I am a married person with kids. I am so honest and truthful to my husband and expect me to tell the same even if he flirts with someone. I somehow know whatever he hides. Our wavelengths are so good. He is good caring person. I see him hiding things from me and having some emotional attachment with one of my sister. When I corned he did agree and both are so dear to me that I totally trust and believe them. They respect each other and my sister is looking for a shoulder to lean to overcome her problems. Their communication is hurting me though I am sure both care for me and sure they don’t cross the limit. But I am so depressed. How should I cope up with this?

Talk to your sister about what you are going through. If she is sensible and caring for you then she will withdraw herself from this. Alternatively you may talk to both of them in joint session. It is not a good idea to suffer silently, without letting them know about it.

I am 29 years old. I want to ask that if someone’s married life is very satisfactory then why does he go for extra marital affair. What is the reason behind it? And how can he get out if it?

Extra marital affairs have different dynamics for men and women. Women develop extra marital affairs for reasons; whereas men may not have one.It is man’s polygamous nature which may lead him to have such relationships without any reasons.Some of them may cite different reasons but it is difficult to say how much these reasons have actual impact on development of such relationships. Getting out of such relationship has only one way that is ‘self control’.

I am 24yrs old IT employee met a girl in my company who is 1 year elder than me. We fell in love with each other. I started approaching her for Kisses and hugs first, then it slowly became sex and whenever we get chance we started having sex (not complete sex, without intercourse). She was enjoying my touch initially and the love we both have is true. I don’t bother how she was in the past and she also does not care about my past. Now the problem is my approach towards her. I am expecting sex every time I get a chance, as well as love from her. But she is worried about the society and parents. She is very clear that she wants to do it after marriage, but I am not able to control it. Now the situation is very worst, I have started forcing her many times whenever we both are alone. But still I know that I love her truly and she also loves me a lot. For the past few days she is worried and thinking that it is not good to have sex before marriage. this has become a huge problem now between us. We both don’t want to lose each other in our life. She is from north India and I am from south. I don’t know even Hindi but still we are communicating in English and growing our relation. I feel really happy and proud to have such a girl in my life. I am smoking a lot due to this and masturbating to forget about the sex and want to give her only love and not sex anymore. But she is losing the confidence becoz I am not changing my attitude of sex, smoking and sometimes drinking. How do I solve this problem and get her back into my normal life back?

Change your attitude. Stop smoking and alcohol. If you love her truly then you can do this easily and even you need not to ask me ‘how’!!

Me and my boy friend are in living relationship since last one and half year, he was very confident on that time but due to my one mistake he became very possessive, and due to that possessiveness he hurt me mentally and physically and from last so many months he want me to change and I changed myself fully. But till now he is not trusting me even after 3 to 4 days he remembers that things and start doing same or ask me to go back home even I changed my nature totally according to him but I don’t understand how can I make his trust again please tell me the suggestion to maintain my relationship . Please help me I’m very tensed due to these things my health is going down.

Men do not forget such things easily. It has straight connection with a blow to his male ego (that in spite of his presence you thought of somebody. It also gives feelings of inadequacy.) He might have developed paranoia. You should consult psychiatrist for counseling.

Dear Sir, I m 25 yr old married, working woman. my marriage life is good, rather I love another guy where I m working, he is my boss and his age is 42 yrs. he got affair before six months with another woman, I know her, but after some time he broke his relationship with her as he said. He shows me that he loves me also. However, I can’t trust him. Therefore, my problem is that sometimes I think that he changed now & sometimes not. I love him so much. I know extramarital affairs are not good thing, but it’s not a thing of my hand, I love him so much. I am waiting for your valuable answer; it will change my life. Thank you.

In spite of having your relationship, he developed an affair with other woman. Therefore, one thing is very certain that he took you and your love for granted. If he loved you then how could he developed an affair? Alternatively, that time there was no love and now that he has developed it? People does not change overnight so do not think that he is changed now; it is your love which makes you think this way. You should not allow any one to play with your emotion like this. Try to take control over your emotion and come out of your attachment. This will be better for you on long run.

Hello Sir, I got married in last December i.e. 3rd dec.2007. My complexion is dark. My husband never wanted to marry with me but due to pressure of his parents he done it. His parents came to us frequently for marriage purpose. My parents saw a good family and my parents and me also knew it that he didn’t want to marry. But when he told that he is ready for marriage than every thing was ok. We used to talk to each other before marriage and never told any thing. Even after marriage his behavior was very good with me. He was a good husband, and also told me that he loves me and after 15-20 days he came back to nagpur and I stayed with my in-laws. Daily we were talking by phone and as I said he was good with me we are having sexual relation also and can say that daily we used to do it. After 3 months I am with him in nagpur and now his behavior is not good with me. He is giving me tension like he went out from house for whole night with his friends regularly, he never care what problem I am facing, he always fight with me and say that I am nothing. I am very bad, whatever I done he never appreciate. He always let me feel that I am bad from every point of view just because of color and whatever he says to me he really hurt me. When I say that give me divorce if you don’t like me. Then he says I can’t do it I can’t leave you alone the mistake is mine why you will suffer, but I am also suffering by his behavior. I am MBA in HR and doing job in same office where my husband works, I am unable to understand what I should do? Kindly help me and give a solution

He is not treating you rightly that is What I gathered from your mail. Reasons may be best known to him and not only your dark skin. First, ask question to yourself that why his behavior changed. If you find any reason in your attitude which might have caused this then try to rectify it. If you introspect and convinced that nothing from your side then tell him that his behavior is hurting you and you want to understand the reasons. Assure him of changing yourself if reason is pertaining to you. Insist on honest and clear discussion on the issue, if he tries to evade the discussion.
If nothing works out then you should be thinking of separation and not asking him to give divorce. Why you should ask him to give divorce, you should have courage to take decision and should not ask him to take that, which he is not going to do so long he is comfortable with the issue.   

Dear Sir, I married a guy 4 years back and he is software engineer. He took 25 lakhs as dowry and 200 gms of gold as a dowry. He got work visa for USA. He said he would take me to US once he settled down there. He didn’t come back again. He settled down there with some other female. Even after these many days I am still waiting for him, when we asked his parents about the same, they demanded some more money as a dowry. My father couldn’t afford that. He started abusing me, started abusing about my character to avoid me. My entire family is in deep distress. Recently we have filed a dowry harassment case, and then he started calling me from USA. Threatening me started posting lot of stuff in different online forums and abusing about my character. I am in deep confusion. what shuld I do? I feel like committing suicide. What to do now? Please advise. Crying like anything. My parents are suffering like anything. I am the only daughter to my parents. Please save my life.

These are pressurizing tactics. You should not succumb to it. Before taking back the dowry case you should ask your dowry amount back.

Dear Doctor,I’m male, am suffering from nausea and vomiting with or without taken food/beverage. I am suffering from last more than 10 yrs. I have taken medication too from many doctors in govt.hospital. When I have taken therapy from psychologist.I got relief within 2-3 days.He gave me treatment take red chilly powder and keep in front of tongue. I used many times. And he given me more tech.Now I have in relief, now I want to know, how I improved, what was that illness? As u’re a doctor.pls tell me.

You were suffering from psychogenic vomiting. It is one of the common illnesses. He treated you through behavior therapy.

I have been married for last 22 years. We never had a happy marriage. On the contrary my husband used to even start abstaining from me. One major reason was my dominating ma-in-law. I was 19 when I got married. I did not feel strange then but soon after my engagement I realised I would never be happy with him. He was just not my kind. I also had some soft corner for someone else who is a relative of mine. But due to relations neither of us could express love verbally. He too loved me. All these years I was busy managing my ugly marriage so I never could think of him. But now a day whenever I see him on any family function I feel for him. He too with his gestures expressed love for me. Everyone saw his madness for me. But the next time i saw him he was a complete stranger to me. He behaved as if he was sorry to see me there. As if he was ignoring me, but in fact he was watching me secretly. I was surprised. Then today I happened to have a casual talk with him on phone and he was very formal. He was trying to show his complete faithfulness towards his wife. I am completely degenerated and distressed. I love him and need him as a friend only in my life. What to do? I cannot call him again and again. But my incomplete life needs his warmth. What to do? I cannot show him my heart.

You are trying to feel your emptiness and marital unhappiness by establishing relationship with him. However, you have to remember that he may not be unhappy with his marriage. He may not be interested in serious relationship with you but may get in to it just for fun (to have another woman), if you will keep pursuing. In that case, on long run you are going to get pain and I think which you have an ample at present. His attitude suggests that he is not interested in supporting you on emotional front. Stay away from him.

Hello, I and my partner have been staying together for the past 5 years. In-between he went abroad for 2 years. After he has been back, I found that he has lost interest in physical relation. Initially we use to have it twice a week, but now we have it once a month. I am 27 and he is 31. When tried to discuss on it, he says that he is not born for physical relation and takes it as the last priority. Both of us are in service and hold a good designation and salary compared to our age and education. Can’t understand what to do. Please help.

Person looses interest in sex for various reasons. He too might have reasons. Try to discuss with him saying, you feel that he is not interested in physical relation as he was. Is there any reasons? Is there anything you can do for that? Try not to blame him or sound it as a complaint. Look after yourself in such a way that his interest increase in you.