Hi, I was married for 2 months, which was 3 yrs back. I later put my profile on the matrimony site and found the guy who was also a divorcee. We both liked each other and thought of meeting. We were quite compatible and were very much like friends. We started meeting regularly and came very close. I use to keep talking to him about marriage but he kept saying that marriage was useless and now a day there is no commitment. He was in 2yrs of marriage, which broke due to long distance. It took him lot of time to recover from the first marriage. After I went around for 2 and half months, he had one of his friends coming to his place who also has going through some marital problems. His wife has left him so he has come to my boyfriends house to stay as my guy as his own flat so he keeps telling him about his wife threatening him. Since then things have been very different between us. There was a two weeks of distance between us. After which I expressed myself stating that he has changed but he said that he has not. After which I also told him that he never speaks to me of marriage for which he one day opened up stating that he is very confused and doesn’t know whether he wants to go ahead with marriage or wants a live in relationship. I was shocked and felt cheated. I was wandering as to why he put up his profile on the site. He is a very spiritual guy who was in lot of depression when his 1st marriage broke and has come long way and has changed himself for good. The current situation is that he has told me that he needs time to think and hence he is taking his time. It feels the distance is growing becoz we rarely meet and he doesn’t discuss about our relation. I am really not sure what’s in his mind and do not know how to deal with this. He is not ready to talk about it and he is not what he was when I had met him. Whenever I cry or get worried about us, he tells me not to be so attached and tells me that let things happen naturally and do not worry. Relationships are not so delicate that they will break. I am so confused…plz help!!

Give him the time he wants. Do not sit on his head to have his decision. At the same time convey him clearly that you are not interested in live in relationship. Let him feel your absence by keeping your self at some distance and restricting your communications. Do not worry that he will run away. If he has to, then let him. Sensible guys always turns back.

How can I know about my last life? I have some ideas but they are not complete.

I have never understood why people are eager to know about their past life? It has no relation to your current life. Suppose you have a fear of flying and some healer (?!) try to explain you through past life regression (?!) that this fear is because of your death in plane crash in past life then will your fear go after knowing that so called fact? Unfortunately ‘No’! To me these are gimmicks played by some chits to earn money. I believe that those who are not satisfied with their current life, because of any problem; will fall into such gimmicks. If you are one of them then try to solve your problem through proper channel then such stupid claims. Sorry, this might sound you harsh but I’m very clear on this.

Dear Doctor, Let me first brief you about my past, then my family. Professionally am doing very well but my personal life has always never been so good. I hail from a middleclass family from Mumbai wherein time and money are given lot of Importance. I had got married in Oct 2002. however it got ended very fast as the girl changed her behavior immediately after marriage and started giving me abusive language for just one question she was checking her SMs and I peeped thru it and she blasted..What are u peeping like a dog?? We got mutually separated thru nullification of marriage. It was very painful for me but I overcame it and got legal separation papers by mid 2003. Then I just focused on my job. Then came a girl in my life from a simple family. She had no parents, only a Grandma and a small brother. I thought life will be smooth going now but somehow she started avoiding me and my family and used to rarely visit our place despite her staying very nearby. Then I found out that she had started lying about her whereabouts so after consulting my family we had to call it quits. This happened in 2004. I had to face society and decided not think about marriage. I got better prospects professionally and did well in my profession. In July 2006 I started browsing matrimonial site and met a girl from Delhi. I shared everything with her and laid all facts and expressed my desire to get married and live a decent life. I just expressed that please I need transparency in a marital relationship and no back stabbing as I had enough of it. It took some time for her to convince her parents but finally we got married in Mumbai on 14th Dec 2006. Actually she came from a family where she was having lot of freedom. Going out with friends (males and Females), movies etc. I had specifically mentioned her before marriage that I will support you in your studies(CA Final) however will not encourage your male friends as she dint have any professional relationship with them. This was agreed before marriage. After marriage after visiting her parents place I was made to understand by her mom that please be strict with her as she is too outgoing a girl. Her close relative also had given me a hint that she is a very stubborn girl and does not listen to anybody. Till august we had couple of fights but I dint agree to everything that she had to say. As I have and impression that she has not seen the outside world and gets influenced by friends very fast. As I know that from last 10 years she appearing for her CA exams but unable to clear. As she goes to library for studying but then ends up going out either for shopping or a movie. As she is 30 now I tried hard to explain her that please start focusing on whatever you are doing. But she gets fed up, bored very fast. She needs different things all the time. This is the main reason she just got into a fight with me on a very petty matter on 13th Aug and then stopped talking to me. Then she created a whole scene in front of my family especially when she knew my mom was about to be hospitalized the previous night. She continued her behavior till her parents had to come and took her back to Delhi. She is appearing for her Nov exams however I feel she just wanted freedom. As she did mention that she is bored of seeing my parent’s faces and my face. She also mentioned that there are a lot of restrictions in our family. It’s been more than a month now but still no communication has come fro her or her parents. I really don’t understand her and what is she up to. I had enough heartbreak in my past; however I took this relationship very seriously. I know one thing very clearly that I have to be strict with her as on all the previous occasions I had made the first move and brought things under control, even by apologizing though I was not wrong. However this time I have decided not to bow down, but fight back. Please guide me.

It is really unfortunate that you had these heartbreaks and top of that got a life partner who seems to have some personality problem. From what ever you described about your wife, I guess that she is having cluster II personality (that is what we psychiatrist will call). They are outgoing, stubborn, attention seeking etc. (more features you may find on www.) It is difficult do deal with such personality. Never give up to wrong demands, never apologizes for right things; just for the sake of stopping an issue and never challenge them are the rules to deal with them. 

Hi, I am a married female for the last 14 yrs. we both are happy. Few years back I started going online and started talking to males. In real I was quiet and shy before coming to world of chatting. Slowly I got addicted to chatting. Two years back I met (online) a male from Kolkata living in UAE. I am a Muslim Pakistani woman. He is Hindu Indian married male for the last 24 years. He is 46 and so is his wife. Now problem is that he used to pamper me a lot. He used to ring me up every day. He used to send me sms. We shared our pasts too. He has some fantasies .he used to share with me. But never told me that these all are his fantasies. I met him personally in UAE. We both felt good meeting each others. He then started asking me and my husband to apply for some job in UAE. He helped us. Now when dreams are going to happen in real, I mean my husband got a job in UAE and we are planning to move to UAE he is totally changed. He is telling me again and again how much he loves his wife. Now he is running away from me, telling me immature. He is saying dreams and reality are separate. We should not mix them. But seriously he never ever told me that all he said was his dreams. I’m very depressed all these days because of his changed behaviour. He says he won’t meet us. And suppose if they will meet us he will not talk to me. They will be just casual friends. He does not want any extramarital affair in real now. Last year when we met we were physical too. I don’t understand what is bothering him now? Why he is running away now? What should I say or do? I’m so feeling really down and unable to understand why he is behaving like that? Now when the dreams are just becoming reality what frightens him? Before that he was forcing us to move to UAE. He searched jobs for us and talked to concerned people. Can u please guide me in this case? What should I say or do? How can we fix things? Or should I give up?

I think he is not ready to disturb his own life. So far you were away, he was enjoying the relation but once you are physically around his responsibility is going to increase and he may not be ready for that. Why he helped you to come to UAE is seems to be mystery, probably he might just wanted to please you but would have never thought seriously that this will work out. Now that it has worked out, against his expectation, he is running away because of above said reasons. You should continue going to UAE, not for him but if work and future scope is worth.

Dr. I am 31 years old & having happy married life since past 7 years. Now I am doing graduation which is of 2 years so for that I have to stay outside from my family .Now 1 year has passed. In that time a boy who is 25 years old is my neighbor .At beginning we are just giving smile to each other. Later on he helped me many times that is why I am talking with him freely & sharing my problems with him .We are sending SMS to each other but as formal like friend. He is also studying in same college. He knows my family. My Husband is also talked with him & also knows we are friend. This guy has a girlfriend, both loves each other but not going to marry. He discusses all things with me & I was giving suggestion to him. After words I am finding that am getting involved in that guy. I was thinking about his problems & getting upset .When we are leaving each other I cried a lot that time I realized that I was missing him. After 3 months again I saw him there but he ignored me .He knew that I am caring & missing him. I tried to talk but he did not show any interest. That time I felt very guilty. I was confused about his behavior which disturbed my life. Then after 6 months again he met me & talked with me & told me he behaves this because He wants to see me happy by forgetting him. I accepted this but still I am confused whether, he does for seeing me happy or any other reason is there? Because of his behaviour I am feeling guilty whether missing any one is bad? I don’t know how I face that guy when he meets again but still I am crying for all that happened. Please help me to come out from this.

You need not feel guilty about missing anyone. As missing someone who is emotionally significant to us is not bad. As such you are married and cannot afford to be in an emotional relationship, outside your marriage. And if he is going away from you it is a reasonable thing to do under this situation so let the time pass and you grow out of this.

Hi doctor, I have a problem which I have been trying, and thinking would resolve with time but nothing positive. I went for studies from Delhi to Mangalore. After some time my hairs started falling. My hairline reduced gradually and I started to become bald from side. I tried by getting totally bald also, there were black small patches of dandruff. At that time have dandruff on my head throughout the year and in winters it goes out of hand. Some time back I had an accident, had a fracture in my hand. After more than 6months the pain is still there in my wrist, my wrist had broken at that time. After some time I noticed my hairs from the chest are falling and it has been regular since then. What sort of problem is this? I have noticed the hairs on my chest usually fall during the sleep. Is it some nutritional problem? I am very scared, whom to contact, whom to consult?

Dandruff can lead to hair fall on scalp. As your other hairs are also falling, you need to rule out Thyroid hormone deficiency. You have to consult Endocrinologist and Skin specialist (for dandruff).

I have everything in my life I ever wanted. A great family, my husband respects, loves, and supports our son and me. However sex is another story. Before we got married we had sex often. Afterwards I began to work as a teacher and he works at a food place. Our schedules are completely different. After that sex was once a month. While I was pregnant he felt uncomfortable having sex. Then we did not have sex for 6 months. He says he is stressed with the business since he is the manager/waiter/Mr. fix it/ whatever they need. I’m not sure what to do. Before we have sex, it always seems we have a talk where things are going to change but they don’t. With all of this I am angry all the time hoping that the next day will be the one where he will initiate sex and not push me away. When we do make love it is great. But what can I do or he does to make our sex life better? Please help. 3 years of marriage.

You really need to sit together and work out on the issue. Stress can be cause behind this but it cannot be the only cause. Improve your bond through healthy communication, care and concerns. If he feels tired of work then change the time of sex, may be early morning.

Respected Sir, I am 24 yrs old girl. I was in love with one guy. We were both from same cast. We were in love for 3 yrs and after that with both parents’s permission we got engaged. I am B Com and He is B.E. My left eye is having some problem (it is not straight). This is natural physical problem since my birth. We were in love for 3 yrs but we met face to face only once during this 3 yrs. we met through internet chatting and after that we were talking over phone. He was not aware of my physical defect. Before engagement his family member alerted him about my left eye’s defect but he told them that he loves me and he doesn’t mind with my defect. But after that I don’t know why I was not ready to accept our relation. I was feeling that he was having some problem with my defect. Though he told so many times to me that he doesn’t mind my defect. Gradually I lose my interest in our relation and I decided to break our relation and I did it. This happened 8 months ago. Now I realize my mistake and I can’t live without him. Now I again want to be with him but He is not ready to accept me because at the time of breaking relation I used bad words for him though He was absolutely innocent. Now tell me what should I? How can I please him again as before?

It is very hurting for some one who accepts your physical defects and you use bad words for him. What made you think that he has some problem with your defect when he was denying that! Another mistake you did is, on realizing your first mistake you should have apologized without showing your interest to reunite. It sounds very selfish. Do not try to bring him back to old relation. Just be in touch and try to make him feel that you have really felt sorry from bottom of your heart. Not only words, your attitude should also reflect the same. This may revive your old closeness and then you can think of bringing back to old relation. Males never keep score for a long time so if you will be sincere in your efforts, your chances of success are high.

I am married for the last 18 years and have three kids. However our sex life despite a love marriage is very dull. We just have sex twice or thrice a month which is making me desperate and confused. I have tried everything to please my wife but she does not want to indulge in sex. Is my sexual drive very high? Or is hers very low! Please advice what could be done.

Her drive seems to be low. There has to be many reasons behind this. Reasons vary, may be hormonal, emotional, biological, social etc. You have to discuss with her keeping this possibilities in mind and even more preferable is to consult Psychiatrist for counseling and ruling out hormonal problem.

Dr. I have a girl friend since three yrs. & now we are married. It’s been 15 days that we have got married but still we have no sexual or physical relation. So I want to know how I can prepare my wife for having a relation. Are there any tablets or any powder available in market of Lucknow which I can give her in water, juice or any other drink, or do you have any other suggestion, and then please tell me?

Come on you cannot do this to anyone. Instead, create romance in your relationship. Show your feelings, warmth and care towards her. Finally communicate with her about sexual relationship.