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Dr. Hansal Bhachech is a very popular author, columnist and psychiatrist of western India. His writings are simple, practical, reality oriented, to the point and witty.

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Dear Doctor, after going through your site and reading all the good advice you gave finally I feel I could share my personal problems with you. It is almost a short story of my life. I grew up in a conservative but educated family. Both parents work in different field, we are two siblings. My parents were very hard working, especially my mom is like an angel and I love her more than my life. She never spent a single penny on herself for the sake of our education and career. My first sister was center of attraction for everybody in my family. She was studious, intelligent and first child of the family. So she had very special stand in my family. I was youngest so always got their love and affection but I too wanted to get smart attention which I couldn’t. I started getting jealous of her. I also wanted appreciation and I lost focus on my studies. I started trying things so that people get attracted towards me, like funny expressions, jokes, gossips. Slowly I became a girl who was not good in academics, feels shy in public but very smart in family. My parents always thought about my career, ‘what will she do in future’ because my sister got good percentage and a good job later (class 1 officer). Though somehow I too became a professional graduate, it hurts me when I remember that I was a weak student. On the other hand, I became shy, started hiding things from parents. I have been physically abused by some of our too close family members in my childhood when I was innocent and didn’t realize that people were using me. I never made boyfriends as I thought they only use girls there is no true love. I never told anything to my family. Everything else was fine but I had developed a lot of complex in my self. During my college I became close to one of my cousin who was very caring to me. Later it became little physical like kissing and hugging. After my sister got married, now it was my time to get married. I was not settled and wanted to get a job so that I could become independent before marriage. But my parents had got a very good proposal from a very good and rich family. They had no demand of dowry but the guy was 8 yrs elder to me. Finally I got married to him. During my courtship period I got to know my father was a womanizer. It was a big shock for us because we were supposed to be a very cultured family in society. I got very upset. As from my would be husband he was very career oriented and he never talked anything but job and career during our courtship period. After marriage I felt he does not like me. He had some relationships in past (I don’t know how deep) and he used to compare me with everybody. As I told you I was in deep shock and could not get emotional support from my husband I became more introvert. Now it has been 2.5 years of our marriage, we live together but do not have any physical relationship. I am beautiful with good figure and all what a man wants, but I am not his kind of girl. He is 37, I am 29.I have some physical desires which he can not fulfill. I do not have any boyfriend with whom I could sleep. On the other hand we both are very caring and honest (I am sure he is not having any affair in outer world) .He takes good care of me and tells we will enjoy our sex life later. I am getting depressed. Am I suffering from any psychological problem? Sometimes I feel he will do the same thing like my father, as my mother was (simple, innocent, don’t know how to say no to husband etc). I am really worried. Please help me (He is healthy).

You do not have any psychological disorder. However, you have introverted personality and that’s ok. You should talk about your physical desires to your husband. As he cares for you, I’m sure he will take some action. If he doesn’t, then indirectly pressurize him by seeking the solution. You have to show assertiveness here. Don’t worry about him becoming womanizer because this tendency has different causes then what you are thinking.

Hi Doctor. I am 21 year old. I lost my dad at the age of 14. I am a person who gets possessive with small little things, say Friend or my Relationship. I feel I have no one. I cry almost everyday. I don’t speak to my Mom or Brother though I know they are very important to me. Now my mom and brother are into a conclusion that I am a reserved person that’s the reason I don’t mingle with them. My guy says I am Psychic and I need some consultation. I am suffering from some pain. He even tells that due to my possessiveness nobody will be there in any kind of relation with me. I am depressed, feel like joining Rehabilitation. Help me. I am suffering from headache since 5 days. I broke my relation with my guy and my friends.

You might be feeling insecure from within, may be because of loss of father at tender age. You have to work out on that. Counseling may help you to overcome your insecurities and depression.

Thank you so much for your timely help through e-consultation. Your e-consultation service is a blessing for people like us who stays away from our country and finding really tough to explain our problems to foreign doctors. Your suggestions were
Respected Dr. Bhachech
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