Dear Dr,I’m married since 2 years. It is an arranged marriage. Now we have a 4 months kid. My brother-in-law’s friend was also a friend to my wife. However, I am not sure how close they where. After marriage, I’m still in doubt whether my wife is still thinking about him as some of the characters in the television that appears really affecting my wife a lot. I had told my wife that I don’t like her talking to him, but now I don’t know whether she is still in touch with him. I’m very confused and its affecting my personal life a lot…please reply at times I used to think whether she is comparing me with that guy on the character front…

Having talking terms with brother’s friend is common. There is nothing fishy about that. You should not suspect until you have strong reasons to believe so. You should honestly discuss about what you are going through, with her. Rather then dictating her not to talk to him, try to explain her that this is hurting you, which in turn can spoil relationship.

Dear Sir, I’m happy to stumble upon your website. I have a fiancée whom we have dated for 6 years 3 months. I really love this girl and she claims to love me too. We arranged to get married early January 2009. All the marriage arrangements have been made. I discovered this April that she had been having an affair for the past 2 years in school. She has been sending and receiving love messages to this guy. Since the day I discovered it, I’m have been finding it difficult to forget about it even though she apologized. I’m having feelings that she is still keeping the affair or maybe having other affairs. She still keeps the phone number of this guy. I’m thinking of quitting his relationship. Memories of she is unfaithful of fooling me keep hunting me. How do I approach this? I’m finding difficult to believe that she still love me. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for your concern to help.

Trust is the foundation of healthy interpersonal relationship. Try to resolve your doubts through frank discussions with her. Explain her, what keeps on worsening your doubts. Understanding at both ends can resolve this successfully.

hi doctor I am 23 years old. I had an affair for the past 5 years and also had sexual relations. Left all these things and I desired to start a new life. My marriage was fixed and I told everything to him. He rejected me and stopped the marriage. Now my parents got ashamed and don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Every one teaches us to be honest but sometimes honesty is damaging, particularly when it has no relevance with the present. In your case, it was unnecessary confession, which you might have done to get rid of guilt of cheating your future husband. You should always remember that such confessions are always unwarranted and creates issues. No men will ever accept this and if he accepts he may start doubting you any time for such relations. If you want to show honesty to your future husband then be loyal to him through out but never disclose your past which has no relevance to your present.

I am 39 years old married person. My wife and in-laws cheated me as they did not told me about her i.e. her teeth are not normal. I started hate her and in-laws since marriage. It is almost 10 years of our marriage, but our married life is not so good. I have two boys also one is 7+ and antoher is 3+ A year ago, I met with a girl of 18 years thru net, we use to talk with each other. we did travelled in bus also for 12 hrs. in night and loved each other much. Now, we are interested to marry. but she is worried abt her parents and me too from my family. she is studying in 12 class and loved me very much . On our mutual understaning I am sending this mail to you. Pls advise what should we do? shall we marry considering abvoe facts.

Dear K,
You said that your wife’s teeth are not normal, means what? She is wearing dentures? It’s not clear to me. You feel that you are being cheated but I think 10 years is pretty long time to over come that feeling. Secondly, apart from feeling of being cheated, I guess; you must be having other emotional issues with your wife and that is why your married life is not so good. In such condition it is likely that you fall on some one. Girl of 18 falling in your love may also have strong dependency need (unconscious search for father figure). What you need to understand at this point is both of you have different need and expectations from the relationship. Both of you should be very clear on this and should discuss in depth before going to get married. You should also remember that age difference is 20 years, think of your life after 10 years. Priorities of each decade of life are different and you have distance of two decade. Do not think of short term, marriage has long way to go. To love some one is very different then to have a successful married life. Continue this relationship for at least 3 years; picture will be clear by itself. If you have sustained and compassionate relationship after 3 years, consider marriage.  

I am 37 year old unmarried male; I have habit of frequent Masturbation. My problem is that if I don’t masturbate for long say for 48 hours my area around testicles starts paining along with back pain and sometimes scrotum gets swelling. In such condition if I masturbate and once the fluid is discharged, slowly my scrotum/testicles and back stops paining. My position of masturbation is a face-down (prone) position. Please do advice in the matter. Kindly acknowledge. Thanks.

This has to be psychological. There is no medical logic to explain this type of pain. If you are thinking that pain is because of collection of semen in testis then let me tell you that in such cases person gets nocturnal emissions (night discharge). Moreover testicular pain referred to abdomen (your tummy) and not to your back. One of the two things you can do, ignore the pain (pain is not so severe, I suppose) or masturbate (which is not going to harm you so far it is not becoming your compulsion).

I am 22 year old boy. My height is 5.6 inch. And my weight is 55kg. To increase my weight I have joined a gym. There is nothing much improvement in my weight but my chest is looking like a breast. That’s why I left the gym. My friends tease me that my chest looks like a breast. It’s not too much, I can hide it by wearing shirt but when I am in simple baniyan it’s really embarrassing. Please advise me.

Your problem is called Gynecomastia. If you think that it is not too much then ignore it. You may seek Plastic surgeon’s opinion for it’s surgical correction.

I am in love with girl whom I meet on internet since last 2 years. She is 5 yrs younger than me. We are staying in different cities and keep in touch via mobile and internet. We meet 4 times and had sexual relationship. Recently she moved to panipat to pursue her internship. She got help for her senior working there. Initially he asked her to come to him on the first Sunday on panipat. She does not think much went with him. On that day I was travelling by train. She told me that she is going with her senior for a dinner- which I took casually. They went to a mall and a park, walk n talk and went for dinner. Next day he started calling her after she arrived from office. First day she told me in a shaky voice that he called her, I became suspicious. She was staying late in the office and that guy started dropping her. This goes on for a week. On the next Sunday I told her frankly that I don’t like this whole thing, then she also confessed that they also went to a mall and park besides dinner- I was shocked felt bad, she told I was travelling and didn’t want to bother me. She said sorry for this. Then onwards she stopped picking up his calls and after few days he asked her directly about what’s going on? She directly told him that she is not comfortable in this whole thing and her Bf (ie Me) does not like this. He also agreed. After that he stopped calling her at night. She also used to come with her friends early from office in auto. Now that guy behaved strangely with her and I still feel bad about the whole thing. I still hate her for going out with that stranger. Please suggest

It is ok that she went out with him once. More important is she informed him that she is engaged and you do not like her to be in relation with him. In a way he is dumped before he gets into it fully. Naturally, he will behave weirdly. The whole event concludes that she prefers you over him, then why to hate her for mistake done unknowingly!

I am a 24 year old guy working in a software company. In my project, I have a very good friend, of course its a girl. Of late, I realized that I had fallen for her. She is very nice and caring about me and I really want her as my life partner. We have nice understanding and we always keep chatting and joking. I belong to a very broad minded family who will happily accept her. My problem is, I am very much hesitant to tell her what I feel. If she says a ’NO’ and ’I have thought about you just as a friend’, I will loose a very good friend. I am really confused. What should I do?

Tricky situation! Trust your gut feeling , if you have been successful doing so in past in case of other confusions. Alternatively, start hanging out with her for coffee,drive or places where you can spend time. If she prefers and continues to spend her time with you outside your office (not on chat but in person) then you can take a risk to propose her.

I am 46 years old lady; I have been married for the last 14 years (late marriage). Before marriage my husband had a relationship with a lady who is 7 years older than him, married with two grown up children. Though I knew it, I married him with all my heart. After 2 years she left him and I was free from that relationship. From the beginning I doubted that my husband is gay and fond of men and he is having some gay partners also. I have read one of his Email from his gay partner but he refused it. Now, in my home town he has found a new man to be his gay partner and no body doubts them. These days he is not the same man whom I loved, as he gets angry and asks me to get out of the house if I say anything about the other man. He is spending a lot of money for that man as his gay partner is also married and having children. I can feel the flow of love between these two. Should I just leave him with his gay partner or fight with him. Do these gay people change? Apart from this gay problem he is very much affectionate and loving. We have no problem in our sexual life and everything is normal. We have no children because of my infertility. Do I get him married to a younger girl so that he will be sexually satisfied and forget this gay thing. I fear he might get some disease out of this free gay sex. What am I to do now? Please advise me.

First I would like to say that he is not gay, he seems to be bisexual. (You said your sexual life is fine). And on practical ground if your overall married life is smooth then you should just ignore this behavior of his and lead a normal life with him.  About the apprehensions that you have that he might get some disease then you should freely discuss this with him on medical basis.  You need not get him married to a younger girl as this is not his dissatisfaction but is a sexual preference.

Dear doctor, I m 34 yrs, I have one problem with my wife, she is good in nature, good looking but the problem is when she come to sleep & when I touch her & ask for relation she refuse. I asked her so many times what’s wrong with but she reply that she is not interested in relation, she love me a lot but she don’t know what’s wrong with her & what happen when she try to do this, her body, mind will not support to do the same. Doctor how can she get interest to for keeping relation with us.

There are many possible reasons for this. It requires in depth interview with her. If she accepts her problem and really feels that she wants it but her mind/body does not support her (not putting it as an excuse) then take her to Psychiatrist. Professional help and couple’s cooperation is must in such cases.