Sir, I am in a relationship since 3 years. I was planning my life with her and I was going to propose her for marriage. But I recently found out that she is cheating on me. We live in different cities and my work is keeping me little busy these days, so I could not give her more time. But whatever I am doing is not only for me, it is for ‘our’ future. I don’t know if my business has created this or something else. But I can’t think of her with anyone else. And I am afraid to ask her and clear all this out. Because this may end our relationship as I don’t have sure shot proofs. I just have her, but some of my friends have told me that she’s regularly going out with a guy since many days.

First you need to confirm that your doubt is real, you may also have to go for a break up if she is really cheating on you, because the foundation of a relation is trust. And if trust is not maintained then it is difficult to live happily together
If you don’t get proper proofs and are still suspicious then you may go ahead and clear your doubts.  It is always better to talk and clear things, instead of keeping misunderstanding in the relation. If she is serious about you she will not leave you because you asked her something. Also if you feel insecure that you are losing her than you should even share this feeling with her and ask her what is causing the distance in the relationship?

My problem is that I love a married man and I am single right now. We have an affair from 2 yrs now. He is married to his wife for 10yrs & has a 7 yr old son. I love him truly & I believe he is also very genuine for me. He needs me for the emotional support & companionship. I provide to him by letting him speak his mind & showing him new horizons of life and I need him coz I feel very happy with him as he becomes this little kid in my company & showers me with lot of love when he is with me. He says he cares for his wife & can’t leave her as he thinks she might kill herself. Even though he doesn’t feel committed towards her & in his married life, he is the one who makes most of the compromises as she is quite short tempered, materialistic & demanding (these are the reasons he gives for getting into an affair).Also he dotes on his son & he says he can’t leave his family for his son as his wife will take his son with her, If they get separated. For 2 yrs, his wife had no hint about his affair. One day out of impulse, I called her & told everything. She asked me lots of questions to know the truth but in the end she accused me that I was after her husband coz of his money. Then, she called my parents (she stole the number from his phone book) & told them everything about the affair & still put the blame on me that I was after her husband. She is one woman of her own kinds – uncultured & doesn’t listen at all. Even when I told her about the affair, she asked me questions like ‘how many gifts he gifted to u, were the gifts expensive, how often u guys went for lunches, which restaurants etc’ She never asked me how come her husband fall in love with me or what did he tell me about her. On the call she herself said, “I know your love for my husband is true but I want to know if he has spent lot of money on you and I don’t believe in love & emotions etc.. just tell me what kind of relationship you have with him”. Thankfully, as responsible girl I have been at home I managed it & my parents didn’t create a big hue & cry. I want to marry him but I don’t know what he has on his mind. Sometimes he says he wants to marry me too but he can’t as he feels the moral responsibility towards his family. Many a times he tells me that I have spoiled his life as he can’t love anyone else ever again & he can’t be with me too. While sometimes he says that his wife is a nice person & that his life with her is not so difficult that he has to walk out of the marriage. Many a times, I have decided to move on with my life but then he starts crying & tells me that he needs me in his life in some form at least. His wish is that I stay in touch with him for whole life. He advises me that just the way he is living his wife by simply fulfilling his duties at home & giving his undivided love to me. I should also just be dutiful to my husband & keep loving him. I am not bothered by his advises coz I know what I want from my life & I know I can’t cheat on anyone, be it him or my husband. Problem is that I want him to realize some facts for his own good. I want him to know that if he is not happy in his marriage (which he is not.. his emotional dependency on me proves it) he should not be in such a marriage. I want to tell him that right now his marriage is surviving coz his needs are being fulfilled by me but once I am gone from his life. He would feel incomplete & then his marriage would break. I am sure he will not get attached with any woman other than me ever as he is an introvert & hardly opens up with anyone. Plz suggest me how I should think about myself more & less about him & how do I make him realise his true worth.

I understand he is emotionally dependent on you for his own reasons, what are you going to get out of this relationship? Guilt? It seems that his wife does not have respect for him as she is least bothered about reasons for his infidelity but must be insecure on financial ground. He might not be taking proper care of their financial needs for whatever reasons. I do not think that you can make him realize anything about which he is not serious (as he is not sure about his wife, whether she is good or bad). He has found you as a support and he does not want to lose that, only you have to decide how far you go on doing this because his problems and needs are going to be never-ending stuff.

Hi, I was married for 2 months, which was 3 yrs back. I later put my profile on the matrimony site and found the guy who was also a divorcee. We both liked each other and thought of meeting. We were quite compatible and were very much like friends. We started meeting regularly and came very close. I use to keep talking to him about marriage but he kept saying that marriage was useless and now a day there is no commitment. He was in 2yrs of marriage, which broke due to long distance. It took him lot of time to recover from the first marriage. After I went around for 2 and half months, he had one of his friends coming to his place who also has going through some marital problems. His wife has left him so he has come to my boyfriends house to stay as my guy as his own flat so he keeps telling him about his wife threatening him. Since then things have been very different between us. There was a two weeks of distance between us. After which I expressed myself stating that he has changed but he said that he has not. After which I also told him that he never speaks to me of marriage for which he one day opened up stating that he is very confused and doesn’t know whether he wants to go ahead with marriage or wants a live in relationship. I was shocked and felt cheated. I was wandering as to why he put up his profile on the site. He is a very spiritual guy who was in lot of depression when his 1st marriage broke and has come long way and has changed himself for good. The current situation is that he has told me that he needs time to think and hence he is taking his time. It feels the distance is growing becoz we rarely meet and he doesn’t discuss about our relation. I am really not sure what’s in his mind and do not know how to deal with this. He is not ready to talk about it and he is not what he was when I had met him. Whenever I cry or get worried about us, he tells me not to be so attached and tells me that let things happen naturally and do not worry. Relationships are not so delicate that they will break. I am so confused…plz help!!

Give him the time he wants. Do not sit on his head to have his decision. At the same time convey him clearly that you are not interested in live in relationship. Let him feel your absence by keeping your self at some distance and restricting your communications. Do not worry that he will run away. If he has to, then let him. Sensible guys always turns back.

One is greater? Loved one or one who loved us. I love someone but he doesn’t and someone loves me but i don’t !

Love is about reciprocation. One, who doesn’t love you will not be able to reciprocate and you don’t love to other guy so you won’t be able to reciprocate. Therefore, any of these options will not work.
Theoretically, of course, one who loves you is important than other one.

Sir, I have so many problems since last 2 years. 1) I am not able to concentrate 2) I am not able to take decisions (even small decision) 3) Useless and repetitive thoughts 4) I am not able to remember 5) Excessive anger for small mistakes 6) Showing low level and high level energies simultaneously 7) Doing the particular work repeatedly like checking chin and hairs 8) Postponed the work 9)Guilty feeling 10)Don’t like to face any risk 11)Not doing any job perfectly. Your advice is valuable for my life.

You seem to have Anxiety spectrum disorder (group of disorders where anxiety is a root cause). Consult Psychiatrist nearby.

I am hoping you will have a moment to provide me with your perspective. I’m sure you have heard this a thousand times but I saw your site and would like your advice. My wife has never really been interested in intimacy (making love). I have only been with her and she with me. Married 27 years Two high school boys We met in college We get along great Our current ages 45 Frequency twice a month She is a daily runner We have discussed it and it just have never been important I don’t know why but for some reason, I just seem to feel I not only want higher frequency but want the intimacy to be deeper. I want her to want it as well and be excited about us being together. We enjoy the love making but she says infrequently is fine for her. We both work – We both help out around the house (dishes, laundry, yardwork, kids) What do you suggest? Seriously interested in your advice Thank you in advance

Sexual Desire has mainly physiological and psychological components. If it is right from the beginning of your relationship then possibility of psychological reasons are more likely. In-depth analysis of her rearing, sexual orientation, childhood sexual experiences (sexual abuse) etc is required. She may be suffering from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. Psychiatric evaluation can throw light on this. Moreover you may think of getting her Thyroid Profile as a rare possibility Hypothyroidism may be the reason. Although having two children after her low desire rules out any major hormonal problems.
 

 

I have a daughter aged about 15 years, she is very good in study but she has a major problem. She always fights with her mother even she abuses her and slaps her .during time she uses to say absurd language. Although she needs her mother the most. Other wise she is very affectionate. In her childhood when she was 07 yrs she got same problem. She has a very good behavior in her school mate and other relatives. Please suggest me what to do.

Adolescence is an age of turmoil. Some aggressiveness and argumentativeness is common. This is more common with mother as she is interacting more then father or anyone else. Only two things which I consider abnormal here is slapping and using absurd language. This raises suspicion of developing psychosis. You should consult Psychiatrist near by.

Hello Sir, I want to stop masturbation. Now I am very much addicted to it and it is affecting my daily activities. Whenever I come across some girls I am getting this feeling. How can I overcome this feeling and lead a normal life.

Although masturbation is a normal physiological act but you need to stop when it becomes a sort of compulsion. Try to control your urges by distraction yourself into meaningful activities. Self control is the only way by which you can stop.

Hi Doctor, liked your site very much. I have a problem in my married life. I am married since 7yrs but from last 3-4 yrs we haven’t slept together. I think that he doesn’t love me and also there is no conversation between us. Whenever he is at home we have a fight. I can’t leave him. I do have a 3yrs daughter.

I need more details about your relationship to answer your question.

We own a room upstairs of our house and we have provided it for rent for a 23 year old boy who is working. This boy does not have any bad habits and addiction. He is very well mannered. Once I entered his room in his absence for maintenance purpose. I was shocked to see panties in his room. Since then I started observing him. He always wears panties and he is always nude on the bed. Is this normal?. Shall I let him know about his wrong things or should I keep quite? Please advice

This is sexually deviant behaviour. It is known as Transvestism. Transvestism is the practice of  cross-dressing  (wearing the clothing of the opposite sex). More common in males.  They simply enjoy wearing female clothing at times, and most admire, and imitate, women.
You should take him into the confidence so that he would not feel offended  and  suggest to take the help of psychiatrist. This habit will not go by simple advice.