This is for my father in law. He was a class 1 officer, retd. For the last 3 years leading homely life with his wife. Children are all away (Gulf). The problem is he is doubting his wife and creating stories about affairs even from 25 years before incidents and starts abusing her verbally as well as physically. He was a calm person but after this, he became different and now he is not ashamed at all to explain to anybody about these false stories about his wife. What is this type of illness called? How it can be cured. He is taking some medicines after consulting a doctor but there is no improvement and now he rejected to visit any doctor. Rest all activities are normal .he drinks alcohol and that time it is increased. Wife is now living with some relatives because of fear. pl. help me and suggest the way out

Your father in law is suffering from Paranoid Delusions, which is a symptom of many mental illnesses. It may be related to his Alcoholism. Please consult nearby Psychiatrist, he will diagnose the actual illness and suggest the way out. If he does not come then you go alone to consult.

Hello Sir. I am in relationship with my boyfriend since 3 years, between he used to work and I was completing my P.G…. Now he has resigned his job and went out of town to find a good job, for better pay and growth. Fine I appreciate it but every time I ask him about marriage he says first let me get settled. I agreed for it. Some times he even says his parents will not allow marrying me if he goes against them they will harm their life … Then if he can’t convince his parents why did he fall in love with me. I feel like he only uses me. I asked him that then he says no he loves me lot… I am also madly in love with him now. But I want him to marry only me. Now my parents are looking for proposals for me, as they are not aware of my relationship… Should I trust this guy and wait till he himself comes with proposal of marriage to my parents or should I tell this to my parents so that they can speak to his parents.

I think your friend is not ready to get in a marital relation with you, so make sure about that as well as his willingness to go against his parents for you, this will give u an idea about what is he thinking. Then if he says he will marry only you after he is settled, then u can wait or just give him an ultimatum that I will send my parents to your place and u will know how much you can trust his words.

Hello sir, I am Anupama working with a public sector bank and married since last 11 months. My husband works in the same bank and he is a gem of a person. Quite positive, helpful to others and no bad habits at all. But sometimes unknowingly he neglects me in public and whenever there is any argument or something which makes me sad, he reacts in a very strange manner. He starts beating himself, which scares me a lot and at that moment whether I speak anything or I keep quite to handle the situation he becomes more aggressive and start beating himself again. Please help.

He might be having some personality as well as adjustment issues with you. I need more details about your personal life to comment further on the issue.

I have a friend whom I know through chatting for past 8 years and we started meeting each other only before 2 years. She is 23 years old. We were very close, discussing about almost all the things. Before 1 year, we use to talk for more than 8 hrs/day and that was a time when I was searching for job. After that I got into a company and shifted from Chennai to Bangalore and I could’t talk as we did previously. Because of this we often get into fights and always start quarrelling. She is very possessive and very sentimental and that’s the big problem for me. Now, she is threatening me that I should not get married to someone else and if that happens, she keeps telling that she may end her life. Please advice as to what I have to do. Because of this, I am also loosing my peacefulness.

You have not mentioned that whether you wanted to marry her initially and then taking a back step or you are not interested and she is compelling you through threat. If you were doing a time pass then you have choose a wrong one. She must have developed emotional dependence and in such case it is very difficult for her to face rejection. However, you should not succumb to her threats. One can not agree to marry on such threats. It is a kind of emotional blackmailing and that may run through out the span of your relationship in various forms, once feared.

Dear Dr.Hansal, I have been married since 1.5 year. We don’t have any serious problem. In fact my husband is very passionate about me and loves me very much; even I love him very much. But I have only one problem. These days I don’t feel sexually attracted towards him. Even if he is away from me for many weeks, I don’t get excited when he returns back and I see him after a long time. Could there be a problem with me? I love my husband very much and would want to be as passionate and sexually attracted and active towards him as he is towards me. Please help me.

Loss of sexual desire has many underlying causes, starting from psychological,physical as well as hormonal. From your description it seems that you have good tuning with him. Please look for any emotional issues, work stress, depression etc as these can be silent contributors. In their absence you may think of getting your hormone profile checked, thyroid profile in particular. Sonography of pelvis is also required to rule out ovarian cysts.
Do not feel guilty about not feeling sexually excited. It may be temporary if rests of things are normal. Try to involve fully into his passion and increase the time of foreplay and after play,  which in turn increases desire.

I got married with a person who is 14 years older than me. I got married on 2003. From six years I am trying to make understand my husband I want some attention. Please try to give me that, but he always ignores me, and tries to full fill his own desires. I still want to keep this relationship because I have a 3 year old baby. And I don’t want to spoil her life. Please solve my problem, how can I get my husband’s attention?

There may be number of reasons behind this. Age difference, work priorities, mutual respect for each other, person’s own sensibility about the issue etc are some of important reasons. You try to understand possible root causes and adress them in non-blaming way.

I am a 20 year old student, currently pursuing my 4th semester, 2nd year of graduation. I fell in love with a girl as I came in college, when I first saw her during the beginning of our 1st semester. I told a friend about her as I was a bit shy to start talking with her. He suggested me that there was nothing wrong and I started talking with her on facebook. I didn’t know anything about how to talk to girls. And on the first day of my chat with her I asked for her number. She obviously refused as she didn’t know me well. I used to chat with her daily and we came to know about each other quite well, and later we exchanged our numbers. She actually studied with me when I was in school, 1.5-2 years back. She was my batchmate (but not in my class). Surprisingly she told me that she had a crush on me at that time but not anymore. She told me about this guy in her class who proposed her at the very first when they met. He was a detained student and a senior. She refused his proposal. She used to tell me about him that he was a drunkard, smoker and had some other addictions also. But later, on the other hand she recognised that he was a protective person. She had a best friend from the previous school and he used to suggest or force her not to talk and be with this junkie. She didn’t agree with him and she and her friend had a rough chat with each other one day. When the junkie came to know that he abused him, he beat the guy right outside our college. I didn’t know that he abused this person as this girl didn’t tell me. Till then this girl, had an impression like “most of the boys have ditched her”. We used to meet casually at college as we had a full day college. I just met her along with her sister once on the friendship day for about an hour. Nothing unusual happened. I can realize now how dumb I was then.One day when we were sitting together in a bus, I proposed her. Hearing this she felt shy for about 2 minutes and hid her face with her hands. She was surprised, she told me that from our chatting she knew that I will propose her one day but didnt know that it would be like this. She refused me and told me that it was okay being just friends. When I told her that I loved her, I still remember the feeling that I literally felt in my heart. I was so afraid to convey this to her. And after I told her, she told me that she wished to hug me and I just held her hand for about 15-20 minutes as she didn’t want a relationship with me. I still remember this day. Coming to her best friend, she cried a lot for him even in the bus. She was going through bad days about her image in college. Some of her friends from the class along with the one who was detained and me, stood by her in the situation. When the situation became a bit cool I stopped talking with her for the first time saying that I needed a break. She asked me not to leave her like her other old best friends left her. I kept that in mind. But i was not able to stay mum for more than 3 to 4 days and started talking with her. But after these days I was not able to talk with her the way I used to talk before. Maybe because an old friend of mine (not from the college) judged this girl and told me she was not good for me. I was no good at that time judging people about how they were. After this break she was happy that I started talking with her and told me that she thought that I would probably never talk to her again. We then kept in touch for about 10-15 days and this thing which my friend judged about her kept striking every now and then in my mind. A big decision I had made again that I would not talk to her ever again. I told her the same that I was getting busy those days and need a break again. But for this time I kept a firm mind and didn’t even look at her till the current day. The second reason was she was too much impressed with the protective nature of the guy who proposed her before me. Before I stopped talking with her,she accepted his proposal and was now commited with him. So I felt it was nothing wrong staying away from her. She had someone whom she loved. I thought that they loved each other so much and so will never be aparted by anyone. Their group used to stay together all the time. They seemed like made for each other for lifetime. And I too was happy for her. She had such good and understanding friends unlike me who stood by her all the time. Coming to the present day, one of my classmates (and a best friend) who was also a friend of the one who ‘she’ loved, told me that he broke up with her. I asked him why and how did this happen, my friend told me that he was not sure but the boy is not talking with the group since a few days but talking and probably hanging out with some another girl.
I felt so sorry for this thing which I have done, I think if I would have been with her all the time ,this situation might be different. Not to be with her but for her good,not to hand her to these kind of guys. Their relationship lasted for about almost 2 years and they both aparted.
I want to ask should I apologize to her for not being by her side during her difficult days, for not being a best friend who I was, for not understanding her feelings for me as a friend and being a dumb fellow for that time……??

I don’t think your decision about this relationship is wrong. What I understand is, she was considering you as an emotional support, and probably never wanted you as her love. She made a choice of a protective guy over a guy who loves her. Now that the things have not worked out between them, for the reason best known to them, I don’t think that you should jump to play any role. She might come back to you or develop a feeling for you out of her multiple rejections, but in that case your future relationship will not be in a good test.

Hi, I got engaged to a girl on September 2008 and her family has given us the following information before getting engaged: She has a sister who has married a boy in the other religion and we are not in touch with her anymore and we have only one daughter. She is good at studies and has 80% in her MSC biotechnology (she was doing final year MSC at that time). I am more interested in education and in fact I am the founder of an educational trust to help the poor students in rural areas. So I said OK thinking that she is good at her studies. Even when I was talking with her before engagement she has accepted to pursue higher studies. But soon after the engagement we came to know that the family is in close association with her sister. What really hurt me is that not the relationship they had with her sister, but the fact that they have cheated us by giving us the false information. Our family would have been given a chance to consider this issue and decide but not getting convinced after knowing the real fact. Then the other issue is that now she is telling that she is not at all interested in studies and that too she is not good at studies. Her percentage is not 80% and she had two arrears. Even she told me that I know if I would have told you the truth, you would have stopped the engagement and you can do whatever you want now including stopping the marriage. I am speechless now. In addition to all these a boy called me introducing himself as her lover and even she confirmed that she was in touch with him earlier but not now. I am totally in depression now. Her father is a heart patient and if I stop the marriage and if something happens to her father, the society may blame me saying that I am the reason for everything. I can’t explain to each and everyone that there is no fault on my side. I can’t concentrate on my work properly and I am getting worst mentally day by day without knowing how to get out of this problem. Please advise me and help me to get out of this issue!!!

You have been cheated. It is better to leave her than suffering throughout the life. Think about yourself first and then her father and society. They should have thought about her father’s health and consequences and not you.

Sir, I would like to tell you that I had been in a relationship for about 2yrs and recently we broke up 4 months ago. And now I have completely removed any thoughts of her from my mind as she doesn’t deserve it. Now the problem is that we both have to work together for some project purpose which is a compulsion. So please can you suggest me any ways to avoid her or keep her away?? Because whenever it happens to interact which each other I am not at all comfortable with it!! She doesn’t matter me in anyway now and I have moved on in my life! Please help me out to avoid her thought we are working together!!! Thank you.

If you have become indifferent to her then why should you bother to avoid her thoughts? I think in that case you are not completely out. When we had emotional relation in the past and have to work with the same person in present, it is natural that our thoughts will take us to our past. Consider this as natural and do not give undue importance to it. It will automatically die when you stop feeding them with your attention.

I have been married for 3 years now, I was working before but my in-laws did not want me to do a job but start a business if I wish. I myself love being home and like creative arts and being there for my family always. But I don’t feel comfortable at my place; it’s me my husband, his parents and our 2 yr old son. My mother in law’s habits irritate me a lot, and all this makes me behave rudely and later I feel guilty about it. I have tried telling her several times but it does not help, she cares for me too, but I hate the show off behind it, and that nature of show off is in everything be it religious activities, or anything. She speaks too loudly; she is very impatient and restless all the time. I just feel like running away, because I am a peace loving and very patient person. We can’t move out as my husband really loves and cares his parents a lot, and I respect his feelings. Please help me as I can’t even concentrate on little things I do, I am always irritated and sad and I was never like this.

You are aware that her nature and habits are the root cause of her behavior. You have to take this awareness to acceptance. Accept that she is not going to change and will be the same. Learn to live with her or prepare yourself for steps like doing job or separation. Do not think that she can be changed by your sufferings or your husband’s involvement; this will only worsen her attitude towards you.