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Dr. Hansal Bhachech is a very popular author, columnist and psychiatrist of western India. His writings are simple, practical, reality oriented, to the point and witty.

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Hi Dr. Bhachech,I used to read your column when I was in India. Right now I am in US and not able to follow all Gujarati Newspapers that often. But I still remember you as your column is very good and I still remember some simple explanations that can change somebody’ life. I don’t think you remember my previous email. I am Doctor by profession. Right now I am doing my residency in US. When I was in India, I had crush on a girl from same medical school which turned out to be of same religion (jain) and also area. I got attracted to her but I was very shy at that time and I could only tell her after I finished my Internship (she was in 2nd MBBS at that time). I went through lot of emotional turmoil as she initially told me no and then told me that I can meet her parents and go ahead (she said sorry for behaving bad initially). But I had to go to US and it didn’t workout that time even though I met her mother once. I came here and used to talk to her on phone and email and she said that she cannot go ahead and told me that she got engaged to somebody just before my USMLE exam. You must be knowing how stressful the exams are especially in different world far away from home. I don’t blame her for this as she didn’t know me much and that was her response. Though I could never recover from that, as I used to think that she is always interested in me and never forgot her even after 4 years. What happened in between is I got my residency here. I started residency but I could not relate to any girl meanwhile as I was always lost in thoughts of her. Now comes sad part. All my friends got into relationship or engaged to somebody here in US. My very good friend at the same program where I am doing residency got into love with a girl. She is a very good friend of both of us. Now after 3 months they broke up. She wanted to continue this relationship but he said he didn’t find attachment in her. By the way girl is Marathi. She is not like very good looking but very cute and innocent girl. Now as I am their common friend they were very close to me before they broke up. Both are very good but somehow it didn’t work. Now I used to talk to her a lot and also used to take care of her very much as my friend told me to do so as he wanted to go far from her but continue to take care of her. I don’t know what happened in all this mess, but I got involved for no reason. As I told you my background, after having a broken heart I really didn’t find any love for almost 4 years and then as some girl talks to me, it is obviously unusual for me. I am not flamboyant kind of guy. I am very simple and straight forward. I thought my parents will get me hitched somewhere. It didn’t happen and I got involved in this breaking relationship. My problem is that now I am feeling like I am in love with this girl who is my friend’s so called ex-girlfriend. She is very cute and sweet. I can’t say no to anything what she says and what she asks me to do. I don’t know how far they were in their relationship but my mind is going crazy and I am feeling very bad and depressed as I can’t tell her that I like her and want to marry her. I am afraid she will think other way and whatever bond I have, I will lose. I am also afraid that what my friends and other people will think as everybody knew about this relationship. Now I am in between, I can’t express my feelings to anybody and she is my nearest friend and philosopher at this time. I don’t know what to do? Please suggest me something. Should I go forward and propose her for marriage or just keep all these feelings in my heart and marry other girl and choose non complicated path. Please give me some answer.

You seems to be very sentimental, introverted and guilt prone guy. It may not be your love for her but your desperation to get someone to fill vacuum created by that jain girl. I think you should keep yourself out of this relationship. If she will reject your proposal then you will break down and if she accepts then you will not able to sustain other friend’s comments on that. Moreover you will lose relationship with both or one of them.

One of my friends is physically attracted towards me. He is a man of principle & has high moral values. But cannot resist the urge of hugging me or being physical with me. But he says this is not a love but just a chemistry that we both share. What is this chemistry & if there is even a little bit of love/ affection involved in it how I would convince him that he loves me.

He is clear in his mind for feelings that he has for you, but probably you are unable to accept the fact that he is just physically attracted and no emotional involvement is there. If you are comfortable with this equation then you may continue or else discuss your emotional need openly with him.

Thank you so much for your timely help through e-consultation. Your e-consultation service is a blessing for people like us who stays away from our country and finding really tough to explain our problems to foreign doctors. Your suggestions were
Respected Dr. Bhachech
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