Sir my name is Meenu. I met a guy in my college and he asked me to be his girl friend, but I told him that we will be friends. He accepted it, the relationship got over within 6months because I was not meeting him and was not giving proper time to him. I broke off with him and it has been almost 1yr and I’m not being able to forget him. I want to forget him. I even cry a lot. Please tell me what to do?

Actually, you do not have to do anything. Forgetting is an automatic process. All you have to do is ignore his thoughts and stop crying on this.

My husband was doing B.A.in arts subject in second year. His father was a minister at that time. He sent my husband to Dominican republic on donation for MBBS study. At that time our engagement was done I was in 2nd MBBS at B.J Ahmedabad. He went for studying but being an arts student he was not able to cope up and came back to India after 6 year trial and 20 lakhs expense. I have done M.S. in ophthalmology. Now I have a private practice but he has no business. I think he is not trying for it. He has conflict with his father because of habit of spending more money. He also tried a suicide attempt once. His nature is very angry. So please guide me.

As his father was a minister, his personality must have emerged with typical traits (in background of neglect, dominance and power).His current problem must have deep roots linked to his personality, upbringing and failures. This requires good analysis and counselling. Try to seek professional help.

I’m married for a year now. We got engaged 6months before our marriage. He’s the only guy I’ve ever dated. We dated for 1 1/2 years before we got engaged. No past neither flings nor affairs no fooling around. Never believed in it though I’ve had numerous proposals from guys I thought its better to enjoy life with friends now than get into relationships. The problem is like always I was over at my guy place and I just happened to use his laptop as I needed to use the internet. I found several porn sites open. When I checked tab I found more links. I was just very taken aback. Since I was upset he figured out the reason and without me even asking him or complaining he promised me he’ll never ever visit one again. He doesn’t need to and they don’t mean anything to him. I blindly believed him. Never doubted him for anything. I’m not the suspicious kind of a person nor do I snoop around in others business. 6months into marriage like always I was surfing the net and on the address slot I found the porn site links I’d seen way back then. I immediately asked him that are u watching porn again and he just denied it completely and told me it’s from the past. The thing is I didn’t believe the story. I hate liars or lying. That’s one thing I can’t stick. Be honest and accept whatever you are doing, good or bad. Life rolled on I found newer sites and I again asked him and he again denied. After Diwali(2008) I was admitted to the hospital for asthma. The day I came back home from the hospital the same day my brother in law was leaving for college after Diwali break. Since I was advised rest I was sleeping. At 4 in the morning I woke up and found him missing. I went looking for him and found him masturbating in a room. [We had sex that very evening. We’d not had sex in 6 days and though just back from the hospital I still had sex because I knew he’d be desperate]. I was so shocked that I just came back to my room and slept. I couldn’t take the site of him. After a week of no talking he finally asked me what the deal is. I told him and all he had to say was I tried stopping myself but I couldn’t stay away from porn. We’ve had 4 massive fights one time when I literally slapped him. Till date he still watches it. When I’m away from him or he’ll try sending me to my parent’s house when he’s off work. I have clearly stated my feelings to him. Frankly it’s not the porn it’s the lying and hiding which is bothering me. I can’t stand liars. I’ve never lied to him even knowing I’ve made a grave mistake I’m honest. That’s what I want him to be. I even told him I’ll watch it with you and act things out be a part of your fantasies if that’s what you want .But he doesn’t say anything. He just says I’m sorry its a mistake and it will never happen again and then again the minute I’m out of the house he’s jerking off again. I can’t trust him anymore. I love him too much to end things and I can’t talk to him because he never wants to get into discussions. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.

Almost all males are voyeur to some extent and some of them are addicted to it. He is amongst the one who might be addicted. These addicted males keep on watching, collecting and storing pornographic materials in different forms. Many women are very sensitive about men’s habit of looking at pornographic materials and feel neglected. He is lying because you object and fight. Stop objecting and fighting but you should leave this topic with a note that you do not like his habit. You have to understand that this is like other habits (Smoking, Alcohol etc.), more you nag more it worsens. Do not think that his habit is because of some inadequacies on your part.

Dear Sir I have an unusual problem and even do not have a friend to solve it .I have a relationship with a person from last 5 years everything was going all well but some ego problem came in between and now he shifted himself to some other place we always use to fight on some or the other problem and for the first time we had a fight where we did not talked for about more than a month ,I love him still but not able to understand his opinion about the relationship he is not saying anything till now is this a break up or he want to continue whenever I ask him such questions he gets angry I cannot understand him completely is he seeing someone else or he doesn’t want to continue any more Please help now I am totally frustrated because I am not able to concentrate anywhere else.

It is really very frustrating when relationship does not seem to be working, particularly for woman. You should not avoid discussion just because he becomes angry when you ask him about relationship. Do not start talking about your relationship suddenly. Instead you tell him that you want to talk about your relations and fix up the meeting for that purpose only. This will make him mentally prepared for the discussion and compel him to think about it. If he does not turn up for the meeting or show no eagerness to meet for the purpose then probably you are heading for the break up.

Hello Sir, I want to stop masturbation. Now I am very much addicted to it and it is affecting my daily activities. Whenever I come across some girls I am getting this feeling. How can I overcome this feeling and lead a normal life.

Although masturbation is a normal physiological act but you need to stop when it becomes a sort of compulsion. Try to control your urges by distraction yourself into meaningful activities. Self control is the only way by which you can stop.

Dr, I’m married to a doctor. My brothers are also doctors. I’ve 2 daughters aged 11, 18. After my husband and children goes to work and school, I used to surf the net. Accidentally I saw a xxx clip from that day onwards I used to see it 2-4times a week. I had no problem with that at all. But nowadays I have started imagining things with other people. I started to see other people’s sex organs. It’s very embarrassing. I want to die but I got 2 kids. I can’t leave them. I know I need some serious treatment to get rid of this. I want to get rid of this otherwise I will breakdown. I can’t go to a psychiatrist because my husband is a doctor. He will easily find out. Please help me. If you help me you are definitely saving a person from death.

You have developed an obsession, which may be a part of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You have to take Psychiatrist’s help. You can talk to your husband about your thoughts (i.e. urge to look at people’s sex organs) and may not disclose its origin (i.e. net clippings). You can also tell him that you know that it is called Obsession and it can be treated (from net, of course). I think this is how you can break the barrier and seek Psychiatrist’s help.

Sir, I am really in a very bad condition because of our relation. We got married 11 yrs back. We have very good sex life as we have almost daily and healthy also that time he looks satisfied and happy also. If he is around we have daily but he has to be away at least 15 days away because of job requirement. He is always fond of xxx movies. When I was at home he pretended like he did not like these movies. As he used to peep also to watch other woman and he promised he will leave this bad habit. Recently I went for vacation and after coming back I found he surfed so many porn sites .I don’t mind it but when I told him he just lied and started fighting with me in a abusive manner. I don’t know why he hides and don’t want to tell me that he is fond of these. One thing more I have got serious doubt that he had sexual relation with his mother. How will I check all these things? Secondly his mother used to have sexual relation with small boys as he told me in very intimate moments. In first 4 years he was his moms boy but after 4 years of marriage he got bitter relationship with his mother. Once he told me I got one black chapter in my life but he did not tell me what? His behaviour is very strange when we had good sex he is in good mood and does everything good for me but when he fights like this his level becomes so abusive and he says everything bad for me as I m not of good character and more worst. if I don t want to listen on the phone he will try all phone connected to my place and after some days of fighting he comes to me and cry and says I cannot live without you, forgive me. But its time really I m very disturbed and got so many diseases because of tension. I want to die but have to live for my 2 kids. I m really disturbed with everything what should I do with him.

From your description what I guess is, he might be having voyeurism. It is one kind of sexual deviation, in which person gets sexual pleasure by viewing woman’s sexual parts, erotic pictures, movies etc. Over and above this, he may have personality issues. His problem seems to be deep rooted, psychiatric consultation can help him.

Dear friend, I’m 19 years old and studying M.tech. I’m in love with one man, who is married now. Its online love only. But I love him very much. Now I’m trying to forget about my love but want his contact. But I could not forget my love and could not control my crying whenever I think about his marriage and his married life. I feel deep loneliness. Please help me, how can I overcome from these?

Self-control is the only way out. Try not to get in touch with him by any means. Focus on other meaningful relationships. Forgetting is an automatic process; you do not have to do anything to forget him.

Sir, I love a guy and we are in a relation from last 8 years. We both are self dependent and working, my father is dead against him (he thinks he is not right for me) and even tried to commit suicide 3 months ago, problem is that I am madly in love and can’t even imagine marrying anyone else, nor I can see my father dying. How can I convince my father? Now I feel like committing suicide.

Your father might have tried to emotionally pressurize you by attempting suicide. You can pressurize him by deciding not to marry anyone else and that too after he gives permission. This stand you should take only after all your efforts to convince him is over. You may take help of someone who can convince him or to whom he listens.

I want to ask that, I have been in a very short relationship of about 20 days with a guy. We got little bit intimate that’s it, then he just broke off. So I ended everything. Then I fell for his friend. He is so good to me. Should I tell him about whatever happened between me and him or just tell him this much that we were close but no such thing happened. What should I do?

Guys have a habit of talking about their affair; including every detail of what they did, with close friends. This is truer when they have already broken off. There are all chances that he may talk about your relationship to his friend so if you do not want to take chance then honestly tell him.