I worked for s /w concern for 3 years and left my job because of recession. For almost a year I was at home and now joined the job again .Now I feel totally in secured and am very slow in doing work and scared of my superiors and getting many escalations. How to gain confidence here again? I feel pathetic and scared daily.

If you were asked to resign your first job for recession and had a break for a year than your feeling of insecurity at work and fear of superiors is very natural. Be patient and give your best to your work, slowly try to improve your efficiency which will build your confidence on its own. You will have to give sometime time to yourself to cope with the situation.

I am going to get married in next couple of months. My age is 31 and my would-be age is 22. About 9 year difference. Will this affect our sexual life and baby’s birth? My penis is also small in size, hence can I able to give full satisfaction to her after marriage. Also need some tips for how to start having sex with my would-be. Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse at the first night itself or later?

Age difference of 9 years has no effect on sexual life and baby’s birth.
Women’s sexual satisfaction has more to do with your emotional bond, caring attitude and love filled foreplay/after play then size of your penis. Do not get preoccupied with size.
I believe first night is for getting comfortable with each other and it’s night of romance. Sexual act is a by product of romantic first night and not the goal.

Both of you did it knowingly, now show the maturity to accept it rather than regret it. If he is the only one who is feeling guilty (as you have not mentioned about your feelings) then help him to come out of the guilt by considering it as an impulsive act under natural desire.

Hi sir, I am going get married very soon and very much confuse about my married life because I had physical relation with my boyfriend from last three years. But I heard somewhere that it’s easy to know that if you partner is virgin or not especially for man. So I am really scared to get married.

It is not easy to know that whether your partner is virgin or not accept through medical examination. However during the act if you respond like an experienced partner than doubt may arise. So if you want to hide it respond like a novice during the act.

I have an affair with a guy from last 8 years. He is an Engg. So am I and after college he did job n I did MBA. Now we have told our parents about it, firstly my parents were not ready as the guy is financially not too strong as we are…but now they are ready. They are not too happy with it. Our roka is in next month. But now the problem is that I am not too happy as our relationship is changing…v both are having fights almost everyday, he wants me to b more homely like typical working at home kinds along with job. I want a bit modern life like both working and seeing after home together. And along with it there are many more issues. Now I am kind of 50-50.shud I marry him or not. I do love him so he does but we are confused. All our relatives also know about it now. plz reply

After 8 years of relationship if both of you are not on consensus about such vital issues, you should rethink about your decision of marriage. If he is expecting typical homely wife then you can not talk about ‘both working and seeing after home together’. You should openly and honestly discuss all your differences. See his attitude and then decide how far he goes to compromise with such issues. Before you call off give him fare chance to understand your needs and expectations. 

I want to ask that, I have been in a very short relationship of about 20 days with a guy. We got little bit intimate that’s it, then he just broke off. So I ended everything. Then I fell for his friend. He is so good to me. Should I tell him about whatever happened between me and him or just tell him this much that we were close but no such thing happened. What should I do?

Guys have a habit of talking about their affair; including every detail of what they did, with close friends. This is truer when they have already broken off. There are all chances that he may talk about your relationship to his friend so if you do not want to take chance then honestly tell him.

I am 25 year old. Sir m very interested in a women who is married, we stare at each other , do talk a lot, she is aware of my interest in her and she is quite interested too, but m unable to express it, its truly a physical attraction, how to approach her ?

Woman goes in extramarital relations primarily for her emotional requirements. Although for getting emotional support, she becomes physical but it is never her primary need in this relation. On the other hand, you have rightly confessed that you have physical attraction. This means both of you have different need in the relation. You may go ahead with clear understanding that you need to satisfy her emotional needs. If she is also having only physical need like you, which is less likely; then things are smooth otherwise it may not last long. Before you propose, be clear on this or do not cheat her. If you wish to go ahead, go and propose to her straight away, looking in her eyes

Today I read almost all your answer. I appreciate that you are doing a wonderful job. God bless u and your family.

Thanks a lot for your appreciation.

I am a 23yrs old girl, my problem is I could not concentrate in my studies I was always an average student. In 10th I got 64% & in 12th I got 61%. After 12th I could not decided what to do then trying for engineer but can’t get good rank. Then I decided to do a degree in maths. But yet could not complete it. Now I feel like a looser as can’t get any energy to do anything. My family is very supportive but nobody understands my problem. Now I feel shame to talk to people. I feel that my family will be insulted because of me. I love them a lot so I can’t hurt them, but I can’t live with them. I want to run away. What should I do? Help me.

You should get evaluated on aptitude and interest scale which will give you a clear idea about what you can do ahead. You might not have the right aptitude to do engineering or mathematics but might be good in some other aspect. Rather than running away from your family find a way in which you can balance your capabilities and your families’ expectations both in an effective manner.

Hi, I am 21 and my husband is 24. We have been married for almost a year and we have a three month year old daughter. My husband is from Bangladesh and I am from Dutch. We have met in London and been together since December 07. Below I will explain my feelings. I hope you could give me some advice or perhaps you would understand what might be going on. I am waiting for your reply. Thank you. Confusion, disappointment, anger, exhaustion… all kind of feelings are running through me. Have I made a mistake, is this destiny or am I the person who is just never satisfied. I do not know. Do I belong with Shon? That is my big question. One day I am so sure that we are a definite mismatch and all I would want is to make an end on this. ‘I would be so much happier without him. We are so different.’ And another day I wake up and think that I am just going through a phase and really there is something else that I am not happy with and just think it’s my relationship. I try to find reasons; it’s because Shon works so much and we are not able to spend a lot of time together; or maybe because the life is not so easy I blame it on the relationship; or maybe I find the motherhood very difficult to cope with, completely on my own. Then I think, yeah, there is going to be a better time where I am going to be happy with Shon. Then, I just wake up and say to myself, am I crazy, am I blind to see that we are not destined for each other. Why am I looking for excuses? He is not the right person for me, that‘s the bottom line. Then I start to think, ok, what is so bad about him? And I cannot come up with something. He loves our daughter, he loves me to bits, he is very family orientated and yes… he has not established himself yet in life. And it seems the progress is very slow. However, I do not want to be the wife that is after money or his wealth. Because I am not! I tend to believe in him a lot, I know he can graduate or I know he will find a nice job where he is going be very happy with. But will he? If not, what would happen? He would always work in places where he is not happy. That will defiantly put pressure on me and I would not be able to go forward with my shoulders light if he is unhappy. I want him to be happy. I do not want to worry about him for the rest of my life. But what if that is going to happen? Our personalities are quite different. I am very driven person and do not like failures. I set high standers for myself and my achievements make me happy. I have goals in life and will persuade them no matter what. But will Shon hold me back if he finds his life tough? I want to wake to a happy day with a smile on my face. I want to do things in my day. Is it my day off? I will go somewhere and enjoy it with my family. Is it a normal working day? Then I will try to do my best at work, also sort out the house, and all the paperwork that needs to be done. Thigs I can do today, I will not leave them for tomorrow. I also like spontaneity, idea’s that come out of nowhere. I can get very excited about a plan that I just thought of and go hundred present for it or can spend the whole evening thinking it through. Shon, in contradiction, is more laid back. In his day off he would not mind watch TV whole day. I know he would love to spend some quality time with the family as well, however I do not see him being initiative on that part (or really at the moment, and perhaps in the future, simply not having the material ability to. He will think about his future plans once and will not try to change them. How quick he will achieve them does not seem to have an impact on him. He will do everything step by step. I sometimes catch him not thinking a few steps ahead; therefore he will face some obstacles which will slower the process. I then tend to think, why didn’t you figure this out earlier? I have come to that stage that I try not to care about his things. I say to myself, he knows what he is doing and he is doing it his way, he is going to be fine. However, this difference in thinking I believe shows we are different. There is nothing wrong with being different, you would say. No, there are always differences between two people. Yes, however, I would like to be with someone who is more like me and perhaps even a few steps ahead of me.

Shon is not your kind of man and that keeps you anxious (your writing suggest that you have lot of anxieties). Differences in your natures can be worked out through counseling, provided both of you are ready for that. Otherwise, you may have to go ahead searching your kind of man or get treated for anxiety.