I am 39 year old married man having 2 children. I am a family man, loving my family. I got to know a girl, with whom I fell in love. I used to talk over phone 4/5 times a day & also regularly SMS her. I love her a lot, but I also want to see her happily married with a suitable man. My wife got to know about it as she got the telephone call list. She created a lot of problem; she informed my parents as well as her family also. I promised her I will leave the girl, but I still love the girl. Now my wife is making my life hell. She calls me throughout the day 15/20 times & keeps track of my movement. She insists to leave my office & go to factory with my dad & brothers, so that I am always surrounded, she even enquires my staff & my family members of my movement. She threatens that she will hire a private detective to follow me. She even ordered me to leave my friends & go straight from home to office & vice versa. ….. Sir, I am fed up. She calls me 20 times a day & asks my movement. Sir, I love my family & I want to hold it together. At the same time I don’t see any wrong having 1/2 girlfriends just for time pass or some extra excitement in life. Please tell me what to do? My wife is driving me mad by always suspecting me.

You have lost her trust and made her insecure. Her reaction is natural and probably your attitude, that there is nothing wrong in affair, is making it bit intense. Remember you cannot ride two horses at a time!

I have facing a problem of nightfall. In my dream i see some relative or family members. when i wake up i feel guilty. Is that every person see relative and family person in dream please tell me.

Dear P;
Nightfall is normal physiological body function. The best way to avoid it is either regular intercourse or masturbation. Every one has sexual dreams during nightfall. Dream objects varies from person to person. Dream objects are only symbol and you should not feel guilty about it.

Without wasting your time I will come directly to the point. I have a strange phobia of doing jobs. I have left four jobs in the last 1 year and now I am afraid to even go to interview. I know the reason of this problem which is starting from my childhood but still I am not able to cope with this drastic situation and can’t live my life like this any more. I want to do a job but I can’t .So please help me out with this situation before it’s too late.

If you are aware about the reasons then you need to discuss that with Psychiatrist. You may try online counseling if you wish.

My 26 year old son told us he’s gay a year ago. My wife and I do not have a problem in accepting him as he is. We still love him. He wants us to talk more openly about it at home and with friends. He also wants to meet with a psychiatrist in India. Can you suggest a psychiatrist in Delhi and Coonoor (Nilgiris)? Thanks.

Dr. Sunil Mittal, Delhi

I am a 26-year girl and its 6 months since that I have married. To my shock, I’ve found that my husband is a diabetic patient and he has hide it from us. To add this we never had a sexual life since the day we got married for which my husband said excuses that sex is not important in life sort of things but when tested its found that he has an hormonal disorder. Even though I could bear with all this until day, he talks many lies, makes up things in such a way that he is right. Shall I continue my life with him? If he has a kid, could it have juvenile diabetes? I am frightened about it

He should have disclosed his Diabetic status before marriage. His sexual inadequacies may be related to his Diabetes. Hormonal problems are life long and he has to take corrective medicines for lifetime. Are you prepared for this? Moreover, are you prepared for compromised sexual life? You have to take final decision, keeping these two important points in mind.
Diabetes can be inherited and his child may end up having it at any stage of life.

Believe me I am going through the worst phase of my life. Nothing is happening good, even any good news is not sounding good to me. My confidence is all the time low, I feel suffocated, torn apart; feel like to just end everything. None of the relations are working, my parents fighting as usual over thousands of issues they have accumulated in their life, and now I’m sick of all this. On top of this my personal relations are screwed. My marriage was almost fixed with the girl I liked a lot (she had the personality and all I dreamt of), I was already so deep into getting that relation but things did not happened the way I wanted to. Before this girl said yes to our relation, my parents rushed me to finalize another relation saying that the first relation is dead, there is no response etc, however, I kept on saying multiple times please ask them once more before we finalize the second relation. But no they would not just listen, and within one week I took the biggest and my most worst decision of my life to accept the second relation, wherein the girl is nice by nature and all but not close to the image I had in my mind (and am not sure she would be able to cope up with my lifestyle). To add the nail in the coffin 7 days post to this, the Girl from the first relation called me up and said yes to our relation. Since then, things are becoming worse and worse for me. I do not know what to do, one way is the girl to whom I have given a commitment but am not sure I would be able to love and other way is the girl whom I wanted to marry but I am bounded and cannot say yes. The ring ceremony and wedding is in November, and am not internally happy about it. I don’t know am I also justifying the girl am marrying to? Please help, am killing myself internally and emotionally.

If you feel that you won’t be able to make her happy (the girl you are going to marry) then talk to her honestly and break the engagement. It is always better to step back then going ahead and spoil some body’s life as well as your life.

I broke up with my boyfriend because he always said that he would not marry me whenever he was in bad mood, and sometimes he used abusive language also. He says he never really meant that, it was just my temper. Here I am getting confused about this guy whether to continue or not, though we were together for 3 years. What should I do? Please help.

His threats of not getting married with you and using abusive language shows lack of respect for you. He considers you as an outlet for his bad mood. Relationship, where partners does not have respect for each other and using other partner as punching bag, will not go peacefully on long run. I think your decision to break up is right.

Hello Dr. I have completed my college education recently. But because of some health problems I was literally not able to attend the exams. Thank God every thing is alright now. But unfortunately I had to go psychiatrist. Now my treatment is going on but still I’m not feeling well. I can not decide whether it’s psychiatric problem or other health problem. Please help me.

What do I understand by some health problems?

I am 18 yrs old and I often dream or rather think of me having intercourse with an attractive guy. I have no affairs and have not shared a bed with anybody. Is this normal at this age? I mean thinking about it or is it some kind of a strange fancy. Will it do me any harm bcoz I seriously don’t want to be a bad girl in life

This is normal sexual fantasy. Many people experience the same kind of fantasy. There is nothing to feel bad about it.

Dear Doctor, I urgently need your valuable advice. Please help me out sir. Before I share my problem with you I would like to tell you that I’m highly impressed by the advice you gave me about 2 months ago. It seems to be working out. Thanks sir. Today I’m approaching you with another problem with a lot of confidence that things will be on the right track. It has been 4 yrs for my marriage; we have a child of 3 yrs. I’m a postgraduate holder, was working for a reputed company but was asked to leave my job after birth of my child. My husband loves me a lot (he refuses to have sexual relations with me for the past 3yrs due to the below mentioned criticism by his mother) but more than me he loves his mother. He easily gets influenced with whatever she tells him. So much so he tends to hate the people, whom she complains to have troubled / hurt her. She mostly complains about my mother, she is highly superstitious, following customs are a must for her. She has extremely high expectations from others (perfectionist), which I believe is the root cause of all problems. Her constant complains about my fly has created hatred in the heart of my husband too for my mother. He once happened to use foul language to my mother following which my parents have decided never to step into my in-laws house unless & until my husband apologizes for the same (this happened 2 yrs ago). As a result even I’m not permitted to visit my parents since 2 yrs. But despite this my father visited us some months ago but they still insist that my mother visit them. When my mother got to know this she was upset that my father visited me without telling her about it by then she too had decided to forget the past & visit us all. On one occasion my husband called my father on his mobile twice, where my mother answered the call. Hearing her voice my husband cut the line. This depressed my mother a lot & she has now decided NEVER NEVER to step into my in-laws house. She has now changed her decision forever. I am longing to spend time with my parents, I love both the families, and I cannot afford to lose either of them. I feel very jealous when I see my in-laws playing with my child. I think about my parents a lot. I miss them a lot. I’m longing to see them. My mother tells me that I’m too mild & that my in-laws are taking the upper hand. This is true that I obey & respect my in-laws a lot. My relatives laugh at the way I behave, they are all telling me to boldly tell my in-laws that “I’m going to see my parents along with my child” but I have a fear of losing my husband who loves me so much, I have a fear of losing this good fly. At times I do think of leaving both the families & staying somewhere else with my child, as I find that either of the families are not prepared to give up their ego for my sake. Would this be a right decision? What do I do sir?? Please tell me the way I should behave. Is my behaviour right / wrong? Please get me out of this problem sir. Please….please…..

Thank you so much for appreciating my efforts.
Freedom is one of the prime virtues of love. Unfortunately, you do not have it and you still feel that your husband loves you a lot! I do not know what your ideas about love are but for me it definitely includes freedom of expression, understanding, consideration, sacrifice and lot more. Try to put forward your feelings about the whole issue without blaming or accusing any one. Make him aware about your attachment to your parents (that any child would have for his/her parents). Any loving husband will understand this provided it is properly conveyed in non aggressive way. At the same time you should also convey that as grand parents they have equal rights and desires to spend some time with grand children, in an assertive but non aggressive way. Rather than trying to patch up between them, try shift your focus on your duties towards your parents. You owe some duties towards your parents and you are going to fulfil that without bringing other issues in the way, you should make this thing very clear to him in very polite but firm way.