Hello Doctor, I got married 11 years ago to my cousin. We never had good relationship with their family before my marriage. But on my mother’s force being elder in my family and 2 sisters following me I was forced to get married. And I feel at that age I was immature to get married. My husband had a premarital affair and that continued for some time. Thinking of families pride and my sister’s future, I bared lot of torture for myself. I’ve got 2 daughters and we were transferred to some other place. For 2 years we were fine. After that he started playing some gambling near his office, and used to come home late after boozing. Once he is drunk, he behaves very abnormally cursing my parents and provoking me also into his discussions. Slowly he sold a house given to me by my parents, my gold everything and we were into debts totally. And my parents stood by me thinking it was their fault to get me married. His parents also supported only him saying that it was my fault that I couldn’t control my husband in doing all these things. My husband never used to tell me about what he is doing outside the house. We kept him in a rehab center also for 2 months, but it was of no use. I started looking for a job thinking my children’s future. Then I got a govt. job in my native place after 10 years. My husband allowed me to join the job thinking that I would live with his parents, since they were staying in my home town itself. But my in laws didn’t allow me to stay with them and I some how managed to convince me to stay with my parents and do my job. I’ve put my children in school and they stay with me. It’s been 1 year now I’am doing my job and my job is in shifts. Every night my husband drinks and though he is far he speaks very badly on phones about me and my family. He calls up to the office and enquires about me. when ever I go to him he is normal. Day by day it’s been growing more and I feel I am also confused and mentally sick. It’s been more than 2 years he left us financially. He never tells about his income though he started going to office. He says to leave my job now and come to him. I am not able to decide anything. Please suggest.

You are staying with your parents and managing your own livelihood. There is no emotional bond between two of you. He is alcoholic and gambler. He has never treated you rightly. You married him in compulsion. What other valid reason you are looking for separation?! Never ever leave your job because financial independence is your greatest strength in this situation.