Hi, I’m very much worried about my daughter’s future. I’m 30yrs old working in MNC, having a kid, she is 3 yrs old. My husband passed away 2 years back when my daughter was 7 months old. We lived a peaceful happy life. We got married after a great struggle bcoz of caste difference. However, we lead life as husband and wife for only 1.5 yrs but we are lovers for 6 yrs before marriage. Till now I love him a lot. I believe he is with me even though he is not physically present in this world. Five months before, I decided to get married by thinking of various family situations and thinking of my daughter’s future. Also bcoz of the Guy who proposed me who know my entire past story and I believe I can adjust myself and still I know he is very genuine. As he has grown up very lonely, he is not having mentality to adjust for even simple things. He is very short temper and very sensitive and he gets angry for very silly things. He never accepts his mistakes. I managed to adjust all this by thinking my daughters future in mind and my daughter is not matured enough to adjust him. So there the problem is starting. Still his need is privacy and he never tried to understand what I really like, dislike. Only thing He wants me to understand him and we (me and my daughter) should behave accordingly. If I missed to do that in any situation, he will scold me. Even if the mistake is on his part, then I use to beg him to pardon me in order to resolve the issue and to make the life to normal flow. I believe these are beginning, when my daughter grow up, she will get affected when she comes to know that he is not her real father. He will decide things easily and I’m afraid that when she grow up and if she tell anything against him then everything will be collapsed. However, I’m living in this world to take care of my daughter. Now I start thinking that I should not have get married bcaz if I’m alone I can manage but now I don’t know how to explain things to my daughter. At the same time, I can’t explain to my husband who never likes to listen explanations. once in a while he will show his affection but approximately Every day we are facing different incidents and I’m learning new lessons which I should not do in future. I feel very tough to adjust for my whole life. For the past years in my life, I was independent and I was in very comfort zone. Now upside down, still I like to have healthy relationship with him but I do not know the way to make it up. Need your suggestion.

I think, you made a mistake by not discussing the main purpose of your marriage, before hand. Your main priority was your daughter’s future and you should have clarified this to him before marriage. Now that you are married to him, you need to bring this issue very tactfully so that he will not feel offended. Try to share your worries regarding your daughter and her relationship with him, particularly when he is in a good mood. Plan outings, small vacations and try to spend some quality time together (all three of you). This will increase your bonding with each other.

sir, I’m 24 yr girl. I had sex with my bf before marriage and because of that I’m feeling very guilty. I don’t know how well our relation will go? I m afraid whether if I got married to some one else than what that guy will feel about me? Whether he will come to know about my past? Whether he will accept me or not. Or should I tell that guy every thing very clearly….or should I hide this thing from him. Even though if I hide any thing from him then also he will come to know from my physic what should I do?

Having sexual relations before marriage reduces your chances to getting married to him. You may find it weird but it’s naked fact of the life. Males will always start loosing the interest in the relationship once sexual barrier is broken, more so when you are not married.
However, it seems that your major concern is about your future husband. It is never possible for him to find out that you had sexual relation in past from your physique. You should never disclose this fact to him; no men ever would be able to digest this fact. In one way or other it will keep on creating issues in your life. You may refer other answers in this site, many of them are relevant to your problem of diclosing the fact. 

I am deeply in love with a girl. She is all I could ask for but she had an extremely traumatic past because of which she could never focus on her education. As a result she is late by 5 yrs in her education and she doesn’t know English that well either. However we are working on it and we have got her registered to private schooling. All that I have said till now was the data. My problem is that I am unable to make her meet my friends or my family as the above reasons will lead them to think ill of her. Am I wrong in not having the courage to tell everyone that we are together despite whatever problems she has? Should I wait till she is finishes her education? Moreover, if my parents come to know about her they will go berserk and I cannot even imagine the consequences. Am I wrong in having a relationship with a girl my parents would not approve of?

If you love her, then you have to show the courage to accept that in front of others. You cannot hide her from reality. You have to present her to your friends in her current status and to show your commitment towards her by standing beside her. About reaction of your parents, you should have thought earlier; now you have to prepare yourself to face them.

Dear Sir, Please help me out, I’m sure you will give me an appropriate solution. I will accept and follow whatever you suggest. As I have developed a lot of faith from your solutions. We are married for 4 years, have a son of 3 years. My husband and in laws do not get a long with my parents and hence they prevented me too from going to my parents house. But this became possible after you suggested me to be firm. I and my child now freely attend all my parents’ side functions. But my problem is sir, when I attend my family functions I feel very embarrassed as most of the crowd asks why my husband has not come along with me. I at times cry inwardly but don’t express. It pains me a lot, I feel his absence. My parents tell me that in order to teach my husband a lesson I should not accompany him for any of his family functions. Will it be right to react in such Manner? But I do accompany him everywhere. I’m not sure sir, if I’m asking too much, as it is rightly said man’s needs always increase. I very often tell my self that I need to learn to move out without him. I tell myself that I should not ask for more. I just don’t know what’s right sir. Is there anyway that I help my husband accompany me for my family Occasions? Please help sir. Thanks

I think you have to learn to go without him at present as he has allowed you to visit your parents. If you will force him to accompany you or deny accompanying him then he will think that you are spreading your wings and things will worsen. You may talk to him on this issue after few months.

Hi, I got engaged to a girl on September 2008 and her family has given us the following information before getting engaged: She has a sister who has married a boy in the other religion and we are not in touch with her anymore and we have only one daughter. She is good at studies and has 80% in her MSC biotechnology (she was doing final year MSC at that time). I am more interested in education and in fact I am the founder of an educational trust to help the poor students in rural areas. So I said OK thinking that she is good at her studies. Even when I was talking with her before engagement she has accepted to pursue higher studies. But soon after the engagement we came to know that the family is in close association with her sister. What really hurt me is that not the relationship they had with her sister, but the fact that they have cheated us by giving us the false information. Our family would have been given a chance to consider this issue and decide but not getting convinced after knowing the real fact. Then the other issue is that now she is telling that she is not at all interested in studies and that too she is not good at studies. Her percentage is not 80% and she had two arrears. Even she told me that I know if I would have told you the truth, you would have stopped the engagement and you can do whatever you want now including stopping the marriage. I am speechless now. In addition to all these a boy called me introducing himself as her lover and even she confirmed that she was in touch with him earlier but not now. I am totally in depression now. Her father is a heart patient and if I stop the marriage and if something happens to her father, the society may blame me saying that I am the reason for everything. I can’t explain to each and everyone that there is no fault on my side. I can’t concentrate on my work properly and I am getting worst mentally day by day without knowing how to get out of this problem. Please advise me and help me to get out of this issue!!!

You have been cheated. It is better to leave her than suffering throughout the life. Think about yourself first and then her father and society. They should have thought about her father’s health and consequences and not you.

Hello Dr. I’m from Gurgaon. Earlier my wife had a problem which I don’t think that science believes on that. But it’s true. Every time when she is sleeping either at night or in the day time, she dreams of ghost (bhoot and other bad things), due to that she was totally upset and sometimes she was shivering due to that. After that I took advice from a Pandit at my village. He advised me that somebody had sent this ghost so that you people cannot live in peaceful manner. To clear all these things we have arranged some pooja. After that everything comes back on track. But sometimes she remembers those things and again feels bad. Could you please help me how she can come out from this problem?

This could be attention seeking behaviour. She may have underlying emotional issues. Try to address her emotional issues. Relaxation exercise before going to bed can help her.

I masturbate a lot. I don’t want this. I tried a lot. Please help me and show me a way to leave this.

Masturbation is a normal physiological act. Almost all male does it or had done in the past. Accept it; as a natural desire and remove guilt about it. There is nothing wrong in the act but still if you want to stop doing it then self control is the only way. Getting married and indulging into regular sexual act thereafter can also stop it.

I am 35-year-old married person. Now a days I am attracted towards a woman, is my very close relative @ 42 years old. I have a very strong will to have a sex with her, but I’m confused how to ask her & complete the matter with having at least once a sex with her, whether she will agree or not.

There is nothing new about having desire to have a sex out side marital relationship. Many males will have this. However, any sensible and decent woman will never be interested in having sex like the one you want. You want to complete the matter?! It gives me a feeling that you are seeing her as a sex object and have no emotional bond. This is certainly not a healthy thinking. Try to get over your will and stop dreaming to fulfill it the way you want.

Got married at the age of 30 + Same community but through website. My husband is three years elder to me and much attached to his father and brother sisters. I faced many problems initially coz of that. We could not get out anywhere alone within 6-7 months. I was not given importance and always use to feel let down very often. After two months of my marriage I found out that, he had two affairs and couple of flings. He then told me that he used to be a flirt. The first affair he had seemed to me a serious affair and the girl was from his sister’s in-laws side. They tried to have intercourse one day but were not successful. I was shocked to hear all that as I had heard about that girl a lot from my in-laws. After sometime this girl who is now abroad came to meet her parents and my husband forced me to invite her for dinner as her sister would expect us to do so. I did that reluctantly. Wherever that girl was invited, we were also invited and we met her almost daily for at least one month. After that my husband went out of town and in his absence I checked his email. I found that this girl and my husband has exchanged emails after the visit of hers (although they were not talking to each other after her marriage). I also found my husband chatting online to some other girl with whom he used to chat before marriage. My problem is that even today I am unable to accept the fact that he had attempted to have intercourse before marriage as I wanted a person with clean past and he never mentioned anything to me at the time of our courtship and now after so many years again started talking. I just cannot take these things out of my mind. He loves my son and me a lot. Not in touch with that girl anymore and does not have flirtatious nature now. Do you think I am overreacting?

It is natural to feel cheated in these circumstances but you have to come out of it for two reasons. Whatever they tried to do is before your marriage. Secondly, He has changed for good (that’s what you have mentioned). So accept his past and go ahead in life, there is no point in remembering it when you feel that he is not the same old guy.

I am a 25 yr old guy. I love her from last more than two years. Actually she is my first love when we started then she was involve with some one else as well as with me but she had sexual relation with me only because I know that guy very well. Now we can’t live without each other but some time I am getting frustrated with her past. She also hides some facts about her family as well as herself. But now she loves me more than me and wants to marry with me. I love her but our relation is not so much smooth we fight so much even using abusing words sometimes I slapped her. I am afraid some times of getting married pl suggest me what should I do? Actually my family also opposed this relation because she belongs to different cast.

Abusing each other and physical violence suggest that you lack mutual respect for each other. You need to work up on that, otherwise you will remain painfully attached under the name of love and suffer. Before you get married learn to respect each other, practice absolute honesty in relationship and increase your understanding.