Respected Sir, I want to share my brother’s problem with you. My brother got married last year. It was an arrange marriage. The problem is that my Bhabhi is at her home & is not willing to come back nor is she telling her decision. There have been some issues between my Bhabhi & parents but nothing majorly wrong to have aroused this situation. MY PARENTS SIDE OF STORY: She does not work at home. She gets up very late. Does lot of shopping. Does not take responsibility at home. Was working before marriage but suddenly chose to study (heavy fee amount) but Is very casual about her studies also, even if she works in the kitchen for half an hour she starts saying she is feeling exhausted & weak. If we say something to her, she starts arguing. She does not respect us. MY BROTHER SIDE OF THE STORY: He says he tries his level best to support her by defending even her wrong things in front of parents. Whenever she wants she shops, wants to have something, however tired he is he makes it a point to get it for her. They go out for movies very frequently, in case she is making breakfast for him he helps her or even makes breakfast for her if she doesn’t feel good but reacts when she says anything against parents. He was ready to take loan for her for her studies. MY BHABHIS SIDE OF STORY: She wants to be independent. Says why she can’t get up late & does whatever she wants to do. She says no one takes care of her when she feels sick. She feels insecure and says that my brother defends his parents. She feels ignored by parent in laws. My understanding of the story: My Bhabhi seems to be too sensitive, not able to adjust to the married life. Wants full support of my brother whether she is right or wrong. Doesn’t want any kind of interference and wants to stay as she was staying before marriage. My parents try to control their anger but sometimes they can’t. Now that she is at her home and not coming even after lot of efforts from my brother’s end, we don’t know what to do. The day she was to go, there was an issue at home on something and she cried that parents are ignoring her. My mother though was upset on a genuine reason requested her not to cry, said sorry also and everything was fine when she left our house. My brother & Bhabhi didn’t talk for a week but he made my mom call her. He has been calling her since then but she initially said that she is feeling weak and will come once she feels good. Every time she is saying this. She never called up my brother or parents. Nor did her parent’s call them but her mom called me up and said that her daughter is crying and whenever we ask her to go back she shivers. I told her that she doesn’t have to worry so much. My brother is ready to take extra care of her you ask him to take her back. He went there many a times but she is not ready to come. She when asked whether wants to stay with him says how I can say anything right now. I am mentally not feeling good. Can’t decide anything. Her parents also say they can’t force her to go. They all are very disturbed. There has been no communication from her parent’s side also. Few days back she called my brother saying she wants to come home to get her books. We welcomed them … My mother said its her home & whenever she wishes to come , she is most welcome .She came , took her books, passport & certificates & went away. She went but never called after that. Sir, my brother is making lot of efforts to work this relation. I know my parents also. Their concerns are genuine but maybe their reaction of ignoring her is not right but there are bound to be some conflicts when you stay together. My brother is very emotional. He also seems to be losing mental peace. He says he has tried level best but she wants to stay there for unlimited period without even telling her intention and wants me to stay away from parents ( Though she never said that but indirectly wants to convey this) I can’t do that. She has hurt him again & again and now he doesn’t want to try. My parents say if she wants to come back we will keep our mouth shut and let her do whatever she wants to do but at least their sons life should not become miserable. Please advise Sir what we should do.

You have already done whatever was needed. Now it’s time to keep patience from your side. Just stop putting further efforts and give her time. If she initiates any dialogues in this direction then she is interested in saving her marriage otherwise you have to consider that she is not interested. You cannot keep on agreeing her demands like this otherwise she will be inclined to use such tactics in future also. You can also think of consulting psychiatrist for counselling.

Doc sir, I am a married man for last 12 years. I used to masturbate from the age of 16 years. I get married at the age of 22. From the first night of my married life, I faced the problem of premature ejaculation till today. I have taken treatment from a psychiatrist for 6 months but not get relief. Plz help me. I have two sons also.

Premature Ejaculation is the most common sexual problem experienced by man. You should do Kegel’s exercises (you will find this exercise in earlier pages of this site). You may take medicines (from Psychiatrist, if earlier psychiatrist has not helped you to your satisfaction then you may think of getting second opinion) to get immediate effects as Kegel’s ex. will take some time to show it’s effect.

Why do I feel loneliness in spite of having good family?

There are many reason for loneliness, family is not the only aspect.  More details about your life, profession, past and other spheres are needed to help you further.

I am a 24 year old guy working in a software company. In my project, I have a very good friend, of course its a girl. Of late, I realized that I had fallen for her. She is very nice and caring about me and I really want her as my life partner. We have nice understanding and we always keep chatting and joking. I belong to a very broad minded family who will happily accept her. My problem is, I am very much hesitant to tell her what I feel. If she says a ’NO’ and ’I have thought about you just as a friend’, I will loose a very good friend. I am really confused. What should I do?

Tricky situation! Trust your gut feeling , if you have been successful doing so in past in case of other confusions. Alternatively, start hanging out with her for coffee,drive or places where you can spend time. If she prefers and continues to spend her time with you outside your office (not on chat but in person) then you can take a risk to propose her.

I was in love with a man for 1 year. But for past 8 months he is ignoring me. He does not want to keep relation with me. So I am in deep depression for last 8 months. I had to take anti depressant medicines. How should I come out of it? All the time I am thinking about him only. I cannot stop thinking about him. Whatever I do, but he is always in my mind. What should I do?

Accept that he is not interested in continuing relationship and you cannot sit on somebody’s head and make him/her to love you. He might have promised you the sky in relationship but now he has changed. You have to come out of your emotional dependency. Break all type of communications with him and give time to yourself to come out of this.

Sir is masturbation a habit or a natural thing if done everyday?

If it is not compulsion then it is natural.

Hey doctor, my wife is very temperamental (short tempered) and doesn’t listen to me. She even uses abusive language and never has shown any respect to me in my 3 years of marriage. We are virtually separated. Please advice what we should do as our 1 year old son would be most affected.

Reasons behind aggressiveness can be many, starting from personality, family traits to frustrations in relationship. One needs detailed history to analyze. Same thing applies to respect also. You should go to counselor before you decide for separation.

Hi doctor, I am a girl aged 20 years. I have a brother, 22 years old. Here is my problem. When I am asleep, my brother used to touch all of my private parts and enjoy. Infect me too was enjoying this. I was acting as if I was asleep and allow him to do foreplays. This continued and I started to cooperate him. Now he makes me naked and licks my genital. I am unable to avoid this because I really enjoy. I am very much confused. Please advice me. I don’t want to continue this. He also has a habit of wearing my panties. I want to stop this. Please help me.

To me, having sexual relations with brother is unhealthy. You should stop even if you are enjoying. Tell him that you want to stop and do not cooperate rather oppose. Habit of wearing female’s cloths by male is sexual deviation and requires Psychiatric consultation.

Hello Doctor, I got married 11 years ago to my cousin. We never had good relationship with their family before my marriage. But on my mother’s force being elder in my family and 2 sisters following me I was forced to get married. And I feel at that age I was immature to get married. My husband had a premarital affair and that continued for some time. Thinking of families pride and my sister’s future, I bared lot of torture for myself. I’ve got 2 daughters and we were transferred to some other place. For 2 years we were fine. After that he started playing some gambling near his office, and used to come home late after boozing. Once he is drunk, he behaves very abnormally cursing my parents and provoking me also into his discussions. Slowly he sold a house given to me by my parents, my gold everything and we were into debts totally. And my parents stood by me thinking it was their fault to get me married. His parents also supported only him saying that it was my fault that I couldn’t control my husband in doing all these things. My husband never used to tell me about what he is doing outside the house. We kept him in a rehab center also for 2 months, but it was of no use. I started looking for a job thinking my children’s future. Then I got a govt. job in my native place after 10 years. My husband allowed me to join the job thinking that I would live with his parents, since they were staying in my home town itself. But my in laws didn’t allow me to stay with them and I some how managed to convince me to stay with my parents and do my job. I’ve put my children in school and they stay with me. It’s been 1 year now I’am doing my job and my job is in shifts. Every night my husband drinks and though he is far he speaks very badly on phones about me and my family. He calls up to the office and enquires about me. when ever I go to him he is normal. Day by day it’s been growing more and I feel I am also confused and mentally sick. It’s been more than 2 years he left us financially. He never tells about his income though he started going to office. He says to leave my job now and come to him. I am not able to decide anything. Please suggest.

You are staying with your parents and managing your own livelihood. There is no emotional bond between two of you. He is alcoholic and gambler. He has never treated you rightly. You married him in compulsion. What other valid reason you are looking for separation?! Never ever leave your job because financial independence is your greatest strength in this situation.

I am married for 12 years and have a Son of 11 years old. Since last 3 years, I am involved in extra marital affairs, i.e. to a married woman having 2 young children who is staying opposite to my Flat. She almost hates her Husband and ready to do anything for me. She is crazy for me. My wife never interested in sex and she is angry every time. She suspect me a bit, but till date she don’t have any concrete evidence. We used have intercourse once in a month only. Now, I understand all the reality, and want to live with my wife only. I want to avoid the women I am having an affair. She even kill me, if I say this to her. She is a professional and very decent in society. I want to come out of her. Please guide me.

It seems that both of you have entered in extra marital affairs for different needs. Majority of women seek emotional support and concern from extra marital relations, while men have primarily physical interest, in such relations. Women will always remain more attached then men in such relations (exceptions are always there!) and more so if her emotional needs are satisfied. What you interpret as craziness for you, might be her emotional dependency on you. In such condition, she may react wildly to your back steps in relation and that is what exactly you are anticipating. So you need to do this gradually but surely (if you really wish to do so, otherwise there are incidences of going back and forth). Reduce your involvement in her personal matters and ultimately stop. Do not talk long and daily. Stop sending any emotional signals. She may react wildly; emotionally or in a threatening way but you need to remain steady in your approach.
I do not know why you want to call off this relation but I hope it is not because you had what you wanted and now loosing interest. If this is the case then it is emotional cheating on your part. Please remember this and do not do this to anyone.