Hi, I am 21 and my husband is 24. We have been married for almost a year and we have a three month year old daughter. My husband is from Bangladesh and I am from Dutch. We have met in London and been together since December 07. Below I will explain my feelings. I hope you could give me some advice or perhaps you would understand what might be going on. I am waiting for your reply. Thank you. Confusion, disappointment, anger, exhaustion… all kind of feelings are running through me. Have I made a mistake, is this destiny or am I the person who is just never satisfied. I do not know. Do I belong with Shon? That is my big question. One day I am so sure that we are a definite mismatch and all I would want is to make an end on this. ‘I would be so much happier without him. We are so different.’ And another day I wake up and think that I am just going through a phase and really there is something else that I am not happy with and just think it’s my relationship. I try to find reasons; it’s because Shon works so much and we are not able to spend a lot of time together; or maybe because the life is not so easy I blame it on the relationship; or maybe I find the motherhood very difficult to cope with, completely on my own. Then I think, yeah, there is going to be a better time where I am going to be happy with Shon. Then, I just wake up and say to myself, am I crazy, am I blind to see that we are not destined for each other. Why am I looking for excuses? He is not the right person for me, that‘s the bottom line. Then I start to think, ok, what is so bad about him? And I cannot come up with something. He loves our daughter, he loves me to bits, he is very family orientated and yes… he has not established himself yet in life. And it seems the progress is very slow. However, I do not want to be the wife that is after money or his wealth. Because I am not! I tend to believe in him a lot, I know he can graduate or I know he will find a nice job where he is going be very happy with. But will he? If not, what would happen? He would always work in places where he is not happy. That will defiantly put pressure on me and I would not be able to go forward with my shoulders light if he is unhappy. I want him to be happy. I do not want to worry about him for the rest of my life. But what if that is going to happen? Our personalities are quite different. I am very driven person and do not like failures. I set high standers for myself and my achievements make me happy. I have goals in life and will persuade them no matter what. But will Shon hold me back if he finds his life tough? I want to wake to a happy day with a smile on my face. I want to do things in my day. Is it my day off? I will go somewhere and enjoy it with my family. Is it a normal working day? Then I will try to do my best at work, also sort out the house, and all the paperwork that needs to be done. Thigs I can do today, I will not leave them for tomorrow. I also like spontaneity, idea’s that come out of nowhere. I can get very excited about a plan that I just thought of and go hundred present for it or can spend the whole evening thinking it through. Shon, in contradiction, is more laid back. In his day off he would not mind watch TV whole day. I know he would love to spend some quality time with the family as well, however I do not see him being initiative on that part (or really at the moment, and perhaps in the future, simply not having the material ability to. He will think about his future plans once and will not try to change them. How quick he will achieve them does not seem to have an impact on him. He will do everything step by step. I sometimes catch him not thinking a few steps ahead; therefore he will face some obstacles which will slower the process. I then tend to think, why didn’t you figure this out earlier? I have come to that stage that I try not to care about his things. I say to myself, he knows what he is doing and he is doing it his way, he is going to be fine. However, this difference in thinking I believe shows we are different. There is nothing wrong with being different, you would say. No, there are always differences between two people. Yes, however, I would like to be with someone who is more like me and perhaps even a few steps ahead of me.