Hello Doctor, I am now married for almost 1.5 years now staying with in-laws. We had a love marriage but my mother-in-law never used to like me even before marriage. But my husband convinced them for marriage somehow. I am a working woman and educated as much as my husband. We both are financially independent and strong. Last few months I have become very depressed. I have lost almost 7-8kgs after marriage. I never had good relationship with my mother-in-law in specific. She is very conservative and orthodox. I don’t like her attitude. She feels pride in making me inferior at house. She behaves bossy at home and wants everyone to do things her way. It was intercaste marriage so the relation between parents was also not that great but they have been peaceful and meeting only at functions etc. She expects me to do all the work at home after coming from office. I do all my work, cleaning our room, washing my clothes and my husbands, cooking dinner for all but she expects more. Because of work pressures and all these household chores, I always remain tired and it’s affecting our sex life. We don’t have intercourse for up to 1 month sometimes. We haven’t planned for baby yet. He is very supporting, loving and caring but he can’t say anything to his parents. He says he feels little guilty of forcing his parents for this marriage and you have to maintain relations with his mom anyways. He is also not ready right now to move in to a different house for us on rent. He says you will not be able to manage alone and we should stay together. She is a very rough women, speaks very rudely to me, and curses me for one or the other thing daily. My colleague’s even at work have noticed my mood swings, rudeness and sometimes a sarcastic behavior. I have always lived an independent life and financially sound but still my home depresses me. Even if there is no work at office, I don’t take a off and go to office because I know if I would be at home, I would be made to get up early and do household chores. She really blows up an issue if I am at home and not helping her. Please suggest what should I do? Thanks.

You have to involve your husband into this. He cannot run away from this problem just by saying that he already feels guilty about it. If he cannot tell his parents then he should start helping you in house work and sharing responsibilities. He should also stand by you in wrong things done by your mother in law. Baby at this stage may act as a breather.

Dear Dr., I got married in the last year and had one beautiful daughter in the two months before. We shifted her from in-laws to my home, as well as we reached our home she started crying and feeling guilty for nothing. We are only four members at home and there is nothing happened with her to feel guilt. We tried to convince her then she gets mum for that night, next day morning she started talking irrelevant things and fear. We consult psychiatrist and admit her in hospital, doctor said it is postpartum psychosis and will take 15 days to be stable, during the treatment she was not able to sleep about 15 days and her pulse around 150 average, doctor also not expecting the situation. Someone suggest to approach DARGA and we did, after that day she started sleeping in night, but there is no change in talking, she is under treatment and also take the opinion of other doctors and they agree with the treatment. Now after 1 and half month passed, we see somehow improvements. Doctor said, if she will not improve in this week then we have to go for ECT. Can you please tell me the ECT is reliable treatment and not required in future. Because I worked outside from my native and she has to stay with me lonely. Is this disease totally curable after taking treatment for some period? I love my wife and daughter and parents, so please suggest and give your opinion at the earliest.

Postpartum psychosis affects one to two women per 1,000 women who have given birth. If she has not responded well to medicines then ECT is a good option. It is very effective in most of the cases. Do not worry, if treating psychiatrist feels that it is necessary, you should go for that.

Dear Sir, I have a relationship for 10 months. The boy proposed me first. In the early days I ignored him & hurt him. But now I love him more than myself. Now he ignores me, hurt me too much. He talks with my friend Rumela now & tell that he has no need of mine, I may leave him, he is good with my friends (Girls).He is 23.I cry through the whole day, he doesn’t care it. I want to be cheerful & I want to do my studies very well. I want to live, I don’t want to die. He also gave a condition, i.e. if I shall not able to crack the IIt he will leave me. I can’t do my studies for his mental torture. So what’s next? I can’t live without him, I can’t do my studies, I can’t led a normal life then how it’ll be possible to keep my relationship? Now he is torturing me too much mentally by keeping his phone busy with Rumela for hours & hours. Please help me. I want to live & build my career.

He does not have love and respect for you. You should not continue with him. Leave him and accept that he is not meant for you. Person, who can torture you at initial phase of your relationship, is going to torture you at every walk of relationship. If you cannot live without him then better start learning to live without him. You cannot go pleading, when someone does not need you and expect happiness out of that relation.

I have fight with my girlfriend very often. She never cares about me .If I’m sick also she cares for her things to be done 1st.Recently I told her not to drink, she went with her friend and had a drink But I’m tensed as how to get rid of it.

She does not care about you, does not respect your sentiments and ignore your advises then why should you continue with her? You should discuss this with her and if she does not show sincerity and inclination to improve her attitude then rethink about continuing this relationship.

Dear Hansal Sir, Today i have no questions about my personal & sex life just because form the day i understand that what is the relationship i was used to read your columns in gujarat samachar. Your guidance was so helpful to make myself more mature. I would like to thank you for giving me maturity. I am great fan of your thoughts & your lovely PURNVIRAMS.

Thanks for your appreciation. Very soon, you will be able to read those articles on this website also.
 

I am 23 years old. I have problem of my penis foreskin, which is very tight and doesn’t go back. So can you suggest me the best solution for this? Sir please suggest non-operative and painless treatment. I am much worried about it because after 2 months am going to marry.

The only treatment for this condition is minor operation called circumcision. There is no other alternative so please do not waste time.

Hello I’ m in a problem. I need your help as soon as possible. I am 21. My boyfriend is 18. I am a Punjabi girl and he is a baniya. We are in a relationship since 3 years. Our families have come to know about this relationship. We both really love each other very much. My family is saying tell the boy to commit in front of his family and my family that he is serious with me. My family is saying if he does not commit, I cannot talk to him. My boyfriend is scared to talk to his parents though his parents know. Please could u tell me how I can convince my boyfriend to commit to my family? Please help me please we both really love each other. However, my boyfriend is hesitating to talk to his parents as he says they will say no. please help me please. How can I explain and convince my boyfriend that he commits it. Thank u

If he loves you then he has to show this much of courage. Your love should have at least strength of accepting it in front of any one on this earth. Discuss with him and ask him to admit his love for you and your relations to your parents (both side). There is nothing to convince on this, its matter of common sense.

Sir I have a boy friend. Both of us have good understanding. He is not agreeing for marriage. He wants to make a sex relation with me. I wanted to know that if I make a sex with him, is there any problem which can occur in future when I get married? Can he find out that I’ve done sex in past?? please give me a path wat i can do…

It is not only his wish which is important here, you should also think of your wish to get into it. You may get feeling of used up if you involve your-self under his pressure as he is going to run away (remember he is not going to marry you). Your future husband is not going to make out unless you disclose it to him or you start behaving in experienced way in the bed.

Hello Sir, I am doing graduation. My age is 21+. One day I have checked my testicle. I think that the size of my right testicle is small as compare to the left side. Is there any serious problem with me? Please tell me the whole in detail?

Some size difference in double body parts (parts which are in pairs) is normal. However if you feel that there is remarkable difference in size then consult urologist near by. It is not serious; all that you need to do is get it checked if size difference is obvious and not only perceptive minor difference.

Dear Sir, I had friendship with 3-4 girls at different time and due to some reason we got separated. Though, I didn’t have physical relation with any of them. Ours was a purely emotion/feelings based friendship. Now, problem is that during our friendship I remain emotional and whenever our relation breaks I feel loneliness and sad and I can’t forget that relation for some time. After some time I started to live normal. The main thing is that I never expect any sexual type relation from any girl like others male. I just want some female friend at any moment of time with whom I can share all my feelings. It doesn’t matter that she is beautiful or not. After break of relation, for sometime I feel that now onwards I will never talk with any girl and I will live alone etc. but later on I again live as usual. I feel that I am emotionally dependent. Is it true? Please tell me what should I do? How can I control my emotion?

I think you are right; you are a person with strong emotional dependency needs. Because you are a male and girls are always better emotional supports you are more inclined towards female friends. You need work out on your emotional needs to come out of this problem, which requires lot of self-analysis and psycho-analysis.