Dear Sir. The advice you gave me last time worked to a very great extent. Thanks a million Sir, for your valuable advice. I had written to you months ago regarding the below (mentioned in brief) “It is about 5 yrs for my marriage, we have a child of 4 yrs. My husband refuses to have sexual relations with me for the past 4yrs due to the criticism made by his mother about me & my family. But more than me he loves his parents. He easily gets influenced with whatever she tells him. Her constant complains about my family has created hatred in the heart of my husband too, for my mother. He does not even allow me & my child to visit my parents.”” On this Dr. you had advised me to be firm & tell my husband that I have responsibilities towards my parents also. I did so & my parents also came over to my house. This has now made a way for me & my child to visit my parents since one year. Thanks to you Dr. Thanks so much. But I now have a new problem related to this. I’m quite sure my husband sent me & my child, against his & his parents’ will, to my parent’s house, though he never accompanied us on any occasion/ function. I used to go all alone since 1year. The problem sir is that after I come back from my parent’s house, he behaves in a very strange manner, as though he is very sad because of my behavior. He has even recently stopped going out on Sundays with me & my child. He told me that he does not want me to visit them. He hates them a lot. I’m confused sir, whom do I choose? My parents or my husband, if I chose my husband (which I did in the past & which did hurt me a lot, as he still never had a physical relation” with me, I missed my parents, I felt left out) then my mother starts crying & longing to be with her grandchild. She then told me in the past that if she dies I should not come even for her funeral. I just don’t know what to do sir, I’m fed up of all this. I’m pressed between both my husband & my parents. It irritates me when he is with his parents. I have never asked him to separate from his parents then why is he asking me to NOT even visit my parents. Is he emotionally blackmailing me? What do I do Sir? How do I handle this behavior of his? I’m confused sir, whom do I choose? Please help me sir, I need your help urgently.

Ignore his tantrums. Whenever you got to have this topic open, try to make him realize that you continue visiting them not to hurt him but you have to, because you feel morally responsible for this.

Dear Doctor. I’m 30 years old, Just Married and enough healthy man. My problem is, I’m facing the problem of, when I penetrate it discharge quickly. I’m very much frustrated. Will you please help me out? Best Regards.

Your problem of early discharge is known as Premature Ejaculation. Premature Ejaculation is the most common sexual problem experienced by man. There are certain techniques, which can help you to stay longer. Kegel exercise is one of the very popular and effective techniques to control premature ejaculation. These are the exercises of pubococcygeus muscles (PC) muscles. A man can do these exercises anytime and anywhere and no one will even know about it. To identify the muscles of your pelvic floor stop your flow of urine next time you go to urinal. Contract the muscles tightly holding for 10 seconds i.e. stop urinating in between. Do this thrice a day repeating 10 times. The PC muscles control the urine and semen and firmness of your organ during erection, so keeping them strong will increase ejaculatory control. Even while masturbating or doing intercourse you can practice stop and start i.e. rub for few thrust then stop for a minute and start rubbing again. Just relax on this; it should go away with some time. You may try SSRI (group of medicines) with Doctor’s consultation.

I love someone. I broke up with him once, after that I called him, and now it has been 6 years in this relationship. But he doesn’t trust me now. I can’t live without him. But he thinks that I am just flirting. Today he became angry on me because my exams are going on, and I cannot meet him. What should I do to get his trust back? I want to die.

I need to know the reason why you had broken up with him to make further comment, because I believe roots of his mistrust must be laying there.

Hello doctor, the problem is with my cousin sis. She has been brought up in a joint family, at the initial time her father, means my uncle wasn’t having any job so her bringing up depended on others. She didn’t even get proper care from her parents, was left on her own from before. She grew up wearing boy’s dresses and didn’t show any hint of being a girl from her appearance. Everyone over-looked thinking that it will be ok by time, but it got worsened. She had many with girls. Now she can’t accept herself as a girl and wants to go for a sex change. It has affected all of us badly. Because we being in a conservative middle class family can’t accept it and moreover she has left all attempts to recover from it. It will be of great help if you solve this problem. She has also attempted suicide many times. I beg u for her normal life Hope to get your reply as soon as possible… Thanking you.

Medically this condition is called Transsexualism. Physically she is female but psychologically she is male. Her nurturing must have played a major role in strengthening her psyche as a male than a female. Transsexuals are very determined for gender change and they can go to any extent for that. Although, some of them are satisfied with cross dressing only and others go to extent of surgery. Even suicidal attempts are common amongst them. However, one needs to rule out mental illnesses like Schizophrenia  in such cases. Consult Psychiatrist for further help.

Sir, I am writing to you for the fourth time. As I mentioned earlier mine is a distant relationship with a man of 36 years. I am 28years old and we are in relationship for the last 3years. Sir, for the past 1month I’m facing lot of problem in my relationship. The guy I’m into relationship has 2elder sisters and 1younger sister and brother. I would like your help in understanding the nature of the guy I’m in relationship with. He thinks a lot of his sisters, as I mentioned earlier, we are not getting married till his younger sister gets married and I have no choice except to accept it. The problem is if I’m not well and his sister is not well, he is worried more of his sisters who are already married. The actual problem is I have a gynec problem and I’m supposed to undergo a minor surgery at the same time one of his sisters who is already married with kid has a cyst in her ovaries and has this problem for quite some time. When I told him about my problem he said, that is a simple problem when compared to my sister. When he stated this I was hurt, but somehow I kept quite. But couple of days back he quoted saying Thank God, I am relieved out of tension as my sister problem is resolved. I felt hurt. I questioned him stating when I am into problem you were not worried and concerned, why is that different. When I said the same thing, he got angry and since then he is not answering the call. It’s hurting me a lot. I changed myself for him, only to ensure that he is happy. He never thinks of our relationship or the future of relationship. All the time he is only worried of his family. I don’t even get to talk to him after coming home in the night because he states that he wants to give time to his mother. When I ask him what about me, he says this is how I’m. If you want to be with me, you have to accept me the way I’m. Sir, he is 36years old, he has fulfilled all his responsibilities as son and brother, and I am still supporting him by waiting for him till his sister gets married. When I question him or ask him why don’t you call me or message me, why aren’t you concerned of me he gets angry and he disconnects the call. When I try calling him he doesn’t answer. He wasn’t like this before, I still remember him saying that I am tired of all the responsibilities just give me 1year and I will be with you. But these days, he is not bothered of me and this hurts me a lot. Please help to make him understand that even I am part of him and he should be worried of me. How do I make him realize what he is doing with me is wrong, the way he is behaving with me hurts me. When I say all these, he is not ready to listen. Please tell me what I should do. Please help me Sir.

I’ve told you to rethink about this relationship. He does not have respect for your feelings instead he says this is the way he is! He is taking you for granted; now you have to decide that how much and how long you are going to take this?!

On Dec 25th I met my colleague and I am in love with him, who stays close to my residence. From the time he has joined our company, I have been meeting him regularly and we make love almost everyday. Now I am emotionally attached to him and feel that I should spend the rest of my life with him. I am aware of his past relationship with a girl friend 8years and she ditched him. He believes a lot in horoscope and astrology. I proposed him for marriage because I am confident and believe that he likes me and loves me too. But he refused because his parents would never agree for this due to different caste as I am a Hindu (Kannad) and he is Tamilian.He says both of our horoscopes and astrology does not match and its poor and hence he can never think of marrying me. I tried convincing him a lot but he does not listen to me. We tried breaking up but didn’t work as he says he can’t live like that as he is emotionally attached to me too and want to cherish the time and memories with me and carry it for entire life, he also says he does not want to continue this and give me a false hope and misuse me. His parents are looking for a bride for him and my parents an alliance for me. I am not at all interested in anything except him. I can’t take him off my mind, body and soul. I pray that he changes his mind but I also know it’s impossible. I sometimes feel the reason he has given is not valid but there must be something else which he has hidden it from me. I want to know all the truth. I want to live with him. I’m confident of convincing my parents. I am fine with all his drinking, fagging habits and the way he is I love to the core. I need your help sir. I need him in my life. I want that man. Suggest me what I should do. Do u feel he is in touch with his ex-girlfriend? When we met for the first time he told that he had a girl friend and broke up a year ago but recently he confessed that he broke up 5 months back only after coming to know about her truth of having relationship with a married man and due to her false character he broke off the relationship. He also confessed that he is in touch with her younger sister who is of my age only (25).He is of 30yrs old. He is an average looking, whetish complexion and the same with me. Please help me out with an alluring solution so that he gets convinced and we live together forever. I am scared till the time I get answer for this, or else I’ll be engaged wit someone else. Please do the needful sir. I am seeking for your help very desperately. There are so many things to share but I do not know. I just feel I will lose him. I can’t live without him. Sir please help me.

You are desperate to marry him but he is not! This is because you have loved him truly but probably he has not. His secret relationship with other girl even when he was enjoying physically with you, relationship with her sister and his unwillingness to get married to you under various excuses; are straight indication of this. Better accept this bitter fact and leave him. It may be very traumatic for you at present but on long run it might be just better for you. Think over with these things in mind.

I was in a relationship with a men form past 6 year. He is married and I am 33 years old. My problem is, when he is physically closed with me; I have no sexual feeling or sensation. When I’m trying to engage in inter-course I have some sex problem please help me.

What do I understand by some sexual problem?  I want some more details about your relationship and sexual problem to help you.

Hi, I’m very much worried about my daughter’s future. I’m 30yrs old working in MNC, having a kid, she is 3 yrs old. My husband passed away 2 years back when my daughter was 7 months old. We lived a peaceful happy life. We got married after a great struggle bcoz of caste difference. However, we lead life as husband and wife for only 1.5 yrs but we are lovers for 6 yrs before marriage. Till now I love him a lot. I believe he is with me even though he is not physically present in this world. Five months before, I decided to get married by thinking of various family situations and thinking of my daughter’s future. Also bcoz of the Guy who proposed me who know my entire past story and I believe I can adjust myself and still I know he is very genuine. As he has grown up very lonely, he is not having mentality to adjust for even simple things. He is very short temper and very sensitive and he gets angry for very silly things. He never accepts his mistakes. I managed to adjust all this by thinking my daughters future in mind and my daughter is not matured enough to adjust him. So there the problem is starting. Still his need is privacy and he never tried to understand what I really like, dislike. Only thing He wants me to understand him and we (me and my daughter) should behave accordingly. If I missed to do that in any situation, he will scold me. Even if the mistake is on his part, then I use to beg him to pardon me in order to resolve the issue and to make the life to normal flow. I believe these are beginning, when my daughter grow up, she will get affected when she comes to know that he is not her real father. He will decide things easily and I’m afraid that when she grow up and if she tell anything against him then everything will be collapsed. However, I’m living in this world to take care of my daughter. Now I start thinking that I should not have get married bcaz if I’m alone I can manage but now I don’t know how to explain things to my daughter. At the same time, I can’t explain to my husband who never likes to listen explanations. once in a while he will show his affection but approximately Every day we are facing different incidents and I’m learning new lessons which I should not do in future. I feel very tough to adjust for my whole life. For the past years in my life, I was independent and I was in very comfort zone. Now upside down, still I like to have healthy relationship with him but I do not know the way to make it up. Need your suggestion.

I think, you made a mistake by not discussing the main purpose of your marriage, before hand. Your main priority was your daughter’s future and you should have clarified this to him before marriage. Now that you are married to him, you need to bring this issue very tactfully so that he will not feel offended. Try to share your worries regarding your daughter and her relationship with him, particularly when he is in a good mood. Plan outings, small vacations and try to spend some quality time together (all three of you). This will increase your bonding with each other.

Dear Sir, my problem is regarding my career. I completed my hotel management in 2007 and worked for 6 months in McDonalds then left the job because I didn’t like it. Again I worked in a call centre in Delhi for one and half years and left the job because I was not getting satisfaction and I could not see a long career in it. I resigned in May 2009 and came back to my native place Lucknow and started preparing for bank examinations. Now the problem is that it’s over 8 months now but I am not serious about my studies. Since I have no great academic record I need to work really hard and give more and more time to my studies to complete the examination. I am 24 and I know I don’t have much time to experiment and need to get a good job as soon as possible and settle in life. I have all these things in my mind and I can imagine the consequences if I will not get a good job but still I am not serious and able to concentrate on my studies. I waste my time in unnecessary things. I sleep a lot, chat with friends etc. I decide everyday that from now onwards I will work hard and concentrate on my studies but everything in vain. I am ignoring the truth completely. Even I don’t have very strong family background. Sir, please advice and guide me how can I increase my concentration and spend more and more time in studies to get a good job as soon as possible. I don’t want to ruin my career and my life. Please help me. Thanks.

First of all make a note of your distractions. Chart out a plan to manage them and implement it. Initially you may find difficult to stick to it but with repeated efforts you can achieve this. Everyday while you wake up, first thing you should do is to give auto suggestions to yourself that you have to manage your distractions by any means and you cannot afford to lose control on them.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had 1 surgery for it, but his psa increased. Now he is on medication. This is a traumatic phase of our life. I try my best to be of help to him and to the whole family, but I do fall short. I don’t know what to do. I love him very much

This is very unfortunate.  I understand how miserable you must be feeling. Falling short in your efforts is because of your helplessness in treating your loved one’s illness. However, you can increase your will power by accepting the illness and committing yourself for best possible efforts to support him. I’m sure with your internal strength, sincere commitment towards his care and medical advancement in cancer treatment will give good quality life to him. May God bless you all.