Dear Dr. I’m 21 yrs. old and yet to marry. I’m balding very fast and because of that I do not find dating partners as easily as my friends. Now I have started worrying about my marriage. Will I get suitable match? Will she overlook my baldness?

Well I understand your anxiety. Almost every man with baldness has more or less same kind of feelings, just relax. If you have other redeeming qualities, like a pleasant personality and a warm heart, probably she will overlook some of your less fortunate traits like baldness. While settling down female will always look at you as whole and see which qualities she can try to change and which she can live with. There are a number of qualities and natural traits that men tend to stress over, but that, surprisingly, women can and will often overlook. Things which they are looking for in a fling or a short-term relationship they may not look for serious relationship. In the long term, women tend to put less emphasis on aesthetic concerns like weight, baldness or overall looks. This is not because they don’t value a good masculine physique, smart look or lovely hair, but women being more realistic as compare to men often compromise on this ground (sometimes with the idea that they can change you down the line).Women never overlook qualities which can be detrimental to relationship. So if you have qualities like emotional warmth, good sense of humor, good work ethic, concrete goals and aspirations just relax. Your baldness probably won’t get in the way of any meaningful relationship.

Hi doctor, Greetings! I am from Hyderabad, India aged 27 years unmarried guy. I have a problem. I am masturbating since 7 years on an average 4 times a week from the age of 21. Now I feel my penis became narrow in the base and the penis size is drastically reduced. The girth and length were reduced and even if I have erection I can’t last longer. The erect penis size is only 10 cms. I am very frustrated and worrying a lot on this bad masturbating habit. My penis has also been bent to the left side with the habit of right hand masturbation. I am getting married in the coming year. Sir, I have lot of concerns on masturbation. You are contributing a lot to sexual medicine and health for humans. That’s why I have lot of belief on you. Why do doctors say that masturbation never reduces size of penis, weak erection and it is a healthy habit? See in my case I lost penis hardness which I had before starting masturbation at the age of 21 before 7 years from now. My penis looks like a child penis. I don’t know whether I can satisfy my wife or not. Then why you doctors say that it is a safest habit. I understand that medical society says this is a healthy habit only to reduce AIDS in men. But how these problems in men like what I am facing now are get cured if we adopt masturbation. Doctor Sir, I am not blaming you because I know u r a good doctor and trustworthy famous doctor. The medical society is creating wrong concepts in men. I am not getting rock hard erections like what I used to get when I am 21 before I started masturbating. So would be great if you can answer my concerns and suggest me the possible ways how I can get back my erectile stamina. Hoping your answer at an earliest, as I am not able to concentrate on my career and sleep properly thinking this always. Thanks a lot for your contribution to the humans once again. Waiting for your answer ASAP. Regards,

Oh my dear dear, you have lot of misconception about masturbation. It is normal physiological urge and act (please refer my other answers about masturbation). It is what you do in female’s sex organ (vagina) is you are doing in hand. In other words it is intercourse in hand. How come it is harmful if intercourse is not harmful? Do you have any logic to prove your point? It is not harmful at all, except if it is compulsive. Some of the men may develop premature ejaculation because of this habit as they train them to ejaculate faster. Size and angulations has nothing do with it, in fact angulations is normal. Your anxiety over masturbation may be the cause of weak erection. Get relax and stop worrying, nothing will happen to your sex life because of your masturbation. As far as your wife’s satisfaction is concern, it is not your size but your love, affection, concern and respect you hold for her is more important.

Sir, I’m 19yrs old. For the past 3yrs I’m in love with a guy who is 20yrs old. He too loves me madly. We have planned to get married after 4 yrs. We get easily tempted that whenever we get chance we have sex (at least 4 times in a week).Due to afraid of getting conceived both made up our mind not 2 perform insertion of penis alone. I’m damn sure he won’t cheat me. Is it correct what we do at this age? And I’m confused whether will it loosen my breast? Will we lose interest in sex after marriage? Please do reply me sir.

Four times a week and four years to go, this will definitely reduce your physical interest in each other. Breast may get loose after extensive fondling but more so after pregnancy and lactation.

hi dr I just want to ask u question abt one of my friend. She was very much attached to her boyfriend, who left her 7 month ago. However, it seems that she never stop crying and never stop be depressed. She stops eating and doing anything, I tried to help her but I could not. Please can u help me and tell me what can I do to make her be happy again? please. thanx anyway

When any emotional attachment breaks, it brings pain and suffering for those who are seriously involved. They may feel rejected, cheated or dumped, which brings sadness or depression. Depressive feelings in such condition can be considered normal and should settle down within 6 to 12 weeks. I think, your friend was seriously involved and she seems to be suffering from Depression.7 months time is quite long for coming out without professional help. Please take her to psychiatrist for counseling and treatment. This is the best way to help your friend.

Hello, sir I lost my mother 7 years back from then my friends got very close to me in which two of them were girls and rest 8 boys of my same class, school and tuition. Later I always used to have clashes with my fatter about friends. He had sexual relations with our relative I disagreed his relation and due to some of these clashes we used 2 fight regularly. Among my friends, Varma was my best friend. He loved our juniors knowingly I loved him but I never expressed about my love. My father died with lung infection when I was in 2nd inters. The girl whom Varma loved rejected him in our 10th it self and then he himself got closed to me and he proposed me in our 1st year. The next year (2005) I lost my father among all my friends only Varma took me to his house and looked after me. Till now we led a soft going life with small clashes. In 2007 one day I found him talking to his old lover who rejected him (Sirisha) and asked him, he said after a long time I have seen her and she came and talked to me so I even talked 2 her. I took it lightly and forgot it. Later I again found him chatting with her I fought with him and hurt my self, seeing me in blood even then he left me and went away after some days he said sorry and stayed with me. One day he told me to get ready for going out don’t know what happened to him he left me and went away I waited for him till afternoon and I found him going out with his friend I called him on his number and found switched off. I called his friend and he lied me that he did not met Varma. I did not understand why he lied to me. I waited for 2 more hours and called his friend again and cried near him then he said he is with sirisha in room he even said me 2 go there with the other friend who knows the room. His friend took me to room and I found both Varma and sirisha in the room. I took Varma on to the terrace and slapped him that why he proposed me and why he is doing all this .He said sorry and will never repeat this again he asked her to go and then we both fought till night and then went home on his word that he will never meet her. Later in the year ending I went to his relatives house along with his family .He had a habit of drinking and smoking from before. His parents didn’t know that he said he is going to some other relative’s house and went away. Next morning he came to the house where we were, I was playing with his cell and found messages in the inbox and in the outbox that was been chatted with some other girl .I asked him who she was he answered me she was his personal and he didn’t want to tell me .I got hurt and fought with him and for four days .I even did not eat food still he did not care for me. I asked him why he didn’t for me though I was not eating food. I asked him whether he wants me or her, he said she is like her sister and he did not chat with her, his cousin chatted with her, then if she is really like your sister then why are you saying you won’t leave her and getting ready to leave me and went away. After two days he came to me saying he will never talk with her. From then we used to fight because he used to drink. Now a days again he started having some personal phones he goes out saying he had some work when ever I call him, his phone would be engaged. After seeing my number in call waiting he immediately switches off his cell and again after some time he will be on his cell and the same process repeats and switches off his cell. I am getting mad why he is acting like this if. I ask him he, he says ‘I was doubting him’ .Am I wrongly reacting How should I understand him. When he is near to me he says he is very lucky to have me as his girl friend saying I support him well, I understand him well though he did wrong, even he says his friends about me in a very good manner. They all even respect me but when ever he drinks he goes away from me saying he don’t want to be with me. How should I understand him. He said all his friends and some of his relatives that he is going to marry me. But if he drinks he moves away from me what should I do? I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. Suggest me some thing. How should I change him to lead a happy life?

I think your dependency needs keeps you in this relationship in spite of his repeated cheating. Try to overcome this and be more assertive so that he can stop taking you for granted which is the root cause of his attitude.

My problem is that I love a married man and I am single right now. We have an affair from 2 yrs now. He is married to his wife for 10yrs & has a 7 yr old son. I love him truly & I believe he is also very genuine for me. He needs me for the emotional support & companionship. I provide to him by letting him speak his mind & showing him new horizons of life and I need him coz I feel very happy with him as he becomes this little kid in my company & showers me with lot of love when he is with me. He says he cares for his wife & can’t leave her as he thinks she might kill herself. Even though he doesn’t feel committed towards her & in his married life, he is the one who makes most of the compromises as she is quite short tempered, materialistic & demanding (these are the reasons he gives for getting into an affair).Also he dotes on his son & he says he can’t leave his family for his son as his wife will take his son with her, If they get separated. For 2 yrs, his wife had no hint about his affair. One day out of impulse, I called her & told everything. She asked me lots of questions to know the truth but in the end she accused me that I was after her husband coz of his money. Then, she called my parents (she stole the number from his phone book) & told them everything about the affair & still put the blame on me that I was after her husband. She is one woman of her own kinds – uncultured & doesn’t listen at all. Even when I told her about the affair, she asked me questions like ‘how many gifts he gifted to u, were the gifts expensive, how often u guys went for lunches, which restaurants etc’ She never asked me how come her husband fall in love with me or what did he tell me about her. On the call she herself said, “I know your love for my husband is true but I want to know if he has spent lot of money on you and I don’t believe in love & emotions etc.. just tell me what kind of relationship you have with him”. Thankfully, as responsible girl I have been at home I managed it & my parents didn’t create a big hue & cry. I want to marry him but I don’t know what he has on his mind. Sometimes he says he wants to marry me too but he can’t as he feels the moral responsibility towards his family. Many a times he tells me that I have spoiled his life as he can’t love anyone else ever again & he can’t be with me too. While sometimes he says that his wife is a nice person & that his life with her is not so difficult that he has to walk out of the marriage. Many a times, I have decided to move on with my life but then he starts crying & tells me that he needs me in his life in some form at least. His wish is that I stay in touch with him for whole life. He advises me that just the way he is living his wife by simply fulfilling his duties at home & giving his undivided love to me. I should also just be dutiful to my husband & keep loving him. I am not bothered by his advises coz I know what I want from my life & I know I can’t cheat on anyone, be it him or my husband. Problem is that I want him to realize some facts for his own good. I want him to know that if he is not happy in his marriage (which he is not.. his emotional dependency on me proves it) he should not be in such a marriage. I want to tell him that right now his marriage is surviving coz his needs are being fulfilled by me but once I am gone from his life. He would feel incomplete & then his marriage would break. I am sure he will not get attached with any woman other than me ever as he is an introvert & hardly opens up with anyone. Plz suggest me how I should think about myself more & less about him & how do I make him realise his true worth.

I understand he is emotionally dependent on you for his own reasons, what are you going to get out of this relationship? Guilt? It seems that his wife does not have respect for him as she is least bothered about reasons for his infidelity but must be insecure on financial ground. He might not be taking proper care of their financial needs for whatever reasons. I do not think that you can make him realize anything about which he is not serious (as he is not sure about his wife, whether she is good or bad). He has found you as a support and he does not want to lose that, only you have to decide how far you go on doing this because his problems and needs are going to be never-ending stuff.

I am 39 year old married man having 2 children. I am a family man, loving my family. I got to know a girl, with whom I fell in love. I used to talk over phone 4/5 times a day & also regularly SMS her. I love her a lot, but I also want to see her happily married with a suitable man. My wife got to know about it as she got the telephone call list. She created a lot of problem; she informed my parents as well as her family also. I promised her I will leave the girl, but I still love the girl. Now my wife is making my life hell. She calls me throughout the day 15/20 times & keeps track of my movement. She insists to leave my office & go to factory with my dad & brothers, so that I am always surrounded, she even enquires my staff & my family members of my movement. She threatens that she will hire a private detective to follow me. She even ordered me to leave my friends & go straight from home to office & vice versa. ….. Sir, I am fed up. She calls me 20 times a day & asks my movement. Sir, I love my family & I want to hold it together. At the same time I don’t see any wrong having 1/2 girlfriends just for time pass or some extra excitement in life. Please tell me what to do? My wife is driving me mad by always suspecting me.

You have lost her trust and made her insecure. Her reaction is natural and probably your attitude, that there is nothing wrong in affair, is making it bit intense. Remember you cannot ride two horses at a time!

I want to ask that, I have been in a very short relationship of about 20 days with a guy. We got little bit intimate that’s it, then he just broke off. So I ended everything. Then I fell for his friend. He is so good to me. Should I tell him about whatever happened between me and him or just tell him this much that we were close but no such thing happened. What should I do?

Guys have a habit of talking about their affair; including every detail of what they did, with close friends. This is truer when they have already broken off. There are all chances that he may talk about your relationship to his friend so if you do not want to take chance then honestly tell him.

i hope u can shed some light my way…i met this 36y/o man online. he posted, i replied. we have been seeing each other for 4 months now but our sex life is nonexistant. we connected emotionally from the beginning. stayed at his place every night from day 2. we’d end up talking, cuddling at night but no sex until about 2 wks into it. his method has always been tantra style. i like it a bit faster. there’s very little foreplay or what i call messing around so when we have made love i don’t feel turned on, don’t climax. he recently divulged he doesn’t feel pleasure when we have intercourse because he’s small to average. however, he has stated he has been with other women who are “bigger” in the vagina and has orgasmed. one of the may probs is that he gets off when his partner gets off and since i don’t scream, scratch the walls, or climax he can’t get excited enough….i am insecure in my sexuality. have never had an adult relationship as he has and i had not had sex for almost 10 yrs prior to meeting him…..we’re at the point that if our sex life doesn’t improve we’re going to end it….i think we can work on it literally but can one have a relationship and not be sexual compatible? everything else is great. the sharing, talking, cuddling, hanging out, cooking together…we have yold each other we love each other and we don’t want to break it off but i’m afraid it can lead to that….also i cannot climax by myself either even though i have been masturbating for years…am i desensitized?how can i not know how to pleasure myself? i don’t feel turned on like i did when i was a teen…am i expecting too much? how can i work on my self esteem? from the beginning i felt he was too good looking, too awesome for me. i know thinking that has affected our relationship. he tells me i’m beautiful, my weight is perfect (even though i’m the heaviest he’s ever dated). so physically, we both like each other but when it comes down to pleasuring ourselves it’s bad. embarassingly, i tend to lose the rythym whether i’m on top or bottom. what is wrong with me? please advice and soon.

I understand your anxiety over the issue but let me tell you very basic thing about the solutions of sexual problems. Get relaxed first, so far you and your partner remain tense your problem is going to worsen. Second thing is you need to have patience because it may take some time to revive the “spark”. Men are interested in the act and women are interested in the time spend during the act. Therefore, to charge a woman foreplay is very important and to give her feeling of satisfaction after play is very important. As per your mail, there is little foreplay between you so spend more time on that. For initial few days just foreplay and not an act can be good idea. You like it fast, have you said this to him? You should be very divulging about your preferences during the act. You may take help of good romantic background music and/or some erotic movies to excite yourself. Sizes are psychological; it really does not matter much in passionate act. Dreaming up your excitement through imagination (of act, of another partner etc.) can also help you. Discuss your feeling of insecurity with him and seek his sympathetic support in solving this problem. You may have some other underlying emotional issues, may be in subconscious mind. It is not a bad idea at all to seek some professional help if these things do not work out.

Hi, I am 29 yrs old married with one son. Doctor my husband had an extramarital affair 4 yrs back at that time I forgive him when he said sorry but later I realized that I was never been able to forgive him. I kept on making him realize that he did blunder to us. In the beginning of our married life my husband totally changed. He always use to see only one side of coin that was from his mothers point of view due to which we had lots of misunderstanding and fights which often ended up in abuse and physical assault. Therefore, my husband later started putting blame on me that I was the reason for his extramarital affair. We had a love marriage. During his affair, I was badly humiliated by him at every point of time. He had a sexual relation with that girl and at the end he also insisted me to help her (his girlfriend) in abortion. I went into depression and still feel that depression hits me on and off and due to which I have loosed all my confidence. Later on, I ended up in affair and physical relation. Due to which the gap started widening up. I am still in touch with my friend but due to geographical distance, we do not have any physical relation. I do realize that the life of such affair is very short and now I am less attached to my friend but somewhere relation between my husband and me has worsened. We don’t fight but I remain quiet don’t feel comfortable in sharing any of my feelings, and he also complains that even he is lonely. We both try on our parts to overcome things and start afresh but after few hours I just loose confidence, go back in the past or start comparing him with my friend with whom I had relation. To be honest doctor I am sick of my situation and want to really come out of this problem so that I can give my son a happy life and upbringing. Please help me doctor…I am really ruining my family life. I keep on crying and also try to suicide…..pls help me

What your husband did is out of male instinct. Although he has to blame you for that, so he can save him from question why he did that?  What you did might be out of your need to get love and affection or may be revengeful act. Now, probably you are feeling guilty from within. Your relationship with your husband has reached to point of indifference and that is even worst then quarreling. Revival is difficult but not impossible. Stop all contact with your friend and try to concentrate on your son, husband and family without any complaints and guilt. Accept what ever has happened without questioning and analyzing. I know, this is not simple but you can always keep on trying. With passage of time, things may start coming in to shape.