I work in a company at managerial level. I have been in contact with my colleague few years ago and we developed a good relationship. We both are married and are having children and good life partners. Still we developed a good relationship and feeling happy in each others company. We are mature enough to understand that this relationship has less life and is risky for our married life if our partners come to know about it. After three years, he started feeling uneasy about my relationship with other colleague who is much elder than us. He started collecting proofs about it and came to know that we talk often and are good friends. From that day he started thinking that I have relations with the other man and started harassing me saying that he is emotionally attached and he want me only. I am not having any relationship with the other colleague only that we are good friends and our thoughts match. From last two years he is saying very bad words about me and harassing me. I have high regards for him for the love and care he has given to me. He is not in a position to digest that I can be friends with others in my life. How is it possible? I am working and I have to talk with lot many people, how is it possible to avoid them. What is wrong in having good friends? I just can not bare dictators in my life. And why he should dictate? Because he loves me? Why? Am I not free to talk with the people I Like? I am feeling frustrated with his dictatorship. He is very much disturbed in his career/failures/started taking drinks and says for his every failure I am responsible and I am doing this purposely. I never wished wrong about him and always asked him to control and take care of self and family. Why should his family suffer because of him? He is trying to make me mentally ill. He calls me any time and asks me to meet which is horrifying situation for me. I am terribly upset and do not know what to do? Am I telling him wrong that he should control his emotions and control his family? Why he is not listening? I even told him that Ok if he wants to say it penning in public he can say it and let me free to see. But He said he cares for me and he will never do such thing. Then why he is giving troubles to himself? What is the solution for all this? I am on the verge of frustration/depression and suicide thoughts are often coming into my mind. Please guide me what should I do? I can not live in such a situation. Recently my husband also got transferred from this place and now I am staying alone with my small children. Please guide
He has developed emotional dependence and possessiveness for you. As a result he might have internal fear of losing you and which in turn reflects as suspiciousness. His failure to make successful carrier and frustration on various fronts is adding fuel to his aggression. Rather than trying to convince him for your loyalty, gradually and smartly withdraw yourself.
Hello Doctor, I am now married for almost 1.5 years now staying with in-laws. We had a love marriage but my mother-in-law never used to like me even before marriage. But my husband convinced them for marriage somehow. I am a working woman and educated as much as my husband. We both are financially independent and strong. Last few months I have become very depressed. I have lost almost 7-8kgs after marriage. I never had good relationship with my mother-in-law in specific. She is very conservative and orthodox. I don’t like her attitude. She feels pride in making me inferior at house. She behaves bossy at home and wants everyone to do things her way. It was intercaste marriage so the relation between parents was also not that great but they have been peaceful and meeting only at functions etc. She expects me to do all the work at home after coming from office. I do all my work, cleaning our room, washing my clothes and my husbands, cooking dinner for all but she expects more. Because of work pressures and all these household chores, I always remain tired and it’s affecting our sex life. We don’t have intercourse for up to 1 month sometimes. We haven’t planned for baby yet. He is very supporting, loving and caring but he can’t say anything to his parents. He says he feels little guilty of forcing his parents for this marriage and you have to maintain relations with his mom anyways. He is also not ready right now to move in to a different house for us on rent. He says you will not be able to manage alone and we should stay together. She is a very rough women, speaks very rudely to me, and curses me for one or the other thing daily. My colleague’s even at work have noticed my mood swings, rudeness and sometimes a sarcastic behavior. I have always lived an independent life and financially sound but still my home depresses me. Even if there is no work at office, I don’t take a off and go to office because I know if I would be at home, I would be made to get up early and do household chores. She really blows up an issue if I am at home and not helping her. Please suggest what should I do? Thanks.
You have to involve your husband into this. He cannot run away from this problem just by saying that he already feels guilty about it. If he cannot tell his parents then he should start helping you in house work and sharing responsibilities. He should also stand by you in wrong things done by your mother in law. Baby at this stage may act as a breather.
Sir, Iâ€™m 19yrs old now .When I was 6 years old I could find my mom fighting with a women who is our neighbor. My mom complains that, that woman is the reason for all her sufferings. She says that, that women causes her leg pain, menstrual cycle, even cold fever… for this reason we changed our house, but even there she started complaining the same way wit another women… she promised telling lets go to our old house and I wonâ€™t behave this way, so we shifted again to our old house… We consulted with many psychiatrist but itâ€™s of no use…. she is still the same… Iâ€™m very worried… when she is with us also she keeps thinking something else… she says she is very frightened that, that woman wonâ€™t let her live. Even now everyday she says that lets shift our house again. What is her actual problem? What should I do now? I want my mom back…. because of this, I lost my momâ€™s love for me… help me out doctor.
She seems to be suffering from Paranoid Schizophrenia. She should improve with the treatment. you have taken treatment from many psychiatrist and still she is not improved, this require closure look to her treatment details. Please send me details of her treatment so that I can be of further help.
Hello sir, my relations with my wife is good but she always shows others that she is very sad with me. She also tells to her sister and mother. Please tell me the reason for this behaviour. Her mother and sister started complaining to us. Iâ€™m angry and my mind think negative reflect. Some time I feel my legs were not supporting to my body and my body gone cold. I keep on feeling negative and I canâ€™t sleep at night. I am not enjoying sex with my wife. plez help us thanks
You think that your relation with your wife is good but same may not be true for her. This may be the reason for her expressions of sadness. You should discuss this with her, rather than considering that your relation is good; on your own. As far as your negative thoughts, sleep problem, coldness of body and enjoyment in sexual relations is concerned; this can be symptoms of Depression. Take the help of psychiatrist.
Unfortunately, only you cannot solve this. Both of you have to act together. Such Interference is very common but couple has to jointly decide how much to take it. Take your husband in to the confidence and try to explain him that this is not against his mother but this is about your privacy. Rather than blaming his mother, try to establish positive communication with your husband.
Hello sir, I a unmarried boy of 25. I have regular habit of masturbation. Some time before I get an affair with a widow of 28. At the time of intercourse I feel the problem of premature ejaculation in me. After three months I leaved her because of my posting since 2 year. Now I am getting married within one month and I am very afraid with my premature ejaculation. Please help me in this matter I really very thankful to you.
Habitual masturbation and long interval between intercourses some time leads to premature ejaculation. Kindly put word Masturbation as well as Kegel’s exercise in search box (Top right) and you will find my answers on this issue. Try to do Kegelâ€™s exercise and you may take medicines called fluoxetine, by prescription.
Dear Dr. Thanks a million for all the suggestions you gave me. All of them worked. My husband today, expresses a lot of love & affection towards me. We have a lot of foreplay but he is scared to have sex, as he does not wish to have a second child right now, although I do not have any problem. (No financial prob.) He keeps on asking me to consult a gynaecologist, to enquire about the natural method of contraceptives (related to dates). We being Christians, our religion does not permit us to use any sort of contraceptives other than the natural way. Abortion is a grave sin. Can u please advise me; does the natural method of contraceptive help in avoiding pregnancy?
Menstrual cycle has a period called â€˜Safe Periodâ€™ during which there are almost negligible chances of getting pregnant, provided your cycle is very regular. Seven days before the date of menstruation and seven days after the menstruation is a safe period. You have to avoid intercourse in middle 14 days.
Dear Doc, I got married 1 month back. On my first wedding night I could not have intercourse with my wife as she felt pain whenever I tried to penetrate her. Besides this I felt her vagina too tight despite enough fore play. Even after that night we had failed attempts due to same reason. I took her to a gynecologist. Dr said everything was normal. After that I faced premature ejaculations and loss of erection. Now she is not with me but I keep judging my erection as I suspect it is not same as before marriage and the reason of failed sex. I visited psychiatrist, he told me to keep the things out of mind, and consultation with wife. Can I recover and have successful married and sexual life. Please help. Thanks in advance.
You do not seem to have any sexual problem. Your sexual troubles are making you anxious. Just take it easy and relax yourself, everything is going to be alright with continuing sexual activities.
I am 21 year old, my parents are constantly fighting. The main reason is that my mother might be suffering from depression (for which she refuses to get help) because of my grandparentâ€™s behaviour towards her since she got married (although it was an arranged marriage). They haven’t been good to me in my childhood as well. A few years back my mother’s mom expired and since then there has been no peace at home. My mother who was a quiet person has started arguing for everything (even if she is wrong). Itâ€™s been 4 years my parents have not talked to each other properly for more than a week! My father is mostly taking my grandparents side (even if he knows they are wrong) because he thinks they are left with very less time of their life. In the entire scene I and my younger brother have suffered the most, especially with our studies. We are left with no social circle (because we cannot invite anybody at home, with a situation like that). Also my relatives are of no help. Many a times I feel I might be stepping towards depression as well. I don’t want that and need help!
This is unfortunate. Your parents should have understood this. At the most what you can do is; talk to them, explain your suffering and make them realize what they are doing to their childrenâ€™s life. Alternatively, you can talk to your mother about your suffering; probably being a female she can understand your feelings faster and cooperate to improve the situation.
Dear Dr. I have read some of your replies here and I must say you are doing a great job. Let me explain to you my problem sir. I am 22 years girl who has been brought up in a much protected environment and I have liberal parents who are always encouraging. I never believed in falling in love and there were no such distractions in my life. When I entered college I had a friend (male) who contacted me for doubts in studies and we soon became friends. My friend was good at studies, was very helpful and came from a decent family. Though I had a lot of inhibitions about talking with guys I found this guy decent and accepted his friendship. Over the days we became such close friends that we were always on phone or we exchanged smses messages or saw each other in college. I spent all my time talking to him. He was away from his parents and was alone and needed the attention and I was willing to give it. I also gave him all my time. There was practically nothing else I did. I spent very little time talking with my parents, reading novels or going out which were otherwise part of me. I felt my friend was emotionally very dependent on me and I should give him the support. Our friendship had lots of ups and downs or I would rather put it more downs than ups. Lots of fights and misunderstandings but it became fine soon. There was once when my friend stopped talking with me for more than a month. He found another friend to share his time and this made me fight with him. He was so busy with her always. I was not jealous or anything but I started feeling lonely as my routine was disturbed. After I made a comeback things became okay but fights didnâ€™t stop. Then all of a sudden I got to know my friend was sending some perverted jokes to his new friend and I found this indecent and I fought with him. I was against all this and my trust in him was disturbed as I always believe he was not like the other guys. He confessed later that he didnâ€™t speak to me all that because I was not interested in those talks. I was very rigid in my thoughts and right from the beginning was under the impression that all men talk filthy but I thought this friend was different but very soon he found me wrong. Over a period of time he fought with the other girl and with lots and lots of mental trauma I was willing to forgive him for talking such things with a girl and accept him as my friend again. When things were good he was really my best buddy. I learnt lots of things from him academically and it helped me grow. I started growing very dependent on him and he was the only outlet for me. I had very few other friends and I began spending all the time on phone or messaging or talking with my friend. All of a sudden one fine day my friend proposed to me. I was totally not interested and I denied. I thought it was just an infatuation and tried explaining him many times but he was sure he was having feelings for me. I always looked and respected him as a good friend and as told earlier love was not in my dictionary. I hurt him a lot but I was helpless. I was scared of guys already and with the experiences of my friends I understood that all guys were ditchers. Even though my friend was genuinely true I didnâ€™t want to risk because I was a very stubborn child and I didnâ€™t want to break my ideals. My friendâ€™s ideas and tastes were different from mine and I knew things would not work out. Though I disappointed him we were friends still. After two years of our friendship we decided to go out and after long hesitation I finally agreed. The second time we got little closer and when we went out we opted for the physical touch. We never had a physical relationship or anything but we went round together watching movies. I was totally against going out with a guy and I was upset when he just tried to touch me once. I always had strict rules about these things and I kept feeling it was wrong but things were changing with time. I was also getting close to him after two three outings with him. My friend spoke to me about sex, masturbation and all after we watched a movie once but I had no clue of all this. I was 20 but I was never interested nor had the basic knowledge in all that. Then also I found all that wrong and never agreed. I asked him to stop masturbating because I felt it was wrong and he did that for me too. Slowly there were prolonged discussions and fights about this and I also was curious to know what sex was all about though I had a mindset it was wrong and a sin. Slowly we started going out more and we discussed intimate topics. He wanted me to kiss him on the phone. This also was wrong for me but when he was getting very disappointed with him I agreed because I didnâ€™t want to hurt him. I was not interested though my friend was interested in those subjects. I was getting emotionally close to my friend and I depended on him for all things. I told him everything and he was my only outlet. There were many times he said he loved me but I wanted him only as my friend. After ten months of him proposing me and me not accepting there was one weak moment of my life when I fell in love with this guy. I thought so much about it and decided I should agree. I felt I was lucky to find a guy who did anything I asked. He has all the love for me and I started trusting him more now. During these ten months he was so loyal to me and I felt that I needed him. He did everything to make me feel happy and I felt privileged. I was complimented for every small thing and that excited me all the more. The feeling of love just came to me in an instance and that very moment I told him that I thought what I felt for him was love but I was not too sure. He didnâ€™t show much interest but there were three to four instances after that when he told me he loves me and that made me really happy. I believed myself that love meant commitment and marriage. Things were all fine before I realized college was getting over and he started preparing for exams to go to the US for higher studies. I felt very insecure but he told me he was not interested to go and he was just writing the exams for his parentâ€™s sake. I always encouraged him to do well in tests and I helped him with these exams too. After the exams he decided to go and he applied to universities got admission and all but I was still sitting with the confidence he wonâ€™t leave me. He was so emotionally dependent on me for the first two years and he always wanted me with him and got so upset when we fought so I was confident he wonâ€™t leave me. Things turned the other way round. He was firm about his career and I realized in the process I became so weak and so dependent on him. Till he got his visa there was some gut feeling that I wonâ€™t be left alone because he always assured me he canâ€™t be without me, he needed me and he knew I was addicted to him too. But reality stood in front of me very soon. The day he left to the US I felt so cheated. I felt so much void and emptiness in my life. Till then I spend the whole day messaging or chatting with him and now I was lonely. My parents were getting all the more worried but I could not tell them anything as I know I will hurt them. I was feeling guilty of going out around seven times in the four years without my parentâ€™s knowledge. I was already scared of guys but I found this friend of mine so genuine that I trusted him so much and now I was left alone! I feel so frustrated, irritated, I donâ€™t eat, sleep or do anything the proper way. I have started suspecting my friend I donâ€™t have the same trust. I feel so jealous when I get to know he speaks with other girls. Itâ€™s almost three months since he is in the US and I have been fighting always. I am so frustrated that I show it on everyone in my family. I was never like this before and I am consciously hurting everyone. Though I know I am making a big mistake I am not able to control myself. He still tells me he loves me but itâ€™s after three months he is telling me he canâ€™t marry me because his parents wonâ€™t agree. He is sure he loves me but he canâ€™t go beyond his parents. I feel so dumped. I seriously donâ€™t understand why he didnâ€™t think of his parents all these days or before asking me out first. I mean I have transformed myself so much for him that I am not able to cope up with this. I think of days we were together what all we spoke of and I am totally attracted with him. He made me so many fancy dreams and now I am all black. He does not give me any commitment but he still wants me to be his friend and he talk of kissing me and hugging me while we chat online and thatâ€™s really disturbing me. I am spending sleepless nights and I am not able to divert myself on doing anything. I have no concentration on any work. I know I canâ€™t think of any commitment anymore but I am so attracted and I am not able to control my thoughts though I know I am making a mistake. Itâ€™s so difficult to be a friend now as the past is haunting me. I am also feeling guilty I spoke of sex, agreed to kiss him on phone on his request and did so much for a guy who dumped me but I am not able to forget him I was so totally against all that and I feel like I am a sinner now. I still want to be a good friend and support him as he is feeling so lonely in the new place but I am not able to. I am not able to be his friend when I know I love him. I am not able to come out of all this because I still miss him and I know he was nice but I also feel guilty I was made to do all wrong things. I am just not able to trust anyone. I feel so lonely and depressed. Whole day I think of my past. I feel like I am in a trap, I canâ€™t come out nor am I able to stay in. Every time we decide to part we get back in hours. Please help me and advice me what to do. Am I making mistakes? Should I just put an end to all this and concentrate on my life? How but? Thanks in advance :)
Accept that you are dumped, unfortunately. Make him clear that after the long path you have walked with him, you cannot stop at just being a friend to him. He has to decide between marrying you or leaving you forever. Your nature will never allow you to be happy in in-between state. Breaking up may leave you in pain but with the passage of time you should come out. Do not feel guilty about good time that you have passed with him, rather enjoy those moments in your memories. Do not try to forget him or to drive away his memories. More hard you try this, more pain and helplessness you will feel. Remember forgetting is an automatic process, you do not have to do anything; time will do the trick. Just go ahead in your life, may almighty bless you.