Hello Sir, I want to stop masturbation. Now I am very much addicted to it and it is affecting my daily activities. Whenever I come across some girls I am getting this feeling. How can I overcome this feeling and lead a normal life.

Although masturbation is a normal physiological act but you need to stop when it becomes a sort of compulsion. Try to control your urges by distraction yourself into meaningful activities. Self control is the only way by which you can stop.

Dr., In spite of having good foreplay, my vagina remains slightly dry during intercourse. What could be the reason? The problem is since two months. Thankfully, I am not on any medication and do not suffer from irregular periods. Also, there’s no stress whatsoever and I have plenty of fluids. Please help.

Lack of proper excitement is the most common reason for this. Some women have natural dryness also. You can use lubricating gel or lubricated condoms to reduce dryness. With foreplay, you may try to increase your excitement through erotic talks, pictures, movies etc (depending up on your interest).

Respected Sir, I want to share my brother’s problem with you. My brother got married last year. It was an arrange marriage. The problem is that my Bhabhi is at her home & is not willing to come back nor is she telling her decision. There have been some issues between my Bhabhi & parents but nothing majorly wrong to have aroused this situation. MY PARENTS SIDE OF STORY: She does not work at home. She gets up very late. Does lot of shopping. Does not take responsibility at home. Was working before marriage but suddenly chose to study (heavy fee amount) but Is very casual about her studies also, even if she works in the kitchen for half an hour she starts saying she is feeling exhausted & weak. If we say something to her, she starts arguing. She does not respect us. MY BROTHER SIDE OF THE STORY: He says he tries his level best to support her by defending even her wrong things in front of parents. Whenever she wants she shops, wants to have something, however tired he is he makes it a point to get it for her. They go out for movies very frequently, in case she is making breakfast for him he helps her or even makes breakfast for her if she doesn’t feel good but reacts when she says anything against parents. He was ready to take loan for her for her studies. MY BHABHIS SIDE OF STORY: She wants to be independent. Says why she can’t get up late & does whatever she wants to do. She says no one takes care of her when she feels sick. She feels insecure and says that my brother defends his parents. She feels ignored by parent in laws. My understanding of the story: My Bhabhi seems to be too sensitive, not able to adjust to the married life. Wants full support of my brother whether she is right or wrong. Doesn’t want any kind of interference and wants to stay as she was staying before marriage. My parents try to control their anger but sometimes they can’t. Now that she is at her home and not coming even after lot of efforts from my brother’s end, we don’t know what to do. The day she was to go, there was an issue at home on something and she cried that parents are ignoring her. My mother though was upset on a genuine reason requested her not to cry, said sorry also and everything was fine when she left our house. My brother & Bhabhi didn’t talk for a week but he made my mom call her. He has been calling her since then but she initially said that she is feeling weak and will come once she feels good. Every time she is saying this. She never called up my brother or parents. Nor did her parent’s call them but her mom called me up and said that her daughter is crying and whenever we ask her to go back she shivers. I told her that she doesn’t have to worry so much. My brother is ready to take extra care of her you ask him to take her back. He went there many a times but she is not ready to come. She when asked whether wants to stay with him says how I can say anything right now. I am mentally not feeling good. Can’t decide anything. Her parents also say they can’t force her to go. They all are very disturbed. There has been no communication from her parent’s side also. Few days back she called my brother saying she wants to come home to get her books. We welcomed them … My mother said its her home & whenever she wishes to come , she is most welcome .She came , took her books, passport & certificates & went away. She went but never called after that. Sir, my brother is making lot of efforts to work this relation. I know my parents also. Their concerns are genuine but maybe their reaction of ignoring her is not right but there are bound to be some conflicts when you stay together. My brother is very emotional. He also seems to be losing mental peace. He says he has tried level best but she wants to stay there for unlimited period without even telling her intention and wants me to stay away from parents ( Though she never said that but indirectly wants to convey this) I can’t do that. She has hurt him again & again and now he doesn’t want to try. My parents say if she wants to come back we will keep our mouth shut and let her do whatever she wants to do but at least their sons life should not become miserable. Please advise Sir what we should do.

You have already done whatever was needed. Now it’s time to keep patience from your side. Just stop putting further efforts and give her time. If she initiates any dialogues in this direction then she is interested in saving her marriage otherwise you have to consider that she is not interested. You cannot keep on agreeing her demands like this otherwise she will be inclined to use such tactics in future also. You can also think of consulting psychiatrist for counselling.

Respected Sir, I am into initial love with a Catholic guy and I am a Hindu. We both have very good understanding and we have realized that we are comfortable discussing any thing. Everything is fine except the inter religious issues. We are wondering to get married or not, because of many religious disparities. All we know is we both love each other. Please guide us as to how to think and go about it. What are the issues that might come up if married? Help Thanks so much.

People forget their existence in love and you are not able to forget your religion! Respect for each other’s individuality (religion is a part of it) is one of the prime requirement of love and you are not respecting each other’s religion! What kind of love it is?! You should not go ahead without understanding this.

Dr, I am 28 yrs old women married for 5 yrs. I have a son. I am really tensed with our sexual life. My husband shows no interest in sex and whenever I show interest to him he tries to go away with so many invalid reasons like headache or he wants to sleep. I don’t know why he is doing this. We have a happy husband wife relationship except sexual relationship. He is a good husband and loves me a lot but when it comes to sex he changes. We hardly have sex once in a month also. Sometimes we have fight also over this. I m really getting impatient. Dr please suggest me the right solution.

There are numbers of reason for loosing sexual interest. Married life of only 5 years and happy relations rules out boredom or burnt out. He may have some sexual problem like erectile dysfunction (not getting enough tightness to penetrate) or premature ejaculation (when he finishes too early). Male will always feel ashamed of such inadequacies and hesitate to accept it so he avoids. Having a son does not rule out these problems. Discuss with him about his problem of lack of interest in sex and your needs as well. Take help of psychiatrist as they are qualified sexologist too.

Am 23yr, married girl. So far, I did not allow my partner to keep his penis inside my vagina. We always rub it on the clitoris. It’s giving pleasure. We both are enjoying it. I want to know whether keeping penis inside the vagina will be painful. Will it give pleasure?

It may cause mild pain for initial few occasions. More you relax less will be the pain. It is more pleasurable than what you are doing right now.

Both of you did it knowingly, now show the maturity to accept it rather than regret it. If he is the only one who is feeling guilty (as you have not mentioned about your feelings) then help him to come out of the guilt by considering it as an impulsive act under natural desire.

i hope u can shed some light my way…i met this 36y/o man online. he posted, i replied. we have been seeing each other for 4 months now but our sex life is nonexistant. we connected emotionally from the beginning. stayed at his place every night from day 2. we’d end up talking, cuddling at night but no sex until about 2 wks into it. his method has always been tantra style. i like it a bit faster. there’s very little foreplay or what i call messing around so when we have made love i don’t feel turned on, don’t climax. he recently divulged he doesn’t feel pleasure when we have intercourse because he’s small to average. however, he has stated he has been with other women who are “bigger” in the vagina and has orgasmed. one of the may probs is that he gets off when his partner gets off and since i don’t scream, scratch the walls, or climax he can’t get excited enough….i am insecure in my sexuality. have never had an adult relationship as he has and i had not had sex for almost 10 yrs prior to meeting him…..we’re at the point that if our sex life doesn’t improve we’re going to end it….i think we can work on it literally but can one have a relationship and not be sexual compatible? everything else is great. the sharing, talking, cuddling, hanging out, cooking together…we have yold each other we love each other and we don’t want to break it off but i’m afraid it can lead to that….also i cannot climax by myself either even though i have been masturbating for years…am i desensitized?how can i not know how to pleasure myself? i don’t feel turned on like i did when i was a teen…am i expecting too much? how can i work on my self esteem? from the beginning i felt he was too good looking, too awesome for me. i know thinking that has affected our relationship. he tells me i’m beautiful, my weight is perfect (even though i’m the heaviest he’s ever dated). so physically, we both like each other but when it comes down to pleasuring ourselves it’s bad. embarassingly, i tend to lose the rythym whether i’m on top or bottom. what is wrong with me? please advice and soon.

I understand your anxiety over the issue but let me tell you very basic thing about the solutions of sexual problems. Get relaxed first, so far you and your partner remain tense your problem is going to worsen. Second thing is you need to have patience because it may take some time to revive the “spark”. Men are interested in the act and women are interested in the time spend during the act. Therefore, to charge a woman foreplay is very important and to give her feeling of satisfaction after play is very important. As per your mail, there is little foreplay between you so spend more time on that. For initial few days just foreplay and not an act can be good idea. You like it fast, have you said this to him? You should be very divulging about your preferences during the act. You may take help of good romantic background music and/or some erotic movies to excite yourself. Sizes are psychological; it really does not matter much in passionate act. Dreaming up your excitement through imagination (of act, of another partner etc.) can also help you. Discuss your feeling of insecurity with him and seek his sympathetic support in solving this problem. You may have some other underlying emotional issues, may be in subconscious mind. It is not a bad idea at all to seek some professional help if these things do not work out.

sir I’m a student .I had habit from my childhood. Sir, I had sexual habit in my childhood that I started while I’m studying second std. the reason is that it disturb me while I’m studying.. so I think about my husband in dream and I have sex with also in dream after that I will start my study.

I guess that you have problem of compulsive masturbation. It is one of the Obsessive spectrum disorders. It is mental illness related to Serotonin (chemical in brain) imbalance and other psychological factors. Please consult psychiatrist, you will get rid of your problem.

Hi Dr Hansal, I am male, age 29 working in a govt agency. I have got married last yr June and have completed one and a half yr of marriage. I got married to the same girl with whom I was in a steady relationship since 2002. I don’t know now whether it’s me or her to blame for the terrible relationship as a husband and a wife we have between us. It all started last year when my parents joined me for their treatment for arthritis and dad for pacemaker check up. The frequency between my mother and my wife didn’t match which resulted in their being thrown out of my house by my wife and her father who is also posted here. Actually my parents are very simple and they don’t speak much that’s one of the reasons why they accepted going away from my house. We are from a poor family when compared to my wife’s family. And her father keeps on reminding me of that. It was a very painful experience for me as I never ever even in my thoughts dreamed about all these things happening in my life. Somehow I overcame all these things. As per my wife’s version she was mentally harassed by my parents, which may be true but there were other ways of dealing with it but was not dealt with. Then for about 5 months or so we didn’t have any sort of problems between us. But suddenly one fine day she stopped talking to me on some petty issue of coming late to pick her up from some place. This resulted in a quite a big quarrel between us where she resorted to abusing me in all possible ways and threatening to divorce me. Somehow again I accepted my fault (as per her) and bent on my knees not to leave me and go to her father’s place every now and then. All went up fine after I was compelled to apologize from her and her father. In December we had planned to go to her hometown as she said, but my father’s pacemaker developed a problem due to which I had to move in two days, she again snubbed me and cancelled the whole programme, as she doesn’t even speak to my parents, in spite of my assuring her the visit as per plan. She is again not speaking to me and abusing me in all possible ways. She is also calling up her sisters and speaking all ill about me even to this effect that I am badly stuck at this man’s hand, and I don’t want a kid as he would leave me and many more. This has hurt me like anything. I have done so much for her , supported her in all possible ways, agreed to all things said by her, I mean has done whatever she has said but this is the outcome I am getting. I am very much mentally disturbed by this relationship but hesitate to take any drastic step as I love her a lot. I am confused. Please tell me what I should do. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide also as I know, I cannot do anything to bring back the happiness what we had between us. I feel that her father is the main culprit who’s been brain washing her every now and then. To tell you one more thing, her mother is mentally imbalanced as people say that her (my wife’s) father has beaten her up so much that she has lost her mental balance around 20 yrs back so she doesn’t stays with him at this place and she resides alone at their ancestral place.

You did mistake by apologizing where you were not wrong. When you accept her bullies like this, it is at the cost of self respect. Now she knows that she is your weakness and you are not able to live without her, naturally she will show her attitude. You should make your stand absolutely clear on your parent’s issue and should not tolerate her misbehaviour. I’m not telling you to fight with her but at the same time you have to defend your self-respect at any cost. While changing your attitude like this, she may throw tantrums against it. You have to be firm on your stand.
If her mother is suffering from some mental illness, then there is a possibility that she may have inherited bad temper or personality traits.