I am a 20 year old student, currently pursuing my 4th semester, 2nd year of graduation. I fell in love with a girl as I came in college, when I first saw her during the beginning of our 1st semester. I told a friend about her as I was a bit shy to start talking with her. He suggested me that there was nothing wrong and I started talking with her on facebook. I didn’t know anything about how to talk to girls. And on the first day of my chat with her I asked for her number. She obviously refused as she didn’t know me well. I used to chat with her daily and we came to know about each other quite well, and later we exchanged our numbers. She actually studied with me when I was in school, 1.5-2 years back. She was my batchmate (but not in my class). Surprisingly she told me that she had a crush on me at that time but not anymore. She told me about this guy in her class who proposed her at the very first when they met. He was a detained student and a senior. She refused his proposal. She used to tell me about him that he was a drunkard, smoker and had some other addictions also. But later, on the other hand she recognised that he was a protective person. She had a best friend from the previous school and he used to suggest or force her not to talk and be with this junkie. She didn’t agree with him and she and her friend had a rough chat with each other one day. When the junkie came to know that he abused him, he beat the guy right outside our college. I didn’t know that he abused this person as this girl didn’t tell me. Till then this girl, had an impression like “most of the boys have ditched her”. We used to meet casually at college as we had a full day college. I just met her along with her sister once on the friendship day for about an hour. Nothing unusual happened. I can realize now how dumb I was then.One day when we were sitting together in a bus, I proposed her. Hearing this she felt shy for about 2 minutes and hid her face with her hands. She was surprised, she told me that from our chatting she knew that I will propose her one day but didnt know that it would be like this. She refused me and told me that it was okay being just friends. When I told her that I loved her, I still remember the feeling that I literally felt in my heart. I was so afraid to convey this to her. And after I told her, she told me that she wished to hug me and I just held her hand for about 15-20 minutes as she didn’t want a relationship with me. I still remember this day. Coming to her best friend, she cried a lot for him even in the bus. She was going through bad days about her image in college. Some of her friends from the class along with the one who was detained and me, stood by her in the situation. When the situation became a bit cool I stopped talking with her for the first time saying that I needed a break. She asked me not to leave her like her other old best friends left her. I kept that in mind. But i was not able to stay mum for more than 3 to 4 days and started talking with her. But after these days I was not able to talk with her the way I used to talk before. Maybe because an old friend of mine (not from the college) judged this girl and told me she was not good for me. I was no good at that time judging people about how they were. After this break she was happy that I started talking with her and told me that she thought that I would probably never talk to her again. We then kept in touch for about 10-15 days and this thing which my friend judged about her kept striking every now and then in my mind. A big decision I had made again that I would not talk to her ever again. I told her the same that I was getting busy those days and need a break again. But for this time I kept a firm mind and didn’t even look at her till the current day. The second reason was she was too much impressed with the protective nature of the guy who proposed her before me. Before I stopped talking with her,she accepted his proposal and was now commited with him. So I felt it was nothing wrong staying away from her. She had someone whom she loved. I thought that they loved each other so much and so will never be aparted by anyone. Their group used to stay together all the time. They seemed like made for each other for lifetime. And I too was happy for her. She had such good and understanding friends unlike me who stood by her all the time. Coming to the present day, one of my classmates (and a best friend) who was also a friend of the one who ‘she’ loved, told me that he broke up with her. I asked him why and how did this happen, my friend told me that he was not sure but the boy is not talking with the group since a few days but talking and probably hanging out with some another girl.
I felt so sorry for this thing which I have done, I think if I would have been with her all the time ,this situation might be different. Not to be with her but for her good,not to hand her to these kind of guys. Their relationship lasted for about almost 2 years and they both aparted.
I want to ask should I apologize to her for not being by her side during her difficult days, for not being a best friend who I was, for not understanding her feelings for me as a friend and being a dumb fellow for that time……??