To find out reasons of your depression and loneliness, I need to have information about your age, marital status, family supports etc. Two things I want to point out from your mail. First you need to work on your short tempered nature because according to you, your temper is making you sound like a fool! (You will find tips on anger management in answers of other questions). Secondly, leave the obsession of proving yourself and conquering on others. All you need to do is just put your sincere efforts and do your best, rest of the things are natural result of it.