I m very depressed, because I feel uneasy in crowd. I do not know what to say in front of crowd. I m m.tech student so I have to face group discussions and interviews. However, because of my weakness, I find it very difficult to say. Because of this, I was rejected for sixth time in-group discussion today. Sir please helps me.

Your problem is Social Phobia. It is one type of anxiety Disorder in which person feels uncomfortable in others presence, particularly in crowd, social gatherings, meetings etc. Treatment requires analysis, anxiety reducing medicines, psychotherapy and relaxation practices. You may consult psychiatrist in person or may try online therapy.

I am married woman having 3 years old daughter. Recently I got in touch with a boy from my college who had proposed me for marriage 10 years ago. I always liked him but did not admit at that time and we forgot each other. He is married now and having two kids. Even then, we are attracted to each other mentally and have started missing each other. How do we go away from each other now?

If you really want to go away, then break all means of contact. Both of you can agree upon this and stop contacting. You may find it difficult initially but time will drift you apart in absence of contact. Most of the time I have seen that people attempt such kind of measures only to resolve their guilt and are never interested in breaking up the contacts. I suppose, you are not one of them!

From my childhood I used to Masturbate. I don’t know how I started, but I won’t masturbate with my hands. I lie down in bed I think as if I am on top of a girl and move my body front & back, this I am doing for long time. Now days I masturbate daily, I had sexual intercourse with my girl friend more than 2 years back, that time we both were satisfied. Now I am not getting much erection, I tried for intercourse with my friend but I got erection in initial stages, while kissing later I am not getting erection, I am getting married very soon. Please guide me.

Do not worry about weak erection, occasionally this may happen to any male. It has no connection with your masturbation habit. This is absolutely normal. Lesser you pay attention to this, sooner you will start getting proper erection.

hi dr I just want to ask u question abt one of my friend. She was very much attached to her boyfriend, who left her 7 month ago. However, it seems that she never stop crying and never stop be depressed. She stops eating and doing anything, I tried to help her but I could not. Please can u help me and tell me what can I do to make her be happy again? please. thanx anyway

When any emotional attachment breaks, it brings pain and suffering for those who are seriously involved. They may feel rejected, cheated or dumped, which brings sadness or depression. Depressive feelings in such condition can be considered normal and should settle down within 6 to 12 weeks. I think, your friend was seriously involved and she seems to be suffering from Depression.7 months time is quite long for coming out without professional help. Please take her to psychiatrist for counseling and treatment. This is the best way to help your friend.

I am 24 year old, well educated from top college of India working in Wipro right now, joined it 6 month ago. 1) I did my 10th from boarding school then I came back to Patna (native home).My brother suffering from Bipolar Mood disorder (mania).My father is also Doctor. His treatment is still going on from last 8 year. When I was doing +2 he was extremely violent to any extent like a wild animal. He hit me like animal once he started, and spend all my father money. We became financial so insecure also. I Prepare for various competition exam simultaneously and got good engineering college. I spend 3 yr with him. My brother also hate me because I am most ugly person of my family even my own brother-sister are very beautiful. Very contrast to me as everybody said. 2) I am not at all beautiful because of this am suffering from inferiority complex a lot. Basically of dark complexion. I always avoid meeting people. I hate my look .I don’t want to look myself in mirror. 3) Because of him we started to cut off from whole world. I have no any desire, gradually I became very introvert. (During my childhood days I was very naughty and talkative). 4) Now I fell in love with one person (now he is in Delhi and I m in Bangalore)…He always insisted me for sex…he talk to me only about physical. But I avoid him ….I supported him always emotionally… he also care about me.But I felt that he utilise me as for emotionally. Now I feel I cannot leave without him. (He always tell me on phone to put-off my cloth…Phone sex) I now feel very drag about him 5) I spend my whole life in hostel and never went home during holiday to home. 6) My boyfriend is very intelligent also in Wipro but he is sick about sex. 7) I have one very bad habit of masturbation which makes me very depressive. (Help me to get out from it) 8) I also suffering from grate mood fluctuation. Very happy to very depression. 9) I was student of pharmaceutical science and then join software due financial problem .even I scored in GATE -97.47 (PG entrance exam). I dropped my higher education. I face lot problem in office also which make me very frustrated. 10) I also became more frustrated because of other person behaviour towards me. My mind always talks to myself and talk make me very panic. AM I ALSO SUFFERING FROM MOOD DISORDER? NOW I WANT TO DO SOMETHING IN LIFE. I want to attain great height in life in spiritual world as well as in professional world. I am very emotional person. HELP ME.

Unfortunately, it seems that you are also suffering from Bipolar Mood Disorder, may be not as severe as your brother. This illness runs in family. You should seek psychiatric consultation to get further advice. As far as your boy friend is concern, you are emotionally dependent on him but he seems to be interested only in sex, leave him. It is better to suffer from break up than being used up.

Dear Sir, I am facing problem now days. I love one girl from the last 3 years from where we study together, and we are good friends, during those days I proposed her, but she didn’t accept and because of that we have huge fight and she didn’t talk to me for 8 months. Now from last august she again came into my life and our relation has started again. I accept her because I love her so much. During that time she told me, she has physical relation with a guy from last 5 years but now she has left him. I also found that, the guy was already married and both of them had physical relation. I also want to know she is not of my cast, we belong from different community and my parents are not agreeing for our marriage. But before, I tried to convince my parents and she also told her parents about me. Now I am so confused, what to do, can I go with her because she doesn’t hide anything from me, I love her. Or should I leave her, because I am afraid of my future. What it’ll be?? As of yet I didn’t make any relation with her. Please sir guide me what will be right for me. I am so confused.

She has come back to you because of her personal reasons. That guy might have cheated her or knowingly she might have kept physical relations with him. At present, out of your love you have accepted her physical relations but do you really think that it does not matter to you? If you think that it is acceptable to you once and for all then you should think further. If you are not capable of establishing yourself without your parent’s support then you should rethink before you go ahead.

Hi Dr Hansal, I am male, age 29 working in a govt agency. I have got married last yr June and have completed one and a half yr of marriage. I got married to the same girl with whom I was in a steady relationship since 2002. I don’t know now whether it’s me or her to blame for the terrible relationship as a husband and a wife we have between us. It all started last year when my parents joined me for their treatment for arthritis and dad for pacemaker check up. The frequency between my mother and my wife didn’t match which resulted in their being thrown out of my house by my wife and her father who is also posted here. Actually my parents are very simple and they don’t speak much that’s one of the reasons why they accepted going away from my house. We are from a poor family when compared to my wife’s family. And her father keeps on reminding me of that. It was a very painful experience for me as I never ever even in my thoughts dreamed about all these things happening in my life. Somehow I overcame all these things. As per my wife’s version she was mentally harassed by my parents, which may be true but there were other ways of dealing with it but was not dealt with. Then for about 5 months or so we didn’t have any sort of problems between us. But suddenly one fine day she stopped talking to me on some petty issue of coming late to pick her up from some place. This resulted in a quite a big quarrel between us where she resorted to abusing me in all possible ways and threatening to divorce me. Somehow again I accepted my fault (as per her) and bent on my knees not to leave me and go to her father’s place every now and then. All went up fine after I was compelled to apologize from her and her father. In December we had planned to go to her hometown as she said, but my father’s pacemaker developed a problem due to which I had to move in two days, she again snubbed me and cancelled the whole programme, as she doesn’t even speak to my parents, in spite of my assuring her the visit as per plan. She is again not speaking to me and abusing me in all possible ways. She is also calling up her sisters and speaking all ill about me even to this effect that I am badly stuck at this man’s hand, and I don’t want a kid as he would leave me and many more. This has hurt me like anything. I have done so much for her , supported her in all possible ways, agreed to all things said by her, I mean has done whatever she has said but this is the outcome I am getting. I am very much mentally disturbed by this relationship but hesitate to take any drastic step as I love her a lot. I am confused. Please tell me what I should do. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide also as I know, I cannot do anything to bring back the happiness what we had between us. I feel that her father is the main culprit who’s been brain washing her every now and then. To tell you one more thing, her mother is mentally imbalanced as people say that her (my wife’s) father has beaten her up so much that she has lost her mental balance around 20 yrs back so she doesn’t stays with him at this place and she resides alone at their ancestral place.

You did mistake by apologizing where you were not wrong. When you accept her bullies like this, it is at the cost of self respect. Now she knows that she is your weakness and you are not able to live without her, naturally she will show her attitude. You should make your stand absolutely clear on your parent’s issue and should not tolerate her misbehaviour. I’m not telling you to fight with her but at the same time you have to defend your self-respect at any cost. While changing your attitude like this, she may throw tantrums against it. You have to be firm on your stand.
If her mother is suffering from some mental illness, then there is a possibility that she may have inherited bad temper or personality traits.

Respected Sir, I am a 30year old boy, well qualified and working in Mumbai. I still don’t have my own house in this city and I stay with my parents.6 month’s back we came to know about a girl from one of our relative for my marriage proposal. I saw her photo & details on mail and also replied her with my details. After 2 -3 days we started to send each other Hi- hello kind of mails and then gradually also started online chatting with each other. I along with my parents went to see and meet her after15days of initial contact. We didn’t give any reply officially but I was in touch with her through chatting & on telephone. We met 1st time unofficially for a movie. I had started loving her and so I proposed her. She said to give her parents an official acceptance. Actually her parents had forgotten because our family had not taken any initiative to reply them. On Valentines Day we spent a day together. Next day I along with my parents again went to meet her. We gave official acceptance and also invited them to come to our home. They also came one day and went away. Now along with the mediator person we decided to meet for a final discussion for which I and my would b fiancée were suppose to come. One day prior to this meeting I & my parents decided to ask some money as dowry to them. We wanted that instead of spending a huge amount of money , marriage should be done in simple manner & the money saved could be given to the couple as gift. On that day I & My fiancée met unofficially but I didn’t tell her that we are going to ask for money. After some time we met again at the meeting place. Initially her family members resisted to give money but finally agreed to give 50k and decision was taken to fix up a date, mostly in May. 2 days after this I met with My fiancée, she was worried about her parents, she said that she want to help her parents by giving them financial support by taking loan & then paying the installments (She is a working women).I said “You are free to do, I will not question about your salary after marriage” She also got convinced but while chatting I felt that she was not happy with what had happened. I also realized my fault that she is more important than Money to Me but I kept quiet because I thought now Elder people have taken decision then why should I again interfere into that. She stopped talking one day but I convinced her that ‘I will take the loan and give it to U which U can give it to your parents but this marriage should happen’ She was observing me and thought that I am only giving importance to money than her, actually she wanted that this marriage should not be done by involving dowry which I came to know later. I anyway convinced her and made her positive but now we still had not got any official reply from her parents. One day it came but it was negative, I asked her about that. She said that she had told her parents everything which happened in between us. Actually I feel this issue is mostly of miss-communication between her & me, between her parents & my parents. Because ultimately my parents were ready to forget that money, if they would have approached us with their difficulty. I thought more about the result (marrying her) rather that the ways or adjustments we have to do. Now the thing is that she is not picking my phone nor meeting me. I LOVE her very much & I have told my parents that I will marry her only. I don’t know how to get her back in my life. Please help me.

Any girl would not like that in-laws want money (Dowry) to accept her. One would interpret such demands as a materialistic attitude. She must have felt that you value money then her. You have insulted her in a way. Probably you have lost her because you could not stop your parents at the onset.

Hello sir, I am Anupama working with a public sector bank and married since last 11 months. My husband works in the same bank and he is a gem of a person. Quite positive, helpful to others and no bad habits at all. But sometimes unknowingly he neglects me in public and whenever there is any argument or something which makes me sad, he reacts in a very strange manner. He starts beating himself, which scares me a lot and at that moment whether I speak anything or I keep quite to handle the situation he becomes more aggressive and start beating himself again. Please help.

He might be having some personality as well as adjustment issues with you. I need more details about your personal life to comment further on the issue.

Hello Sir I have a boyfriend who is insisting me to lose my virginity with him. I have done oral sex with him before many times and he just intends to take the relationship further and have proper sex which I don’t want to do with anyone before marriage. How do I handle my boyfriend?

Boys will always try to force for intercourse. It is masculine tendency. If you do not want to give in to his pressure, simply but firmly say no to him. Even than if he keeps on forcing you, just walk out of relationship. One who does not respect your wish is not worth for anything.