl will stop that. 

Respected sir, I am 27 yrs old male. I am very introvert, shy, submissive, pessimistic and low in confidence. However, very hardworking, strong will power, Good looking, sacrificing & fair by heart and passionate about my career. I belong to lower middle class Haryanvi family. My English was very poor but anyhow, by hard work & will power I improved it in last 5-6 yrs. Now I am associated with one of biggest MNC for last 3 yrs. where I am struggling with inferiority complex as my all colleagues are rich & belong to Punjabi culture and they talk about the advice things & some of them know good English also. I always keep on thinking what they would be thinking about me (Inferior, backward, arrogant, egoistic, just shy & normal…) as I am not so rich, advance & always keep mum. They speak freely with anyone (including other colleagues, bosses) and in group, huddle but I never speaks in huddle due to my before mentioned nature. They tried to speak & be friendly with me also but I never responded positively, ignored them & kept quite. Please advice what should I do to overcome my aforementioned nature & problem and how to boost my confidence since it is mandate to grow in life.

First of all, start responding them positively once they try to be friendly with you. You cannot change your socio-economic class immediately so accept it as a part of reality. English, anyway you can improve.

Dear Doctor, I urgently need your valuable advice. Please help me out sir. Before I share my problem with you I would like to tell you that I’m highly impressed by the advice you gave me about 2 months ago. It seems to be working out. Thanks sir. Today I’m approaching you with another problem with a lot of confidence that things will be on the right track. It has been 4 yrs for my marriage; we have a child of 3 yrs. I’m a postgraduate holder, was working for a reputed company but was asked to leave my job after birth of my child. My husband loves me a lot (he refuses to have sexual relations with me for the past 3yrs due to the below mentioned criticism by his mother) but more than me he loves his mother. He easily gets influenced with whatever she tells him. So much so he tends to hate the people, whom she complains to have troubled / hurt her. She mostly complains about my mother, she is highly superstitious, following customs are a must for her. She has extremely high expectations from others (perfectionist), which I believe is the root cause of all problems. Her constant complains about my fly has created hatred in the heart of my husband too for my mother. He once happened to use foul language to my mother following which my parents have decided never to step into my in-laws house unless & until my husband apologizes for the same (this happened 2 yrs ago). As a result even I’m not permitted to visit my parents since 2 yrs. But despite this my father visited us some months ago but they still insist that my mother visit them. When my mother got to know this she was upset that my father visited me without telling her about it by then she too had decided to forget the past & visit us all. On one occasion my husband called my father on his mobile twice, where my mother answered the call. Hearing her voice my husband cut the line. This depressed my mother a lot & she has now decided NEVER NEVER to step into my in-laws house. She has now changed her decision forever. I am longing to spend time with my parents, I love both the families, and I cannot afford to lose either of them. I feel very jealous when I see my in-laws playing with my child. I think about my parents a lot. I miss them a lot. I’m longing to see them. My mother tells me that I’m too mild & that my in-laws are taking the upper hand. This is true that I obey & respect my in-laws a lot. My relatives laugh at the way I behave, they are all telling me to boldly tell my in-laws that “I’m going to see my parents along with my child” but I have a fear of losing my husband who loves me so much, I have a fear of losing this good fly. At times I do think of leaving both the families & staying somewhere else with my child, as I find that either of the families are not prepared to give up their ego for my sake. Would this be a right decision? What do I do sir?? Please tell me the way I should behave. Is my behaviour right / wrong? Please get me out of this problem sir. Please….please…..

Thank you so much for appreciating my efforts.
Freedom is one of the prime virtues of love. Unfortunately, you do not have it and you still feel that your husband loves you a lot! I do not know what your ideas about love are but for me it definitely includes freedom of expression, understanding, consideration, sacrifice and lot more. Try to put forward your feelings about the whole issue without blaming or accusing any one. Make him aware about your attachment to your parents (that any child would have for his/her parents). Any loving husband will understand this provided it is properly conveyed in non aggressive way. At the same time you should also convey that as grand parents they have equal rights and desires to spend some time with grand children, in an assertive but non aggressive way. Rather than trying to patch up between them, try shift your focus on your duties towards your parents. You owe some duties towards your parents and you are going to fulfil that without bringing other issues in the way, you should make this thing very clear to him in very polite but firm way.

i am 26 years old. last year i got married. condition 1 i do not love my wife because she is short in height. She is hardly 5 inch tall and i am 5.5’(love tall girl) but very cute and very much caring and loves me very much. when i went to see her for the first time along with my family i did not notice her height and i agreed to marry her. on the same day we got engaged. after some days i asked her to meet me alone(date). on the same day i realized that she is short in height and since then i have made up my mind that she is not the girl i was looking for. but i was late because our marriage was very close. Everything was planned and booked and also the matter of both family image in society. condition 2:- we got married but on the first night i also realized that she already had sex with someone before, after some days i also read an unusual msg from a guy on her whatsapp. condition 3: very critical. i have one elder brother he also got married 4 years ago. i started loving my bhabhi and my brother and my wife have doubts but not confirmed about my affair. I have done every thing with my bhabhi now i am scared about our family if it comes out our family will be destroyed. after my father passed away i am only responsible of our family because my Brother lives in dubai. i along with my bhabhi ,wife, mom & younger sis are living together condition 4:- if i talk to my wife, bhabhi will become angry. if i talk to my bhabhi, wife will become angry. i don,t understand what to do. i know i am wicked and bastard broke my brother trust. i want to die but cant because ther is nobody to take care of my family. please sir do let me know the solution of this situation. looking forward to have your reply soon.

Let us not get into who does what and why because that requires deep analysis. If you want to put an end to it you have to take your Bhabhi in to confidence. Talk to your Bhabhi about what both of you are heading to and explain that it’s time to behave sensibly for both of you. Self control over your behaviour is a key here. Try to accept your wife, spend quality time with her to create more intimacy. Prepare your Bhabhi to accept this by discussing consequences of reacting to your intimacy with your wife.

I was married this year in April, my husband refused to marry just 3 days prior to our marriage as it was love marriage and his parents refused. We waited for 3 long years to get married. But since we are married, my husband has become someone else. We hardly have sex; he doesn’t even hug me or kiss me. We sleep on sides of the same bed, I have tried almost everything to attract him, spoken to him directly but nothing seems to work out… I have now started feeling attracted to other guys around what to do?

Reasons behind his disinterest may vary from physical to emotional, work related to environmental. It is difficult to put finger on any of them with the information you gave. However, you can openly discuss your feelings with him and may take professional help together.

I have lost confidence in myself; I have appeared in CA twice and failed due to aggregate problem. Now, I have this psychology that I can’t pass any exam in life. Although, I cleared other exams with good marks, but could not clear CA and this has been a major demerit for me. Along with this, I lost my mother when I was 8 years old. My grandparents and paternal uncle aunts treat me badly; they always keep on abusing me badly. My father knows everything but wants me to keep quiet and to adjust somehow, which is now impossible. They have aimed me now with a new thing to disturb and often call me failure. They can’t let me come out of my failure. Please help me, I want my confidence back. Thanks in advance.

Work hard and show them. Good preparation will increase your confidence.

Hello Sir. I have a girlfriend who is 6 years elder to me. She is a very nice person but I always wanted a beautiful wife. I am in this relation since 3 years but still I am not able to convince myself to commit for marriage. I do get attracted to beautiful women and fear that may not be happy if I marry her, as I always wanted a beautiful wife. Please help me to come to a conclusion.

If you are longing for a beautiful woman and she is not fitting in that frame then do not go ahead with her. Moreover, she is 6 yrs elder to you so she would be aging early then you and that can also cause beauty issues in future!

Hello Dr, I’m 20 yrs old. I’m in a relationship with a girl for quite some time now. We understand each other very well, we know everything about each other, and everything is great. We don’t have any problem. But sometimes when I’m with her I do not know what to talk to her, it’s like there is nothing to talk, I don’t know what to do, please help me.

C’mon, I cannot teach you what to talk; can I ?! If you have nothing to talk on that time then just listen to her, that is also equally important. Sometimes silence is also enjoyable and meaningful. However, if you have to talk on every meeting then talk about her interest, as you said you understand each other very well this should not be difficult.