Hello Doctor, first of all I would like to congratulate you on writing such a fantastic book-“pan hu tane prem karu chu”.Actualy I have just started reading it .I would like to tell you about my problem .I am married since 9 years, have 2 lovely kids, my family members are also very good people. A year ago I just started chatting with a guy and slowly I fell in love with him, I knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn’t help it, then we started talking on the phone, but I had never seen him. Then my husband came to know about my relationship. I asked him to forgive me, and I promised him that I will not do the same mistake. Now 3-4 months have passed but I still love that guy, and I am not able to forget him. I try to keep myself busy, but all in vain and my lover also loves me a lot he told me that he will never marry anyone other than me. I requested him to change his cell number, he refused to do so. Now I always feel like calling him, I long to hear his voice. And he is very different from my husband. He is very loving and caring, always showing his love for me. While my husband is not demonstrative. And my other problem is I don’t enjoy physical relationship with my husband, and this problem is since many years, I rarely get aroused by him, maybe the problem is with me, and my husband is a simple looking guy. And I look smarter than him. Now I am trying really hard to make my married life happy, but I have not been successful yet. And I just feel like going away to my lover. Now what should I do? Please help me and guide me.

It is too late for this decision as you have to consider about your two children also. If that doesn’t matter you then you can think of going to your lover. At this stage ( nine years of marriage, two children, Indian culture ) Accept what you have and exercise self-control. In life you may come across better persons then what you had up till now but that doesn’t mean you should behave in responsible way.

Dear Sir, my problem is regarding my career. I completed my hotel management in 2007 and worked for 6 months in McDonalds then left the job because I didn’t like it. Again I worked in a call centre in Delhi for one and half years and left the job because I was not getting satisfaction and I could not see a long career in it. I resigned in May 2009 and came back to my native place Lucknow and started preparing for bank examinations. Now the problem is that it’s over 8 months now but I am not serious about my studies. Since I have no great academic record I need to work really hard and give more and more time to my studies to complete the examination. I am 24 and I know I don’t have much time to experiment and need to get a good job as soon as possible and settle in life. I have all these things in my mind and I can imagine the consequences if I will not get a good job but still I am not serious and able to concentrate on my studies. I waste my time in unnecessary things. I sleep a lot, chat with friends etc. I decide everyday that from now onwards I will work hard and concentrate on my studies but everything in vain. I am ignoring the truth completely. Even I don’t have very strong family background. Sir, please advice and guide me how can I increase my concentration and spend more and more time in studies to get a good job as soon as possible. I don’t want to ruin my career and my life. Please help me. Thanks.

First of all make a note of your distractions. Chart out a plan to manage them and implement it. Initially you may find difficult to stick to it but with repeated efforts you can achieve this. Everyday while you wake up, first thing you should do is to give auto suggestions to yourself that you have to manage your distractions by any means and you cannot afford to lose control on them.

Hello Dr, I really need somebody’s advice and who can be better than you can. I am 26 years old and got married before 2.5 years. I had a premarital affair with a person for 7-8 years. However, most of that period my x bf was cheating on me. I loved him immensely and at the same time, I was frustrated and sad about what he did to me. I loved him a lot even what he did to me… but I felt I could not marry him coz I never had the strength to tell my dad about it. I belong to a very rich family and he was from a lower middle class family. I was practically ready to face any financial situation. However, I did not wanted to hurt my parents and family so I never disclosed this to them. I sometimes feel my dad would have got me married off to him if I ever did tell him but… Even after 2.5 yrs of marriage, there has not been a single day without a thought of him. I know I can never go back to him, neither would I want to. However, that feeling of love is still burning in my heart. Not that I do not love my husband, who is a very nice person and I married him coz he loved me… I also told him about my past before marriage. My husband and I were 23 when we were engaged and so not all his family members were ready for our wedding. Even my father warned me coz my husband family is not as well to as my father is. In addition, my husband is pursuing his higher studies… My parents were backing off coz I have a step mother in law (she’s not good person.) but in spite of all that I told my dad that he’s the guy I want to marry.. My dad was okay with our relationship. Now I cannot forget my x love, but it never means that I want him back in life. However, we can be friends. ?? I can’t tell this to my husband. I love my husband as well. And I wont ever leave him for any1 else. Coz he is my life now. he has supported me all the way thru and I will stand by him always but then I am so confused with my past. I try not to call him and not talk to him for months but then after sometime I just cannot stop myself… My x has moved on with life. However, sometimes I feel ‘m still there where he left me. I know him doesn’t’t love me… but I can’t forget him. Deep in my heart I still love him … It has been almost 5-6 years I haven’t met him… things have changed tremendously since then. However, one thing has’t changed. The love I hold for him. If I had to choose some1 form my husband and him, I would definitely choose my husband. Then…. Y that soft corner, I still have for my x. even after what he did to me. He’s also indulged into other women’s now. Still a Casanova. I do not want him to be in my life. However, I love him with all my heart. What should I do? Please help me. Thank you in advance.

When you love a person very deeply, it is always difficult to drive him out of your memory. There is no point in remembering a person who has never made you feel loved. However, I know this sounds very theoretical. The best way to keep him out of your thought is, stop struggling to drive him out. Let him be there in your memory and time will do rest of the things. Only thing you really need to do is, never ever establish any kind of communication with him by any ways. Keep your love in corner of your heart and go ahead in life. Try to convince yourself that he never deserved your love and never meant for you. Do not keep on asking yourself that why you love him so deeply because you will never find an answer to it. It just happens without any reasons. The day you will realize this, is the day he will start fading from your memory. 

Hello Sir, I’m from London. I’m married for the past 5 years and we have a 3 1/2 yr old son. My husband has a flirty string and he always ends up with women coming behind him or sending flirting messages. He does not love them but enjoys the attention. I once found this and we had fights. After this, he was quite normal. However, he has again started flirting and he gets these messages in his phone from a girl. If I ask him, he says its nothing. This is driving me crazy. I’m happy to get separated or divorced because I cannot continue living like this. I need a man who not only loves me but also faithful and who does not flirt. He sometimes says that I need a Psychiatrist help. Please advise me as what I should do.

If he says, it’s nothing then ask him why he is doing so? Tell him very bluntly that you do not like this, and you want it to be stopped. You can talk to the girls involved, explaining that he is married, has one son and because of her marriage is in problem. You should be very friendly with girls involved (this is very important to awake woman inside her) and disclose his flirty nature. I’m sure any sensible girl will stop that. 

Hi Dr, I was going through this site & somehow found interesting & thought that if I share my problem & get any suggestions. I’m 30 years & for last 3 years settled abroad. I’m married for 1 year 3 months. It’s a love marriage & I had a love affair of 10 years with my wife before we got married. Let me brief you few things before I get into the actual problem. After I completed my Masters I left my home city & moved to other city for my job. For a year or 2 me & wife, she was my girl friend that time, was in touch over phone, chat & even I used to go back to my city & meet her twice in a year. Those days both of our parents never accepted our relationship & my parents used abusive languages to her parents. Even my parents always wanted me to send them money from my income & that demand always used to go up. But I didn’t have any choice. All these stuffs my girlfriend didn’t liked it & we used to quarrel on those things. Now due to all these problems, mental tension, loneliness as well as sexual needs I fall in love with another girl in the city where I was working, she was also coming out from a broke up affair. Initially we were just friends, but soon we got very close. But from very beginning I told her that I already have a girlfriend back to my home city whom I have to get married, even she had some family related things where she have to marry someone chosen by her parents, our caste was different even our food habits. But still due to moral support & loneliness, good feeling, sexual need, whatever it is we got closed & love each other. Now with both these girls though I was physical but didn’t have intercourse because both of them didn’t wanted to have it before marriage & I never forced them. Now the time came when I was coming to abroad leaving my job in India, the separation between me & the girl with whom I fall in love in my working city was painful but we accepted it as our fate & moved on. Before coming to abroad I was in my home city for 2 weeks to spend time with my parents, relatives, & my girl friend there, but somehow my girl friend came to know about my relation with the girl in my working city & we had a big quarrel, at the end I told her that it will good that we should break up as I have lost attraction towards you as I was in love with that girl. Even she realized that my sexual attraction towards her also diminished & feelings as well. But she continuously blamed me for all these but she also told she can’t come out of this relation. She will commit suicide if I get out of this relation. I worked for 3 years in India. During this course of 3 years my parents somehow came into terms with her and her parents, agreed on the marriage. My brothers, sisters, other relatives also knew about our long love relationship. So keeping everyone in my mind & not to hurt anyone I agreed to carry on this relation. After 1 year in abroad I went back & got married to her, my girlfriend with whom I had 10 years of affair but I could feel it fading fast. After marriage I can feel it that I’m not getting any kind of sexual attraction towards her. Initially I used to do it once in a week just to make her happy but I could sense that it’s not coming from my inside, but soon it worsened. I started losing entire sexual interest towards her & its like more than once a month. Between it also happened that she was eager to have it & started it but though I was not feeling from inside I thought maybe I’ll try to satisfy her. But I couldn’t hold my erection long as I was not feeling from inside. I don’t have a problem with sexual arousing or erection because, while I watch porn these days as well, I get erection & do masturbate. due to loss of sexual attraction towards my wife I’m now indulge into internet sex, where I have couple of women who are also in sexual need. We have sexual chat, phone sex as well, like talking erotic, get excitement, erection, & masturbation. So my sexual need, arousing, erection, everything is fine but I don’t have any attraction to my wife. Another thing is that, my foreskin doesn’t go back & I use condom while having sex with my wife. So it has also happened when I’m at peak of my excitement & I’m tearing of the condom packet, taking it out & putting on, during this I used to lose erection as well. Within all these I feel pity for my wife & want to get back that sexual desire towards her but unable to get it. Couple of times it happened that thought I was not feeling to have sex with my wife. Since she wanted, I tried but didn’t have any erection due to my mind was not willing to have it with her. I discussed this with wife, she got upset. That time I told her, please don’t force me, if I get urge I’ll do it. but I hardly get it towards her, if at all I’m in sexual need, still I don’t feel like doing it with her & even that things play on my mind that if I do against my will I won’t have proper erection & will be a failure. Even after that she don’t even try to have sex with me, as she feels like if I get an urge I’ll do it. So please help me to get out of this problem, we have everything perfect in our relationship other than small quarrels related to our parents but this sex life is getting totally ruined. There was a time before marriage & before the other girl came into my life, I used die for having sexual act with her but after marriage I hardly get any attraction. Please advise me what to do?

Your marriage is based on compromise from both of you. You compromised even you had lost interest in her and she compromised with your infidelity. Naturally there has to be bitterness within. With these emotional baggages, I do not think that your sexual life can come to normal. Both of you need to accept this and should take couple therapy to resolve your deep laid emotional issues.

Dear Sir, in small age I was doing some wrong way of erection, today I am married but whenever I’m free, I do the same, I have tried my level best but I am not able to come out from it. This is very bad habit of mine of doing sex alone.

Self-control is the key. Alternatively you may involve your wife and ask her to help you.

I love a girl from past two years. Even she loves me too much. From past few months I have seen that due to lack of communication between us, there is a bit problem in our relationship, we both love each-other and do not want to leave each other. Whenever we get time, we chat with each other and have romantic and humorous chat to keep relationship healthy. We both are from different cast, which might be a problem for our marriage. I told her that I had indulged in sex once with a lady, and for my this mistake she forgive me 1 year ago. Dr., she is always good to me and so am I. Dr., I want to improve my relation and want to make it much better as it was earlier when we met. Please tell me what I should do.

Improve your communication. Female always wants to stay connected and that is what she looks for in intimate relationship. More she feels connected, better and deeper the relationship will be.

I am 24 year old Guy. I have just finish my MBA & working with one MNC Bank.1 & half year back I met one girl. She is 21 year old. She was married girl with 42 Year old man. I was very close to her. She told me that she have not got married with that man, only because of some family financial problem she is staying with him from last 4 years. I love her very much & she also loves me. I asked her to come with me we will get married. She wants to come with me. But she is telling that it’s not easy to leave that person. Because she was with him from last 4 year so he will not leave her easily & he will create lots of problem for us. I can not leave without her & she also. I am very frustrated on that because I can not do anything for her.plz help me on that what I should do because of my job & carrier is also affecting from that

If she is not married to him, she can walk away anytime. Legally speaking, he can not compel her to stay with him. If you both are firm on your decision, no one can prevent you to get married. You may take help of her family members (I believe they are in your support) and in worst case, of police.

Sir, I would like to tell you that I had been in a relationship for about 2yrs and recently we broke up 4 months ago. And now I have completely removed any thoughts of her from my mind as she doesn’t deserve it. Now the problem is that we both have to work together for some project purpose which is a compulsion. So please can you suggest me any ways to avoid her or keep her away?? Because whenever it happens to interact which each other I am not at all comfortable with it!! She doesn’t matter me in anyway now and I have moved on in my life! Please help me out to avoid her thought we are working together!!! Thank you.

If you have become indifferent to her then why should you bother to avoid her thoughts? I think in that case you are not completely out. When we had emotional relation in the past and have to work with the same person in present, it is natural that our thoughts will take us to our past. Consider this as natural and do not give undue importance to it. It will automatically die when you stop feeding them with your attention.

I am married and I was in a relation with a girl before marriage who knew about my girl friend (now wife). Even she was having a relationship with someone and we came close since we were working in the same organisation. We both knew that we had to get married one day but we loved each other a lot. I changed my job sometime back and in the same time when I was busy, she felt I ignored her. Now she is not talking to me. She avoids me. I always took her as my wife. She today tells me that she is concerned about her future and she won’t be able to handle our relation. Had I thought this way, I would have left her soon after my marriage. I did not do so because I loved her and still do so. I feel what she is doing is wrong and it’s paining me a lot. She does not call, not does she talk to me. Please help

Accept that it is over. Once woman lose interest in the relationship, it becomes difficult to revive. You did not do it that does not mean that she cannot do it. Do not get surprised she has done it.