My problem is that I love a married man and I am single right now. We have an affair from 2 yrs now. He is married to his wife for 10yrs & has a 7 yr old son. I love him truly & I believe he is also very genuine for me. He needs me for the emotional support & companionship. I provide to him by letting him speak his mind & showing him new horizons of life and I need him coz I feel very happy with him as he becomes this little kid in my company & showers me with lot of love when he is with me. He says he cares for his wife & can’t leave her as he thinks she might kill herself. Even though he doesn’t feel committed towards her & in his married life, he is the one who makes most of the compromises as she is quite short tempered, materialistic & demanding (these are the reasons he gives for getting into an affair).Also he dotes on his son & he says he can’t leave his family for his son as his wife will take his son with her, If they get separated. For 2 yrs, his wife had no hint about his affair. One day out of impulse, I called her & told everything. She asked me lots of questions to know the truth but in the end she accused me that I was after her husband coz of his money. Then, she called my parents (she stole the number from his phone book) & told them everything about the affair & still put the blame on me that I was after her husband. She is one woman of her own kinds – uncultured & doesn’t listen at all. Even when I told her about the affair, she asked me questions like ‘how many gifts he gifted to u, were the gifts expensive, how often u guys went for lunches, which restaurants etc’ She never asked me how come her husband fall in love with me or what did he tell me about her. On the call she herself said, “I know your love for my husband is true but I want to know if he has spent lot of money on you and I don’t believe in love & emotions etc.. just tell me what kind of relationship you have with him”. Thankfully, as responsible girl I have been at home I managed it & my parents didn’t create a big hue & cry. I want to marry him but I don’t know what he has on his mind. Sometimes he says he wants to marry me too but he can’t as he feels the moral responsibility towards his family. Many a times he tells me that I have spoiled his life as he can’t love anyone else ever again & he can’t be with me too. While sometimes he says that his wife is a nice person & that his life with her is not so difficult that he has to walk out of the marriage. Many a times, I have decided to move on with my life but then he starts crying & tells me that he needs me in his life in some form at least. His wish is that I stay in touch with him for whole life. He advises me that just the way he is living his wife by simply fulfilling his duties at home & giving his undivided love to me. I should also just be dutiful to my husband & keep loving him. I am not bothered by his advises coz I know what I want from my life & I know I can’t cheat on anyone, be it him or my husband. Problem is that I want him to realize some facts for his own good. I want him to know that if he is not happy in his marriage (which he is not.. his emotional dependency on me proves it) he should not be in such a marriage. I want to tell him that right now his marriage is surviving coz his needs are being fulfilled by me but once I am gone from his life. He would feel incomplete & then his marriage would break. I am sure he will not get attached with any woman other than me ever as he is an introvert & hardly opens up with anyone. Plz suggest me how I should think about myself more & less about him & how do I make him realise his true worth.

I understand he is emotionally dependent on you for his own reasons, what are you going to get out of this relationship? Guilt? It seems that his wife does not have respect for him as she is least bothered about reasons for his infidelity but must be insecure on financial ground. He might not be taking proper care of their financial needs for whatever reasons. I do not think that you can make him realize anything about which he is not serious (as he is not sure about his wife, whether she is good or bad). He has found you as a support and he does not want to lose that, only you have to decide how far you go on doing this because his problems and needs are going to be never-ending stuff.

can we treat a person if he is not willing to go to psychiatrist. My father has been drinking for years now. Moreover, keeps cribbing about small things. He is unemployed and sits at home and always after my mother’s life for not giving her tea/diner etc on time. If he gets a missed call, he suspects it is from my mos family and they are doing this to tease him. But he doesn’t agree to go to psychiatrist?? What shall we do?

Ya, you can surely consult a psychiatrist in his absence and seek the guidance from him about what you should do. This is a quiet common scenario in psychiatrist’s practice so do not hesitate to go to them without patient.

My boyfriend and I have been in an on/off relationship for the past 2 and half yrs. I was the one who approached him. We both got into the relationship with the intention of getting married. I really love him and I know his commitment is 100%. But as a person I have always been outgoing but he’s an introvert. He always gets annoyed with other people and their ways. He expects me also to be only with him and not have friends around me. He is really important to me so I tried to be that way. But somewhere I keep feeling bad that I hurt my friends because of this. He doesn`t understand this. He has a problem with a lot of things that I do. We don`t meet often. Our only means of communication is through texting. He gets annoyed if I even go out for lunch with my friends and stops texting but comes back in a few days. Sometimes I only apologize even if I don`t think I am wrong. But I can’t tell him how I feel or he will get upset. He says he expects me to speak out or else it`s not fair but whenever I do we end up in a fight. I can’t understand if I am immature or what the problem is. Please help me analyze this situation I am in.

The problem is you both have different mind sets and nature, you need to ask him to discuss this out with a open mind and you have to come to some compromising conclusion on both the sides. You cannot go long way keeping these differences in mind as it might affect your inter personal relation later in life.

I think now your love is more out of mercy and fear than affections. Her behavioral patterns suggest that she has personality issues, which can be secondary to her tuberculoma or traumatic childhood. You should remain firm on not supporting her on illegal matters. Try to introspect your feelings whether it is your love or mercy and then take decision about future of this relationship. It is also advisable that she should take an urgent medical advise for her tuberculoma.

Hi Dr. Hansal, if u found this mail a bit long, pls pardon. I am in love with a gal for past 3yrs, but suddenly things got worse n the gal broke up the relationship. Lastly she told she was not happy with me that’s why she is leaving, again she told I was not caring n loving. As a software engineer I had some tensions in my office that’s why sometimes I scolded her. Now all these things she stretched like anything & one more thing she always disliked my 2/3 frnds whom I am very close since the time of my Engg. the last time when she met with me she quarreled with me like anything, in the mean time I lost my temper n I slapped her. I know what I did that was wrong, even I beg pardon but the thing is that I love her more than anything, she came into my life after a similar incident before 3 yrs back when a gal ditched me. Now she is saying she is in love with another guy. I came to know when I saw her chat logs n even she is agreeing on this matter. I tried my best to make her understand how much I love her but all in vain. What should I do now? Now I am feeling like broken, still I love her more than anyone. I think am the guilty that’s why she left me, n she is telling the affair with other guy started just 2/3 weeks back. Even she hide me things like she used to go movie, doing shopping with that guy. But she is accusing me that coz of my fault she left me. This is the second time this thing happened with me. I am in trauma, plz help me out of this situation.

Where is the love? She is seeing someone else and you are obsessed, as you do not want second break up. There is no love; rather both of you are painfully connected. Do not feel guilty as blaming is a part of the break up. You should not be the victim of blame game played at break up. Accept the break up and separate gracefully.

Sir I am 22 year old guy pursuing 4th semester of my MBA. Now a days, I am in a serious problem as placement season is going on, companies are continuously coming but I am not getting shortlisted for any company and the result is I am totally frustrated, losing my confidence and Concentration in my every work. Apart from all, the most serious problem happening with me these days is that in the night, I suddenly lose my sleep and getting attracted to one of my room-mate, I mean problem of attraction to same sex. I have touched his body parts for 4-5 times without his information and after doing so I feel guilty and promise myself to control this, but I couldn’t. It is the first time happening with me. I am unable to understand the situation I am in these days. When I also think about this I lose my concentration in study and confidence on me. Sometimes, wrong ideas come into my mind also. Please tell me what this problem is about and give me the solution otherwise it can affect my life badly.

It seems that you are developing depression please consult a psychiatrist nearby.

Respected Sir, I am going through a miserable situation since my marriage i.e. 5 yrs. I get married in 2003, having a son of 2 and half years. It’s a love marriage, but just after 6 months of our affair we get married. She knows everything about my past, about my ex-girlfriend and all. Just after marriage she got totally changed. She started mistrust me and that causes misunderstandings. She always thought and may have fear of that I may get fall in love with someone else even after our child. I am running a small computer centre. She never tolerates the fact that I will take the classes of girl students. I can’t hang a board before my centre “For Boys only”. She even never left her own sister (my sister in law) and suspect her also. This problem never stays for all the time. 3-4 days in a week she runs under this critical situation and that time my life turns to a hell. “Why did u wear this shirt? Why r u using perfume? let me check your mobile” all this non-sense make me really sad and frustrated. I love her all the time, but due to shame I can’t discuss this before anyone not even to her family. This problem increasing day by day. Plz. help me out! I tried all the best possible way by going to some change (vacation) etc, but fails. Thanks and Regards

She is developing Paranoia. It is a psychological illness where person starts suspecting abnormally. Please take her to Psychiatrist nearby.

Respected sir, I am very much thankful for your last replies. Now I am very much satisfied with my relationship but I am suffering with myself. I lost my dad when I was 2 years old. And after that I got my step-father, but I still remember and miss my dad till this very moment. And I used to share all my feelings with my mom and I even used to tell whatever happened throughout the day to my mom but when I was in my first PUC I lost trust on my mom as she misused that character of mine and insulted me in front of all my friends as I had shared everything with her. And since then I am suffering very much. And my problem is that I can’t keep anything (information or any issue) within me and as a result I end up telling it to my friends. But later I regret for doing so and I feel embarrassed to again mingle with my friends. And by this my friends use my personal information as my weakness. And I even can’t take any decisions on my own as I prefer to ask others for suggestion before I take the decision. And I feel myself so dependent. I even end up telling my most personal things to my friends. Please help me doctor. I really need your help badly. I have to stop this character in order to safe guard myself respect and secure my relationship.

Your mother has done such an behviour only once which could be casually, you share your feeling with her only instructing her not to repeat the same now. And also you can start writing a diary which will help you ventilate whatever is there within you so just the crucial matter are to be shared that you can with your share mother only.

I am a 25 yr old boy. I feel like I have some hormonal problem vis-Ã -vis my sexuality. I feel real pleasure when I press my nipples and I get aroused .I get aroused when I imagine myself getting intimate with one of my earlier close friends with whom i had anal sex few times. At those times, I really wanted him to make love to me. I am confused .Please help me.

From your short description, what I could make out is; you have problem of gender identity. Your sexual orientation is towards homosexuality. Get your sex hormone profile checked (it is done through blood test). If you find any abnormality in sex hormones, you need to consult Endocrinologist (specialist of hormone related diseases). If report is normal, consult psychiatrist.

I am a Gynaecologist married to an engineer in may2008. I am pregnant 4months now, its second marriage for both; he has 2 children from the first marriage living with their mother. I want to know about my husband’s habit, he has pornography clips and pictures stored in his computer and he has the habit of flirting with women of all ages even school children. This is causing very great problems to me as he has WOMEN WAITING FOR HIM at their doors wearing the same coloured clothes as him. They are flirting even when I am by the side of him which is affecting my peace of mind, what should I do? My parents are old and I don’t want to go back to them with this problem, please help.

Almost all males are voyeur to some extent and some of them are addicted to it. These addicted males keep on watching, collecting and storing pornographic materials in different forms.
Discuss with him about his habit of flirting and clearly tell him that you do not like it. Habitual flirts are difficult to check but keep on showing your dislike for that at every possible occasion. If any female starts flirting with him in your presence then make them embarrass in a smart way (eg. “My husband is flirt but I never accept this from decent females”). Never ever think of flirting with other males as a part of revengeful act because he may take an advantage of your position and on long run going against your basic nature will create guilt, too.