Respected sir, I’m d fan of your column in guj samachar. As many of young girls, I’m also facing a problem regarding my relation with my dear one. It has been very difficult for me to judge that if my dear friend thinks seriously about our relation or not. We were very close friends before some time; I felt some times that he had feelings for me. I also felt same, before 3 months I told him about my feeling and proposed him. He gave me positive reply too, and then we had lovely talks on phone regarding our love for a few days. But the main problem started when I asked him to meet my parents. We both belong to a different caste and diff family status. After some days, he suddenly stopped calling or messaging me. Whenever I asked about our future, he couldn’t give me satisfactory answer and told me to leave it upon time. Another and main problem is that when we were just close friends, he was very near to me; he sent lots of msgs and care for me until I proposed him. He was very frank to me and never hides anything in spite his friends told him to do so. But after I proposed, I lost my dear friend too. Now he rarely sends me msgs and has stopped calling me. When I asked about, he always ignores me. He means a lot in my life. After he met me, my point of view to life has totally changed. He never tried to flirt. Initially he asked to meet me and spend some romantic moments together, but after I refused, he never forced. He’s not a liar and is not cheating me at all but has really lack of strength that a boy should have in his love life. I always told him frankly as a friend that it’s not necessary for him to feel same like me. He can refuse and still we can remain dear friends. But…I’m much tensed nowadays. It was really a great time to be friend of him. But as I desired to make my friend a family, I lost a real friend too. Now hardly we talk by msgs. He replies very rare. He’s trying to avoiding me. Pls sir, can you help me out? I’m really much tensed. Is he really loves me or not? He told that he’ll ask for me in his family after some time but he knows the chances to accept us are very rare and he’s not willing to go against his family. We had not even any romantic meeting till now. We just met 2-3 times occasionally and our friendship grown by calls and msgs. He’s really supported me many times when I really needed a friend. When my family member had a problem and I was alone to face it all, he gave me real support and strength without any expectation. Before I met him, I never knew what love was. I always laugh at people in love and told that it’s not a thing for intelligent people. Our friendship was going on very nicely. I thought that I got everything now. We were really frank to each other. I regret for my feeling now. I’ve lost the person dearest after parents. Can you judge what he might be thinking? Shall I ever get my dear friend back? pls answer me sir. I’m really a strong girl and had faced many difficulties in life with strength and courage. I never lost at all despite of failure in some field. but this time I can’t control myself. I felt sometimes that I’m finished mentally. Please show me the way that I can get my dear friend back. He’s my real strength. Pls help me sir. I’ll be very thankful to you. I also can’t concentrate on my career.

Thanks for appreciating my articles.
All signs you have narrated are going in favor of loosing interest in relationship. Accept this. I understand that he has been a great emotional support to you but you can not compel some one to do that. I do not think that people get back in to the same emotions, once drift apart emotionally. Even though, you may try to get him back by maintaining simple relation with him. Do not ask or try to drag him in emotions. If he has to come back, he will come back emotionally. Sooner you accept this, lesser will be the pain.

Sir I am 26 year old, recently married. My problem is that I am living in a small town, and my spouse is from big city so I always feel guilty that I have spoiled her whole life. Please suggest me?

She has married you knowing that you are in small town. I suppose, it is your perception and not her. So there is no point in thinking this way. Try to discuss your feeling with her; probably she may help you to come out of this guilt.

I am married from 4 years and things are getting worst between me and my wife, I required marriage counsellor

Tell me where do you stay?

Hello, I am 46, male. I am divorced 10 years ago. I don’t have any children and my divorced wife married to someone else. I am a teacher in one college. Few months ago I fell in love with one of my student. She is 19yrs old. She is a beauty of heaven. I got involved in her and got involved physically. After a month we found that she has missed her periods so we did register marriage. Now she is having her 3rd month. Problem is that her parents don’t know about all these things. Also how can I convince them for this relationship? Also, people comment on our relationship. What should I do now?

It is difficult to convince her parents for this but you do not have any other option also. Both of you should go together and disclose the facts to them. You may have to face anger, humiliation etc. Be prepared for any such negative response.
Difference of age will start bothering you once lust is over and that will increase as years passes. Your insecurity, possession and expectation will also increase with time. She may find that you are lacking enthusiasm after a decade. Your needs and her needs will be totally different at various stages of life that you should keep in mind.

Respected Sir, I am in final year of engineering. In my college there is a girl whom I very dearly love. I have proposed to her and she had refused me. It’s 1 year and 7 months since then. But with time things have changed. I felt that her feeling towards me has changed. Whenever I thought that we were getting close I again expressed my feeling to her she would talk to me in a very rude manner. I love her and these things really hurt me, but still I am never able tell her anything inspite of her bad behavior. Well it’s been around three months since I last talked to her. She studies in my college and even if I see her I simply act as if she didn’t exist. Sir it has taken me a lot of time to have somewhat come out of this issue(though I am completely not out from it yet). Well the problem now that I see is I have become very short tempered .I am always angry and small things just ignite me. My behavior at times is very rough (I never hit anyone).I have developed a total negative attitude in life. I feel I can do nothing .I have very high aspirations but I am not able work for it. My mind keeps me preoccupied with those things she had told me, and I get very angry then. Her sight upsets me and the fact that I will be seeing her in college pisses me off. Well sir I have completely lost my self respect. People even in my family sometimes speak to me in a manner that is not acceptable to me. In other words I am only having a free fall and don’t know where this will lead me to. I hate myself for having loved someone so earnestly to whom I completely mean nothing. I am feeling frustrated sir. I see myself as a loser in life who is not able to achieve anything. Please help me if you can sir. I will be thankful to you.

You feel frustrated because you are not able to digest her rejection and that produces aggressiveness. Accept that she is not for you. Learn not to compromise with your self-respect.

Sir, I have the problem of speaking while sleeping and get depressed very easily. I think dam negative about me. Do I need to consult any psychiatrist for this? This is the problem since long back and I can’t concentrate.

Sleep talking is a symptom of restless mind (anxiety). Practice some relaxation exercises (Progressive muscle relaxation, self hypnosis, reciting omkar, brahmri pranayam, sabasna, makarasna, relaxing music etc) on regular basis, which will definitely help you. Getting depressed very easily and negative thinking about the self is related to your personality. Psychiatrist can help you through psychotherapy and other methods.

Sir, there was a girl I fell in love with. Since childhood I grew up liking her. I really adored her. Wanted to make love to her, she too loved me. We were so happy together. My parents came to know that we were dating through our relatives and didn’t give me permission to have her. I even wanted to elope with her. She denied it thinking of her family. She married someone else. After some time period she tried to contact me but I refused to be in touch. She has a son now. Sometimes I get dreams which seem very beautiful but as I wake up…I feel totally broken and depressed. It’s hard for me to sleep. I constantly think of her. I want to talk to her. I take my dreams very seriously. It’s giving me lot of pain. Help me sir.

Dreaming is a natural physiological event. It is necessary for your mental health. You should not control it. You cannot change it’s contents on will. Try not to take it seriously and stop giving deep thought to it.

Dear Sir I am a 38 year unmarried male. Since the age of 16/17 I have the habit of masturbation, I am always attracted towards sex, in my free time I always think about sex and sexy woman’s /surf porn site on net / read sex stories on net and start masturbating. Now I have to give up all these thinking and habit of masturbation .Please let me know does my problem deals with psychology. Should I consult psychiatrist. Kindly acknowledge. Thanks Regards

You seem to be obsessed about the sex and compulsive masturbator. You need to get control over your impulses. Psychiatrist is the right person to help you.

Sir, I want to know the things about my husband. We got married 11years back. He is very fond of porn’s. When I am at home he pretends like not more interested in all but in my absence he watches. And the fact is when I am at home I never stop him to watch porn’s sometime I watch with him and sometime I sleep and he watches but I don’t stop him to watch, as we watch at night after our kids sleep. But this time when I was away from home for 6 days he watched in morning before going to office afternoon in lunch and evening after coming back from office and night also. And every time he watched for 2 to 3 hours. I came to know this by the history of net. When I was away he pretended on the phone like he is very tired and going to sleep by 11 o clock. But I came to know he watched it till 3 o clock. When I came to know this I felt very bad why he had been addicted like this. When I told him about this he fought with me like anything and started abusing me and said you should not interfere in my private life. This thing he also used to do before 6 yrs back, he told me to take the kids to the park and play with them and he watched porn’s. But after knowing this we fought and he said he will never watch like this and broke all cds. While we have very good sex relationship and have as much as possible. But after this incident I feel he is more interested in porn’s.

This is a matter of his preference for getting sexual pleasure. He prefers to see porn and it has nothing to do with your sexual life, good or bad. He is habituated and like all other habit, he enjoys doing that. It requires his motivation to come out of this habit and counseling by professional.

Hello doctor, I am bhavika, I have some problem sometimes I am tired, board, and headache, very cold. What can I do please?

All these complains can be symptoms of various diseases. I need to know more details for me to be able to help you.