Dear doctor, I m 34 yrs, I have one problem with my wife, she is good in nature, good looking but the problem is when she come to sleep & when I touch her & ask for relation she refuse. I asked her so many times what’s wrong with but she reply that she is not interested in relation, she love me a lot but she don’t know what’s wrong with her & what happen when she try to do this, her body, mind will not support to do the same. Doctor how can she get interest to for keeping relation with us.

There are many possible reasons for this. It requires in depth interview with her. If she accepts her problem and really feels that she wants it but her mind/body does not support her (not putting it as an excuse) then take her to Psychiatrist. Professional help and couple’s cooperation is must in such cases.

Sir, I am 24 year old girl. I did a 5 year professional course where I had friendship with a boy who was my senior for 4 years. I had a brotherhood relationship with him, but I used to touch him and speak in the public places without considering what the society will think. During my fourth year I felt in love with my classmate and still in love. My problem is he won’t like my senior friend, so I had to contact with him without knowing to my lover because I had a fear that my lover will get angry on me and My senior friend was too much possessive and will scold me if I talk about my lover. so I didn’t reveal that I am loving him because during that time my senior friend had one love failure and he also had a complex of his caste because he is SC. but once he voluntarily asked whether I am in love with my lover. I revealed my love matter to him. He spoke violently and told that he is in fear that he will start loving me. Then I stopped friendship with him. My lover and that senior are working in the same area. Many persons told to my lover that I had an illegal relationship with that boy. He has also created so many rumours. But I have met him in many public areas. Whenever I feel that he is upset I met him in the areas like park, ice cream parlour, bus stand, and bakeries. Once my lover also saw me lying on my senior friend’s shoulder but he didn’t ask anything. The reason why I hided my friendship is just because of a fear that my lover will scold me. I didn’t think that I am betraying him because I didn’t have any kind of bad intention towards my senior. But after coming away from him he has started creating rumours. Now my lover hates me. We had so many psychiatric counselling but nothing helped us. He really wants to forget the past. But the people around him are talking about the same. My lover is also having a sexual relationship with me. I revealed our love matter in my home. They are opposing me. Now my lover is in the condition that he can’t live with me peacefully and at the same time he cannot live without me. Also I can’t live without him. He couldn’t forget my past. Nearly we met 6 to 7 psychiatrists. But nothing worked out. Please give us a solution. I want my lover to forget my past. We can’t move away from the current place also. He can’t avoid from his friends also. He is also thinking now a days, whether I am a bad girl. But really I want my lover. I want to keep him happy, I want to marry him. I don’t know how this is going to be possible. I want a solution. I am in a critical position. I have to convince my parents and also I have to get back my lover with his old love without any hatred on me. Please give me a solution.

It is not a question of forgetting the past (time is the only solution, which varies in individual case depending upon so many factors); it is about accepting the past. He is not able to forget because he is not able to accept it. I do not think you can go back to original spotless relation; you have to carry on with some tint. I suppose, no male can ever take this in a positive way (that’s how males are!!), I foresee break up here.

I have an affair with a guy from last 8 years. He is an Engg. So am I and after college he did job n I did MBA. Now we have told our parents about it, firstly my parents were not ready as the guy is financially not too strong as we are…but now they are ready. They are not too happy with it. Our roka is in next month. But now the problem is that I am not too happy as our relationship is changing…v both are having fights almost everyday, he wants me to b more homely like typical working at home kinds along with job. I want a bit modern life like both working and seeing after home together. And along with it there are many more issues. Now I am kind of 50-50.shud I marry him or not. I do love him so he does but we are confused. All our relatives also know about it now. plz reply

After 8 years of relationship if both of you are not on consensus about such vital issues, you should rethink about your decision of marriage. If he is expecting typical homely wife then you can not talk about ‘both working and seeing after home together’. You should openly and honestly discuss all your differences. See his attitude and then decide how far he goes to compromise with such issues. Before you call off give him fare chance to understand your needs and expectations. 

Dear Sir, Its 5 years that we are married but since the birth of our daughter (4 years) my husband refuses to have sex with me. When I asked him the reason he says that he doesn’t like my behavior, the way I react when I am corrected. Dr for all these years I have somehow managed to stay without a physical relationship but things are getting worse for me. He does not even talk properly to me, does not spend time with me he is a businessman by profession. At times I feel probably stree is keeping him away from me. I cry throughout the night. I’m just fed up. I crave for his love & affection. How do I get my husband back? I really love him a lot. Please help me sir, please. It’s a long time now. I have not enjoyed my married life at all. He also tells me at times that his parents are not happy with the effort I’m putting in managing the home & that too makes him stay away from me. What’s the exact problem Dr I need your urgent help. I shall be ever grateful to you. Thanks Dr.

He seems to be exploiting you on your sexual desire. This is how he might be pressurizing you to change the way he wants. If you think that you need to improve your behaviour then work in that direction. At the same time stop demanding or craving for his love or sex. Let him become impatient about why you have stopped craving for sexual relationship. He might be involved somewhere is also a possibility.

Dear Sir, I am from Jaipur, Rajasthan. I got married on 16th Nov. 2005 at hapur which is the native place of my wife. At that time I was working at my home town bharatpur, Rajasthan. Since my marriage my wife was having some problems like she was not able to do the simple things, she used to sleep in excess, very less talking, always lying in the room and watching TV. For around six months of my marriage we were not able to engage sexually. At that time I and my family were carrying an image that she is innocent so we remain co-operative with her. I told this thing to her parents and they also tried to help us out. After wards she was taken to gynaecologist on different occasions and they told that she had lack of sexual desire. She suggested that if she will have a baby, things might go right way. so with help of few medicines we finally got the news that she is pregnant. During her pregnancy she was at our house and completely taken care by my parents. And on 2nd June 2007 we had a girl. After that I joined another company at Jaipur and started living there initially with my brother who was there previously. After that things started keep on worsening since that time I don’t have any sexual or emotional attachment with her, which was same from the first day of my marriage. In the month of Dec 2007 she was in Bharatpur and she left house without telling anyone, though we found her; get her back to home and I take her to Jaipur. I tried to explain to her but instead of understanding the things, she abused my parents and again left the house without informing any one. When my parents found her out she created a mess there, threw stones on them, bite on my mother’s hand and then from there itself she was taken to Jaipur. In Jaipur I took her to a psychiatrist and she told that it is a case of border line mental retardation and her IQ is 80 with a mental age of 13 years. So please suggest what should I do? I don’t want to live with her any more. I have also communicated everything to her parents but they are now blaming me and my family for all this. Every time they are threatening me and my family sometimes directly or indirectly that either I should continue with her or they will send me and my family to jail by false cases and all. So please help me out.

Mental Retardation is not a disease, it is developmental problem. It is from birth and cannot be treated. Her parents must be aware about her mental status and still got her married to you, without informing. You have to accept the way she is, as there is no cure. If you cannot, then you may seek divorce. Mental Retardation is a direct ground for divorce and you can get it very easily. Her parents may bully you for avoiding responsibility but you have to act assertively.

Dear sir I am a fashion model by profession and I am GAY, from past few months I am into relation with a bank executive. Few days back he told me that he has a boy friend and then too he likes me very much but his boy friend is doubting that he is dating me (as I haven’t met his boy friend) since then to keep his boy friend happy my friend is avoiding me a lot . I am depressed with his behavior and I can’t concentrate I tried to keep myself busy but I did not succeed, I have accepted his relation with other guy but then to there’s some problem in our relationship. I tried to talk and sort out things but in vain, please help I can’t stay without him, I may end my life.

It seems that your friend was merely attracted towards you but is serious about his relation with his boy friend and wants to continue with him. As you have accepted the fact that he wants to live with his boy friend happily it is of your best interest that you get out of this circle as soon as you can. I do understand that this may be difficult for you, which is evident from your death wishes in that case I would suggest you see a counselor….DETAILED ANSWER MAILED TO THE READER

My penis is short but it is erected it about 10 cm long, is this normal? Please reply me I am very confused.

This is absolutely normal.

Hi, I am married for 2 years and having 8 months old baby. We don’t have sex; my husband is very lazy to have whenever I want he say, just leave him alone. He smokes cannabis as well. He loves me a lot and I love him a lot too. But I am so worried. About not having sex.pls advice me

Loss of sexual desire may have multiple reasons. In your case his cannabis dependence may be the cause. Long term cannabis use is known to cause amotivational syndrome (what you called laziness) and loss of sexual desire is a part of it.

Dear Sir, I am urgently in need of your help. It is now 5yrs for our marriage. My husband stopped having sex with me since 4yrs (after birth of our son). He used to give different reasons for not coming to me-1)My behavior, 2)that I have gone against him to my parents house,3)his mother complains a lot about me. Today I have completely changed, I do whatever pleases him. But now he tells me that he has turned ‘Insensitive’. He tells me to take him to a doctor. What do I do sir? I have been to counselors but of no use. Only waste of money. Please advise me about his behaviour. Ample foreplay does not make him react at all. Secondly also please recommend me a GOOD doctor in Mumbai where he will be given the right treatment. Is this curable? Will he regain his sensation? He is not sure of the exact reason for not having sex. Please Doctor please, advise me what to do. Day by day I am turning impatient, I cry every night in vain.

There may be number of reasons for him to turn insensitive, only interaction with him can give the correct clue. Consulting a psychiatrist will surely give some relief and will further help him solve his insensitivity issues. You may visit Dr. P.C.Shastri.

On Dec 25th I met my colleague and I am in love with him, who stays close to my residence. From the time he has joined our company, I have been meeting him regularly and we make love almost everyday. Now I am emotionally attached to him and feel that I should spend the rest of my life with him. I am aware of his past relationship with a girl friend 8years and she ditched him. He believes a lot in horoscope and astrology. I proposed him for marriage because I am confident and believe that he likes me and loves me too. But he refused because his parents would never agree for this due to different caste as I am a Hindu (Kannad) and he is Tamilian.He says both of our horoscopes and astrology does not match and its poor and hence he can never think of marrying me. I tried convincing him a lot but he does not listen to me. We tried breaking up but didn’t work as he says he can’t live like that as he is emotionally attached to me too and want to cherish the time and memories with me and carry it for entire life, he also says he does not want to continue this and give me a false hope and misuse me. His parents are looking for a bride for him and my parents an alliance for me. I am not at all interested in anything except him. I can’t take him off my mind, body and soul. I pray that he changes his mind but I also know it’s impossible. I sometimes feel the reason he has given is not valid but there must be something else which he has hidden it from me. I want to know all the truth. I want to live with him. I’m confident of convincing my parents. I am fine with all his drinking, fagging habits and the way he is I love to the core. I need your help sir. I need him in my life. I want that man. Suggest me what I should do. Do u feel he is in touch with his ex-girlfriend? When we met for the first time he told that he had a girl friend and broke up a year ago but recently he confessed that he broke up 5 months back only after coming to know about her truth of having relationship with a married man and due to her false character he broke off the relationship. He also confessed that he is in touch with her younger sister who is of my age only (25).He is of 30yrs old. He is an average looking, whetish complexion and the same with me. Please help me out with an alluring solution so that he gets convinced and we live together forever. I am scared till the time I get answer for this, or else I’ll be engaged wit someone else. Please do the needful sir. I am seeking for your help very desperately. There are so many things to share but I do not know. I just feel I will lose him. I can’t live without him. Sir please help me.

You are desperate to marry him but he is not! This is because you have loved him truly but probably he has not. His secret relationship with other girl even when he was enjoying physically with you, relationship with her sister and his unwillingness to get married to you under various excuses; are straight indication of this. Better accept this bitter fact and leave him. It may be very traumatic for you at present but on long run it might be just better for you. Think over with these things in mind.