Hello doctor, I am mba student, 21 years old. I am a virgin. My classmate of same age has some serious problem with her family. she calls me to have sexual intercourse telling that she is very much depressed. I refused her, as I don’t want to have sexual relationship with her B4 my marriage (I am very keen on this). However, I think of her and masturbate. I don’t love her. She cries about her family and begs with me to have sex. Should I do it? This is bothering me very much. I have sexual desires. However, I am not interested to marry her. She also doesn’t love me and threatens to commit suicide if I don’t have sex with her. This is going on for almost a year. plz advice me

Serious family issues, Depression, intense desire to have sex and suicidal threats shows she has serious emotional problems. Her pressure on you may be a part of her dependence and deep down desire of being wanted. Sometimes depressed person may have increased desire to have a sex. You should not succumb to her pressure if you really do not wish to get into it. Another possibility is, she may develop physical attachment to you once you enter in to sexual relationship with her. I think you should stay away from her.

Respected doctor, greetings and regards. I am a great admirer of yours, I regularly study this website of yours, and observe each case, although I am not a psychiatry student, but it is a subject of my interest. Studying psychiatric and psychological problems, this day has come when I too feel a need of having an advice from you sir, lol. Sir, from last two or three days I am having night falls. I had abandoned the habit of masturbation a long ago, but from last two or three days I get discharged every time I use to sleep, whether in day or in night, sometimes I use to have relevant dreams too, but sometimes even without a dream. What could be the possible reason sir? And how could I stop this?

In absence of regular sexual acts or masturbation, nocturnal emissions are normal physiological response. The best treatment for this is to start masturbating at regular interval.

Dear Dr. I am 23 years old. I am very thin; I look like a high school boy. All my family members are well built. I hate milk products. Now I go to gym and I feel the development within me. However can you suggest me the best way to gain fat and weight? Is there any method which can help me to get fat within two months? Please advice.

There are no shortcuts to gain and loose weight. However, there are some quacks offering such shortcuts which are harmful.To gain weight, do weight lifting exercises and take protein supplements. You can eat fruits like Banana, Chikoo etc. Dates can also help you. More information about weight promoting food can be found on diet related sites.You have to keep patience for desired results.

Hello doctor. I wish to share my problem with you. We belong to a middle class family. My son got married 9 months ago. He is an engineer by profession, very kind, a big spendthrift, does not save money. We, at the time of his marriage wanted a working girl so that they both can lead a better life in future. When we fixed up with my daughter in law, she was working with a press firm as an editor. We didn’t wish to ask her salary or enquire much about her and went ahead thinking that she seems to be decent girl from a decent middle class family. After the marriage date and everything got fixed up, she started bringing up things with my son like if I wish to study in future after marriage along with my job, hope your parents won’t mind. He was ok with it and gave her a commitment without asking us. She left the job just before marriage saying she won’t be able to continue job because of distance factor and she will try job somewhere nearby. After marriage, she said she wants to join MBA. We could not even afford MBA for either of our children. So we were against it but my son got her enrolled in another professional course (FCA) for 3 yrs, which is very tough and also expensive (apprx 3 – 4 lacs). We were told that after her enrolment she will study at home and will get the course material for study at home. She got her course material delivered at home. After two months of studying at home, she told that this professional course is very tough and she needs coaching. Though this course was foreign course, my son got her registered with a reputed coaching centre at Lodhi Road, New Delhi and paid heavy fee for coaching classes on Saturday and Sundays of every week. He told us only after enrolling her. We were very upset about it. As it is my son does not save any penny, he was even ready to take a loan for her. He also knows she won’t clear her exams and even if she does, she won’t work because she feels exhausted even after working for 1-2 hours. He is supporting her only because he does not want to suppress her desires. We felt cheated but didn’t speak to her or her parents. Secondly, she has a habit of getting up very late (around 10 AM) .She gets up, makes breakfast for my son and her and then starts studying. She says I study in the night so I can’t get up early in the morning. She wants to go out every now and then and shops every time. Moreover she does not wear all what she buys. It keeps on lying just like that. She has done her B.Ed and could get a decent teaching job but she refuses saying that doctor has advised her not to shout because her throat is sensitive. She always feel very week and exhausted after studying for 1-2 hours. My wife sometimes makes lunch for her also. She has told her feelings about it to my son but all in vain. He is scared that she won’t take it in good spirit and would get upset and home atmosphere will suffer a lot. Initially we didn’t say anything but it is affecting us very much. My wife was depressed sometime back. She is much better now but these things are affecting our daily life. We are very disturbed. My son understands everything but he is in no position to help us. She is going to have her first exams in June. What should we do? Should we tell her that she should change her ways and try to adjust. Things do change after marriage? Pls advise how should we deal with it? We are very worried.

I think this is between her and your son. Whatever to be conveyed to her is by your son and not you. He should not afraid just because she won’t like it. There are always ways and means of saying things. It is your son’s responsibility to see that she respects his parents (preparing lunch for you etc). You talk to your son about your sufferings in detail and ask him to prepare her for an adjustment.

I have been married for 3 years now, I was working before but my in-laws did not want me to do a job but start a business if I wish. I myself love being home and like creative arts and being there for my family always. But I don’t feel comfortable at my place; it’s me my husband, his parents and our 2 yr old son. My mother in law’s habits irritate me a lot, and all this makes me behave rudely and later I feel guilty about it. I have tried telling her several times but it does not help, she cares for me too, but I hate the show off behind it, and that nature of show off is in everything be it religious activities, or anything. She speaks too loudly; she is very impatient and restless all the time. I just feel like running away, because I am a peace loving and very patient person. We can’t move out as my husband really loves and cares his parents a lot, and I respect his feelings. Please help me as I can’t even concentrate on little things I do, I am always irritated and sad and I was never like this.

You are aware that her nature and habits are the root cause of her behavior. You have to take this awareness to acceptance. Accept that she is not going to change and will be the same. Learn to live with her or prepare yourself for steps like doing job or separation. Do not think that she can be changed by your sufferings or your husband’s involvement; this will only worsen her attitude towards you.

I got married with a person who is 14 years older than me. I got married on 2003. From six years I am trying to make understand my husband I want some attention. Please try to give me that, but he always ignores me, and tries to full fill his own desires. I still want to keep this relationship because I have a 3 year old baby. And I don’t want to spoil her life. Please solve my problem, how can I get my husband’s attention?

There may be number of reasons behind this. Age difference, work priorities, mutual respect for each other, person’s own sensibility about the issue etc are some of important reasons. You try to understand possible root causes and adress them in non-blaming way.

I m in a relationship with a girl for the past 2yrs. we really love each other but the problem is that my girlfriend has a past. Even I’ve one but she is a female. I can even accept everything but all my friends know about it and I am scared that what if I commit to her and through some source my family gets to know about her past. Rest everything is fine n we have adjusted with each other quiet well n are thinking bout a future together. How can I prevent a situation where my family gets to know about her past?

I think this is between two of you. If both of you are ready to accept the past of each other then rest of the people can be ignored. You should not think that your past is acceptable and her past is not, just because she is a girl. It sounds too narrow and you need to show some sensitivity towards the issue. You can always stop people talking by putting your foot down and your acceptance for the same.

Doctor, I am a 23 yr old girl from Hindu community. I love a Muslim guy and this relationship goes for about 4 and half years. Both of us fight very much and love each other a lot. We also had sexual relation many times. However, my parents wanted me to forget him and marry someone else. This is which I can never do any time. I feel I cannot live against my sub conscious mind. Can I live happily with him is my question. Will society allow Hindu girl and Muslim guy to exist happily. In addition, I masturbate and feel guilty later. I even promise on god that i will never masturbate again but I do it. Is it bad? Please tell me doctor. Thanks in advance.

Happiness in marriage depends upon both of you. Society may not accept your decision but understanding between both of you matters. Improve understanding to reduce fights.
Masturbation is normal physiological act and it does not cause harm. You should not feel guilty about your normal physiological urges.

I am 25, and graduate. Since some days I feel my family members are very much disturbed for me, they always think I am not happy. In these days I am doing nothing. I feel I am burden for them, I know that is not true, but my mind always think like that. I am looking very simple, dark complexion; I think they are worried for my marriage, how it will be done? I am also afraid, but I never said them. My bhabhi is very good looking, she is also very proud, I feel very guilty when I am going outside with her. My brother also changed, he always thinks I am wrong, and she is right. Many times I feel this is not my home. For these reasons I lost my mind. I always think negative and always want to die. I don’t want to live, but I have to live. No one needs me…..PLSSSSSSSSS SUGGEST ME, WHAT I WILL DO…….. THANX

You should not feel guilty because of some one’s good look and your average look; it is not in your hand. Complexion and look is nature’s gift. However, you can improve them to some extent. Try to accept what you have and find out other means of improving your self esteem. Find out some meaningful way to keep yourself busy.

I have an affair with a guy from last 8 years. He is an Engg. So am I and after college he did job n I did MBA. Now we have told our parents about it, firstly my parents were not ready as the guy is financially not too strong as we are…but now they are ready. They are not too happy with it. Our roka is in next month. But now the problem is that I am not too happy as our relationship is changing…v both are having fights almost everyday, he wants me to b more homely like typical working at home kinds along with job. I want a bit modern life like both working and seeing after home together. And along with it there are many more issues. Now I am kind of 50-50.shud I marry him or not. I do love him so he does but we are confused. All our relatives also know about it now. plz reply

After 8 years of relationship if both of you are not on consensus about such vital issues, you should rethink about your decision of marriage. If he is expecting typical homely wife then you can not talk about ‘both working and seeing after home together’. You should openly and honestly discuss all your differences. See his attitude and then decide how far he goes to compromise with such issues. Before you call off give him fare chance to understand your needs and expectations.