I must salute you for doing such a wonderful job .I am the regular reader of your news paper column, when I see your name in this website I made my mind to share my problem with you and get the solution. I am a 26 year married before two and half years back. I am well educated and well settled professionally but my wife has not even done her graduation in spite of my many requests. I got engaged after completing my 12th before getting married with her I have taken advice from many of my friends and relatives to break the engagement due to this educational mismatch but they advised me to accept her she will improve after getting married with me. I have tried a lot to make her active after our marriage but she accepted that this is not her cup of coffee. I feel awkward to introduce her before my friends. Meanwhile I met another girl suppose her name as N, initially N became my friend and I share my entire problem with her she shows sympathy towards me. I felt she is the one with whom I would like to spend my entire life. I proposed her initially she refused stating that if she will marry me my wife’s life will be spoiled and apart from this she will not be able to get respect from my home and society as she belongs to same caste but another society but after some days she came with a condition if my wife is happily ready to leave me then and then she will marry me. I told this to my wife she replied if I feel happier with N then she will leave me, N intent to meet my wife personally and want to ask her about this. Wherein also my wife repeat her statement to leave me but ask for little time. Now I and P both are in deep love, communicating everyday over phone and waiting for my divorce, one year passed like this and now N started feeling like my wife is not ready to leave me. Meanwhile my close friends and brother who are aware about this issue inform my parents, I have narrated the true story of my life to my parents. They initially made havoc but latter on accepted as both of us mutually decided to end our relationship. Problem occurred when my in-laws came to know about this, they are not ready to accept this ,so my wife changed her statement by giving excuse that her parents are not ready so she will stay with me only( I feel she doesn’t want to leave me). Now it is very difficult for me and N to live without each other then also we both feel if we get married without my wife’s will we might feel guilty rest of our life so she advised me to be passive and wait till she understands the seriousness of this issue. I am spending mechanical life with her. I fear that before she realizes N might get married with someone else as she also have a pressure from her parents ( she already rejected two good engagement offer due to me), I lost my prestige in our society as every one believes I want divorce as I have got another girl. My parents and brother are also telling me to make a compromise if she is not ready to leave me happily. But it is really very difficult for me to live with her and equally difficult to live without N. How can I tackle this issue?

Only thing you can do at this stage is talk to your in-laws and try to convince them. Otherwise wait as your lover said.

Respected Sir, I am a 30year old boy, well qualified and working in Mumbai. I still don’t have my own house in this city and I stay with my parents.6 month’s back we came to know about a girl from one of our relative for my marriage proposal. I saw her photo & details on mail and also replied her with my details. After 2 -3 days we started to send each other Hi- hello kind of mails and then gradually also started online chatting with each other. I along with my parents went to see and meet her after15days of initial contact. We didn’t give any reply officially but I was in touch with her through chatting & on telephone. We met 1st time unofficially for a movie. I had started loving her and so I proposed her. She said to give her parents an official acceptance. Actually her parents had forgotten because our family had not taken any initiative to reply them. On Valentines Day we spent a day together. Next day I along with my parents again went to meet her. We gave official acceptance and also invited them to come to our home. They also came one day and went away. Now along with the mediator person we decided to meet for a final discussion for which I and my would b fiancée were suppose to come. One day prior to this meeting I & my parents decided to ask some money as dowry to them. We wanted that instead of spending a huge amount of money , marriage should be done in simple manner & the money saved could be given to the couple as gift. On that day I & My fiancée met unofficially but I didn’t tell her that we are going to ask for money. After some time we met again at the meeting place. Initially her family members resisted to give money but finally agreed to give 50k and decision was taken to fix up a date, mostly in May. 2 days after this I met with My fiancée, she was worried about her parents, she said that she want to help her parents by giving them financial support by taking loan & then paying the installments (She is a working women).I said “You are free to do, I will not question about your salary after marriage” She also got convinced but while chatting I felt that she was not happy with what had happened. I also realized my fault that she is more important than Money to Me but I kept quiet because I thought now Elder people have taken decision then why should I again interfere into that. She stopped talking one day but I convinced her that ‘I will take the loan and give it to U which U can give it to your parents but this marriage should happen’ She was observing me and thought that I am only giving importance to money than her, actually she wanted that this marriage should not be done by involving dowry which I came to know later. I anyway convinced her and made her positive but now we still had not got any official reply from her parents. One day it came but it was negative, I asked her about that. She said that she had told her parents everything which happened in between us. Actually I feel this issue is mostly of miss-communication between her & me, between her parents & my parents. Because ultimately my parents were ready to forget that money, if they would have approached us with their difficulty. I thought more about the result (marrying her) rather that the ways or adjustments we have to do. Now the thing is that she is not picking my phone nor meeting me. I LOVE her very much & I have told my parents that I will marry her only. I don’t know how to get her back in my life. Please help me.

Any girl would not like that in-laws want money (Dowry) to accept her. One would interpret such demands as a materialistic attitude. She must have felt that you value money then her. You have insulted her in a way. Probably you have lost her because you could not stop your parents at the onset.

Hi, I am 29 yrs old married with one son. Doctor my husband had an extramarital affair 4 yrs back at that time I forgive him when he said sorry but later I realized that I was never been able to forgive him. I kept on making him realize that he did blunder to us. In the beginning of our married life my husband totally changed. He always use to see only one side of coin that was from his mothers point of view due to which we had lots of misunderstanding and fights which often ended up in abuse and physical assault. Therefore, my husband later started putting blame on me that I was the reason for his extramarital affair. We had a love marriage. During his affair, I was badly humiliated by him at every point of time. He had a sexual relation with that girl and at the end he also insisted me to help her (his girlfriend) in abortion. I went into depression and still feel that depression hits me on and off and due to which I have loosed all my confidence. Later on, I ended up in affair and physical relation. Due to which the gap started widening up. I am still in touch with my friend but due to geographical distance, we do not have any physical relation. I do realize that the life of such affair is very short and now I am less attached to my friend but somewhere relation between my husband and me has worsened. We don’t fight but I remain quiet don’t feel comfortable in sharing any of my feelings, and he also complains that even he is lonely. We both try on our parts to overcome things and start afresh but after few hours I just loose confidence, go back in the past or start comparing him with my friend with whom I had relation. To be honest doctor I am sick of my situation and want to really come out of this problem so that I can give my son a happy life and upbringing. Please help me doctor…I am really ruining my family life. I keep on crying and also try to suicide…..pls help me

What your husband did is out of male instinct. Although he has to blame you for that, so he can save him from question why he did that?  What you did might be out of your need to get love and affection or may be revengeful act. Now, probably you are feeling guilty from within. Your relationship with your husband has reached to point of indifference and that is even worst then quarreling. Revival is difficult but not impossible. Stop all contact with your friend and try to concentrate on your son, husband and family without any complaints and guilt. Accept what ever has happened without questioning and analyzing. I know, this is not simple but you can always keep on trying. With passage of time, things may start coming in to shape.

Doc sir, I am a married man for last 12 years. I used to masturbate from the age of 16 years. I get married at the age of 22. From the first night of my married life, I faced the problem of premature ejaculation till today. I have taken treatment from a psychiatrist for 6 months but not get relief. Plz help me. I have two sons also.

Premature Ejaculation is the most common sexual problem experienced by man. You should do Kegel’s exercises (you will find this exercise in earlier pages of this site). You may take medicines (from Psychiatrist, if earlier psychiatrist has not helped you to your satisfaction then you may think of getting second opinion) to get immediate effects as Kegel’s ex. will take some time to show it’s effect.

I was in love with a man for 1 year. But for past 8 months he is ignoring me. He does not want to keep relation with me. So I am in deep depression for last 8 months. I had to take anti depressant medicines. How should I come out of it? All the time I am thinking about him only. I cannot stop thinking about him. Whatever I do, but he is always in my mind. What should I do?

Accept that he is not interested in continuing relationship and you cannot sit on somebody’s head and make him/her to love you. He might have promised you the sky in relationship but now he has changed. You have to come out of your emotional dependency. Break all type of communications with him and give time to yourself to come out of this.

It’s now over 3 yrs for our marriage. Our child was born in the first year of our marriage. Ever since his birth my husband has stopped sharing any physical relationship with me. (More than 2 yrs) He hates my family a lot, especially my mother. He says that when ever he tries to approach me, he sees my mother in me & this is what drifts him away from me. Initially his reason was different, he used to tell me, that his mother keeps on complaining about me & this upsets him also, as he loves his parents more than anything else. He used to say that I’m not able to keep his parents happy. He tells me that he is trying extremely hard but cannot force himself to make love. I’m highly depressed by his behavior, Sir pl. give me a solution. I cry bitterly every night. I cannot stand this strained behavior of his. Pl. help me sir.

Reasons for his disinterest can be many. Most of the males are not sensitive enough to mix their dislikes with sexual life like females. Surely, his reasons might be beyond his dislike for your mother. Only way to make him think about it is to stop craving for it. You need to show him that you are also comfortable without it. At the same time, do everything to look & smell good and to attract him subtly. Avoid hot emotional arguments. Stay in positive mood all the time. Do not nag him for anything.  Do not go out of the way to please him. Make sure that he does not have a fling somewhere (need not to be suspicious but just to be vigilant as a part of solution). Patience is the key.

Sir, I read in class XII.I need someone’s help. Please help me. I have a boyfriend. I love him from deepest core of my heart. But he really hurt me every time. He talks to a girl who is my classmate. Sometimes he really behaves with me so bad, that I really feel exhausted. He had been physically close with that gal, and they blame me for this. I wanted to kill myself for that. But now I really want to study as I was a very good student. Please help me.

If he hurts you and has no regards for you and top of it having relationship with other girl, then you should leave him at any cost.

Without wasting your time I will come directly to the point. I have a strange phobia of doing jobs. I have left four jobs in the last 1 year and now I am afraid to even go to interview. I know the reason of this problem which is starting from my childhood but still I am not able to cope with this drastic situation and can’t live my life like this any more. I want to do a job but I can’t .So please help me out with this situation before it’s too late.

If you are aware about the reasons then you need to discuss that with Psychiatrist. You may try online counseling if you wish.

Hi doctor, I’m married 5 yrs back and have twin daughters. My husband is very dominant; he doesn’t share with me anything and not even speaks to me freely. He doesn’t respect my feelings. Now a day he avoids me even at night and says women should not insist for sex. I’m very much frustrated and can’t sleep as I miss his attention even at night. I’m from a caring family but he is just opposite. He says that men who respects wife are cowards and he would not give importance to my words. How can I tackle such a person? Now a day he beats me if I insist my views. In fact, he is well-educated software engineer but behaves as a countryman to me. He doesn’t respond to others advice. Pls give me suggestions to tackle him. He blames me that family women should not insist for sex, and he simply avoids me when I’m in mood and forces me to sex when I’m not interested. I love him very much, but his activities make me doubt whether he loves me. Is there any chance to change him?

Mutual respect for each other is prime requirement in loving relationship; unfortunately, your husband lacks it. If he is like this since beginning then you should consider it as a part of his personality. Otherwise, there has to be some reasons behind his attitude. You should discuss about his attitude and about how you feel because of such attitude. You have a chance if he opens up or discuss. Do not get irritated or show your frustration while talking to him. If he gets irritated, keep your cool. You may have to do repeated efforts to bring him to discussion.

I’m 26yrs old working girl living alone sometimes with my ma in a separate city from my town. My relationship with a guy started from 3 years ago when I came in my working city. The guy lives in my home town. We were just phone friend. But coming over here we chatted for hours, our intimacy got closer. Couple of time he proposed me. After a little bit hesitation I accepted him. After accepting I became crazy for him. We could see each other occasionally for the distance. One more thing I mentioned he had a previous relationship and I knew everything. The period we engaged he was so upset. Everything was alright. But problem started since I came to know that they met, they called. Of course they r now just friend but at that moment I did not understand anything. My mother also supported my wrong thoughts. One more thing happened here. One of my colleague from the beginning liked me we were just good friends but my mental distress made me closer to him. He is just opposite of my fiancé. In fact I’m v much emotional and I need same intensity from my partner. But I could not get. What I could not get from my partner I got from my colleague. After some times, I disclosed my feelings to my boy friend. He is v matured and forgave me n our relationship continued. But my colleague n me r so similar in thoughts and we spend together from Morning to evening both of us r just getting closer n closer completely unwontedly. A problem with my fiancé is that he sometimes said I’m immature, and our frequency level is not matched but it was matched with his ex girl friend. I cannot tolerate this n frequency level with my colleagues is perfect. But still I did not want to love him. I always want to love my Fiancé. But now the problem soars in the sense whenever we get closer physically, or hugged each other the crying face, of my colleague pokes in my mind. I don’t become easy. Someone is feeling pain for me who loves me blindly I cant accept that. Besides I don’t want to marry him nor want to be with him. Again I disclosed my inner feelings and problem to my fiancé but this time he is little bit serious. I thought I wont continue my relationship. But he would not be in my life. I cant think in my dream. Pl sir help me. I’m very much confused. I need your help.

You should call off your relationship with your colleague. He may be great emotional support to you but you can not risk your future marital life. As you said, you do not love him and do not want to get married to him then why you want to spoil your future marriage? If he is feeling pain for you, then he has to work on his feelings. You are feeling mercy on him and not love that he should realize.