Hello Doctor, I got married this Jan-2007. My wife is not ready to accept me. We never had any physical relationship; indeed, she doesn’t allow me to touch her. She tells, she is not having any feelings for me and not ready to create physical relationship. She told me her parents insisted her to do marry. However, she is happy with my parents. We did not talk each other, in a day we see each other only 3-4 times and talk around 5-7 minutes. Earlier I thought after some time she can manage, but it is long time over, around 10 months. Now a day she is hardly trying to mix-up with me, when we have dinner that time only talk with me as well as watch TV also, it means she has fixed time for me 20 mins. It is very irritating for me. I am losing my confidence and no more interested for her. Please suggest me a solution.

You should talk to your and her parents about this. She might be taking revenge on her parents because they forced her to marry you. Pressurize her parents to intervene and clarify her past. She may not like this but you have to take control over situation. If nothing fruitful comes out then think of seperation.

I got married about 7 months ago with a guy who had done M.Com. And now working as a PRO. We have a joint family, my mother-in-law, brother-in-law and his wife and their 4-year-old child. My father-in-law died 2 years ago. Basically, my husband’s nature is dominant. Generally, till our marriage everyone asks him for any kind of solutions and follows his instructions, but the problem starts with our relation. I was in third semester of MBA at the time of our engagement and working as a MT and earning a bit more than him at the time of our engagement. We are 4 members in family on my mother’s side, my parents and 1 handicap sister. My husband’s financial condition was not so good at the time of our engagement due to share market collapse, so he was not ready for marriage till I finish my MBA. I was already 30 years old and he was 34 years old at the time of our engagement and I have two relation breaks (engagement) before also due to some problems. One guy was a fraud and the other broke the relation only due to some misunderstanding. I already had clarified these things to my husband at our very first phone talk and he didn’t mind for such matters. My parents were thinking that we already have crossed the marriage age and I had two bad experiences before also, so this time they don’t want to wait. From their point of view, their thinking is right and also I know my husband’s situation very well, so he was also right at that time, so I feel a dilemma, and I requested him to get ready for marriage and I had told him that we’ll do court marriage to save the cost, which he was not ready for, he just want to wait and I cant convince my parents for it, so he got ready for marriage but this decision hurt his ego, he basically is dominant and he had to let-go for this matter, which is difficult for him to accept and he has some bias for my parents from this decision that they want to take benefit of his weakness. Then, another situation comes. I am working from home PC, job work. After marriage, he wanted me to ask my parents to shift our PC to my new home. Now, we are living in joint family and our marriage decision was very quick as I already have told. In marriage, as I am the only child for my parents, obviously they gave me a lot. So, when my husband asked for PC, my parents took it wrongly that my husband did marriage only for money and things, which he wants to collect from my parents’ home, and so they refused. They told that they will give everything but slowly, not this much immediately just after marriage. So, again my husband’s ego was hurt. I gave him a solution that I leave the job and stop working from home and accept a job at some another company, so that we don’t need to invest money for PC and also we don’t need to ask anyone to give us PC for work and I can also support him financially. He took money on interest for marriage, which I am well aware of, so I don’t want to leave the job at all, but I don’t know why he was not ready for that and then all my problems started. He become stubborn that why my parents refuse to give PC to me if it is only for my use. Why they are trying to take benefit of his financial situation every now and then. He thought that they are hurting his self-respect and I am supporting them, but I never thought that way. I think to work from another company outside the home is a good option and it wont hurt anyone’s feelings and self-respect, but he was not ready at all. Now, this is my last semester of MBA and still the conflict is going on. He doesn’t want me to leave the job, doesn’t want me to get outside the home for job, also doesn’t want me to use any of my savings even for my own costs, and the only thing going on in his mind is that my parents are his enemy and I am supporting only them and so I never ever oppose their decision to not give me the PC. Now, isn’t it strange that on one side he talks about self-respect and on the other hand he becomes this much stubborn to get things from my parent’s home? If he believes this much in self-respect then he himself should refuse to take anything from my parents’ home once they refuse it. My condition is worst in all this, almost like sandwich. Neither can I convince my parents nor him for any better solution. Now, slowly he becomes suicidal and wants to kill himself. So many times he hit himself, but the other thing I noticed is even if he hit himself, it doesn’t cause any serious injury to his body and even if he always threats me that he will do suicide, but he never ever take any such step also. He has four stones in his kidney, which is hurting him badly but now he even is not ready for laser treatment of it. I really don’t know how to handle this situation and who is wrong in all this. Right now, I work from my mother’s home. I come at around 11 o’clock in the morning after finishing all my home work and then after finishing my job work from my mother’s home, I again go to my husband’s home at around 7 o’clock in the evening. I even told him that if he wishes I can leave the job at all only for him, but he doesn’t accept it also. He refuses all options and just repeats one thing again and again that my parents are his enemy, they want to take benefit of his financial situation, he will kill himself, etc., etc. Try to answer me if possible.

I do not know why you people are sweating on small stuffs. Your husband is overreacting and your parents are behaving immaturely. I think you should purchase new PC on loan and finish the matter.

Hello Doctor I use Harpic toilet cleaner for my western style loo. The problem is while using it, most of the times the tip of my penis touches the inner surface of the toilet seat as the seat is of small radius. My question is that does it affect my sexual health or am I vulnerable to infection in future.

It cannot affect your sexual health. If your toilet remains clean then there is a least chance of infection.

Since the last three or four months my wife is doing a surprising activity. From normal she changes to abnormal & is scared from ghost. Sir give me some advise what could be done to get rid of this problem.

This could be an attention seeking behaviour or may be symptom of psychotic illness. Take her to psychiatrist for final diagnosis.

Unfortunately, only you cannot solve this. Both of you have to act together. Such Interference is very common but couple has to jointly decide how much to take it. Take your husband in to the confidence and try to explain him that this is not against his mother but this is about your privacy. Rather than blaming his mother, try to establish positive communication with your husband.

Hello Doctor, I am honey, working in am MNC. I was in love with a person for 2 yrs and we had sex with each other in the past years. My parents as very orthodox and want me to get married soon, they started looking for a person to get me married. I do not want to go against their wishes and hurt them. I have spoken about this to my partner and he accepted the fact that we both cannot marry each other. In another 2 months I am getting married to a guy of my same caste who is just 2 yrs elder to me and is of the same generation and is quite modern thinking and stylish. Please let me know if my future husband by any way could come to know if I already had sex? Because I have, been having sex for the past 2 yrs, will there be any changes in my sexual organs due to which he can to know that I am not a virgin? Please let me know if I have to talk to him about me not a virgin and that I already have had sex in my past relation so that I do not face problems in future in case he comes to know that I am not a virgin. I want to have a successful marriage. Please help me, I am really tensed about this and am not able to get proper sleep and not able to remove this from my head. Thanks

No, no one can find out that you are not virgin unless you disclose it. Some people have misconception that from broken hymen, one can check virginity. If you behave like an experienced partner in bed, he may suspect. Never ever confess that you had sexual relations in past, no man can ever take this even if he claims himself a modern thinker. Try not to think about it, gone are the days.
 

Hi, I am guy and attracted to my aunty who is 15 years elder to me. I won’t say attracted but I am madly in love with her. I just can’t stay without her and want to marry her, she is married and having a kid also. I want to take care of her in every possible way and this is not from now but from last 14 yrs right now I am 30.Please help me as I think I will go insane otherwise in few months. I can’t stay without this lady and I sometimes feel she also loves me but not as her husband. Should I propose her through some gifts? I want to marry her and have kids with her…I know she is not enjoying her sex life from past 8-10 yrs, I think she must be also feeling the urge of it. Can you tell me how should I go ahead? Her husband is least bothered of her… I want to marry her as soon as possible so that I can give her my kid…also that is the reason I have rejected my entire marriage proposal but did not have guts to tell her till now that I love her. I really love her. She also has got feeling for me but I think she is afraid of telling me. I am in Mumbai in India. Should I take the initiative of taking her out for some adult movie and try to kiss her when she is hot or should I bring her something she likes. I think I am sexually attracted towards her. Is it possible that if I love her once I will then stop loving her; I mean to say if I sleep with her once I will stop thinking about her and then I can concentrate on other things? I masturbate around 3 times day thinking about her. I don’t know but I really feel I love her and want to marry her.

Oh!
This seems to be your obsession for her. I think you are confusing your sexual attraction with love and that too one sided! She is not happy with her husband (that’s what you think, has she ever told you that?) does not mean that she is ready for you! If you really love her then how can you think of taking her to adult movie, excite her through that and then kiss her?! WEIRD!! If you are 30 right now then she must be 45. At this stage her priority can not be sex and she can not give birth to baby. I think this is sufficient to make you understand that take professional help to come out of this and get yourself treated. Yes I mean it, God bless you.

Dear Dr., I am married since 5 months. I am 29 and my wife is 24 yrs old. She is house wife. I am working in an IT company. We always fight for different issues. Our choices are different. Important issues for which we have different opinion are – 1. I am very much possessive about her. If somebody touches her, I feel bad. If she talks to her friends (boys only), I feel bad. I want to overcome this. I have full faith in her. I know she is loyal to me. 2. I feel she should wake up in the morning before me not daily but some times and make breakfast for me. But here sometimes it happens, I get up and get ready for office and she doesn’t wake up and doesn’t prepare breakfast for me. She never wants to do it like that. She also feels bad when it happens, but she doesn’t have control over her sleep. She says she feels tired sometimes. I feel we have maid for washing clothes, utensils and for mopping also. She has to cook twice and make the breakfast only. Still she says she get tired with it. 3. I like to have sex daily. She wants it weekly. 4. When she is at her mother’s home for few days, she hardly remembers me or calls me. If I call her, many times she doesn’t picks the phone as it is kept somewhere in the cupboard. I feel she never calls me. I always call her. I am too much possessive about her. She feels I don’t give space to her. 5. She likes to go out every weekend. I like to take rest. She likes to watch movies. I don’t like it much. She wants to purchase anything if she likes it irrespective of cost and use. I think twice before purchasing anything for its worth and usefulness to us. I like to keep the things in place and more cleanliness. She is not much concerned about it. 6. Sometimes I shout at her very loud for her mistakes. And I feel bad for it that I don’t have control over it. 7. I don’t like her relatives as I feel they don’t give me due respect.

You have too many issues and some of them are fundamental. You cannot address them alone. Both of you should seek professional help together.

Hello doctor, I am 23yrs old girl. I have loved a guy for the past 9 years. My family accepted my affair and going to get me married in another 9 months. My problem is different. I am the last child in my family. I have two elder brothers who are married. We all are living together. My problem is, my brother’s wife (both) is not behaving properly with my mother. Still my brothers want my mom to do all work for them and my mother is also doing it. If I ask anything to do for me she is not doing. Often my mother complaint about my brother’s wife to me and it makes me irritate and I advice my mom to do some actions but she refuse to do. By seeing all these things in my home I get irritated and often shout at everyone in my home and lost my control. If I get anger my mother shouts me alone and my father gets upset of my behaviour. They are not accepting my problem and shouting at me. What to do sir? I want to be very calm and I should not interfere in any issues like these in future. How to do it? pls guide me sir. Waiting for your help sir.

Cause of your irritation is frustration resulting from your helplessness over the situation. Probably, your parents have accepted their situation and that is why they are getting upset with you. Try to accept their nature and do not struggle to change them by opposing aggressively. Only difference, if at all can be made in their behaviour, can be made by their husband or by themselves!

We have recently shifted to Delhi in a very small house having two small bed rooms. I have my elder brother, my mom and pa in my family. My mom and pa are sleeping in one bedroom and my brother and myself sleeping in a single bed in another room. One day when I was preparing for my test in the night. I noticed erected penis of my brother which was coming out from the dhoti he used to wear. His penis was so large and attractive I could not stop myself touching it. I was so fascinated with it. I took his penis in my vagina. Since then we are daily having sex with each other without the knowledge of our parents. But love to have sex with him, but worried about thinking my future life when I would get married. You are requested to please advise what to do. Will my future husband able to find out the truth. I have no regret as far as our relationship is concerned the only fear is my marriage life. Please advice.

He may come to know from the way you respond during the sexual act with him as experienced female would respond differently than novice one, provided he is smart enough and also experienced.