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Dr. Hansal Bhachech is a very popular author, columnist and psychiatrist of western India. His writings are simple, practical, reality oriented, to the point and witty.

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Hello sir, I have read your books.Sir I have a problem.Actually I am in love with a girl and she loves me too but what troubles me is that she is the daughter of my mother’s younger brother(wo mere mama ki ladki hai).I am confused can i go ahead? I want to ask if the marriage can be possible or not(kya mama ki ladki se shadi ho sakti hai)? could the soceity accept this relation? Please reply and HELP ME.

Generally speaking, such kind of relationship is not acceptable to family and society both. However, in muslims this type of relationship is permissible.

Sir, I am 24 year old girl. I did a 5 year professional course where I had friendship with a boy who was my senior for 4 years. I had a brotherhood relationship with him, but I used to touch him and speak in the public places without considering what the society will think. During my fourth year I felt in love with my classmate and still in love. My problem is he won’t like my senior friend, so I had to contact with him without knowing to my lover because I had a fear that my lover will get angry on me and My senior friend was too much possessive and will scold me if I talk about my lover. so I didn’t reveal that I am loving him because during that time my senior friend had one love failure and he also had a complex of his caste because he is SC. but once he voluntarily asked whether I am in love with my lover. I revealed my love matter to him. He spoke violently and told that he is in fear that he will start loving me. Then I stopped friendship with him. My lover and that senior are working in the same area. Many persons told to my lover that I had an illegal relationship with that boy. He has also created so many rumours. But I have met him in many public areas. Whenever I feel that he is upset I met him in the areas like park, ice cream parlour, bus stand, and bakeries. Once my lover also saw me lying on my senior friend’s shoulder but he didn’t ask anything. The reason why I hided my friendship is just because of a fear that my lover will scold me. I didn’t think that I am betraying him because I didn’t have any kind of bad intention towards my senior. But after coming away from him he has started creating rumours. Now my lover hates me. We had so many psychiatric counselling but nothing helped us. He really wants to forget the past. But the people around him are talking about the same. My lover is also having a sexual relationship with me. I revealed our love matter in my home. They are opposing me. Now my lover is in the condition that he can’t live with me peacefully and at the same time he cannot live without me. Also I can’t live without him. He couldn’t forget my past. Nearly we met 6 to 7 psychiatrists. But nothing worked out. Please give us a solution. I want my lover to forget my past. We can’t move away from the current place also. He can’t avoid from his friends also. He is also thinking now a days, whether I am a bad girl. But really I want my lover. I want to keep him happy, I want to marry him. I don’t know how this is going to be possible. I want a solution. I am in a critical position. I have to convince my parents and also I have to get back my lover with his old love without any hatred on me. Please give me a solution.

It is not a question of forgetting the past (time is the only solution, which varies in individual case depending upon so many factors); it is about accepting the past. He is not able to forget because he is not able to accept it. I do not think you can go back to original spotless relation; you have to carry on with some tint. I suppose, no male can ever take this in a positive way (that’s how males are!!), I foresee break up here.

Thank you so much for your timely help through e-consultation. Your e-consultation service is a blessing for people like us who stays away from our country and finding really tough to explain our problems to foreign doctors. Your suggestions were
Respected Dr. Bhachech
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