I have a strange problem. I am young, educated, independent and single. I am in love with a married man for 1 yr. He is happily married but has had flings in the past after marriage. I know all about his past relationships but his wife doesn’t. He says he cares for his wife a lot and wants to keep her happy but he has never been in love with her. He thinks he has always felt that something was missing in his life – his search for his soul mate. He thinks he has now finally found his soul mate in me. We started on a friendly note but have now become very intimate in every sense. He is a responsible man who never cuts off anything from his wife’s share. He devotes full time and attention to her and his 7 yr old kid. Moreover, I like him for this. I don’t want anyone to get hurt by my affair with him. His wife on the other hand has no clue about the affair. She is quite a violent woman who loses her temper easily and has even hit him in the past while he is a very calm and composed person by nature. His wife’s voilent behaviour made him look for love outside his marriage. Now, the problem is that we both have realized that we don’t have any future together and it is useless to be in relationship. I don’t mind being in the relationship bcoz I love him. Even if he is married, I still love him and I don’t expect anything from him. But yes, slowly I have started expecting more time and more attention from him which he is not able to provide. Also now, he has started cutting down the time from my share and spends it with his family. We have decided to break up several times but can’t do so. But I am tired of everything now. I don’t trust him anymore. I know he really loves me but he is not committed to either his wife or me. he says YES to whatever his wife says (coz if she gets mad, she bashes up the kid badly).In this whole episode, he made me see so many fancy dreams and now I have realized that those dreams are not going to come true. Hence, I want to come out of this fantasy world. I feel betrayed coz whenever I try to move away from him, he senses it and becomes all loving. I, being emotional, move towards him. After a while, he again starts ignoring me. I am tired of this hide-seek game. I never expected things from him. i know he loves his family a lot and wud never leave them and I don’t want him to leave them either. But I, at least want him to not say loving stuff to me coz it makes me long for him more. I have now decided to tell his wife about his affair. I know she will make his life hell (she is not those cool and understanding kinds). But I have no way out. But in doing this, I get a guilt that he wud have never thought that I wud go and tell his wife. I haven’t told her yet but plan to do so soon. I am confused. Shall I tell her and find a final solution to the problem, if any or shall I just leave it like this. He will never tell her. Also, what about the guilt? I’ll feel guilty that I cheated on him by telling his wife. But this relationship, which gave so much of happiness to both of us has now become a burden on me. he says nice things to me like.. ‘I somehow feel, I’ll get a chance to become ur spouse someday’ etc, I see dreams and then they all get shattered. In addition, his life will make his life miserable on knowing about the affair but there is no any way out. Every time, we decide to part, we come back just in hours. plz suggest.

As I understand, there was nothing in his life on emotional front. He took you on ride and now ride is over! Same must be the case with his past relationship. If you are a soul mate then what happened to his soul now? It was your fault that you did not expect any thing from him and kept on flowing. He never ignored his bad tempered wife (is she really bad or he has portrayed her like this to get your sympathy!!) and his family that shows soul mate was emotional trap.
Accept that you have been emotionally cheated. Ask him to stay away, stop playing with your emotion and convey him that otherwise, you are going to disclose this relation to his wife. This will surely take care of him becoming goody goody, pretending being emotional and saying loving stuff. If he does not stop emotional game  and hide & seek continues, tell his wife. It is he, who should feel guilty for playing with your life and not you.