Dear Doctor, I urgently need your valuable advice. Please help me out sir. Before I share my problem with you I would like to tell you that I’m highly impressed by the advice you gave me about 2 months ago. It seems to be working out. Thanks sir. Today I’m approaching you with another problem with a lot of confidence that things will be on the right track. It has been 4 yrs for my marriage; we have a child of 3 yrs. I’m a postgraduate holder, was working for a reputed company but was asked to leave my job after birth of my child. My husband loves me a lot (he refuses to have sexual relations with me for the past 3yrs due to the below mentioned criticism by his mother) but more than me he loves his mother. He easily gets influenced with whatever she tells him. So much so he tends to hate the people, whom she complains to have troubled / hurt her. She mostly complains about my mother, she is highly superstitious, following customs are a must for her. She has extremely high expectations from others (perfectionist), which I believe is the root cause of all problems. Her constant complains about my fly has created hatred in the heart of my husband too for my mother. He once happened to use foul language to my mother following which my parents have decided never to step into my in-laws house unless & until my husband apologizes for the same (this happened 2 yrs ago). As a result even I’m not permitted to visit my parents since 2 yrs. But despite this my father visited us some months ago but they still insist that my mother visit them. When my mother got to know this she was upset that my father visited me without telling her about it by then she too had decided to forget the past & visit us all. On one occasion my husband called my father on his mobile twice, where my mother answered the call. Hearing her voice my husband cut the line. This depressed my mother a lot & she has now decided NEVER NEVER to step into my in-laws house. She has now changed her decision forever. I am longing to spend time with my parents, I love both the families, and I cannot afford to lose either of them. I feel very jealous when I see my in-laws playing with my child. I think about my parents a lot. I miss them a lot. I’m longing to see them. My mother tells me that I’m too mild & that my in-laws are taking the upper hand. This is true that I obey & respect my in-laws a lot. My relatives laugh at the way I behave, they are all telling me to boldly tell my in-laws that “I’m going to see my parents along with my child” but I have a fear of losing my husband who loves me so much, I have a fear of losing this good fly. At times I do think of leaving both the families & staying somewhere else with my child, as I find that either of the families are not prepared to give up their ego for my sake. Would this be a right decision? What do I do sir?? Please tell me the way I should behave. Is my behaviour right / wrong? Please get me out of this problem sir. Please….please…..

Thank you so much for appreciating my efforts.
Freedom is one of the prime virtues of love. Unfortunately, you do not have it and you still feel that your husband loves you a lot! I do not know what your ideas about love are but for me it definitely includes freedom of expression, understanding, consideration, sacrifice and lot more. Try to put forward your feelings about the whole issue without blaming or accusing any one. Make him aware about your attachment to your parents (that any child would have for his/her parents). Any loving husband will understand this provided it is properly conveyed in non aggressive way. At the same time you should also convey that as grand parents they have equal rights and desires to spend some time with grand children, in an assertive but non aggressive way. Rather than trying to patch up between them, try shift your focus on your duties towards your parents. You owe some duties towards your parents and you are going to fulfil that without bringing other issues in the way, you should make this thing very clear to him in very polite but firm way.

I am 31 year old married male. I am working in MNC. I have one colleague in my office. She is 23 year old single. We are good friends. We go for lunch, breakfast together. I like her and I told her that and she accepted it with smile. Many time I observed that she touches me intensely and pretend that she did it unknowingly. Sometime I also touch her knowingly to know her reaction but she doesn’t mind. Some colleagues in our office get jealousy of our relation and tried to create misunderstanding between us but she ignored all these stuffs and kept relation with me. I told her 2-3 times that we are just good friends and nothing else. At that time I observed her reaction and found that she didn’t like my statement of just good friends. Two days back she told me about her boy friend and I got depressed after I heard that. She carefully observed my reaction and asked that why you become sad? I said nothing but she got the point. What should I understand from her behavior? I know that she has feelings for me but not sure that she loves me or not?

She might have made such a remark to see your reaction or she might be seriously involved. If you consider this relation serious and are not just flirting then you may go ahead and ask her frankly as you share a friendly relation with her but before you go further in this relationship you should think that you are married.

Dear Sir, I am manager and have a good family. I have two kids and a beautiful wife. I want to discuss a problem in my personal life. When my wife was pregnant, I had sexual relation with my female assistant. Now she wants to marry with me. I also love her but I don’t want to leave my family. What should I do to solve this problem?

You should have clarified this fact to begin with. Now you have to convince her that she had relation with a married man and it was her mistake to expect that you will leave your wife and family for her. She will definitely feel cheated but there is no other way. You love her as well as your family, you are ridding on two horses simultaneously, bound to have difficult ride.

Thank You for your valuable service. I am a 33 yr old male. Married for last 4 years. I and my wife have a very healthy sex life we have 8-10 times a week. She says I am the best lover as we enjoy our love life. But last couple of months I have this urge to have much more sex. Sometimes in middle of my work in afternoons and since I travel a lot, I want to have with other females. In short my sexual appetite has gone up tremendously and I don’t think my wife can keep up to my appetite. I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to have sex with any call girl.

At the age of 33, having sex for 8 to 10 times a week is quiet a good frequency. Desire to have a sex with other females can be considered normal sexual fantasy but that does not mean that you should go and have it. Somehow people who are in travelling job have this desire more frequently.
It is possible that simply by overdoing it, now you are sort of obsessed with it or may be bored with same partner/same positions. You may think of some novelties in your act so that you remain interested in your wife only. And if nothing works then only one mantra can work and that is ‘control’.

hi dr I just want to ask u question abt one of my friend. She was very much attached to her boyfriend, who left her 7 month ago. However, it seems that she never stop crying and never stop be depressed. She stops eating and doing anything, I tried to help her but I could not. Please can u help me and tell me what can I do to make her be happy again? please. thanx anyway

When any emotional attachment breaks, it brings pain and suffering for those who are seriously involved. They may feel rejected, cheated or dumped, which brings sadness or depression. Depressive feelings in such condition can be considered normal and should settle down within 6 to 12 weeks. I think, your friend was seriously involved and she seems to be suffering from Depression.7 months time is quite long for coming out without professional help. Please take her to psychiatrist for counseling and treatment. This is the best way to help your friend.

My husband is a mama’s boy. Though he is caring by nature he is blindly supportive of his parents. They are 13 siblings and he is youngest of 6 brothers. His mother exploits him for every need of hers and her daughters. I hate this as his parents have their own business and good income. All his brothers are against him as his mother is brainwashing him against them. I am feeling anxious and I have a constant headache most of the time. He is addicted to porn and online chatting. He wants to flirt with my female friends causing me great stress. He is 47 I am 37 and mother of 2. I am married for 15 years. Sometimes I feel like running away but I am helpless.

At 47 you cannot change him or break his attachment to his mother. Accept the reality and learn to live for yourself. Have your own goal and purpose in the life. His habits cannot be addressed without creating conflicts. If you are prepared for that then expose him to family members.

I am 24 years old girl. I have no previous love affairs. Naturally I have many dreams around my marriage. Recently my marriage has been fixed. I saw him once when they came to my home to saw me. Now my problem is that he doesn’t want to talk with me through phones. Many times he disconnects my phone calls. Sometime he is rude to me. He is not interested to go restaurant with me.. What should I do? Please advise me.

If he does not understand your feelings and hurting your self respect then break your engagement. This decision may give you some bad memories but will spare you from  agony of disturbed married  life.

Hi I am from India, 32 years unmarried girl, deeply involved in a loving relation with a married man. Inspite of knowing the fact he is married I fell into love, please don’t misunderstand me, I want some guidance, I can never forget him and having a lot of pain. As I am trying to marry someone else, this person fore played with me but not done intercourse, as I told him not to do anything else. Please don’t take me wrong, I truly loved him, he says I should get married and he will be with me like this forever. I am unable to understand why God has given me such trauma, I worked for 10 years in the office and now I am nowhere. I am still unmarried, still virgin; again jobless and some time feel like committing suicide. I want to make my self happy. All my feelings are ruined and I can never love anyone, how to pretend to love my would be husband, I don’t want to break my friendship with this man as I feel he can’t misuse me like this. He also says he will be my friend forever but sometimes I feel he is just bearing me as I know everything about him or may be feeling pity on me as he realized I love him badly. He commits he loves me too but can’t leave his family. Please suggest me how to live my life. I have always been a happy person. Everyone tells me to leave him and it gives me a shock. How will I face my husband that I loved someone and can’t love anyone else? I know this person is happy with his wife and kids and I am dying day by day, Please save me. How to forget him, sometimes I curse him which I don’t want to. He has many of my pictures which make me tensed too. However they are not nude.

I understand your love for him but you should not forget that life runs on realities and not on blind emotions. And the realities of your life are: he is married, he is happy with his own family; you are an outsider and will always remain so (you may not like this word but its bitter truth). You have to prepare your mind to accept that this relation does not have any future and  for your better future you have to put an end to it.

Sir, I want to know is masturbation is good or not and is it good daily or not, or it creates problem in future. Please reply in my email.

Type word masturbation in search box of the site (on your right side top) and then click go. You will get all answers on masturbation.

Dear Doctor. I’m 46 year, Happily Married since last 20 years and enough healthy man. My problem is, since last 3 years I’m facing the problem of premature ejaculation. When I penetrate it discharge quickly. I’m very much frustrated. Will you please help me out? Best Regards.

Most likely causes for this; are anxiety, loose vagina of your wife, lack of foreplay (very usual after 20 years of married life!), reduced interest in sex, prostatitis (rare, infection of prostate) etc. If you think any of these is a reason in your case then try to address it. If you are not able to put your finger to any of these then consult Psychiatrist nearby.