Hi Dr. Hansal, if u found this mail a bit long, pls pardon. I am in love with a gal for past 3yrs, but suddenly things got worse n the gal broke up the relationship. Lastly she told she was not happy with me that’s why she is leaving, again she told I was not caring n loving. As a software engineer I had some tensions in my office that’s why sometimes I scolded her. Now all these things she stretched like anything & one more thing she always disliked my 2/3 frnds whom I am very close since the time of my Engg. the last time when she met with me she quarreled with me like anything, in the mean time I lost my temper n I slapped her. I know what I did that was wrong, even I beg pardon but the thing is that I love her more than anything, she came into my life after a similar incident before 3 yrs back when a gal ditched me. Now she is saying she is in love with another guy. I came to know when I saw her chat logs n even she is agreeing on this matter. I tried my best to make her understand how much I love her but all in vain. What should I do now? Now I am feeling like broken, still I love her more than anyone. I think am the guilty that’s why she left me, n she is telling the affair with other guy started just 2/3 weeks back. Even she hide me things like she used to go movie, doing shopping with that guy. But she is accusing me that coz of my fault she left me. This is the second time this thing happened with me. I am in trauma, plz help me out of this situation.

Where is the love? She is seeing someone else and you are obsessed, as you do not want second break up. There is no love; rather both of you are painfully connected. Do not feel guilty as blaming is a part of the break up. You should not be the victim of blame game played at break up. Accept the break up and separate gracefully.

Thanks Doctor for your remedies, May god bless you and all your wishes come true. Here my issue comes. I m 23 years old married female. My attitude is getting negative for life day by day. I m happily married, have a nice husband and a good family. There are no problems in my life still I keep on crying the whole day. I am unhappy and not satisfied in my life. I keep on thinking negative and negative. My mood keeps on changing, at once I m laughing and at once I m getting angry over something. I feel very irritated sometime. just want to run away somewhere. I am unable to concentrate for even a single minute on my studies also. Am I going through depression? What could be the cure of this? I keep on reading positive attitude books/newspaper articles/keep surfing positive articles on net/watching spiritual channels but they are showing no effect. I want peace of mind and want to concentrate on my studies very well. I feel my mind has stopped working! My performance isn’t upto the marks…what should I do?

You might be suffering from Depression or mood swings. Start doing physical exercises like walking, jogging, swimming, gym etc and mental exercises like Meditation, Shabasan, positive autosuggestion etc. Mild mood disturbances get clear with exercises. If negativity and sadness persists after 6 months then think of starting Antidepressants after consultation with Psychiatrist.

I am married from last 10years but I cannot satisfy my wife as I discharge immediate and penis shrinks. Please suggest some medication.

You are suffering from premature ejaculation. There are specific medicines to cure yourself from this condition but they cannot be prescribed without examining you in person. So kindly visit a psychiatrist nearby.

Hi Sir. I had a relation with an 18 year old girl who proposed me in January ’08. Since then we both loved each other very much. Our parents knew about our relationship. We enjoyed our best each of the romantic moments of our life. Even we were involved in physical relation several times and she gave her everything without any inertness. But unexpectedly on 5th August ’09 she told me that she loves someone else and she married him that day. Later I have known that the relation with him was growing for the last 2 months and the guy knew everything about our relationship. Now I want to know was she normal or a psycho patient. Will they be happy? Should I tell this to my would-be wife?

She is a cheat. Consider that you are saved for rest of your life. Any girl having active physical relationship and simultaneously involved in serious relationship with someone else is not trustworthy. She is not worth remembering, thank God and move on in life.

Hello doctor. I wish to share my problem with you. We belong to a middle class family. My son got married 9 months ago. He is an engineer by profession, very kind, a big spendthrift, does not save money. We, at the time of his marriage wanted a working girl so that they both can lead a better life in future. When we fixed up with my daughter in law, she was working with a press firm as an editor. We didn’t wish to ask her salary or enquire much about her and went ahead thinking that she seems to be decent girl from a decent middle class family. After the marriage date and everything got fixed up, she started bringing up things with my son like if I wish to study in future after marriage along with my job, hope your parents won’t mind. He was ok with it and gave her a commitment without asking us. She left the job just before marriage saying she won’t be able to continue job because of distance factor and she will try job somewhere nearby. After marriage, she said she wants to join MBA. We could not even afford MBA for either of our children. So we were against it but my son got her enrolled in another professional course (FCA) for 3 yrs, which is very tough and also expensive (apprx 3 – 4 lacs). We were told that after her enrolment she will study at home and will get the course material for study at home. She got her course material delivered at home. After two months of studying at home, she told that this professional course is very tough and she needs coaching. Though this course was foreign course, my son got her registered with a reputed coaching centre at Lodhi Road, New Delhi and paid heavy fee for coaching classes on Saturday and Sundays of every week. He told us only after enrolling her. We were very upset about it. As it is my son does not save any penny, he was even ready to take a loan for her. He also knows she won’t clear her exams and even if she does, she won’t work because she feels exhausted even after working for 1-2 hours. He is supporting her only because he does not want to suppress her desires. We felt cheated but didn’t speak to her or her parents. Secondly, she has a habit of getting up very late (around 10 AM) .She gets up, makes breakfast for my son and her and then starts studying. She says I study in the night so I can’t get up early in the morning. She wants to go out every now and then and shops every time. Moreover she does not wear all what she buys. It keeps on lying just like that. She has done her B.Ed and could get a decent teaching job but she refuses saying that doctor has advised her not to shout because her throat is sensitive. She always feel very week and exhausted after studying for 1-2 hours. My wife sometimes makes lunch for her also. She has told her feelings about it to my son but all in vain. He is scared that she won’t take it in good spirit and would get upset and home atmosphere will suffer a lot. Initially we didn’t say anything but it is affecting us very much. My wife was depressed sometime back. She is much better now but these things are affecting our daily life. We are very disturbed. My son understands everything but he is in no position to help us. She is going to have her first exams in June. What should we do? Should we tell her that she should change her ways and try to adjust. Things do change after marriage? Pls advise how should we deal with it? We are very worried.

I think this is between her and your son. Whatever to be conveyed to her is by your son and not you. He should not afraid just because she won’t like it. There are always ways and means of saying things. It is your son’s responsibility to see that she respects his parents (preparing lunch for you etc). You talk to your son about your sufferings in detail and ask him to prepare her for an adjustment.

Sir, recently I’m undergoing lot of mental stress. I’m in love with a person whom I think is the right person with whom I can spend rest of my life. But my parents are against this. They are not ready to speak either with him or his parents. I love him and my parents also. I cannot live without either my parents or him. I tried to end my life but no courage for that also. Please help me Sir.

Only option you are left with is to convince your parents, any how. Discuss with them at length without becoming argumentative and loosing your cool. You may take help of some one who have good influence on them. Set a time limit up to which you can wait, there after you have to decide between them, if it does not workout your way.

I am a married woman since last 6 yrs. my husband is a dr. he had a relationship with a girl younger than him about 12 yrs. he accepted it. Whether I should accept him as I love him so much or leave. I think he continues to contact with that girl by sending sms and email. I don’t like that. I have 5 yr old son. Whether I accept him or give divorce.

He continues with her even after you know about his relationship, which means he does not care about you or your emotions. However, he might be trying to convince you that he is not into the relations but if you are sure about sms and mails then he is fooling you. If you can compromise with the situation and accept it as your fate then stay on. Before thinking about divorce make sure that you are financially capable enough to live separately.   

I am 24yrs old IT employee met a girl in my company who is 1 year elder than me. We fell in love with each other. I started approaching her for Kisses and hugs first, then it slowly became sex and whenever we get chance we started having sex (not complete sex, without intercourse). She was enjoying my touch initially and the love we both have is true. I don’t bother how she was in the past and she also does not care about my past. Now the problem is my approach towards her. I am expecting sex every time I get a chance, as well as love from her. But she is worried about the society and parents. She is very clear that she wants to do it after marriage, but I am not able to control it. Now the situation is very worst, I have started forcing her many times whenever we both are alone. But still I know that I love her truly and she also loves me a lot. For the past few days she is worried and thinking that it is not good to have sex before marriage. this has become a huge problem now between us. We both don’t want to lose each other in our life. She is from north India and I am from south. I don’t know even Hindi but still we are communicating in English and growing our relation. I feel really happy and proud to have such a girl in my life. I am smoking a lot due to this and masturbating to forget about the sex and want to give her only love and not sex anymore. But she is losing the confidence becoz I am not changing my attitude of sex, smoking and sometimes drinking. How do I solve this problem and get her back into my normal life back?

Change your attitude. Stop smoking and alcohol. If you love her truly then you can do this easily and even you need not to ask me ‘how’!!

Hi, I love a person & we both are from different caste but HINDU. We speak different language. The boy’s parents have agreed for our marriage but at home, my parents are not agreeing for our marriage. Lots of emotional drama is going on. I have made them understood a lot but all in vain. :(( Please suggest & advice me what can I do next? plsssssssss help me

Why your parents are not agreeing? Is it because of caste or some other issue? If you have made up your mind to marry him then you have two options. Either you go against your parents and get marry to him (his parents have already accepted you) or convey your parents that you are going to marry him and you will wait until they give permission.

Dear Dr. Bhachech, thank you for all the practical solutions that you have given to the individuals to make their relationships work. I was going through your site and after reading all the responses you have given I thought I will put in my case to you. It’s one of those long emails which will take in your time. I want to be honest with my situation and seeking your advice on the same. Mine is a long distance love, that too with a married man having a son aged 10yrs. Initially we were just friends, but when I travelled to Kerala along with our common friend both of us realized that we were having feelings for each other, but never expressed. We used to talk every day, and when we became close through our telephonic conversations. One day he proposed me over the phone and I immediately agreed. Even before he met me, he didn’t have good relationship with his wife, as his wife is no longer interested in him. They don’t talk to each other or have any relationship of any kind. She doesn’t care for him and he doesn’t love her any more. He states he is only maintaining the formal relationship because of his son and doesn’t want to spoil his life. When we entered into relationship he clearly stated that he can’t come out of his marriage because of his son, and I have no problems with that. I never want him to come out of his marriage. He loves me a lot, I know that. He is my life. I support him whenever he wants, and never come between his responsibilities. We travel once in 2months for 2to 3days and spend time together. But the thing is I feel he doesn’t feel any responsibility towards me. He always expects my time though I am in office, he expects not to attend any meetings or involve in office things. I sacrificed my career to make him happy because I can’t see him being upset. I need to be with him right from the time he wakes up from the bed till he sleeps in the night he needs me. He is so emotionally dependent on me for each and everything right from the food he needs to eat he wants me to tell him. I enjoy that and I have no problems to give him time. The first time when he came to Hyd after we expressed our love for each other, he applied sindoor to me in temple and he mentally treats me as a wife. Though he is a Christian and I am Hindu we have no differences of any kind, and he follows my belief and I respect his beliefs too. The relationship is going very smooth, there is only one problem. The problem is when he mentally treats me as his wife why can’t he take up my responsibility. I always told him that I don’t want to financial depend on him, but though he doesn’t support me financially I want him to plan our future. I want him to take a lead and plan things like where I need to settle and how I need to invest. But in these cases he feels very irresponsible. I never asked him money anytime, but he sends me gifts. When the shop doesn’t do well (he is a businessman) he thinks how I will manage home and how will I clear the payment for the day. I never involve in anything. I am very close to his son too and I treat him with love only because he is my husband (I truly feel this way). I feel very depressed and hurt when I think why doesn’t he think of my future and why doesn’t he feel my responsibility. When he is spending Rs50 for shop and Rs40 for his home, I expect him to save Rs7 for him and Rs3 for me. I want to him feel my responsibility the way he plans for his son. But whenever I talk about this he only tells me don’t take relationship serious. Future is tomorrow and the future is you will settle either in Chennai or Bangalore and will see each other every month. How should I make him understand and make him feel that he has certain responsibility towards me. (I know he should feel it and I can’t demand the same). He loves me very very much, we never had sex, but we were intimating to the extent of kissing each other. He doesn’t force me or pressurize me for physical pleasure. Everything is fine but I only want him to feel that responsibility because I belong to him. We want to come and meet you and get some counseling to make our relationship work. I don’t want to lose him. he is my life…Please help me

To say that I love you and to make you feel that somebody loves you, are different things. I think this gap exists in your relationship. I do not understand one thing, on one hand he says he loves you and on other hand telling you not to take relation seriously! Worries about your loved one’s future are very natural in its occurrence and here that natural occurrence is missing. Not only that, it is not a matter of concern even on your insistence! Both of you should reexamine your relationship and love. Is true love exist or it is only a need based relationship? You may not like this as you seem to be deeply in it but you need to consider this. You should take it as a third eye view.